the life of william carey-第4节
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d therefore came to the resolution to declare strenuously that the bad money was his。 I well remember the struggles of mind which I had on this occasion； and that I made this deliberate sin a matter of prayer to God as I passed over the fields towards home！ I there promised that； if God would but get me clearly over this； or； in other words； help me through with the theft； I would certainly for the future leave off all evil practices； but this theft and consequent lying appeared to me so necessary； that they could not be dispensed with。
〃A gracious God did not get me safe through。 My master sent the other apprentice to investigate the matter。 The ironmonger acknowledged the giving me the shilling； and I was therefore exposed to shame； reproach； and inward remorse； which preyed upon my mind for a considerable time。 I at this time sought the Lord； perhaps much more earnestly than ever； but with shame and fear。 I was quite ashamed to go out； and never； till I was assured that my conduct was not spread over the town； did I attend a place of worship。
〃I trust that； under these circumstances； I was led to see much more of myself than I had ever done before； and to seek for mercy with greater earnestness。 I attended prayer…meetings only； however； till February 10； 1779； which being appointed a day of fasting and prayer； I attended worship on that day。 Mr。 Chater ＇congregationalist＇ of Olney preached； but from what text I have forgotten。 He insisted much on following Christ entirely； and enforced his exhortation with that passage； 'Let us therefore go out unto him without the camp； bearing his reproach。'Heb。 xiii。 13。 I think I had a desire to follow Christ； but one idea occurred to my mind on hearing those words which broke me off from the Church of England。 The idea was certainly very crude； but useful in bringing me from attending a lifeless； carnal ministry to one more evangelical。 I concluded that the Church of England； as established by law； was the camp in which all were protected from the scandal of the cross； and that I ought to bear the reproach of Christ among the dissenters； and accordingly I always afterwards attended divine worship among them。〃
At eighteen Carey was thus emptied of self and there was room for Christ。 In a neighbouring village he consorted much for a time with some followers of William Law； who had not long before passed away in a village in the neighbourhood； and select passages from whose writings the Moravian minister； Francis Okely； of Northampton； had versified。 These completed the negative process。 〃I felt ruined and helpless。〃 Then to his spiritual eyes； purged of self； there appeared the Crucified One； and to his spiritual intelligence there was given the Word of God。 The change was that wrought on Paul by a Living Person。 It converted the hypocritical Pharisee into the evangelical preacher； it turned the vicious peasant into the most self…denying saint； it sent the village shoemaker far off to the Hindoos。
But the process was slow； it had been so even in Paul's case。 Carey found encouragement in intercourse with some old Christians in Hackleton； and he united with a few of them； including his fellow…apprentice； in forming a congregational church。 The state of the parish may be imagined from its recent history。 Hackleton is part of Piddington； and the squire had long appropriated the living of ？00 a year； the parsonage； the glebe； and all tithes； sending his house minister 〃at times〃 to do duty。 A Certificate from Northamptonshire； against the pluralities and other such scandals； published in 1641； declared that not a child or servant in Hackleton or Piddington could say the Lord's Prayer。 Carey sought the preaching of Doddridge's successor at Northampton； of a Baptist minister at Road； and of Scott the commentator； then at Ravenstone。 He had found peace； but was theologically 〃inquisitive and unsatisfied。〃 Fortunately； like Luther； he 〃was obliged to draw all from the Bible alone。〃
When； at twenty years of age； Carey was slowly piecing together 〃the doctrines in the Word of God〃 into something like a system which would at once satisfy his own spiritual and intellectual needs； and help him to preach to others； a little volume was published； of which he wrote：〃I do not remember ever to have read any book with such raptures。〃 It was Help to Zion's Travellers； being an attempt to remove various Stumbling…Blocks out of the Way； relating to Doctrinal； Experimental； and Practical Religion； by Robert Hall。 The writer was the father of the greater Robert Hall； a venerable man； who； in his village church of Arnsby； near Leicester； had already taught Carey how to preach。 The book is described as an 〃attempt to relieve discouraged Christians〃 in a day of gloominess and perplexity； that they might devote themselves to Christ through life as well as be found in Him in death。 Carey made a careful synopsis of it in an exquisitely neat hand on the margin of each page。 The worm…eaten copy； which he treasured even in India； is now deposited in Bristol College。
