father and son-第10节

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'Twas　a　dream　of　those　ages　of　darkness　and　blood；　When　the　minister's　home　was　the　mountain　and　wood；　When　in　Wellwood's　dark　valley　the　standard　of　Zion；　All　bloody　and　torn；　'mong　the　heather　was　lying。

I　persuaded　my　Mother　to　explain　to　me　what　it　was　all　about；　and　she　told　me　of　the　affliction　of　the　Scottish　saints；　their　flight　to　the　waters　and　the　wilderness；　their　cruel　murder　while　they　were　singing　'their　last　song　to　the　God　of　Salvation'。　I　was　greatly　fired；　and　the　following　stanza；　in　particular；　reached　my　ideal　of　the　Sublime：

The　muskets　were　flashing；　the　blue　swords　were　gleaming；　The　helmets　were　cleft；　and　the　red　blood　was　streaming；　The　heavens　grew　dark；　and　the　thunder　was　rolling；　When　in　Wellwood's　dark　muirlands　the　mighty　were　falling。

Twenty　years　later　I　met　with　the　only　other　person　whom　I　have　ever　encountered　who　had　even　heard　of　'The　Cameronian's　Dream'。　This　was　Robert　Louis　Stevenson；　who　had　been　greatly　struck　by　it　when　he　was　about　my　age。　Probably　the　same　ephemeral　edition　of　it　reached；　at　the　same　time；　each　of　our　pious　households。

As　my　Mother's　illness　progressed；　she　could　neither　sleep；　save　by　the　use　of　opiates；　nor　rest；　except　in　a　sloping　posture；　propped　up　by　many　pillows。　It　was　my　great　joy；　and　a　pleasant　diversion；　to　be　allowed　to　shift；　beat　up；　and　rearrange　these　pillows；　a　task　which　I　learned　to　accomplish　not　too　awkwardly。　Her　sufferings；　I　believe；　were　principally　caused　by　the　violence　of　the　medicaments　to　which　her　doctor；　who　was　trying　a　new　and　fantastic　'cure'；　thought　it　proper　to　subject　her。　Let　those　who　take　a　pessimistic　view　of　our　social　progress　ask　themselves　whether　such　tortures　could　today　be　inflicted　on　a　delicate　patient；　or　whether　that　patient　would　be　allowed　to　exist；　in　the　greatest　misery　in　a　lodging　with　no　professional　nurse　to　wait　upon　her；　and　with　no　companion　but　a　little　helpless　boy　of　seven　years　of　age。　Time　passes　smoothly　and　swiftly；　and　we　do　not　perceive　the　mitigations　which　he　brings　in　his　hands。　Everywhere；　in　the　whole　system　of　human　life；　improvements；　alleviations；　ingenious　appliances　and　humane　inventions　are　being　introduced　to　lessen　the　great　burden　of　suffering。

If　we　were　suddenly　transplanted　into　the　world　of　only　fifty　years　ago；　we　should　be　startled　and　even　horror…stricken　by　the　wretchedness　to　which　the　step　backwards　would　reintroduce　us。　It　was　in　the　very　year　of　which　I　am　speaking；　a　year　of　which　my　personal　memories　are　still　vivid；　that　Sir　James　Simpson　received　the　Monthyon　prize　as　a　recognition　of　his　discovery　of　the　use　of　anaesthetics。　Can　our　thoughts　embrace　the　mitigation　of　human　torment　which　the　application　of　chloroform　alone　has　caused？　My　early　experiences；　I　confess；　made　me　singularly　conscious；　at　an　age　when　one　should　know　nothing　about　these　things；　of　that　torrent　of　sorrow　and　anguish　and　terror　which　flows　under　all　footsteps　of　man。　Within　my　childish　conscience；　already；　some　dim　inquiry　was　awake　as　to　the　meaning　of　this　mystery　of　pain

The　floods　of　the　tears　meet　and　gather；　The　sound　of　them　all　grows　like　thunder；　Oh　into　what　bosom；　I　wonder；　Is　poured　the　whole　sorrow　of　years？　For　Eternity　only　seems　keeping　Account　of　the　great　human　weeping；　May　God　then；　the　Maker　and　Father；　May　He　find　a　place　for　the　tears！

In　my　Mother's　case；　the　savage　treatment　did　no　good；　it　had　to　be　abandoned；　and　a　day　or　two　before　Christmas；　while　the　fruits　were　piled　in　the　shop…fronts　and　the　butchers　were　shouting　outside　their　forests　of　carcases；　my　Father　brought　us　back　in　a　cab　through　the　streets　to　Islington；　a　feeble　and　languishing　company。　Our　invalid　bore　the　journey　fairly　well；　enjoying　the　air；　and　pointing　out　to　me　the　glittering　evidences　of　the　season；　but　we　paid　heavily　for　her　little　entertainment；　since；　at　her　earnest　wish　the　window　of　the　cab　having　been　kept　open；　she　caught　a　cold；　which　became；　indeed；　the　technical　cause　of　a　death　that　no　applications　could　now　have　long　delayed。

