the foundations of personality-第74节

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ry　relationship　and　every　situation。　The　patient　cannot　choose　as　to　his　dress　or　his　meals；　cannot　decide　whether　to　stay　in　or　go　out；　finds　it　difficult　to　choose　to　cross　the　street　or　to　open　a　door；　is　thrown　into　a　pendulum　of　yea　and　nay　about　speaking；　etc。　This　psychasthenic　state；　the　folie　du　doute　of　the　French；　is　accompanied　by　fear；　restlessness　and　an　oppressive　feeling　of　unreality。　The　records　of　every　neurologist　contain　many　such　cases；　most　of　whom　recover；　but　a　few　go　on　to　severe　incurable　mental　disease。　I　pass　on；　without　regard　for　logic　or　completeness；　to　a　personality　type　that　we　may　call　the　anhedonic　or　simpler　a　restless；　not　easily　satisfied；　easily　disgusted　group。　Some　of　these　are　cyclothymic；　over…emotional；　often　monothymic　but　I　am　discussing　them　from　the　standpoint　of　their　satisfaction　with　life　and　its　experiences。　The　ordinary　label　of　〃finicky〃　well　expresses　the　type；　but　of　course　it　neglects　the　basic　psychology。　This　I　have　discussed　elsewhere　in　this　book　and　will　here　describe　two　cases；　one　a　congenital　type　and　the　other　acquired。　T。　was　born　dissatisfied；　so　his　mother　avers。　As　a　baby　he　was　〃a　difficult　feeding　case〃　because　the　very　slightest　cause；　the　least　change　in　the　milk；　upset　him；　a　fact　attested　to　by　vigorous　crying。　Babies　have　a　variability　in　desire　and　satisfaction　quite　as　much　as　their　elders。　Apparently　T。　thrived；　despite　his　start；　for　as　a　child　he　was　sturdy　looking。　Nevertheless；　in　toys；　games；　treats；　etc。；　he　was　hard　to　please　and　easy　to　displease。　He　turned　up　his　nose　if　a　toy　were　not　perfection；　and　he　had　to　have　his　food　prepared　according　to　specification　or　his　appetite　vanished。　Moreover；　he　had　a　very　limited　range　of　things　he　liked；　and　as　time　went　on　he　extended　that　list　but　little。　He　was　very　choice　in　his　clothesnot　at　all　a　regular　boyand　quite　disgusted　with　dirt　and　disorder。　〃A　little　old　maid〃　somebody　called　him；　having　in　mind　of　course　the　traditional　maiden　lady。　As　T。　grew　his　capacity　for　pleasure…feeling　did　not　increase。　On　the　contrary　his　attention　to　the　details　necessary　for　his　pleasure　made　of　him　one　of　those　finicky　connoisseurs　who；　though　never　really　pleased　with　anything；　get　a　sort　of　pleasure　in　pointing　out　the　crudity　of　other　people's　tastes　and　pleasures。　This　attitude　of　superiority　is　the　one　compensation　the　finicky　have；　and　since　they　are　often　fluent　of　speech　and　tend　to　write　and　lecture；　they　impose　their　notions　of　good　and　bad　upon　others；　who　seek　to　escape　being　〃common。〃　In　T。's　case　his　attitude　toward　food；　clothes；　companions；　sports　and　work　created　a　tense　disharmony　in　his　family；　and　one　of　his　brothers　labeled　him　〃The　Kill…joy。〃　Secretly　envious　of　other　people's　simple　enjoyment；　T。　made　strenuous　efforts　at　times　to　overcome　his　repugnances　and　to　enlarge　the　scope　of　his　pleasures；　but　because　this　forfeited　for　him　the　superiority　he　had　reached　as　a　very　〃refined〃　person；　he　never　persisted　in　this　process。　When　he　was　twenty　he　found　himself　the　theater　of　many　conflicts。　He　was　weary　of　life；　yet　lusted　for　experiences　that　his　hyperestheticism　would　not　permit　him　to　take。　Sex　seemed　too　crude；　and　the　girls　of　his　age　were　〃silly。〃　Yet　their　lure　and　his　own　internal　tensions　dragged　him　to　one　place　after　another；　hoping　that　he　would　find　the　perfect　woman；　able　to　understand　him。　At　last　he　did　find　her；　so　he　thought；　in　the　person　of　a　young　woman　of　twenty…five；　a　consummate　mistress　of　the　arts　of　femininity。　She　sized　him　up　at　once；　played　on　his　vanity；　extolled　his　fine　tastes　and　never　exposed　a　single　crudity　of　her　own；　until　she　brought　him　to　the　point　where　his　passion　for　her；　his　conviction　that　he　had　found　〃the　perfect　woman；〃　led　him　to　propose　marriage。　Then　came　the　blow：　she　laughed　at　him；　called　him　a　silly　boy；　gave　him　a　lecture　as　to　what　constituted　a　fine　man；　extolling　crudity；　vigor　and　virility　as　the　prime　virtues。　His　world　was　shattered；　and　its　shadowy　pleasures　gone。　At　first　his　parents　were　inclined　to　believe　that　this　was　a　good　lesson；　that　T。　would　learn　from　this　adventure　and　become　a　more　hardy　young　man。　Instead　he　became　sleepless；　restless　and　without　desire　for　food　or　drink；　he　shunned　men　and　women　alike；　he　stared　hollow…eyed　at　a　world　full　of　noise　and　motion　but　without　meaning　or　joy。　Deep　was　this　anhedonia；　and　all　exhortations　to　〃brace　up　and　be　a　man〃　failed。　Diversion；　travel　and　all　the　usual　medical　consultations　and　attentions　did　no　good。　One　day　he　announced　to　his　family　that　he　was　all　right；　that　soon　he　would　be　well。　