the foundations of personality-第30节

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regard；　self…admiration　or　conceit　may　be　very　high　and　deeply　felt；　but　though　more　common　than　real　admiration　for　others；　it　seldom　reaches　the　awe　and　reverence　that　the　projected　emotion　reaches。　In　mental　disease；　of　the　type　known　as　Maniac　Depressive　insanity；　there　is　a　curious　oscillation　of　self…love　and　self…admiration。　This　disease　is　cyclic；　in　that　two　opposing　groups　of　symptoms　tend　to　appear　and　displace　each　other。　In　the　manic；　or　excited　state；　there　is　greatly　heightened　activity　with　correspondingly　heightened　feeling　of　power。　Self…love　and　admiration　reach　absurd　levels：　one　is　the　most　beautiful；　the　richest　and　wisest　of　persons；　infallible；　irresistible；　aye；　perhaps　God　or　Christ。　Sometimes　the　feeling　of　grandeur；　the　euphoria；　is　less　fantastic　and　the　patient　imagines　himself　a　great　inventor；　a　statesman　of　power　and　wisdom；　a　writer　of　renown；　etc。　Suddenly；　or　perhaps　gradually；　the　change　comes；　self…feeling　drops　into　an　abyss。　〃I　am　the　most　miserable　of　persons；　the　vilest　sinner；　hated　and　rightly　by　God　and　man；　cause　of　suffering　and　misery。　I　am　no　good；　no　use；　a　horrible　odor　issues　from　me；　I　am　loathsome　to　look　at；　etc。；　etc。〃　Desperate　suicidal　attempts　are　made；　and　all　the　desires　that　tend　to　preserve　the　individual　disappear；　including　appetite　for　food　and　drink；　the　power　to　sleep。　It　is　the　most　startling　of　transitions；　one　can　hardly　realize　that　the　dejected；　silent　person；　sitting　in　a　corner；　hiding　his　face　and　hardly　breathing；　is　the　same　individual　who　lately　tore　around　the　wards；　happy；　dancing；　singing　and　boasting　of　his　greatness　of　power。　Indeed；　is　he　the　same　individual？　No　wonder　the　ancients　regarded　such　insanity　as　a　possession　by　an　evil　spirit。　We　of　a　later　day　who　deal　with　this　disease　on　the　whole　are　inclined　to　the　belief　that　some　internal　factor　of　a　physical　kind　is　responsible；　some　neuronic　shift；　or　some　strange；　visceral　endocrinal　disorder。　While　self…hate　in　this　pathological　aspect　is　relatively　uncommon；　in　every　person　there　are　self…critical；　self…condemning　activities　which　sometimes　for　short　periods　of　time　reach　self…hatred　and　disgust。　McDougall　makes　a　good　deal　of　the　self…abasing　instinct　which　makes　us　lower　ourselves　gladly　and　willingly。　This　seems　to　me　to　be　an　aspect　of　the　emotion　of　admiration　and　wonder；　for　we　do　not　wish　ordinarily　to　kneel　at　the　feet　of　the　insignificant；　debased；　or　it　is　an　aspect　of　fear　and　the　effort　to　obtain　conciliation　and　pity。　But　the　establishment　of　ideals　for　ourselves　to　which　we　are　not　faithful　brings　with　it　a　disgust　and　loathing　for　self　that　is　extremely　painful　and　leads　to　a　desire　for　penance　of　any　kind　In　order　that　we　may　punish　ourselves　and　feel　that　we　have　made　amends。　The　capacity　for　self…hate　and　self…disgust　depends　largely　upon　the　development　of　these　ideals　and　principles　of　conscience；　of　expectation　of　the　self。　Frequently　there　is　an　overrigidity；　a　ceaseless　self…examination　that　now　and　then　produces　miracles　of　character　and　achievement　but　more　often　brings　the　breakdown　of　health。　This　is　the　seeker　of　perfection　in　himself；　who　will　not　compromise　with　his　instincts　and　his　human　flesh。　There　seekers　of　perfection　are　among　the　noblest　of　the　race；　admired　in　the　abstract　but　condemned　by　their　friends　as　〃too　good；〃　〃impractical；〃　as　possessors　of　the　〃New　England　conscience。〃　One　of　the　effects　of　a　Puritanical　bringing…up　is　a　belief　that　pleasure　is　unworthy；　especially　in　the　sex　field　and　even　in　marriage。　Now　and　then　one　meets　a　patient　caught　between　perfectly　proper　desire　and　an　obsession　that　such　pleasure　is　debasing；　and　a　feeling　of　self…disgust　and　self…hatred　results　that　is　the　more　tragic　since　it　is　useless。　There　are　those　in　whom　self…love　and　self…esteem　is　at　a　lower　pressure　than　with　the　average　man；　just　as　there　are　those　in　whom　it　is　at　a　much　higher　pressure。　Such　people；　when　fatigued　or　when　subject　to　the　hostile　or　even　non…friendly　opinion　of　others；　become　so…called　self…conscious；　i。　e。；　are　afflicted　with　fear　and　a　feeling　of　inferiority。　This　may　deepen　into　self…contempt　and　self…hatred。　Part　of　what　is　called　confidence　in　oneself　is　self…esteem；　and　under　fatigue；　illness；　after　punishment　of　a　physical　or　mental　nature；　it　is　apt　to　disappear。　Very　distressing　is　this　in　those　who　have　been　accustomed　to　courage　and　self…confidence；　perhaps　whose　occupation　makes　these　qualities　necessary。　