the dwelling place of ligh-第51节

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declared；　〃but　I　guess　it's　so　if　you　say　it　is。〃

〃Of　course　it's　so；〃　said　Edward。

〃I　so　want　you　should　be　happy；　Janet；〃　said　Hannah。。。。

Was　it　so？　　Her　mother　and　father；　the　dwarfed　and　ugly　surroundings　of
Fillmore　Street　made　it　seem　incredible　once　more。　　Andwhat　would　they
say　if　they　knew　what　had　happened　to　her　this　day？　　When　she　had　reached
her　room；　Janet　began　to　wonder　why　she　had　told　her　parents。　　Had　it　not
been　in　order　to　relieve　their　anxietyespecially　her　mother'son　the
score　of　her　recent　absences　from　home？　　Yes；　that　was　it；　and　because
the　news　would　make　them　happy。　　And　then　the　mere　assertion　to　them　that
she　was　to　marry　Ditmar　helped　to　make　it　more　real　to　herself。　　But；　now
that　reality　was　fading　again；　she　was　unable　to　bring　it　within　the
scope　of　her　imagination；　her　mind　refused　to　hold　one　remembered
circumstance　long　enough　to　coordinate　it　with　another：　she　realized　that
she　was　tiredtoo　tired　to　think　any　more。　　But　despite　her　exhaustion
there　remained　within　her；　possessing　her；　as　it　were　overshadowing　her；
unrelated　to　future　or　past；　the　presence　of　the　man　who　had　awakened　her
to　an　intensity　of　life　hitherto　unconceived。　　When　her　head　touched　the
pillow　she　fell　asleep。。。。

When　the　bells　and　the　undulating　scream　of　the　siren　awoke　her；　she　lay
awhile　groping　in　the　darkness。　　Where　was　she？　　Who　was　she？　　The
discovery　of　the　fact　that　the　nail　of　the　middle　finger　on　her　right
hand　was　broken；　gave　her　a　clew。　　She　had　broken　that　nail　in　reaching
out　to　save　somethinga　vase　of　rosesthat　was　it！a　vase　of　roses　on
a　table　with　a　white　cloth。　　Ditmar　had　tipped　it　over。　　The　sudden
flaring　up　of　this　trivial　incident　served　to　re…establish　her　identity；
to　light　a　fuse　along　which　her　mind　began　to　run　like　fire；　illuminating
redly　all　the　events　of　the　day　before。　　It　was　sweet　to　lie　thus；　to
possess；　as　her　very　own；　these　precious；　passionate　memories　of　life
lived　at　last　to　fulness；　to　feel　that　she　had　irrevocably　given　herself
and　takenall。　　A　longing　to　see　Ditmar　again　invaded　her：　he　would　take
an　early　train；　he　would　be　at　the　office　by　nine。　　How　could　she　wait
until　then？

With　a　movement　that　had　become　habitual；　subconscious；　she　reached　out
her　hand　to　arouse　her　sister。　　The　coldness　of　the　sheets　on　the　right
side　of　the　bed　sent　a　shiver　through　hera　shiver　of　fear。

