father and son-第47节

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In　particular；　he　urged　upon　me　a　work；　then　just　published；　called　The　Continuity　of　Scripture　by　William　Page　Wood；　afterwards　Lord　Chancellor　Hatherley。　I　do　not　know　why　he　supposed　that　the　lucubrations　of　an　exemplary　lawyer；　delivered　in　a　style　that　was　like　the　trickling　of　sawdust；　would　succeed　in　rousing　emotions　which　the　glorious　rhetoric　of　the　Orient　had　failed　to　awaken；　but　Page　Wood　had　been　a　Sunday　School　teacher　for　thirty　years；　and　my　Father　was　always　unduly　impressed　by　the　acumen　of　pious　barristers。

As　time　went　on；　and　I　grew　older　and　more　independent　in　mind；　my　Father's　anxiety　about　what　he　called　'the　pitfalls　and　snares　which　surround　on　every　hand　the　thoughtless　giddy　youth　of　London'　became　extremely　painful　to　himself。　By　harping　in　private　upon　these　'pitfalls'which　brought　to　my　imagination　a　funny　rough　woodcut　in　an　old　edition　of　Bunyan；　where　a　devil　was　seen　capering　over　a　sort　of　box　let　neatly　into　the　ground　he　worked　himself　up　into　a　frame　of　mind　which　was　not　a　little　irritating　to　his　hapless　correspondent；　who　was　now　'snared'　indeed；　limed　by　the　pen　like　a　bird　by　the　feet；　and　could　not　by　any　means　escape。　To　a　peck　or　a　flutter　from　the　bird　the　implacable　fowler　would　reply：

You　charge　me　with　being　suspicious；　and　I　fear　I　cannot　deny　the　charge。　But　I　can　appeal　to　your　own　sensitive　and　thoughtful　mind　for　a　considerable　allowance。　My　deep　and　tender　love　for　you；　your　youth　and　inexperience；　the　examples　of　other　young　men；　your　distance　from　parental　counsel；　our　absolute　and　painful　ignorance　of　all　the　details　of　your　daily　life；　except　what　you　yourself　tell　us：try　to　throw　yourself　into　the　standing　of　a　parent；　and　say　if　my　suspiciousness　is　unreasonable。　I　rejoicingly　acknowledge　that　from　all　I　see　you　are　pursuing　a　virtuous；　steady；　worthy　course。　One　good　thing　my　suspiciousness　does：ever　and　anon　it　brings　out　from　you　assurances；　which　greatly　refresh　and　comfort　me。　And　again；　it　carries　me　ever　to　God's　Throne　of　Grace　on　your　behalf　Holy　Job　suspected　that　his　sons　might　have　sinned；　and　cursed　God　in　their　heart。　Was　not　his　suspicion　much　like　mine；　grounded　on　the　same　reasons　and　productive　of　the　same　results？　For　it　drove　him　to　God　in　intercession。　I　have　adduced　the　example　of　this　Patriarch　before；　and　he　will　endure　being　looked　at　again。

In　fact；　Holy　Job　continued　to　be　frequently　looked　at；　and　for　this　Patriarch　I　came　to　experience　a　hatred　which　was　as　venomous　as　it　was　undeserved。　But　what　youth　of　eighteen　would　willingly　be　compared　with　the　sons　of　Job　And　indeed；　for　my　part；　I　felt　much　more　like　that　justly　exasperated　character；　Elihu　the　Buzite；　of　the　kindred　of　Ram。