Yet　she　lingered　with　us　six　weeks　more；　and　during　this　time　I　again　relapsed；　very　naturally；　into　solitude。　She　now　had　the　care　of　a　practised　woman；　one　of　the　'saints'　from　the　Chapel；　and　I　was　only　permitted　to　pay　brief　visits　to　her　bedside。　That　I　might　not　be　kept　indoors　all　day　and　everyday；　a　man；　also　connected　with　the　meeting…house；　was　paid　a　trifle　to　take　me　out　for　a　walk　each　morning。　This　person；　who　was　by　turns　familiar　and　truculent；　was　the　object　of　my　intense　dislike。　Our　relations　became；　in　the　truest　sense；　'forced'；　I　was　obliged　to　walk　by　his　side；　but　I　held　that　I　had　no　further　responsibility　to　be　agreeable；　and　after　a　while　I　ceased　to　speak　to　him；　or　to　answer　his　remarks。　On　one　occasion；　poor　dreary　man；　he　met　a　friend　and　stopped　to　chat　with　him。　I　considered　this　act　to　have　dissolved　the　bond；　I　skipped　lightly　from　his　side；　examined　several　shop…windows　which　I　had　been　forbidden　to　look　into；　made　several　darts　down　courts　and　up　passages；　and　finally；　after　a　delightful　morning；　returned　home；　having　known　my　directions　perfectly。　My　official　conductor；　in　a　shocking　condition　of　fear；　was　crouching　by　the　area…rails　looking　up　and　down　the　street。　He　darted　upon　me；　in　a　great　rage；　to　know　'what　I　meant　by　it？'　I　drew　myself　up　as　tall　as　I　could；　hissed　'Blind　leader　of　the　blind！'　at　him；　and；　with　this　inappropriate　but　very　effective　Parthian　shot；　slipped　into　the　house。

When　it　was　quite　certain　that　no　alleviations　and　no　medical　care　could　prevent；　or　even　any　longer　postpone　the　departure　of　my　Mother；　I　believe　that　my　future　conduct　became　the　object　of　her　greatest　and　her　most　painful　solicitude。　She　said　to　my　Father　that　the　worst　trial　of　her　faith　came　from　the　feeling　that　she　was　called　upon　to　leave　that　child　whom　she　had　so　carefully　trained　from　his　earliest　infancy　for　the　peculiar　service　of　the　Lord；　without　any　knowledge　of　what　his　further　course　would　be。　In　many　conversations；　she　most　tenderly　and　closely　urged　my　Father；　who；　however；　needed　no　urging；　to　watch　with　unceasing　care　over　my　spiritual　welfare。　As　she　grew　nearer　her　end；　it　was　observed　that　she　became　calmer；　and　less　troubled　by　fears　about　me。　The　intensity　of　her　prayers　and　hopes　seemed　to　have　a　prevailing　force；　it　would　have　been　a　sin　to　doubt　that　such　supplications；　such　confidence　and　devotion；　such　an　emphasis　of　will；　should　not　be　rewarded　by　an　answer　from　above　in　the　affirmative。　She　was　able；　she　said；　to　leave　me　'in　the　hands　of　her　loving　Lord'；　or；　on　another　occasion；　'to　the　care　of　her　covenant　God'。

Although　her　faith　was　so　strong　and　simple；　my　Mother　possessed　no　quality　of　the　mystic。　She　never　pretended　to　any　visionary　gifts；　believed　not　at　all　in　dreams　or　portents；　and　encouraged　nothing　in　herself　or　others　which　was　superstitious　or　fantastic。　In　order　to　realize　her　condition　of　mind；　it　is　necessary；　I　think；　to　accept　the　view　that　she　had　formed　a　definite　conception　of　the　absolute；　unmodified　and　historical　veracity；　in　its　direct　and　obvious　sense；　of　every　statement　contained　within　the　covers　of　the　Bible。　For　her；　and　for　my　Father；　nothing　was　symbolic；　nothing　allegorical　or　allusive　in　any　part　of　Scripture；　except　what　was；　in　so　many　words；　proffered　as　a　parable　or　a　picture。　Pushing　this　to　its　extreme　limit；　and　allowing　nothing　for　the　changes　of　scene　or　time　or　race；　my　parents　read　injunctions　to　the　Corinthian　converts　without　any　suspicion　that　what　was　apposite　in　dealing　with　half…breed　Achaian　colonists　of　the　first　century　might　not　exactly　apply　to　respectable　English　men　and　women　of　the　nineteenth。　They　took　it；　text　by　text；　as　if　no　sort　of　difference　existed　between　the　surroundings　of　Trimalchion's　feast　and　those　of　a　City　dinner。　Both　my　parents；　I　think；　were　devoid　of　sympathetic　imagination；　in　my　Father；　I　am　sure；　it　was　singularly　absent。　Hence；　although　their　faith　was　so　strenuous　that　many　persons　might　have　called　it　fanatical；　there　was　no　mysticism　about　them。　They　went　rather　to　the　opposite　extreme；　to　the　cultivation　of　a　rigid　and　iconoclastic　literalness。

This　was　curiously　exemplified　in　the　very　lively　interest　which　they　both　took　in　what　is　called　'the　interpretation　of　prophecy'；　and　particularly　in　unwrapping　the　dark　sayings　bound　up　in　the　Book　of　Revelation。　In　their　impartial　survey　of　the　Bible；　they　came　to　this　collection　of　solemn　and　splendid　visions；　sinister　and　obscure；　and　they　had　no　intention　of　allowing　these　to　be　merely　stimulating　to　the　fancy；　or　vaguely　doctrinal　in　symbol。　When　they　read　of　seals　broken　and　of　vials　poured　forth；　of　the　star　which　was　called　Wormwood　that　fell　from　Heaven；　and　of　men　whose　hair　was　as　the　hair　of　women　and　their　teeth　as　the　teeth　of　lions；　they　did　not　admit　for　a　moment　that　these　vivid　mental　pictures　were　of　a　poetic　character；　but　they　regarded　them　as　positive　statements；　in　guarded　language；　describing　events　which　were　to　happen；　and　could　be　recognized　when　they　did　happen。　It　was　the　explanation；　the　perfectly　prosaic　and　positive　explanation；　of　all　these　wonders　which　drew　them　to　study　the　Habershons　and　the　N