〃Lise！〃　she　called。　　But　there　was　no　answer　from　the　darkness。　　And
Janet；　trembling；　her　heart　beating　wildly；　sprang　from　the　bed；　searched
for　the　matches；　and　lit　the　gas。　　There　was　no　sign　of　Lise；　her
clothes；　which　she　had　the　habit　of　flinging　across　the　chairs；　were
nowhere　to　be　seen。　　Janet's　eyes　fell　on　the　bureau；　marked　the　absence
of　several　knick…knacks；　including　a　comb　and　brush；　and　with　a　sudden
sickness　of　apprehension　she　darted　to　the　wardrobe　and　flung　open　the
doors。　　In　the　bottom　were　a　few　odd　garments；　above　was　the　hat　with　the
purple　feather；　now　shabby　and　discarded；　on　the　hooks　a　skirt　and　jacket
Lise　wore　to　work　at　the　Bagatelle　in　bad　weather。　　That　was　all。。。。
Janet　sank　down　in　the　rocking…chair；　her　hands　clasped　together；
overwhelmed　by　the　sudden　apprehension　of　the　tragedy　that　had　lurked；
all　unsuspected；　in　the　darkness：　a　tragedy；　not　of　Lise　alone；　but　in
which　she　herself　was　somehow　involved。　　Just　why　this　was　so；　she　could
not　for　the　moment　declare。　　The　room　was　cold；　she　was　clad　only　in　a
nightdress；　but　surges　of　heat　ran　through　her　body。　　What　should　she　do？
She　must　think。　　But　thought　was　impossible。　　She　got　up　and　closed　the
window　and　began　to　dress　with　feverish　rapidity；　pausing　now　and　again
to　stand　motionless。　　In　one　such　moment　there　entered　her　mind　an
incident　that　oddly　had　made　little　impression　at　the　time　of　its
occurrence　because　she；　Janet；　had　been　blinded　by　the　prospect　of　her
own　happinessthat　happiness　which；　a　few　minutes　ago；　had　seemed　so
real　and　vital　a　thing！　　And　it　was　the　memory　of　this　incident　that
suddenly　threw　a　glaring；　evil　light　on　all　of　Lise's　conduct　during　the
past　monthsher　accidental　dropping　of　the　vanity　case　and　the　gold
coin！　　Now　she　knew'for　a　certainty　what　had　happened　to　her　sister。

Having　dressed　herself；　she　entered　the　kitchen；　which　was　warm；　filled
with　the　smell　of　frying　meat。　　Streaks　of　grease　smoke　floated
fantastically　beneath　the　low　ceiling；　and　Hannah；　with　the　fryingpan　in
one　hand　and　a　fork　in　the　other；　was　bending　over　the　stove。　　Wisps　of
her　scant；　whitening　hair　escaped　from　the　ridiculous；　tightly　drawn　knot
at　the　back　of　her　head；　in　the　light　of　the　flickering　gas…jet　she
looked　so　old　and　worn　that　a　sudden　pity　smote　Janet　and　made　her　dumb
pity　for　her　mother；　pity　for　herself；　pity　for　Lise；　pity　that　lent　a
staggering　insight　into　life　itself。　　Hannah　had　once　been　young；
desirable；　perhaps；　swayed　by　those　forces　which　had　swayed　her。　　Janet
wondered　why　she　had　never　guessed　this　before；　and　why　she　had　guessed
it　now。　　But　it　was　Hannah　who；　looking　up　and　catching　sight　of　Janet's
face；　was　quick　to　divine　the　presage　in　it　and　gave　voice　to　the
foreboding　that　had　weighed　on　her　for　many　weeks。

〃Where's　Lise？〃

And　Janet　could　not　answer。　　She　shook　her　head。　　Hannah　dropped　the
fork；　the　handle　of　the　frying　pan　and　crossed　the　room　swiftly；　seizing
Janet　by　the　shoulders。

〃Is　she　gone？　　I　knew　it；　I　felt　it　all　along。　　I　thought　she'd　done
something　she　was　afraid　to　tell　aboutI　tried　to　ask　her；　but　I
couldn'tI　couldn't！　　And　now　she's　gone。　　Oh；　my　God；　I'll　never
forgive　myself！〃

The　unaccustomed　sight　of　her　mother's　grief　was　terrible。　　For　an
instant　only　she　clung　to　Janet；　then　becoming　mute；　she　sat　down　in　the
kitchen　chair　and　stared　with　dry；　unseeing　eyes　at　the　wall。　　Her　face
twitched。　　Janet　could　not　bear　to　look　at　it；　to　see　the　torture　in　her
mother's　eyes。　　She；　Janet；　seemed　suddenly　to　have　grown　old　herself；　to
have　lived　through　ages　of　misery　and　tragedy。。。。　　She　was　aware　of　a
pungent　odour；　went　to　the　stove；　picked　up　the　fork；　and　turned　the
steak。　　Now　and　then　she　glanced　at　Hannah。　　Grief　seemed　to　have　frozen
her。　　Then；　from　the　dining…room　she　heard　footsteps；　and　Edward　stood　in
the　doorway。

