the foundations of personality-第68节

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le　to　discipline　her；　and　so　she　has　always　been　a　bit　〃spoiled；〃　though　her　kind　and　generous　nature　makes　her　a　charming　person。　But　more　important　than　the　fact　that　she　could　not　be　disciplined　is　the　lowering　of　energy　that　these　sicknesses　produced；　a　lowering　marked　mainly　by　a　liability　to　fatigue　and　depression。　Let　there　come　a　sickness；　and　this　woman's　stock　of　hopeful　mood　goes　and　there　results　a　loss　of　interest　in　life；　a　loss　of　zest　and　joyousness。　A　digression；and　a　return　to　the　theme　of　the　first　chapter　of　this　book。　The　dependence　of　the　mental　life　on　bodily　structure；　equally　true　in　the　both　sexes；　is　exquisitely　demonstrated　in　woman。　In　many　women　there　occurs　an　extraordinary　increase　of　sex　desire　just　before　the　menstrual　period　and　in　some　to　the　point　where　it　causes　great　internal　conflict。　Others　show　moderate　depression　and　even　confusion　at　this　time；　and　to　the　majority　of　women　some　mood　and　thought　change　is　taken　for　granted。　At　the　menopause　mental　difficulties　to　the　point　of　insanity　are　witnessed；　and　in　some　cases　the　change　is　permanent。　Back　of　mood　is　the　entire　organic　life　of　the　organism；　and　back　of　the　nature　of　our　thoughts　and　deeds　is　mood。　A　peculiarity　of　fatigue　is　remarkably　well　shown　by　this　person。　When　she　is　tired　or　convalescent　a　depressing　thought　sticks；　becomes　an　obsession；　a　fixed　idea；　to　the　plague　of　her　life。　Thus　when　she　was　nursing　her　first　baby　the　night　feedings　exhausted　her。　One　night；　half　asleep　and　half　awake；　with　the　vigorous　little　animal　pulling　away　at　her　breast；　she　watched　the　pulsing　fontanelle　on　the　top　of　the　baby's　head；　and　the　thought　came　to　her　how　dreadfully　easy　it　would　be　to　injure　the　brain　beneath。　Her　heart　pounced　in　fear；　she　almost　fainted　at　the　thought；　and　yet　it　〃stuck〃　and　came　back　to　her　with　each　random　association。　I　need　not　detail　how　the　idea　recurred　a　dozen　times　a　day　and　brought　the　fear　that　she　was　going　insane。　She　stopped　nursing　the　baby　at　night；　got　a　good　rest；　and　the　idea　disappeared。　She　was　〃able　to　shake　off〃　when　rested　that　which　was　a　hideous　obsession　when　fatigued。　Indeed；　one　might　speak　of　persons　of　this　type　as　hypothymic　as　well　as　cyclothymic。　The　hypothymic　are　those　whose　stock　of　courage　and　hope　is　easily　exhausted；　who　become　easily　discouraged。　They　are　borrowers　of　energy　and　vigor；　they　need　sturdier　folk　around　them；　often　they　are　said　to　be　sensitive；　and　while　this　is　sometimes　true；　it　is　more　often　the　case　that　they　are　more　affected。　That　is；　two　persons　may　notice　the　same　thing　or　suffer　the　same　sickness；　but　the　so…called　sensitive　has　a　reserve　of　courage　and　energy　that　disappears；　whereas　the　other　has　enough　left　in　stock　so　that　he　does　not　feel　any　change。　The　extraordinary　complexity　of　human　character　is　well　illustrated　by　C。　D。　She　is　hypothymic　or　cyclothymic　to　the　little　affairs　of　life　and　to　the　minor　illnesses。　Yet　when　her　family　fortunes　were　greatly　imperilled　by　a　financial　crisis；　she　stood　up　against　the　strain　far　better　than　did　her　husband；　a　man　sturdy　and　buoyant　in　most　of　the　affairs　of　life。　His　ego　was　more　concerned　with　financial　fortune　than　was　hers；　and　against　this　ill　she　was　the　philosopher　and　not　he。　We　may　well　contrast　L。　D。　with　her　husband。　He　belongs　to　the　sturdy　in　emotions　and　morals；the　stable。　Dark　days　and　bright　days；　sickness　and　health；　fatigue　and　rest　seem　to　impair　his　courage；　hope　and　general　cheerfulness　of　mood　but　little。　He　has　a　high　organic　balance　and　a　well…built…up　philosophy。　I　started　to　say　of　him　that　he　is　an　optimist；　but　this　is　not　true。　He　is　cheerful；　but　he　does　not　sing；　〃Tra　la　la；　all　the　things　that　are；　are　good。〃　He　says；　〃There　are　bad　things；　but　I　must　carry　on　and　fight　the　good　fight。〃　His　is　a　philosophy　of　courage　and　endurance；　but　not　of　optimistic　twaddle。　He　is　too　wide…brained　to　speak　of　life　as　〃all　good〃　when　he　knows　of　inherited　disease；　cruelty；　preventable　poverty；　gross　neglect　and　unmerited　misfortune。　Yet　he　lends　hope　and　comfort　to　the　afflicted；　and　he　has　an　unvarying　comfort　for　his　cyclothymic　mate。　He　has　built　up　his　ego　around　a　business；　one　in　which　there　was　sunk　not　only　his　own　fortune　but　that　of　a　host　of　friends。　When　this　was　so　threatened　as　to　seem　inevitably　lost；　his　ego　was　deeply　wounded；　he　lost　courage　and　hope　and　then　needed　the　strength　of　his　wife。　This　she　gave；　and　when　the　tide　of　affairs　turned；　his　own　courage　was　ready　and　unimpaired。　We　are　like　trees；the　hard；　strong；　knotty　parts　of　our　fiber　are　distributed　in　irregular　fashion；　and　he　who　seems　strongest　has　a　weak　place　somewhere。　