Soldiers；　after　gassing　or　cerebral　concussion；　men　completely　without　introspection；　fearless　and　gay　with　assurance；　become　apprehensive；　self…analytical　and　without　the　least　faith　in　themselves；　so　that　they　approach　their　work　in　fear。　So　with　men　who　work　in　high　places　or　where　there　is　risk；　such　as　steeplejacks；　bridge　builders；　iron　workers；　engineers；　let　an　accident　happen　to　them；　or　let　there　occur　an　exhausting　disease　with　its　aftermath　of　neurasthenia；　and　the　self…esteem　and　self…confidence　disappear　so　that　in　many　cases　they　have　to　give　up　their　job。　Because　self…disgust　and　hatred　are　so　painful；　compensatory　〃mechanisms〃　have　been　set　up。　There　is　in　many　people　a　tendency　to　project　outward　the　blame　for　those　acts　or　thoughts　which　they　dislike。　In　the　pathological　field　we　get　those　delusions　of　influence　that　are　so　common。　Thus　a　patient　will　attribute　his　obscene　thoughts　and　words　to　a　hypnotic　effect　of　some　person　or　group　of　persons　and　saves　his　own　face　by　the　delusion。　In　lesser　pathological　measure；　men　have　fiercely　preached　against　the　snares　and　wiles　of　women；　refusing　to　recognize　that　the　turmoil　of　unwelcome　desire　into　which　they　were　thrown　was　internal　in　the　greater　part　of　its　origin　and　that　the　woman　often　knew　little　or　not　at　all　of　the　effect　she　helped　produce。　One　of　the　outstanding　features　in　the　history　of　the　race　has　been　this　transfer　of　blame　from　the　desire　of　men　to　the　agent　which　aroused　them。　Of　course；　women　have　played　on　the　desires　of　men；　but　even　where　this　was　true　the　blame　for　VULNERABILITY　has　seldom　been　fully　accepted。　Whenever　any　one　has　been　〃weak〃　or　〃foolish〃　or　〃sinful；〃　his　mind　at　once　seeks　avenues　of　escape　from　the　blame；　from　the　painful　feeling　of　inferiority　and　self…reproach。　The　avenue　of　escape　selected　may　be　to　blame　others　as　tempting　or　not　warning　and　not　teaching；　may　become　entirely　delusional；　or　it　may　take　the　religious　form　of　confession；　expiation　and　repentance。　There　are　some　so　hardy　in　their　self…esteem　that　they　never　suffer；　never　seek　any　escape　from　self…reproach；　largely　because　they　never　feel　it；　and　others；　though　they　seek　escape；　are　continually　dragged　by　conscience　to　self…imposed　torture。　Most　of　us　seek　explanations　for　our　unwelcome　conduct　on　a　plane　most　favorable　to　our　self…esteem；　and　there　arises　an　elaborate　system　of　self…disguise；　expiation；　repentance　and　confession　that　is　in　a　large　part　the　real　inner　life　of　most　of　us。　To　explain　failure　especially　are　the　avenues　of　escape　utilized。　Wounded　in　his　self…esteem；　rare　is　the　one　who　frankly　acknowledges　inferiority。　〃Pull；〃　〃favoritism；〃　〃luck；〃　explain　the　success　of　others　as　do　the　reverse　circumstances　explain　our　failures　to　ourselves。　Sickness　explains　it；　and　so　the　defeated　search　in　themselves　for　the　explanation　which　will　in　part　compensate　them。　Escape　from　inferiority　follows　many　avenues；　by　actual　development　of　superiority；　by　denying　real　superiority　to　others；　or　by　explaining　the　inferiority　on　some　acceptable　basis。　Here　（as　elsewhere　in　character）　there　is　evident　an　organic　and　a　social　basis　for　feeling。　We　have　not　emphasized　sufficiently　a　peculiarity　of　all　human　feeling；　all　emotions；　all　sentiments。　They　have　their　value　to　the　individual　in　organizing　his　conduct；　his　standard　of　value。　They　are　of　enormous　importance　socially。　A　great　law　of　feeling　of　whatever　kind；　of　whatever　elaboration；　is　this；　it　tends　to　spread　from　individual　to　individual　and　excites　whole　groups　to　the　same　feeling；　tender　feeling　is　contagious；　and　so　is　hate。　We　are　somehow　so　made　that　we　reverberate　at　a　friendly　smile　in　one　way　and　to　the　snarl　and　stern　look　of　hate　in　another　way。　Ordinarily　love　awakens　love　and　hate　awakens　hate；　though　it　may　bring　fear　or　contempt。　It　is　true　that　we　may　feel　so　superior　or　cherish　some　secret　hate　that　will　make　another's　love　odious　to　us；　and　also　we　may　admire　and　worship　one　who　hates　us。　These　are　exceptional　cases　and　are　examples　of　exceptional　sentimental　stability。　It　is　of　course　understood　that　by　love　is　not　meant　sex　passion。　Here　the　curious　effect　of　coldness　is　sometimes　to　fan　the　flame　of　passion。　Desire　obstructed　often　gains　in　violence；　and　the　desire　to　conquer　and　to　possess　the　proud；　that　we　all　feel；　adds　to　the　fire　of　lust。　Self…esteem；　self…confidence；　hateful　to　others　if　in　excess　or　if　obtrusive；　is　an　essential　of　the　leader。　His　feeling　is　extraordinarily　contagious；　and　the　morale　of　the　group　is　in　his　keeping。　He　must　not　show　fear；　or　self…distrust　or　self…lowering　in　any　way。　He　must　be　deliberate；　but　forceful；　vigorous；　masterful。　If　he　has　doubts；　he　must　keep　them　to　himself　or　exhibit　them　only　to　one　who　loves　him；　who　is　not　a　mere　follower。　I