speaking of operations(说起手术)-第3节
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was only going according to the ritual； and as she had a printed card； with
blanks in it ready to be filled out with details regarding the remote
members of the family connection； I humored her along。
When I could not remember something she wished to know
concerning an ancestor I supplied her with thrilling details culled from the
field of fancy。 When the card was entirely filled up she sent me back to
my old place to wait。 I waited and waited； breeding fresh ailments all the
time。 I had started out with one symptom； now if I had one I had a
million and a half。 I could feel goose flesh sprouting out all over me。 If
I had been taller I might have had more； but not otherwise。 Such is the
power of the human imagination when the surroundings are favorable to
its development。
Time passed； to me it appeared that nearly all the time there was
passed and that we were getting along toward the shank…end of the
Christian era mighty fast。 I was afraid my turn would come next and
afraid it would not。 Perhaps you know this sensation。 You get it at the
dentist's； and when you are on the list of after…dinner speakers at a large
banquet； and when you are waiting for the father of the Only Girl in the
World to make up his mind whether he is willing to try to endure you as a
son…in…law。
Then some more time passed。
One by one my companions； obeying a command； passed out through
the door at the back； vanishing out of my life forever。 None of them
returned。 I was vaguely wondering whether Doctor Z buried his dead on
the premises or had them removed by a secret passageway in the rear；
when a young woman in a nurse's costume tapped me on the shoulder
from behind。
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I jumped。 She hid a compassionate smile with her hand and told me
that the doctor would see me now。
As I rose to follow herstill clinging with the drowning man's grip of
desperation to my hat and my umbrellaI was astonished to note by a
glance at the calendar on the wall that this was still the present date。 I
thought it would be Thursday of next week at the very least。
Doctor Z also wore whiskers； carefully pointed up by an expert hedge
trimmer。 He sat at his desk； surrounded by freewill offerings from
grateful patients and by glass cases containing other things he had taken
away from them when they were not in a condition to object。 I had
expected； after all the preliminary ceremonies and delays； that we should
have a long skance together。 Not so； not at all。 The modern expert in
surgery charges as much for remembering your name between visits as the
family doctor used to expect for staying up all night with you； but he does
not waste any time when you are in his presence。
I was about to find that out。 And a little later on I was to find out a
lot of other things； in fact； that whole week was of immense educational
value to me。
I presume it was because he stood high in his profession； and was
almost constantly engaged in going into the best society that Doctor Z did
not appear to be the least bit excited over my having picked him out to
look into me。 In the most perfunctory manner he shook the hand that has
shaken the hands of Jess Willard； George M。 Cohan and Henry Ford； and
bade me be seated in a chair which was drawn up in a strong light； where
he might gaze directly at me as we conversed and so get the full values of
the composition。 But if I was a treat for him to look at he concealed his
feelings very effectually。
He certainly had his emotions under splendid control。 But then； of
course； you must remember that he probably had traveled about
extensively and was used to sight…seeing。
From this point on everything passed off in a most businesslike
manner。 He reached into a filing cabinet and took out an exhibit； which I
recognized as the same one his secretary had filled out in the early part of
the century。 So I was already in the card…index class。 Then briefly he
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looked over the manifest that Doctor X had sent him。 It may not have
been a manifestit may have been an invoice or a bill of lading。 Anyhow
I was in the assignee's hands。 I could only hope it would not eventually
become necessary to call in a receiver。 Then he spoke：
〃Yes； yes…yes；〃 he said； 〃yes…yes…yes！ Operation required。 Small
matterhum； hum！ Let's seethis is Tuesday？ Quite so。 Do it Friday！
Friday at〃he glanced toward a scribbled pad of engagement dates at his
elbow〃Friday at seven A。 M。 No； make it seven…fifteen。 Have
important tumor case at seven。 St。 Germicide's Hospital。 You know the
placeup on Umpty…umph Street。 Go' day！ Miss Whoziz； call next
visitor。〃
And before I realized that practically the whole affair had been settled
I was outside the consultation…room in a small private hall； and the
secretary was telling me further details would be conveyed to me by mail。
I went home in a dazed state。 For the first time I was beginning to learn
something about an industry in which heretofore I had never been
interested。 Especially was I struck by the difference now revealed to me
in the preliminary stages of the surgeons' business as compared with their
fellow experts in the allied cutting tradestailors； for instance； not to
mention barbers。 Every barber； you know； used to be a surgeon； only he
spelled it chirurgeon。 Since then the two professions have drifted far
apart。 Even a half…witted barberthe kind who always has the first chair
as you come into the shopcan easily spend ten minutes of your time
thinking of things he thinks you should have and mentioning them to you
one by one； whereas any good； live surgeon knows what you have almost
instantly。
As for the tailorconsider how wearisome are his methods when you
parallel them alongside the tremendous advances in this direction made by
the surgeonhow cumbersome and old…fashioned and tedious！ Why； an
experienced surgeon has you all apart in half the time the tailor takes up in
deciding whether the vest shall fasten with five buttons or six。 Our own
domestic tailors are bad enough in this regard and the Old World tailors
are even worse。
I remember a German tailor in Aix…la…Chapelle in the fall of 1914 who
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undertook to build for me a suit suitable for visiting the battle lines
informally。 He was the most literary tailor I ever met anywhere。 He
would drape the material over my person and then take a piece of chalk
and write quite a nice long piece on me。 Then he would rub it out and
write it all over again； but more fully。 He kept this up at intervals of
every other day until he had writer's cramp。 After that he used pins。 He
would pin the seams together； uttering little soothing； clucking sounds in
German whenever a pin went through the goods and into me。 The
German cluck is not so soothing as the cluck of the English…speaking
peoples； I find。
At the end of two long and trying weeks； which wore both of us down
noticeably； he had the job done。 It was not an unqualified success。 He
regarded is as a suit of clothes； but I knew better； it was a set of slip covers；
and if only I had been a two…seated runabout it would have proved a
perfect fit； I am sure； but I am a single…seated design and it did not answer。
I wore it to the war because I had nothing else to wear that would stamp
me as a regular war correspondent； except； of course； my wrist watch； but
I
