father and son-第14节

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Thou　fold　them　up；　and　they　shall　be　changed；　but　Thou　art　the　same；　and　Thy　years　shall　not　fail。'　But　the　dialectic　parts　of　the　Epistle　puzzled　and　confused　me。　Such　metaphysical　ideas　as　'laying　again　the　foundation　of　repentance　from　dead　works'　and　'crucifying　the　Son　of　God　afresh'　were　not　successfully　brought　down　to　the　level　of　my　understanding。

My　Father's　religious　teaching　to　me　was　almost　exclusively　doctrinal。　He　did　not　observe　the　value　of　negative　education；　that　is　to　say；　of　leaving　Nature　alone　to　fill　up　the　gaps　which　it　is　her　design　to　deal　with　at　a　later　and　riper　date。　He　did　not；　even；　satisfy　himself　with　those　moral　injunctions　which　should　form　the　basis　of　infantile　discipline。　He　was　in　a　tremendous　hurry　to　push　on　my　spiritual　growth；　and　he　fed　me　with　theological　meat　which　it　was　impossible　for　me　to　digest。　Some　glimmer　of　a　suspicion　that　he　was　sailing　on　the　wrong　tack　must；　I　should　suppose；　have　broken　in　upon　him　when　we　had　reached　the　eighth　and　ninth　chapters　of　Hebrews；　where；　addressing　readers　who　had　been　brought　up　under　the　Jewish　dispensation；　and　had　the　formalities　of　the　Law　of　Moses　in　their　very　blood；　the　apostle　battles　with　their　dangerous　conservatism。　It　is　a　very　noble　piece　of　spiritual　casuistry；　but　it　is　signally　unfitted　for　the　comprehension　of　a　child。　Suddenly　by　my　flushing　up　with　anger　and　saying；　'　Oh　how　I　do　hate　that　Law；'　my　Father　perceived；　and　paused　in　amazement　to　perceive；　that　I　took　the　Law　to　be　a　person　of　malignant　temper　from　whose　cruel　bondage；　and　from　whose　intolerable　tyranny　and　unfairness；　some　excellent　person　was　crying　out　to　be　delivered。　I　wished　to　hit　Law　with　my　fist；　for　being　so　mean　and　unreasonable。

Upon　this；　of　course；　it　was　necessary　to　reopen　the　whole　line　of　exposition。　My　Father；　without　realizing　it；　had　been　talking　on　his　own　level；　not　on　mine；　and　now　he　condescended　to　me。　But　without　very　great　success。　The　melodious　language；　the　divine　forensic　audacities；　the　magnificent　ebb　and　flow　of　argument　which　make　the　'Epistle　to　the　Hebrews'　such　a　miracle；　were　far　and　away　beyond　my　reach；　and　they　only　bewildered　me。　Some　evangelical　children　of　my　generation；　I　understand；　were　brought　up　on　a　work　called　'Line　upon　Line：　Here　a　Little；　and　there　a　Little'。　My　Father's　ambition　would　not　submit　to　anything　suggested　by　such　a　title　as　that；　and　he　committed；　from　his　own　point　of　view；　a　fatal　mistake　when　he　sought　to　build　spires　and　battlements　without　having　been　at　the　pains　to　settle　a　foundation　beneath　them。

We　were　not　always　reading　the　'Epistle　to　the　Hebrews'；　however；　not　always　was　my　flesh　being　made　to　creep　by　having　it　insisted　upon　that　'almost　all　things　are　by　the　Law　purged　with　blood；　and　without　blood　is　no　remission　of　sin'。　In　our　lighter　moods；　we　turned　to　the　'Book　of　Revelation'；　and　chased　the　phantom　of　Popery　through　its　fuliginous　pages。　My　Father；　I　think；　missed　my　Mother's　company　almost　more　acutely　in　his　researches　into　prophecy　than　in　anything　else。　This　had　been　their　unceasing　recreation；　and　no　third　person　could　possibly　follow　the　curious　path　which　they　had　hewn　for　themselves　through　this　jungle　of　symbols。　But；　more　and　more；　my　Father　persuaded　himself　that　I；　too；　was　initiated；；　and　by　degrees　I　was　made　to　share　in　all　his　speculations　and　interpretations。