As　time　went　on；　the　peculiar　strain　of　inquisition　was　relaxed；　and　I　endured　fewer　and　fewer　of　the　torments　of　religious　correspondence。　Nothing　abides　in　one　tense　projection；　and　my　Father；　resolute　as　he　was；　had　other　preoccupations。　His　orchids；　his　microscope；　his　physiological　researches；　his　interpretations　of　prophecy；　filled　up　the　hours　of　his　active　and　strenuous　life；　and；　out　of　his　sight；　I　became　not　indeed　out　of　his　mind；　but　no　longer　ceaselessly　in　the　painful　foreground　of　it。　Yet；　although　the　reiteration　of　his　anxiety　might　weary　him　a　little　as　it　had　wearied　me　well　nigh　to　groans　of　despair；　there　was　not　the　slightest　change　in　his　real　attitude　towards　the　subject　or　towards　me。

I　have　already　had　occasion　to　say　that　he　had　nothing　of　the　mystic　or　the　visionary　about　him。　At　certain　times　and　on　certain　points；　he　greatly　desired　that　signs　and　wonders；　such　as　had　astonished　and　encouraged　the　infancy　of　the　Christian　Church；　might　again　be　vouchsafed　to　it；　but　he　did　not　pretend　to　see　such　miracles　himself；　nor　give　the　slightest　credence　to　others　who　asserted　that　they　did。　He　often　congratulated　himself　on　the　fact　that　although　his　mind　dwelt　so　constantly　on　spiritual　matters　it　was　never　betrayed　into　any　suspension　of　the　rational　functions。

Cross…examination　by　letter　slackened；　but　on　occasion　of　my　brief　and　usually　summer　visits　to　Devonshire　I　suffered　acutely　from　my　Father's　dialectical　appetites。　He　was　surrounded　by　peasants；　on　whom　the　teeth　of　his　arguments　could　find　no　purchase。　To　him；　in　that　intellectual　Abdera；　even　an　unwilling　youth　from　London　offered　opportunities　of　pleasant　contest。　He　would　declare　himself　ready；　nay　eager；　for　argument。　With　his　mental　sleeves　turned　up；　he　would　adopt　a　fighting　attitude；　and　challenge　me　to　a　round　on　any　portion　of　the　Scheme　of　Grace。　His　alacrity　was　dreadful　to　me；　his　well…aimed　blows　fell　on　what　was　rather　a　bladder　or　a　pillow　than　a　vivid　antagonist。

He　was；　indeed；　most　unfairly　handicapped；I　was　naked；　he　in　a　suit　of　chain　armour；for　he　had　adopted　a　method　which　I　thought；　and　must　still　think；　exceedingly　unfair。　He　assumed　that　he　had　private　knowledge　of　the　Divine　Will；　and　he　would　meet　my　temporizing　arguments　by　asseverations；'So　sure　as　my　God　liveth！'　or　by　appeals　to　a　higher　authority；'But　what　does　my　Lord　tell　me　in　Paul's　Letter　to　the　Philippians？'　It　was　the　prerogative　of　his　faith　to　know；　and　of　his　character　to　overpower　objection；　between　these　two　millstones　I　was　rapidly　ground　to　powder。

These　'discussions'；　as　they　were　rather　ironically　called；　invariably　ended　for　me　in　disaster。　I　was　driven　out　of　my　papier…mache　fastnesses；　my　canvas　walls　rocked　at　the　first　peal　from　my　Father's　clarion；　and　the　foe　pursued　me　across　the　plains　of　Jericho　until　I　lay　down　ignominiously　and　covered　my　face。　I　seemed　to　be　pushed　with　horns　of　iron；　such　as　those　which　Zedekiah　the　son　of　Chenaanah　prepared　for　the　encouragement　of　Ahab。

When　I　acknowledged　defeat　and　cried　for　quarter；　my　Father　would　become　radiant；　and　I　still　seem　to　hear　the　sound　of　his　full　voice；　so　thrilling；　so　warm；　so　painful　to　my　over…strained　nerves；　bursting　forth　in　a　sort　of　benediction　at　the　end　of　each　of　these　one…sided　contentions；　with　'I　bow　my　knees　unto　the　Father　of　our　Lord　Jesus　Christ；　that　He　would　grant　you；　according　to　the　riches　of　His　glory；　to　be　strengthened　with　might　by　His　Spirit　in　the　inner　man；　that　Christ　may　dwell　in　your　heart　by　faith；　that　you；　being　rooted　and　grounded　in　love；　may　be　able　to　comprehend　with　all　saints　what　is　the　breadth；　and　length；　and　depth；　and　height；　and　to　know　the　love　of　Christ　which　passeth　knowledge；　that　you　might　be　filled　with　the　fullness　of　God。'

