crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第97节
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all； power！ Over all trembling creation and all the antheap！。。。 That's
the goal； remember that！ That's my farewell message。 Perhaps it's
the last time I shall speak to you。 If I don't come to…morrow；
you'll hear of it all； and then remember these words。 And some day
later on； in years to come； you'll understand perhaps what they meant。
If I come to…morrow； I'll tell you who killed Lizaveta。。。。 Good…bye。〃
Sonia started with terror。
〃Why； do you know who killed her？〃 she asked； chilled with horror；
looking wildly at him。
〃I know and will tell。。。 you； only you。 I have chosen you out。 I'm
not coming to you to ask forgiveness； but simply to tell you。 I
chose you out long ago to hear this； when your father talked of you
and when Lizaveta was alive； I thought of it。 Good…bye； don't shake
hands。 To…morrow！〃
He went out。 Sonia gazed at him as at a madman。 But she herself
was like one insane and felt it。 Her head was going round。
〃Good heavens； how does he know who killed Lizaveta？ What did
those words mean？ It's awful！〃 But at the same time the idea did not
enter her head； not for a moment！ 〃Oh； he must be terribly unhappy！。。。
He has abandoned his mother and sister。。。。 What for？ What has
happened？ And what had he in his mind？ What did he say to her？ He
had kissed her foot and said。。。 said （yes； he had said it clearly）
that he could not live without her。。。。 Oh； merciful heavens！〃
Sonia spent the whole night feverish and delirious。 She jumped up
from time to time； wept and wrung her hands； then sank again into
feverish sleep and dreamt of Polenka； Katerina Ivanovna and
Lizaveta； of reading the gospel and him。。。 him with pale face； with
burning eyes。。。 kissing her feet； weeping。
On the other side of the door on the right； which divided Sonia's
room from Madame Resslich's flat； was a room which long stood empty。 A
card was fixed on the gate and a notice stuck in the windows over
the canal advertising it to let。 Sonia had long been accustomed to the
room's being uninhabited。 But all that time Mr。 Svidrigailov had
been standing； listening at the door of the empty room。 When
Raskolnikov went out he stood still； thought a moment； went on
tiptoe to his own room which adjoined the empty one； brought a chair
and noiselessly carried it to the door that led to Sonia's room。 The
conversation had struck him as interesting and remarkable； and he
had greatly enjoyed it… so much so that he brought a chair that he
might not in the future； to…morrow； for instance； have to endure the
inconvenience of standing a whole hour； but might listen in comfort。
Chapter Five
WHEN NEXT morning at eleven o'clock punctually Raskolnikov went into
the department of the investigation of criminal causes and sent his
name in to Porfiry Petrovitch； he was surprised at being kept
waiting so long： it was at least ten minutes before he was summoned。
He had expected that they would pounce upon him。 But he stood in the
waiting…room； and people； who apparently had nothing to do with him；
were continually passing to and fro before him。 In the next room which
looked like an office； several clerks were sitting writing and
obviously they had no notion who or what Raskolnikov might be。 He
looked uneasily and suspiciously about him to see whether there was
not some guard； some mysterious watch being kept on him to prevent his
escape。 But there was nothing of the sort： he saw only the faces of
clerks absorbed in petty details； then other people； no one seemed
to have any concern with him。 He might go where he liked for them。 The
conviction grew stronger in him that if that enigmatic man of
yesterday； that phantom sprung out of the earth； had seen
everything； they would not have let him stand and wait like that。
And would they have waited till he elected to appear at eleven？ Either
the man had not yet given information； or。。。 or simply he knew
nothing； had seen nothing （and how could he have seen anything？） and
so all that had happened to him the day before was again a phantom
exaggerated by his sick and overstrained imagination。 This
conjecture had begun to grow strong the day before； in the midst of
all his alarm and despair。 Thinking it all over now and preparing
for a fresh conflict； he was suddenly aware that he was trembling… and
he felt a rush of indignation at the thought that he was trembling
with fear at facing that hateful Porfiry Petrovitch。 What he dreaded
above all was meeting that man again； he hated him with an intense；
unmitigated hatred and was afraid his hatred might betray him。 His
indignation was such that he ceased trembling at once； he made ready
to go in with a cold and arrogant bearing and vowed to himself to keep
as silent as possible； to watch and listen and for once at least to
control his overstrained nerves。 At that moment he was summoned to
Porfiry Petrovitch。
He found Porfiry Petrovitch alone in his study。 His study was a room
neither large nor small； furnished with a large writing…table； that
stood before a sofa； upholstered in checked material； a bureau； a
bookcase in the corner and several chairs… all government furniture；
of polished yellow wood。 In the further wall there was a closed
door； beyond it there were； no doubt； other rooms。 On Raskolnikov's
entrance Porfiry Petrovitch had at once closed the door by which he
had come in and they remained alone。 He met his visitor with an
apparently genial and good…tempered air； and it was only after a few
minutes that Raskolnikov saw signs of a certain awkwardness in him； as
though he had been thrown out of his reckoning or caught in
something very secret。
〃Ah； my dear fellow！ Here you are。。。 in our domain〃。。。 began
Porfiry； holding out both hands to him。 〃Come； sit down； old man。。。 or
perhaps you don't like to be called 'my dear fellow' and 'old
man！'…tout court？ Please don't think it too familiar。。。。 Here； on
the sofa。〃
Raskolnikov sat down； keeping his eyes fixed on him。 〃In our
domain；〃 the apologies for familiarity； the French phrase tout
court； were all characteristic signs。
〃He held out both hands to me； but he did not give me one… he drew
it back in time；〃 struck him suspiciously。 Both were watching each
other； but when their eyes met； quick as lightning they looked away。
〃I brought you this paper。。。 about the watch。 Here it is。 Is it
all right or shall I copy it again？〃
〃What？ A paper？ Yes； yes； don't be uneasy； it's all right；〃
Porfiry Petrovitch said as though in haste； and after he had said it
he took the paper and looked at it。 〃Yes； it's all right。 Nothing more
is needed；〃 he declared with the same rapidity and he laid the paper
on the table。
A minute later when he was talking of something else he took it from
the table and put it on his bureau。
〃I believe you said yesterday you would like to question me。。。
formally。。。 about my acquaintance with the murdered woman？〃
Raskolnikov was beginning again。 〃Why did I put in 'I believe'〃 passed
through his mind in a flash。 〃Why am I so uneasy at having put in that
'I believe'？〃 came in a second flash。 And he suddenly felt that his
uneasiness at the mere contact with Porfiry； at the first words； at
the first looks； had grown in an instant to monstrous proportions； and
that this was fearfully dangerous。 His nerves were quivering； his
emotion was increasing。 〃It's bad； it's bad！ I shall say too much
again。〃