Hand　in　hand　we　investigated　the　number　of　the　Beast；　which　number　is　six　hundred　three　score　and　six。　Hand　in　hand　we　inspected　the　nations；　to　see　whether　they　had　the　mark　of　Babylon　in　their　foreheads。　Hand　in　hand　we　watched　the　spirits　of　devils　gathering　the　kings　of　the　earth　into　the　place　which　is　called　in　the　Hebrew　tongue　Armageddon。　Our　unity　in　these　excursions　was　so　delightful；　that　my　Father　was　lulled　in　any　suspicion　he　might　have　formed　that　I　did　not　quite　understand　what　it　was　all　about。　Nor　could　he　have　desired　a　pupil　more　docile　or　more　ardent　than　I　was　in　my　flaming　denunciations　of　the　Papacy。

If　there　was　one　institution　more　than　another　which；　at　this　early　stage　of　my　history；　I　loathed　and　feared；　it　was　what　we　invariably　spoke　of　as　'the　so…called　Church　of　Rome'。　In　later　years；　I　have　met　with　stout　Protestants；　gallant　'Down…with…the…　Pope'　men　from　County　Antrim；　and　ladies　who　see　the　hand　of　the　Jesuits　in　every　public　and　private　misfortune。　It　is　the　habit　of　a　loose　and　indifferent　age　to　consider　this　dwindling　body　of　enthusiasts　with　suspicion；　and　to　regard　their　attitude　towards　Rome　as　illiberal。　But　my　own　feeling　is　that　they　are　all　too　mild；　that　their　denunciations　err　on　the　side　of　the　anodyne。　I　have　no　longer　the　slightest　wish　myself　to　denounce　the　Roman　communion；　but；　if　it　is　to　be　done；　I　have　an　idea　that　the　latter…day　Protestants　do　not　know　how　to　do　it。　In　Lord　Chesterfield's　phrase；　these　anti…Pope　men　'don't　understand　their　own　silly　business'。　They　make　concessions　and　allowances；　they　put　on　gloves　to　touch　the　accursed　thing。

Not　thus　did　we　approach　the　Scarlet　Woman　in　the　'fifties。　We　palliated　nothing；　we　believed　in　no　good　intentions；　we　used　（I　myself　used；　in　my　tender　innocency）　language　of　the　seventeenth　century　such　as　is　now　no　longer　introduced　into　any　species　of　controversy。　As　a　little　boy；　when　I　thought；　with　intense　vagueness；　of　the　Pope；　I　used　to　shut　my　eyes　tight　and　clench　my　fists。　We　welcomed　any　social　disorder　in　any　part　of　Italy；　as　likely　to　be　annoying　to　the　Papacy。　If　there　was　a　custom…　house　officer　stabbed　in　a　fracas　at　Sassari；　we　gave　loud　thanks　that　liberty　and　light　were　breaking　in　upon　Sardinia。　If　there　was　an　unsuccessful　attempt　to　murder　the　Grand　Duke；　we　lifted　up　our　voices　to　celebrate　the　faith　and　sufferings　of　the　dear　persecuted　Tuscans；　and　the　record　of　some　apocryphal　monstrosity　in　Naples　would　only　reveal　to　us　a　glorious　opening　for　Gospel　energy。　My　Father　celebrated　the　announcement　in　the　newspapers　of　a　considerable　emigration　from　the　Papal　Dominions　by　rejoicing　at　'this　outcrowding　of　many；　throughout　the　harlot's　domain；　from　her　sins　and　her　plagues'。

