the life of william carey-第85节
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s misgivings respecting his inheritance in God。 To him it is everything that the gospel is true； and he believes it； and； as he says； if he can say he knows anything； he knows that he believes it。 When his attention is turned to his dismissal from earth； or his hope of glory； his emotions are tender and sweet。 They are also very simple； and express themselves in a few brief and pithy sentences。 His interest in all the affairs of the mission is unabated； and although he can no longer join us either in deliberation or associated prayer； he must be informed of all that occurs； and his heart is wholly with us in whatever we do。 I do not conceive it possible that he can survive the ensuing hot season； but he may； and the Lord will do in this as in all other things what is best。
〃When our necessities were coming to their climax I concluded that I must leave Serampore in order to find food to eat； and I fixed upon Cherra…poonjee as my future residence。 I proposed establishing a first…class school there； and then with some warmth of imagination I began anticipating a sort of second edition of Serampore up in the Khasia hills； to be a centre of diffusing light in the western provinces。 I became really somewhat enamoured of the phantom of my imagination； but it was not to be。 The brethren here would not see it as I did。〃
This last sketch； by Mr。 Gogerly； whom the London Missionary Society had sent out in 1819； brings us still nearer the end：
〃At this time I paid him my last visit。 He was seated near his desk； in the study； dressed in his usual neat attire； his eyes were closed； and his hands clasped together。 On his desk was the proof…sheet of the last chapter of the New Testament； which he had revised a few days before。 His appearance； as he sat there； with the few white locks which adorned his venerable brow； and his placid colourless face； filled me with a kind of awe； for he appeared as then listening to the Master's summons； and as waiting to depart。 I sat； in his presence； for about half an hour； and not one word was uttered； for I feared to break that solemn silence； and call back to earth the soul that seemed almost in heaven。 At last； however； I spoke； and well do I remember the identical words that passed between us； though more than thirty…six years have elapsed since then。 I said； 'My dear friend； you evidently are standing on the borders of the eternal world； do not think it wrong； then； if I ask； What are your feelings in the immediate prospect of death？' The question roused him from his apparent stupor； and opening his languid eyes； he earnestly replied； 'As far as my personal salvation is concerned； I have not the shadow of a doubt； I know in Whom I have believed； and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day； but when I think that I am about to appear in the presence of a holy God； and remember all my sins and manifold imperfectionsI tremble。' He could say no more。 The tears trickled down his cheeks； and after a while he relapsed into the same state of silence from which I had aroused him。
〃Deeply solemn was that interview； and important the lesson I then received。 Here was one of the most holy and harmless men whom I ever knewwho had lived above the breath of calumny for upwards of forty years； surrounded by and in close intimacy with many； both Europeans and natives； who would have rejoiced to have witnessed any inconsistency in his conduct； but who were constrained to admire his integrity and Christian characterwhilst thus convinced of the certainty of his salvation； through the merits of that Saviour whom he had preached； yet so impressed with the exceeding sinfulness of sin； that he trembled at the thought of appearing before a holy God！ A few days after this event； Dr。 Carey retired to his bed； from which he never rose。〃
So long before this as 17th March 1802； Carey had thus described himself to Dr。 Ryland：〃A year or more ago you； or some other of my dear friends； mentioned an intention of publishing a volume of sermons as a testimony of mutual Christian love； and wished me to send a sermon or two for that purpose。 I have seriously intended it； and more than once sat down to accomplish it； but have as constantly been broken off from it。 Indolence is my prevailing sin； and to that are now added a number of avocations which I never thought of； I have also so continual a fear that I may at last fall some way or other so as to dishonour the Gospel that I have often desired that my name may be buried in oblivion； and indeed I have reason for those fears； for I am so prone to sin that I wonder every night that I have been preserved from foul crimes through the day； and when I escape a temptation I esteem it to be a miracle of grace which has preserved me。 I never was so fully persuaded as I am now that no habit of religion is a security from falling into the foulest crimes； and I need the immediate help of God every moment。 The sense of my continual danger has； I confess； operated strongly upon me to induce me to desire that no publication of a religious nature should be published as mine whilst I am alive。 Another reason is my sense of incapacity to do justice to any subject； or even to write good sense。 I have； it is true； been obliged to publish several things； and I can say that nothing but necessity could have induced me to do it。 They are； however； only grammatical works； and certainly the very last things which I should have written if I could have chosen for myself。〃
On 15th June 1833 the old man was still able to rejoice with others。 He addressed to his son Jonathan the only brief letter which the present writer possesses from his pen； in a hand as clear as that of a quarter of a century before：
〃MY DEAR JONATHANI congratulate you upon the good news you have received。 But am sorry Lucy continues so ill。 I am too weak to write more than to say your mother is as well as the weather will permit us to expect。 I could scarcely have been worse to live than I have been the last fortnight。Your affectionate father； W。 CAREY。〃
The hot season had then reached its worst。
His last letters were brief messages of love and hope to his two sisters in England。 On 27th July 1833 he wrote to them：
〃About a week ago so great a change took place in me that I concluded it was the immediate stroke of death； and all my children were informed of it and have been here to see me。 I have since that revived in an almost miraculous manner； or I could not have written this。 But I cannot expect it to continue。 The will of the Lord be done。 Adieu； till I meet you in a better world。Your affectionate brother； 〃W。 CAREY。〃
Two months later he was at his old work； able 〃now and then to read a proof sheet of the Scriptures。〃
〃SERAMPORE； 25th Sept。 1833。
〃MY DEAR SISTERSMy being able to write to you now is quite unexpected by me； and； I believe； by every one else； but it appears to be the will of God that I should continue a little time longer。 How long that may be I leave entirely with Him； and can only say； 'All the days of my appointed time will I wait till my change come。' I was； two months or more ago； reduced to such a state of weakness that it appeared as if my mind was extinguished； and my weakness of body； and sense of extreme fatigue and exhaustion； were such that I could scarcely speak； and it appeared that death would be no more felt than the removing from one chair to another。 I am now able to sit and to lie on my couch； and now and then to read a proof sheet of the Scriptures。 I am too weak to walk more than just across the house； nor can I stand even a few minutes without support。 I have every comfort that kind friends can yield； and feel； generally； a tranquil mind。 I trust the great point is settled； and I am ready to depart； but the time when； I leave with God。
〃3rd Oct。I am not worse than when I began this letter。I am； your very affectionate brother； WM。 CAREY。〃
His latest message to Christendom was sent on the 30th September； most appropriately to Christopher Anderson：〃As everything connected with the full accomplishment of the divine promises depends on the almighty power of God； pray that I and all the ministers of the Word may take hold of His strength； and go about our work as fully expecting the accomplishment of them all； which； however difficult and improbable it may appear； is certain； as all the promises of God are in Him； yea； and in Him； Amen。〃 Had he not； all his career； therefore expected and attempted great things？
He had had a chair fixed on a small platform； constructed after his own direction； that he might be wheeled through his garden。 At other times the chief gardener Hullodhur； reported to him the state of the collection of plants； then numbering about 2000。 Dr。 Marshman saw his friend daily； sometimes twice a day； and found him always what Lord Hastings had described him to be〃the cheerful old man。〃 On the only occasion on which he seemed sad； Dr。 Marshman as he was leaving the room turned and asked why。 With deep feeling the dying scholar looked to the others and said； 〃After I am gone Brother Marshman will turn the cows into my garden。〃 The reply was prompt； 〃Far be it from me； though I
