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language; Spanish or French; would you like to take?”    
In a fit of negotiatory skill I wish would visit me more often; I said; “Please; Miss  
Mitchell; let me take both!”    
She frowned; but then relented。 I got to take both。    
From the ambitious boxer floored early in round one by Latin grammar; I was all of  
a sudden the heavyweight language champ of the whole high school!         
Ingrid Bergman Made Me Learn Norwegian         
I did well in high school Spanish and French。 When you’ve pumped heavy iron; lifting a  
salad fork seems easy。 When you’re thrown into a grammar as complex as Latin’s at the  
age of fourteen; just about any other language seems easy。 I never quit thanking Spanish;  
French; German; Italian; Norwegian; Danish; Swedish; Romanian and Yiddish just for  
not being Latin。 I’ve always been particularly grateful to Chinese and Indonesian for  
having nothing in their entire languages a Latin student would recognise as grammar。    
It was so enjoyable building my knowledge of Spanish; French; Italian and Chinese;  
I never thought of taking on any other languages。 Then I saw an Ingrid Bergman movie  
and came out in a daze。 I’d never imagined a woman could be that attractive。 I went    
 
directly to the adjoining bookstore and told the clerk; “I want a book in whatever  
language it is she speaks。”    
Miss Bergman’s native tongue; the clerk told me; was Swedish; and he bought forth  
a copy of Hugo’s Swedish Simplified。 It cost two dollars and fifty cents。 I only had two  
dollars with me。    
“Do you have anything similar – cheaper?” I asked。    
He did indeed。 He produced a volume entitled Hugo’s Norwegian Simplified for  
only one dollar and fifty cents。    
“Will she understand if I speak to her in this?” I asked; pointing to the less  
expensive Norwegian text。 The clerk assured me that yes; any American speaking  
Norwegian would be understood by any native Swede。    
He was right。 A lifetime later; at age thirty; I wheedled an exclusive radio interview  
with Ingrid Bergman on the strength of my ability in her language。 She was delighted  
when I told her the story。 Or at least she was a nice enough person and a good enough  
actress to pretend。         
Rumours of Russian         
When I arrived at the University of North Carolina; I got my first real opportunity to  
speak the European languages I was learning with native speakers。 Students at the  
university came from many different countries。 The Cosmopolitan Club; a group of  
foreign students and Americans who wanted to meet one another; gathered every Sunday  
afternoon in the activities building。 I felt like a bee flitting from blossom to blossom until  
it is too heavy with pollen to fly or even buzz。    
A rumour rippled across the campus in my senior year that seemed too good to be  
true。 The university; it was whispered; was planning to start a class in Russian。    
Sure enough; the rumour was soon confirmed。 It was a historic event。 Not only was  
the course the first in Russian ever offered by the University of North Carolina (or  
possibly by any university in the South); it also represented the first time the university  
had offered what one student called a “funny looking” language of any kind (he meant  
languages that don’t use the Roman alphabet)!    
The enrollment requirements were stiff。 First you had to have completed at least  
two years in a “normal” language (Spanish; French; Italian; Portugese) with good grades。  
I qualified and was accepted。    
For me the first day of Russian was a lot like the first day of school。 I’d toyed with  
one funny looking language already (Chinese); but I knew Russian was a different kind  
of funny looking。 Would I conquer it; as I had Spanish and Norwegian; or would Russian  
swallow me whole; as Latin had?    
There were forty…five of us in that Russian class thinking varying versions of the  
same thing when the teacher; a rangy Alabaman named “Tiger” Titus; entered the room。  
After a formal “Good morning” he went straight to the front of the room and wrote the  
Russian (Cyrillic) alphabet on the blackboard。    
You could feel the group’s spirit sink notch by notch as each of Russian’s “funny  
looking” letters appeared。 Students were allowed under university rules to abandon a  
course and get themselves into another as long as they did it within three days after the  
beginning of the term。 We had defections from Russian class in mid…alphabet。 By the    
 
