father and son-第25节
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k that they were open all the time； that； at all events； they were what the French call entr'ouvert； that enough light for practical purposes came sifted in through his eyelashes。 At a later time； being reminded of Miss Wilkes； he said with a certain complaisance； 'Ah； yes！ she proffered much entertainment during my widowed years！' He used to go down to her boarding…school； the garden of which had been the scene of a murder； and was romantically situated on the edge of a quarried cliff； he always took me with him； and kept me at his side all through these visits； notwithstanding Miss Wilkes' solicitude that the fatigue and excitement would be too much for the dear child's strength； unless I rested a little on the parlour sofa。
About this time； the question of my education came up for discussion in the household； as indeed it well might。 Miss Marks had long proved practically inadequate in this respect； her slender acquirements evaporating； I suppose； like the drops of water under the microscope； while the field of her general duties became wider。 The subjects in which I took pleasure； and upon which I possessed books； I sedulously taught myself； the other subjects； which formed the vast majority； I did not learn at all。 Like Aurora Leigh；
I brushed with extreme flounce The circle of the universe；
especially zoology； botany and astronomy； but with the explicit exception of geology； which my Father regarded as tending directly to the encouragement of infidelity。 I copied a great quantity of maps； and read all the books of travels that I could find。 But I acquired no mathematics； no languages； no history； so that I was in danger of gross illiteracy in these important departments。
My Father grudged the time； but he felt it a duty to do something to fill up these deficiencies； and we now started Latin； in a little eighteenth…century reading…book； out of which my Grandfather had been taught。 It consisted of strings of words； and of grim arrangements of conjunction and declension； presented in a manner appallingly unattractive。 I used to be set down in the study； under my Father's eye； to learn a solid page of this compilation； while he wrote or painted。 The window would be open in summer； and my seat was close to it。 Outside； a bee was shaking the clematis…blossom； or a red…admiral butterfly was opening and shutting his wings on the hot concrete of the verandah； or a blackbird was racing across the lawn。 It was almost more than human nature could bear to have to sit holding up to my face the dreary little Latin book； with its sheepskin cover that smelt of mildewed paste。
But out of this strength there came an unexpected sudden sweetness。 The exercise of hearing me repeat my strings of nouns and verbs had revived in my Father his memories of the classics。 In the old solitary years； a long time ago； by the shores of Canadian rapids； on the edge of West Indian swamps； his Virgil had been an inestimable solace to him。 To extremely devout persons； there is something objectionable in most of the great writers of antiquity。 Horace； Lucretius； Terence； Catullus； Juvenal；in each there is one quality or another definitely repulsive to a reader who is determined to know nothing but Christ and him crucified。 From time immemorial； however； it has been recognized in the Christian church that this objection does not apply to Virgil。 He is the most evangelical of the classics； he is the one who can be enjoyed with least to explain away and least to excuse。 One evening my Father took down his Virgil from an upper shelf； and his thoughts wandered away from surrounding things； he travelled in the past again。 The book was a Delphin edition of 1798； which had followed him in all his wanderings； there was a great scratch on the sheep…skin cover that a thorn had made in a forest of Alabama。 And then； in the twilight； as he shut the volume at last； oblivious of my presence； he began to murmur and to chant the adorable verses by memory。
Tityre； tu patulae recubans sub tegmine fagi；
he warbled； and I stopped my play； and listened as if to a nightingale； until he reached
tu； Tityre； lentus in umbra Formosam resonare doces Amaryllida silvan。
'Oh Papa； what is that？' I could not prevent myself from asking。 He translated the verses； he explained their meaning； but his exposition gave me little interest。 What to me was beautiful Amaryllis？ She and her love…sick Tityrus awakened no image whatever in my mind。
But a miracle had been revealed to me； the incalculable； the amazing beauty which could exist in the sound of verses。 My prosodical instinct was awakened quite suddenly that dim evening； as my Father and I sat alone in the breakfast…room after tea； serenely accepting the hour； for once； with no idea of exhortation or profit。 Verse； 'a breeze mid blossoms playing'； as Coleridge says； descended from the roses as a moth might have done； and the magic of it took hold of my heart forever。 I persuaded my Father； who was a little astonished at my insistence； to repeat the lines over and over again。 At last my brain caught them； and as I walked in Benny's garden； or as I hung over the tidal pools at the edge of the sea； all my inner being used to ring out with the sound of
Formosam resonare doces Amaryllida silvan。
CHAPTER VIII
IN the previous chapter I have dwelt on some of the lighter conditions of our life at this time； I must now turn to it in a less frivolous aspect。 As my tenth year advanced； the development of my character gave my Father； I will not say anxiety； but matter for serious reflection。 My intelligence was now perceived to be taking a sudden start； visitors drew my Father's attention to the fact that I was 'coming out so much'。 I grew rapidly in stature； having been a little shrimp of a thing up to that time； and I no longer appeared much younger than my years。 Looking back； I do not think that there was any sudden mental development； but that the change was mainly a social one。 I had been reserved； timid and taciturn； I had disliked the company of strangers。 But with my tenth year； I certainly unfolded； so far as to become sociable and talkative； and perhaps I struck those around me as grown 'clever'； because I said the things which I had previously only thought。 There was a change； no doubt； yet I believe that it was mainly physical； rather than mental。 My excessive fragilityor apparent fragility； for I must have been always wirydecreased； I slept better； and therefore； grew less nervous； I ate better； and therefore put on flesh。 If I preserved a delicate lookpeople still used to say in my presence； 'That dear child is not long for this world！'… it was in consequence of a sort of habit into which my body had grown； it was a transparency which did not speak of what was in store for me； but of what I had already passed through。
The increased activity of my intellectual system now showed itself in what I behove to be a very healthy form； direct imitation。 The rage for what is called 'originality' is pushed to such a length in these days that even children are not considered promising； unless they attempt things preposterous and unparalleled。 From his earliest hour； the ambitious person is told that to make a road where none has walked before； to do easily what it is impossible for others to do at all； to create new forms of thought and expression； are the only recipes for genius； and in trying to escape on all sides from every resemblance to his predecessors； he adopts at once an air of eccentricity and pretentiousness。 This continues to be the accepted view of originality； but； in spite of this conventional opinion； I hold that the healthy sign of an activity of mind in early youth is not to be striving after unheard…of miracles； but to imitate closely and carefully what is being said and done in the vicinity。 The child of a great sculptor will hang about the studio； and will try to hammer a head out of a waste piece of marble with a nail； it does not follow that he too will be a sculptor。 The child of a politician will sit in committee with a row of empty chairs； and will harangue an imaginary senate from behind the curtains。 I； the son of a man who looked through a microscope and painted what he saw there； would fair observe for myself； and paint my observations。 It did not follow； alas！ that I was built to be a miniature…painter or a savant； but the activity of a childish intelligence was shown by my desire to copy the results of such energy as I saw nearest at hand。
In the secular direction； this now took the form of my preparing little monographs on seaside creatures； which were arranged； tabulated and divided as exactly as possible on the pattern of those which my Father was composing for his Actinologia Britannica。 I wrote these out upon sheets of paper of the same size as his printed page； and I adorned them with water…colour plates； meant to emulate his precise and exquisite illustrations。 One or two of these ludicrous pastiches are still preserved； and in glancing at them now I wonder； not at any skill that they possess； but at the perseverance and the patience； the evidence of close and persistent labour。 I was not set to these tasks by my Father； who； in fact； did not much approve of them。 He w