He　seemed　cheerful；　talked　with　some　animation　and　dressed　himself　with　unusual　care。　His　parents　rejoiced；　but　one　of　his　brothers　did　not　like　what　he　called　a　〃gleam〃　in　T。's　eyes。　So　he　followed　him；　in　a　skillful　manner。　T。　walked　around　for　a　while；　then　found　his　way　to　a　bridge　crossing　a　swift　deep　river。　He　took　off　his　coat；　but　before　he　could　mount　the　rail　his　watchful　brother　was　upon　him。　He　made　no　struggle　and　consented　to　come　back　home。　In　his　coat　was　a　letter　stating　that　he　saw　no　use　in　living；　that　he　was　not　taking　his　life　because　of　disappointment　in　love　but　because　he　felt　that　he　never　could　enjoy　what　others　found　pleasurable；　and　that　he　was　an　anomaly；　a　curse　to　himself　and　others。　He　was　sent　away　to　a　sanatorium　but　left　it　and　came　home。　He　began　to　eat　and　drink　again；　found　he　could　sleep　at　night　（the　sleepless　night　had　filled　him　with　despair）　and　soon　swung　back　into　his　〃normal〃　state。　He　passes　throughout　life　a　spectator　of　the　joys　of　others；　wondering　why　his　grip　on　content　and　desire　is　so　slender；　but　also　he　thinks　himself　of　a　finer　clay　than　his　fellows。　As　a　complement　to　this　case　let　me　cite　that　of　the　ex…soldier　S。　He　reached　the　age　of　twenty…two　with　a　very　creditable　history。　Born　of　middle…class　parents　he　went　through　high　school　and　ranked　in　the　upper　third　of　his　class　for　scholarship。　His　physique　was　good；　he　was　a　joyous；　popular　young　fellow；　and　wherever　he　went　was　pointed　out　as　the　clean　young　American　so　representative　of　our　country。　That　means　he　worked　hard　as　assistant　executive　in　a　production　plant；　was　ambitious　to　get　ahead；　took　special　courses　to　fit　himself；　read　a　good　deal　about　〃success〃　and　how　to　reach　it；　dressed　well；　liked　his　fellow　men　and　more　than　liked　women；　enjoyed　sports；　a　good　time；　the　theaters；　slept　well；　ate　well　and　surged　with　the　passions　and　longings　of　his　youth。　Had　any　one　said　to　him；　〃What　is　there　to　live　for？〃　he　would　have　had　no　answer　ready　merely　because　it　would　have　never　occurred　to　him　that　any　one　could　really　ask　so　foolish　a　question。　Came　the　war。　Full　of　the　ardor　of　patriotism　and　the　longing　for　the　great　experience；　he　enlisted。　He　took　the　〃hardships〃　of　camp　life；　the　long　hikes；　the　daily　drills；　the　food　dished　out　in　tins；　as　a　lark；　and　his　hearty　fellowship　identified　him　with　the　army；　with　its　profanity；　its　rough　friendliness；　its　grumbling　but　quick　obedience　and　its　intense　purpose　to　〃show　'em　what　the　American　can　do。〃　He　went　overseas　and　learned　that　French　patriotism；　like　the　American　brand；　did　not　prevent　profiteering；　and　that　enlistment　in　a　common　cause　does　not　allay　or　abate　racial　prejudices　and　antagonisms。　This；　however；　did　not　prey　on　his　mind；　for　he　took　his　Americanism　as　superior　without　argument　and　was　not　especially　disappointed　because　of　French　customs　and　morals。　He　took　part　in　several　battles；　made　night　attacks；　bayonetted　his　first　man　with　a　horror　that　however　disappeared　under　the　glory　of　victory。　One　day　as　he　and　a　few　comrades　were　in　a　front　line　trench；　〃Jerry〃　placed　a　high　explosive　〃plump　in　the　middle　of　it。〃　When　S。　recovered　consciousness；　he　found　himself　half　covered　with　dirt　and　debris　of　all　kinds；　and　when　he　crawled　out　and　brushed　himself　off；　he　saw　that　of　all　his　comrades　he　alone　survived；　and　that　they　were　mangled　and　mutilated　in　a　most　gruesome　way。　〃Pieces　of　my　friends　everywhere；〃　is　his　terse　account。　He　lay　in　the　trench；　not　daring　to　move　for　hours；　the　bitterest　thoughts　assailing　him；anger；　hatred　and　disgust　for　war；　the　Germans；　his　own　countrymen；　and　he　even　cursed　God。　When　he　did　this　he　shuddered　at　his　blasphemy；　became　remorseful　and　prayed　for　forgiveness。　A　little　later　he　crawled　out　of　the　trench　and　back　to　where　he　was　picked　up　by　the　medical　corps　and　taken　to　a　hospital。　He　was　examined；　nothing　wrong　was　found　and　he　was　sent　back　to　duty。　From　that　episode　dates　as　typical　an　anhedonia　as　I　have　ever　seen。　Gradually　he　became　sleepless　and　woke　each　day　more　tired　than　he　went　to　bed。　The　food　displeased　him；　and　he　grumbled　over　what　were　formerly　trifles。　He　wearied　easily；　and　nothing　seemed　to　move　him　to　enthusiasm　or　desire。　He　gave　up　friendship　after　friendship；　because　the　friends　annoyed　him　by　their　noise　and　boisterousness。　He　dreaded　the　roar　of　the　guns　and　the　shriek　of　shells　with　what　amounted　to　physical　agony。　He　brooded　alone；　and　though　not　melancholy　in　the　positive　insane　sense；　was　melancholy　in　the　disappearance　of　desire；　joy；　energy；　interest　and　enthusiasm。　Fortunately　the　armistice　came　at　this　time。　S。　was　examined　and