〃Well；　what's　the　matter　with　breakfast？〃　he　asked。　　From　where　he　stood
he　could　not　see　Hannah's　face；　but　gradually　his　eyes　were　drawn　to　her
figure。　　His　intuition　was　not　quick；　and　some　moments　passed　before　the
rigidity　of　the　pose　impressed　itself　upon　him。

〃Is　mother　sick？〃　he　asked　falteringly。

Janet　went　to　him。　　But　it　was　Hannah　who　spoke。

〃Lise　has　gone；〃　she　said。

〃Lisegone；〃　Edward　repeated。　　〃Gone　where？〃

〃She's　run　awayshe's　disgraced　us；〃　Hannah　replied；　in　a　monotonous；
dulled　voice。

Edward　did　not　seem　to　understand；　and　presently　Janet　felt　impelled　to
break　the　silence。

〃She　didn't　come　home　last　night；　father。〃

〃Didn't　come　home？　　Mebbe　she　spent　the　night　with　a　friend；〃　he　said。

It　seemed　incredible；　at　such　a　moment；　that　he　could　still　be　hopeful。

〃No；　she's　gone；　I　tell　you；　she's　lost；　we'll　never　lay　eyes　on　her
again。　　My　God；　I　never　thought　she'd　come　to　this；　but　I　might　have
guessed　it。　　Lise！　Lise！　To　think　it's　my　Lise！〃

Hannah's　voice　echoed　pitifully　through　the　silence　of　the　flat。　　So
appealing；　so　heartbroken　was　the　cry　one　might　have　thought　that　Lise；
wherever　she　was；　would　have　heard　it。　　Edward　was　dazed　by　the　shock；
his　lower　lip　quivered　and　fell。　　He　walked　over　to　Hannah's　chair　and
put　his　hand　on　her　shoulder。

〃There；　there；　mother；〃　he　pleaded。　　〃If　she's　gone；　we'll　find　her；
we'll　bring　her　back　to　you。〃

Hannah　shook　her　head。　　She　pushed　back　her　chair　abruptly　and　going　over
to　the　stove　took　the　fork　from　Janet's　hand　and　put　the　steak　on　the
dish。

〃Go　in　there　and　set　down；　Edward；〃　she　said。　　〃I　guess　we've　got　to　have
breakfast　just　the　same；　whether　she's　gone　or　not。〃

It　was　terrible　to　see　Hannah；　with　that　look　on　her　face；　going　about
her　tasks　automatically。　　And　Edward；　too；　seemed　suddenly　to　have　become
aged　and　broken；　his　trust　in　the　world；　so　amazingly　preserved　through
many　vicissitudes；　shattered　at　last。　　He　spilled　his　coffee　when　he
tried　to　drink；　and　presently　he　got　up　and　wandered　about　the　room；
searching　for　his　overcoat。　　It　was　Janet　who　found　it　and　helped　him　on
with　it。　　He　tried　to　say　something；　but　failing；　departed　heavily　for
the　mill。　　Janet　began　to　remove　the　dishes　from　the　table。

〃You've　got　to　eat　something；　too；　before　you　go　to　work；〃　said　Hannah。

〃I've　had　all　I　want；〃　Janet　replied。

Hannah　followed　her　into　the　kitchen。　　The　scarcely　touched　food　was　laid
aside；　the　coffee…pot　emptied；　Hannah　put　the　cups　in　the　basin　in　the
sink　and　let　the　water　run。　　She　turned　to　Janet　and　seized　her　hands
convulsively。

〃Let　me　do　this；　mother；〃　said　Janet。　　She　knew　her　mother　was　thinking
of　the　newly…found　joy　that　Lise's　disgrace　had　marred；　but　she　released
her　hands；　gently；　and　took　the　mop　from　the　nail　on　which　it　hung。

〃You　sit　down；　mother；〃　she　said。

Hannah　would　not。　　They　finished　the　dishes　together　in　silence　while