Thus　solemn　and　thus　ceremonious　was　my　Father　apt　to　become；　without　a　moment's　warning；　on　plain　and　domestic　occasions；　abruptly　brimming　over　with　emotion　like　a　basin　which　an　unseen　flow　of　water　has　filled　and　over…filled。

I　earnestly　desire　that　no　trace　of　that　absurd　self…pity　which　is　apt　to　taint　recollections　of　this　nature　should　give　falsity　to　mine。　My　Father；　let　me　say　once　more；　had　other　interests　than　those　of　his　religion。　In　particular；　at　this　time；　he　took　to　painting　in　water…colours　in　the　open　air；　and　he　resumed　the　assiduous　study　of　botany。　He　was　no　fanatical　monomaniac。　Nevertheless；　there　was；　in　everything　he　did　and　said；　the　central　purpose　present。　He　acknowledged　it　plainly；　'with　me；'　he　confessed；　'every　question　assumes　a　Divine　standpoint　and　is　not　adequately　answered　if　the　judgement…seat　of　Christ　is　not　kept　in　sight。'

This　was　maintained　whether　the　subject　under　discussion　was　poetry；　or　society；　or　the　Prussian　war　with　Austria；　or　the　stamen　of　a　wild　flower。　Once；　at　least；　he　was　himself　conscious　of　the　fatiguing　effect　on　my　temper　of　this　insistency；　for；　raising　his　great　brown　eyes　with　a　flash　of　laughter　in　them；　he　closed　the　Bible　suddenly　after　a　very　lengthy　disquisition；　and　quoted　his　Virgil　to　startling　effect：

Claudite　jam　rivos；　pueri：　Sat　prata　biberunt。

The　insistency　of　his　religious　conversation　was；　probably；　the　less　incomprehensible　to　me　on　account　of　the　evangelical　training　to　which　I　had　been　so　systematically　subjected。　It　was；　however；　none　the　less　intolerably　irksome；　and　would　have　been　exasperating；　I　believe；　even　to　a　nature　in　which　a　powerful　and　genuine　piety　was　inherent。　To　my　own；　in　which　a　feeble　and　imitative　faith　was　expiring；　it　was　deeply　vexatious。　It　led；　alas！　to　a　great　deal　of　bowing　in　the　house　of　Rimmon；　to　much　hypocritical　ingenuity　in　drawing　my　Father's　attention　away；　if　possible；　as　the　terrible　subject　was　seen　to　be　looming　and　approaching。　In　this　my　stepmother　would　aid　and　abet；　sometimes　producing　incongruous　themes；　likely　to　attract　my　Father　aside；　with　a　skill　worthy　of　a　parlour　conjurer；　and　much　to　my　admiration。　If；　however；　she　was　not　unwilling　to　come；　in　this　way；　to　the　support　of　my　feebleness；　there　was　no　open　collusion　between　us。　She　always　described　my　Father；　when　she　was　alone　with　me；　admiringly；　as　one　'whose　trumpet　gave　no　uncertain　sound'。　There　was　not　a　tinge　of　infidelity　upon　her　candid　mind；　but　she　was　human；　and　I　think　that　now　and　then　she　was　extremely　bored。

My　Father　was　entirely　devoid　of　the　prudence　which　turns　away　its　eyes　and　passes　as　rapidly　as　possible　in　the　opposite　direction。　The　peculiar　kind　of　drama　in　which　every　sort　of　social　d