father and son-第18节

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th　gave　the　excellent　Miss　Marks　some　anxiety；　but　she　was　not　ready　in　resource。　The　dampness　of　the　house　was　terrible；　indoors　and　out；　the　atmosphere　seemed　soaked　in　chilly　vapours。　Under　my　bed…clothes　at　night　I　shook　like　a　jelly；　unable　to　sleep　for　cold；　though　I　was　heaped　with　coverings；　while　my　skin　was　all　puckered　with　gooseflesh。　I　could　eat　nothing　solid；　without　suffering　immediately　from　violent　hiccough；　so　that　much　of　my　time　was　spent　lying　prone　on　my　back　upon　the　hearthrug；　awakening　the　echoes　like　a　cuckoo。　Miss　Marks；　therefore；　cut　off　all　food　but　milk…sop；　a　loathly　bowl　of　which　appeared　at　every　meal。　In　consequence　the　hiccough　lessened；　but　my　strength　declined　with　it。　I　languished　in　a　perpetual　catarrh。　I　was　roused　to　a　conscious…ness　that　I　was　not　considered　well　by　the　fact　that　my　Father　prayed　publicly　at　morning　and　evening　'worship'　that　if　it　was　the　Lord's　will　to　take　me　to　himself　there　might　be　no　doubt　whatever　about　my　being　a　sealed　child　of　God　and　an　inheritor　of　glory。　I　was　partly　disconcerted　by；　partly　vain　of；　this　open　advertisement　of　my　ailments。

Of　our　dealings　with　the　'Saints'；　a　fresh　assortment　of　whom　met　us　on　our　arrival　in　Devonshire；　I　shall　speak　presently。　My　Father's　austerity　of　behaviour　was；　I　think；　perpetually　accentuated　by　his　fear　of　doing　anything　to　offend　the　consciences　of　these　persons；　whom　he　supposed；　no　doubt；　to　be　more　sensitive　than　they　really　were。　He　was　fond　of　saying　that　'a　very　little　stain　upon　the　conscience　makes　a　wide　breach　in　our　communion　with　God'；　and　he　counted　possible　errors　of　conduct　by　hundreds　and　by　thousands。　It　was　in　this　winter　that　his　attention　was　particularly　drawn　to　the　festival　of　Christmas；　which；　apparently；　he　had　scarcely　noticed　in　London。

On　the　subject　of　all　feasts　of　the　Church　he　held　views　of　an　almost　grotesque　peculiarity。　He　looked　upon　each　of　them　as　nugatory　and　worthless；　but　the　keeping　of　Christmas　appeared　to　him　by　far　the　most　hateful；　and　nothing　less　than　an　act　of　idolatry。　'The　very　word　is　Popish'；　he　used　to　exclaim；　'Christ's　Mass！'　pursing　up　his　lips　with　the　gesture　of　one　who　tastes　assafoetida　by　accident。　Then　he　would　adduce　the　antiquity　of　the　so…called　feast；　adapted　from　horrible　heathen　rites；　and　itself　a　soiled　relic　of　the　abominable　Yule…Tide。　He　would　denounce　the　horrors　of　Christmas　until　it　almost　made　me　blush　to　look　at　a　holly…berry。

On　Christmas　Day　of　this　year　1857　our　villa　saw　a　very　unusual　sight。　My　Father　had　given　strictest　charge　that　no　difference　whatever　was　to　be　made　in　our　meals　on　that　day；　the　dinner　was　to　be　neither　more　copious　than　usual　nor　less　so。　He　was　obeyed；　but　the　servants；　secretly　rebellious；　made　a　small　plum…pudding　for　themselves。　（I　discovered　afterwards；　with　pain；　that　Miss　Marks　received　a　slice　of　it　in　her　boudoir。）　Early　in　the　afternoon；　the　maids；of　whom　we　were　now　advanced　to　keeping　two；kindly　remarked　that　'the　poor　dear　child　ought　to　have　a　bit；　anyhow'；　and　wheedled　me　into　the　kitchen；　where　I　ate　a　slice　of　plum…pudding。　Shortly　I　began　to　feel　that　pain　inside　which　in　my　frail　state　was　inevitable；　and　my　conscience　smote　me　violently。　At　length　I　could　bear　my　spiritual　anguish　no　longer；　and　bursting　into　the　study　I　called　out：　'Oh！　Papa；　Papa；　I　have　eaten　of　flesh　offered　to　idols！'　It　took　some　time；　between　my　sobs；　to　explain　what　had　happened。　Then　my　Father　sternly　said：　'　Where　is　the　accursed　thing？'　I　explained　that　as　much　as　was　left　of　it　was　still　on　the　kitchen　table。　He　took　me　by　the　hand；　and　ran　with　me　into　the　midst　of　the　startled　servants；　seized　what　remained　of　the　pudding；　and　with　the　plate　in　one　hand　and　me　still　tight　in　the　other；　ran　until　we　reached　the　dust…heap；　when　he　flung　the　idolatrous　confectionery　on　to　the　middle　of　the　ashes；　and　then　raked　it　deep　down　into　the　mass。　The　suddenness；　the　violence；　the　velocity　of　this　extraordinary　act　made　an　impression　on　my　memory　which　nothing　will　ever　efface。