time Tiger Titus turned around to face us; he had fewer students than had entered the  
room。    
“My soul!” exclaimed one of the deserters when I caught up with him at the  
cafeteria later that day。 “I’ve never seen anything like that Russian alphabet before in my  
life。 Why; they’ve got v’s that look like b’s; n’s that look like h’s; u’s that look like y’s;  
r’s that look like p’s; and p’s that look like sawed off goal posts。 They got a backwards n  
that’s really an e and an x that sounds like you’re gagging on a bone。 They got a vowel  
that looks like the number sixty…one; a consonant that looks like a butterfly with its wings  
all the way out; and damned if they don’t even have a B…flat!”    
The next day there were no longer forty…five members of the university’s first  
Russian class。 There were five。    
I was one of the intrepid who hung in。         
A Lucky Bounce to the Balkans         
Writer/columnist Robert Ruark; a talented North Carolinian and drinking buddy of Ava  
Gardner; once wrote boastfully about a college weekend that began someplace like  
Philadelphia and got out of hand and wound up in Montreal。 I topped him。 I went to a  
college football game right outside Washington; D。C。; one weekend and wound up in  
Yugoslavia for six weeks!    
The previous summer I’d been named a delegate from the university to the national  
convention of the National Student Association。 I came back as chairman for the  
Virginia…Carolinas region of NSA。 In October I was in College Park; Maryland; for the  
Carolina…Maryland game。 At half time; at the hot dog stand; who should be reaching for  
the same mustard squirter as I but National NSA president; Bill Dentzer。    
“Who can believe this?” he said。 “We’ve been looking for you for three days!”    
I explained it was our big senior out of town football weekend and College Park;  
Maryland was a long way from Chapel Hill; North Carolina; and there was a lot going on  
and I was sorry he couldn’t reach me。 “Why were you looking for me?” I asked。    
“We wanted you to go represent us in Yugoslavia;” he said。 I told him I’d love to。    
“It’s too late now;” he said。 “The plane leaves Monday from New York; and it’s  
already Saturday afternoon and the State Department’s closed; so there’s no way to get  
you a passport…”    
“Bill;” I interrupted; “I have a passport。 I can easily get back to Chapel Hill and  
pick it up in time to fly from New York on Monday。”    
By Wednesday I was attending sessions of a spirited Tito propaganda fiesta called  
the Zagreb Peace Conference and enjoying my first immersion in a language the mere  
mention of which impresses people even more than Chinese: Serbo…Croatian!    
To my delight; I understood entire phrases from it from my university Russian。 I  
became aware of “families” of foreign languages; something that doesn’t occur  
automatically to Americans because English doesn’t resemble its cousins very closely。  
It’s something of a black sheep in the Germanic language family。 They say the closest  
language to English is Dutch。 Dutch is about as close to English as Betelgeuse is to  
Baltimore!    
I’d noticed the summer before that Norwegian is usefully close to Swedish and  
Danish。 Serbo…Croatian sounded to me like a jazzier; more “fun” kind of Russian。 They    
 
use the Roman alphabet in western Yugoslavia; Croatia; and Slovenia; and in Serbia to  
the east they use the Cyrillic alphabet; with even more interesting letters in it than  
Russian uses。    
Some of the mystique I’d always imputed to multilingual people began to fade。 If  
you meet somebody who speaks; say; ten languages; your instinct is to be impressed to  
the tune of ten languages worth。 If; however; you later learn that six of those languages  
are Russian; Czech; Slovak; Serbo…Croatian; Polish and Ukrianian – I’m not suggesting  
that you dismiss him as illiterate; but you ought to be aware that he got six of those  
languages for the price of about two and three fourths! They’re all members of the Slavic  
family。    
The Yugoslav university students; my hosts; sent me back home aboard a Yugoslav  
ship; leaving me sixteen days with nothing to do but practice Serbo…Croatian with the  
other passengers。 When I got back to school after a solid eight weeks’ absence; I wasn’t  
even behind in my German。 German is widely spoken in central Europe and I’d spoken it  
widely enough during the adventure to float almost even with the class。         
Exotics – Hard and Easy         
Expertise is a narcotic。 As knowledge grows; it throws off pleasure to its pos

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