A Calvinist of the broad missionary type of Paul； Carey somewhat suddenly； according to his own account； became a Baptist。 〃I do not recollect having read anything on the subject till I applied to Mr。 Ryland； senior； to baptise me。 He lent me a pamphlet； and turned me over to his son；〃 who thus told the story when the Baptist Missionary Society held its first public meeting in London：〃October 5th； 1783： I baptised in the river Nen； a little beyond Dr。 Doddridge's meeting…house at Northampton； a poor journeyman shoemaker； little thinking that before nine years had elapsed； he would prove the first instrument of forming a society for sending missionaries from England to preach the gospel to the heathen。 Such； however； as the event has proved； was the purpose of the Most High； who selected for this work not the son of one of our most learned ministers； nor of one of the most opulent of our dissenting gentlemen； but the son of a parish clerk。〃
The spot may still be visited at the foot of the hill； where the Nen fed the moat of the old castle； in which many a Parliament sat from the days of King John。 The text of that morning's sermon happened to be the Lord's saying； 〃Many first shall be last； and the last first；〃 which asserts His absolute sovereignty in choosing and in rewarding His missionaries； and introduces the parable of the labourers in the vineyard。 As Carey wrote in the fulness of his fame； that the evangelical doctrines continued to be the choice of his heart； so he never wavered in his preference for the Baptist division of the Christian host。 But from the first he enjoyed the friendship of Scott and Newton； and of his neighbour Mr。 Robinson of St。 Mary's； Leicester； and we shall see him in India the centre of the Episcopal and Presbyterian chaplains and missionaries from Martyn Wilson to Lacroix and Duff。 His controversial spirit died with the youthful conceit and self…righteousness of which it is so often the birth。 When at eighteen he learned to know himself； he became for ever humble。 A zeal like that of his new…found Master took its place； and all the energy of his nature； every moment of his time； was directed to setting Him forth。
In his monthly visits to the father…house at Paulerspury the new man in him could not be hid。 His sister gives us a vivid sketch of the lad； whose going over to the dissenters was resented by the formal and stern clerk； and whose evangelicalism was a reproach to the others。
〃At this time he was increasingly thoughtful； and very was jealous for the Lord of Hosts。 Like Gideon； he seemed for throwing down all the altars of Baal in one night。 When he came home we used to wonder at the change。 We knew that before he was rather inclined to persecute the faith he now seemed to wish to propagate。 At first； perhaps； his zeal exceeded the bounds of prudence； but he felt the importance of things we were strangers to； and his natural disposition was to pursue earnestly what he undertook； so that it was not to be wondered at； though we wondered at the change。 He stood alone in his father's house for some years。 After a time he asked permission to have family prayer when he came home to see us； a favour which he very readily had granted。 Often have I felt my pride rise while he was engaged in prayer； at the mention of those words in Isaiah； 'that all our righteousness was like filthy rags。' I did not think he thought his so； but looked on me and the family as filthy； not himself and his party。 Oh； what pride is in the human heart！ Nothing but my love to my brother would have kept me from showing my resentment。〃
〃A few of the friends of religion wished our brother to exercise his gifts by speaking to a few friends in a house licensed at Pury； which he did with great acceptance。 The next morning a neighbour of ours； a very pious woman； came in to congratulate my mother on the occasion； and to speak of the Lord's goodness in calling her son； and my brother； two such near neighbours； to the same noble calling。 My mother replied； 'What； do you think he will be a preacher？' 'Yes；' she replied； 'and a great one； I think； if spared。' From that time till he was settled at Moulton