No；　the　Protestant　League　may　consider　itself　to　be　an　earnest　and　active　body；　but　I　can　never　look　upon　its　efforts　as　anything　but　lukewarm；　standing；　as　I　do；　with　the　light　of　other　days　around　me。　As　a　child；　whatever　I　might　question；　I　never　doubted　the　turpitude　of　Rome。　I　do　not　think　I　had　formed　any　idea　whatever　of　the　character　or　pretensions　or　practices　of　the　Catholic　Church；　or　indeed　of　what　it　consisted；　or　its　nature；　but　I　regarded　it　with　a　vague　terror　as　a　wild　beast；　the　only　good　point　about　it　being　that　it　was　very　old　and　was　soon　to　die。　When　I　turned　to　Jukes　or　Newton　for　further　detail；　I　could　not　understand　what　they　said。　Perhaps；　on　the　whole；　there　was　no　disadvantage　in　that。

It　is　possible　that　someone　may　have　observed　to　my　Father　that　the　conditions　of　our　life　were　unfavourable　to　our　health；　although　I　hardly　think　that　he　would　have　encouraged　any　such　advice。　As　I　look　back　upon　this　far…away　time；　I　am　surprised　at　the　absence　in　it　of　any　figures　but　our　own。　He　and　I　together；　now　in　the　study　among　the　sea…anemones　and　starfishes；　now　on　the　canal…bridge；　looking　down　at　the　ducks；　now　at　our　hard　little　meals；　served　up　as　those　of　a　dreamy　widower　are　likely　to　be　when　one　maid…of…all…work　provides　them；　now　under　the　lamp　at　the　maps　we　both　loved　so　much；　this　is　what　I　see　no　third　presence　is　ever　with　us。　Whether　it　occurred　to　himself　that　such　a　solitude　a　deux　was　excellent；　in　the　long　run；　for　neither　of　us；　or　whether　any　chance　visitor　or　one　of　the　'Saints'；　who　used　to　see　me　at　the　Room　every　Sunday　morning；　suggested　that　a　female　influence　might　put　a　little　rose…colour　into　my　pasty　cheeks；　I　know　not。　All　I　am　sure　of　is　that　one　day；　towards　the　close　of　the　summer；　as　I　was　gazing　into　the　street；　I　saw　a　four…wheeled　cab　stop　outside　our　door；　and　deposit；　with　several　packages；　a　strange　lady；　who　was　shown　up　into　my　Father's　study　and　was　presently　brought　down　and　introduced　to　me。

Miss　Marks；　as　I　shall　take　the　liberty　of　calling　this　person；　was　so　long　a　part　of　my　life　that　I　must　pause　to　describe　her。　She　was　tall；　rather　gaunt；　with　high　cheek…bones；　her　teeth　were　prominent　and　very　white；　her　eyes　were　china…blue；　and　were　always　absolutely　fixed；　wide　open；　on　the　person　she　spoke　to；　her　nose　was　inclined　to　be　red　at　the　tip。　She　had　a　kind；　hearty；　sharp　mode　of　talking；　but　did　not　exercise　it　much；　being　on　the　whole　taciturn。　She　was　bustling　and　nervous；　not　particularly　refined；　not　quite；　I　imagine；　what　is　called　'a　lady'。　I　supposed　her；　if　I　thought　of　the　matter　at　all；　to　be　very　old；　but　perhaps　she　may　have　been；　when　we　knew　her　first；　some　forty…five　summers。　Miss　Marks　was　an　orphan；　depending　upon　her　work　for　her　living；　she　would　not；　in　these　days　of　examinations；　have　comas　up　to　the　necessary　educational　standards；　but　she　had　enjoyed　experience　in　teaching；　and　was　prepared　to　be　a　conscientious　and　careful　governess；　up　to　her　lights。　I　was　now　informed　by　my　Father　that　it　was　in　this　capacity　that　she　would　in　future　take　her　place　in　our　household。　I　was　not　infor