The　key　is　lost　by　which　I　might　unlock　the　perverse　malady　from　which　my　Father's　conscience　seemed　to　suffer　during　the　whole　of　this　melancholy　winter。　But　I　think　that　a　dislocation　of　his　intellectual　system　had　a　great　deal　to　do　with　it。　Up　to　this　point　in　his　career；　he　had；　as　we　have　seen；　nourished　the　delusion　that　science　and　revelation　could　be　mutually　justified；　that　some　sort　of　compromise　was　possible。　With　great　and　ever　greater　distinctness；　his　investigations　had　shown　him　that　in　all　departments　of　organic　nature　there　are　visible　the　evidences　of　slow　modification　of　forms；　of　the　type　developed　by　the　pressure　and　practice　of　aeons。　This　conviction　lead　been　borne　in　upon　him　until　it　was　positively　irresistible。　Where　was　his　place；　then；　as　a　sincere　and　accurate　observer？　Manifestly；　it　was　with　the　pioneers　of　the　new　truth；　it　was　with　Darwin；　Wallace　and　Hooker。　But　did　not　the　second　chapter　of　'Genesis'　say　that　in　six　days　the　heavens　and　earth　were　finished；　and　the　host　of　them；　and　that　on　the　seventh　day　God　ended　his　work　which　he　had　made？

Here　was　a　dilemma！　Geology　certainly　seemed　to　be　true；　but　the　Bible；　which　was　God's　word；　was　true。　If　the　Bible　said　that　all　things　in　Heaven　and　Earth　were　created　in　six　days；　created　in　six　days　they　were；in　six　literal　days　of　twenty…four　hours　each。　The　evidences　of　spontaneous　variation　of　form；　acting；　over　an　immense　space　of　time；　upon　ever…modifying　organic　structures；　seemed　overwhelming；　but　they　must　either　be　brought　into　line　with　the　six…day　labour　of　creation；　or　they　must　be　rejected。　I　have　already　shown　how　my　Father　worked　out　the　ingenious　'Omphalos'　theory　in　order　to　justify　himself　as　a　strictly　scientific　observer　who　was　also　a　humble　slave　of　revelation。　But　the　old　convention　and　the　new　rebellion　would　alike　have　none　of　his　compromise。

To　a　mind　so　acute　and　at　the　same　time　so　narrow　as　that　of　my　Fathera　mind　which　is　all　logical　and　positive　without　breadth；　without　suppleness　and　without　imaginationto　be　subjected　to　a　check　of　this　kind　is　agony。　It　has　not　the　relief　of　a　smaller　nature；　which　escapes　from　the　dilemma　by　some　foggy　formula；　nor　the　resolution　of　a　larger　nature　to　take　to　its　wings　and　surmount　the　obstacle。　My　Father；　although　half　suffocated　by　the　emotion　of　being　lifted；　as　it　were；　on　the　great　biological　wave；　never　dreamed　of　letting　go　his　clutch　of　the　ancient　tradition；　but　hung　there；　strained　and　buffeted。　It　is　extraordinary　that　hean　'honest　hodman　of　science'；　as　Huxley　once　called　himshould　not　have　been　content　to　allow　others；　whose　horizons　were　wider　than　his　could　be；　to　pursue　those　purely　intellectual　surveys　for　which　he　had　no　species　of　aptitude。　As　a　collector　of　facts　and　marshaller　of　observations；　he　had　not　a　rival　in　that　age；　his　very　absence　of　imagination　aided　him　in　this　work。　But　he　was　more　an　attorney　than　philosopher；　and　he　lacked　that　sublime　humility　which　is　the　crown　of　genius。　For；　this　obstinate　persuasion　that　he　alone　knew　the　mind　of　God；　that　he　alone　could　interpret　the　designs　of　the　Creator；　what　did　it　result　from　if　not　from　a　congenital　lack　of　that　highest　modesty　which　replies　'I　do　not　know'　even　to　the　questions　which　Faith；　with　menacing　forger；　insists　on　having　most　positively　answered？

CHAPTER　VI

DURING　the　first　year　of　our　life　in　Devonshire；　the　ninth　year　of　my　age；　my　Father's　existence；　and　therefore　mine；　was　almost　entirely　divided　between　attending　to　the　little　community　of　'Saints'　in　the　village　and　collecting；　examining　and　describing　marine　creatures　from　the　seashore。　In　the　course　of　these　twelve　months；　we　had　scarcely　any　social　distractions　of　any　kind；　and　I　never　once　crossed　the　bounds　of　the　parish。　After　the　worst　of　the　winter　was　over；　my　Father　recovered　much　of　his　spirits　and　his　power　of　work；　and　the　earliest　sunshine　soothed　and　refreshed　us　both。　I　was　still　almost　always　with　him；　but　we　had　now　some　curious　companions。

The　village；　at　the　southern　end　of　which　our　villa　stood；　was　not　pretty。　It　had　no　rural　picturesqueness　of　any　kind。　The　only　pleasant　feature　of　it；　the　handsome　and　ancient　parish　church　with　its　umbrageous　churchyard；　was　then　almost　entirely　concealed　by　a　congress　of　mean　shops；　which　were　ultimately；　before　the　close　of　my　childhood；　removed。　The　village　consisted　of　two　parallel　lines　of　contiguous　houses；　all　white…washed　and　most　of　them　fronted　by　a　trifling　shop…window；　for　half　a　mile　this　street　ascended　to　the　church；　and　then　descended　for　another　half…mile；　ending　suddenly　in　fields；　the　hedges　of　which　displayed；　at　intervals；　the　inevitable　pollard　elm…tree。

The　walk　through　the　village；　which　we　seemed　make　incessantly；　was　very　wearisome　to　me。　I　dreaded　the　rudeness　of　the　children；　and　there　was　nothing　in　the　shops　to　amuse　me。　Walking　on　the　inch　or　two　of　broken　pavement　in　front　of　the　houses　was　disagreeable　and　tiresome；　and　the　odor　which　breathed　on　close　days　from　the　open　doors　and　windows　made　me　feel　faint。　But　this　walk　was　obligatory；　since　the　'Public　Room'；　as　our　little　chapel　was　called；　lay　at　the　farther　extremity　of　the　dreary　street。