Attack　that；　and　his　resistance；　courage　and　hope　disappear。　While　there　are　the　types　of　mood　and　emotional　make…up；　there　are　curious　monothymic　types；　people　who　habitually　tend　to　react　with　one　emotion　or　mood。　The　fear　type。　It　must　again　be　emphasized　that　we　cannot　separate　emotion；　mood；　instinct；　intelligence　in　our　analysis。　And　so　we　shall　speak　of　individuals　of　this　or　that　type　when　what　we　mean　is　that　they　reacted　habitually　and　remarkably　in　one　direction。　Thus　with　the　man　F。；　who　has　quick　imagination；　and　whose　ability　to　forecast　is　inextricably　mixed　with　a　liability　to　fear。　It　is　true　that　some　do　not　fear　because　they　do　not　foresee；　and　that　placidity　and　calmness　are　less　often　due　to　courage　than　to　lack　of　imagination。　F。　feared　animals　excessively　as　a　child　and　injury　to　himself　as　a　boy；　so　that　he　played　few　rough　games。　To　a　large　extent　his　parents　fostered　this　fear　in　him　by　carefully　guarding　and　watching　him；　by　putting　him　through　that　neurasthenic　regimen　so　brilliantly　described　by　Arthur　Guiterman　in　his　story　of　the　aseptic　pup。　Yet　he　had　a　brother　as　carefully　brought　up　as　himself　who　became　a　rough…and…tumble　lad；　with　as　little　likelihood　to　fear　as　any　boy。　So　that　we　may　only　assume　that　F。's　training　fostered　fear　in　him；　it　did　not　cause　it。　At　the　age　of　thirteen　the　fear　of　death　entered　F。's　life；　the　occasion　being　the　death　of　an　uncle。　The　mourning；　the　quick　fleeting　sight　of　the　dead　man　in　the　black　box；　the　interment　of　the　once　vigorous；　joyous　man　in　the　earth　struck　terror　into　the　heart　of　the　boy。　From　that　time　much　of　his　life　was　controlled　by　his　struggles　with　the　fear　of　death；　and　his　history　is　his　reaction　to　that　fear。　At　fourteen　he　astonished　his　free…thinking　family　by　becoming　a　devout　Christian；　by　praying；　attending　church　regularly　and　by　becoming　so　moral　in　his　conduct　as　to　warrant　the　belief　that　there　was　something　wrong　with　him。　Indeed；　had　a　psychiatrist　examined　him　at　this　time；　there　is　no　doubt　he　would　have　diagnosed　his　condition　as　a　beginning　Dementia　Precox。　But　he　was　not；　he　simply　was　compensating　for　his　fear　of　death。　At　sixteen　he　entered　an　academy　where　he　was　forced　to　go　into　athletics。　The　fear　of　injury　and　death　plagued　him　so　that　he　broke　down；　but　this　breakdown　did　not　last　long；　and　he　reentered　athletics　and　did　fairly　well。　Indeed；　in　order　to　break　himself　of　fear；　he　became　outwardly　a　rather　daring　gymnast；　hoping　that　what　he　had　so　often　read　of　the　sickly　and　puny　becoming　strong　and　vigorous　through　training　would　be　true　of　him。　As　soon　as　he　reached　a　stage　in　school　where　compulsory　training　was　dropped；　he　discontinued　athletics；　with　much　inward　relief。　In　fact；　pride；　fear　of　being　considered　a　coward；　was　mainly　responsible　for　his　efforts　in　this　direction。　In　college　he　fell　under　the　influence　of　Omar　Khayam　and　the　epicurean　reaction　to　death。　He　feverishly　entered　pleasure　and　swung　easily　from　religious　fervor　to　a　complete　agnosticism。　He　became　a　first…nighter；　knew　all　the　chorus　girls　it　was　possible　for　him　to　become　acquainted　with；　learned　to　drink　but　never　learned　to　enjoy　it。　In　fact；　after　each　sensual　indulgence　his　reaction　against　himself　led　him　to　a　despair　which　might　have　terminated　in　suicide　were　it　not　that　he　feared　death　more　than　the　reproaches　of　his　conscience。　Then　he　fell　under　the　influence　of　a　group　of　men　and　women　in　his　college　town；　philanthropists　and　social　reformers；　whose　enthusiasm　and　energy　seemed　to　him　miraculous；　and　as　he　grew　to　know　them　he　realized　with　a　something　like　ecstasy　and　yet　governed　by　intelligence；　that　in　such　work　was　a　compensation　for　death　that　might　satisfy　both　his　emotions　and　his　intelligence。　Again　to　the　surprise　of　his　parents；　and　in　the　face　of　their　prediction　that　he　would　soon　〃tire〃　of　this　fad；　he　entered　into　their　activities　and　proved　himself　a　devoted　worker。　Too　devoted；　for　now　and　then　he　needs　medical　attention；　and　it　was　in　one　of　these　〃neurasthenic〃　periods　that　I　met　him。　I　learned　that　the　spur　that　kept　him　going；　that　made　him　energetic；　was　the　fear　that　death　would　overtake　him　before　he　achieved　anything　worth　while；　that　he　hated　to　die　and　was　appalled　by　the　thought　of　death；　but　that　he　could　forget　all　this　in　work　of　a　socially　useful　kind。　F。　might　almost　stand　for　mankind　in　his　reactions　to　death。　He　seemed　to　me　almost　too　good　to　be　true　as　a　demonstration　of　a　pet　thesis　of　mine；　namely；　that　the　fear　of　death　is　behind　an　enormous　amount　of　men's　deeds　and　beliefs。　His　reaction　was　of　the　com