crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第13节
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〃。。。But I should like to know why mother has written to me about
'our most rising generation'？ Simply as a descriptive touch； or with
the idea of prepossessing me in favour of Mr。 Luzhin？ Oh； the
cunning of them！ I should like to know one thing more： how far they
were open with one another that day and night and all this time since？
Was it all put into words； or did both understand that they had the
same thing at heart and in their minds； so that there was no need to
speak of it aloud； and better not to speak of it。 Most likely it was
partly like that； from mother's letter it's evident： he struck her
as rude a little； and mother in her simplicity took her observations
to Dounia。 And she was sure to be vexed and 'answered her angrily。'
I should think so！ Who would not be angered when it was quite clear
without any naive questions and when it was understood that it was
useless to discuss it。 And why does she write to me； 'love Dounia；
Rodya； and she loves you more than herself'？ Has she a secret
conscience…prick at sacrificing her daughter to her son？ 'You are
our one comfort； you are everything to us。' Oh； mother！〃
His bitterness grew more and more intense； and if he had happened to
meet Mr。 Luzhin at the moment； he might have murdered him。
〃Hm。。。 yes； that's true；〃 he continued； pursuing the whirling
ideas that chased each other in his brain； 〃it is true that 'it
needs time and care to get to know a man；' but there is no mistake
about Mr。 Luzhin。 The chief thing is he is 'a man of business and
seems kind；' that was something； wasn't it； to send the bags and big
box for them！ A kind man； no doubt after that！ But his bride and her
mother are to drive in a peasant's cart covered with sacking （I
know； I have been driven in it）。 No matter！ It is only ninety versts
and then they can 'travel very comfortably； third class；' for a
thousand versts！ Quite right； too。 One must cut one's coat according
to one's cloth； but what about you； Mr。 Luzhin？ She is your
bride。。。。 And you must be aware that her mother has to raise money
on her pension for the journey。 To be sure it's a matter of
business； a partnership for mutual benefit； with equal shares and
expenses；… food and drink provided； but pay for your tobacco。 The
business man has got the better of them； too。 The luggage will cost
less than their fares and very likely go for nothing。 How is it that
they don't both see all that； or is it that they don't want to see？
And they are pleased； pleased！ And to think that this is only the
first blossoming； and that the real fruits are to come！ But what
really matters is not the stinginess； is not the meanness； but the
tone of the whole thing。 For that will be the tone after marriage；
it's a foretaste of it。 And mother too； why should she be so lavish？
What will she have by the time she gets to Petersburg？ Three silver
roubles or two 'paper ones' as she says。。。。 that old woman。。。 hm。 What
does she expect to live upon in Petersburg afterwards？ She has her
reasons already for guessing that she could not live with Dounia after
the marriage； even for the first few months。 The good man has no doubt
let slip something on that subject also； though mother would deny
it： 'I shall refuse；' says she。 On whom is she reckoning then？ Is
she counting on what is left of her hundred and twenty roubles of
pension when Afanasy Ivanovitch's debt is paid？ She knits woollen
shawls and embroiders cuffs； ruining her old eyes。 And all her
shawls don't add more than twenty roubles a year to her hundred and
twenty； I know that。 So she is building all her hopes all the time
on Mr。 Luzhin's generosity； 'he will offer it of himself； he will
press it on me。' You may wait a long time for that！ That's how it
always is with these Schilleresque noble hearts； till the last
moment every goose is a swan with them； till the last moment； they
hope for the best and will see nothing wrong； and although they have
an inkling of the other side of the picture； yet they won't face the
truth till they are forced to； the very thought of it makes them
shiver； they thrust the truth away with both hands； until the man they
deck out in false colours puts a fool's cap on them with his own
hands。 I should like to know whether Mr。 Luzhin has any orders of
merit； I bet he has the Anna in his buttonhole and that he puts it
on when he goes to dine with contractors or merchants。 He will be sure
to have it for his wedding； too！ Enough of him； confound him！
〃Well；。。。 mother I don't wonder at； it's like her； God bless her；
but how could Dounia？ Dounia； darling； as though I did not know you！
You were nearly twenty when I saw you last： I understood you then。
Mother writes that 'Dounia can put up with a great deal。' I know
that very well。 I knew that two years and a half ago； and for the last
two and a half years I have been thinking about it； thinking of just
that； that 'Dounia can put up with a great deal。' If she could put
up with Mr。 Svidrigailov and all the rest of it； she certainly can put
up with a great deal。 And now mother and she have taken it into
their heads that she can put up with Mr。 Luzhin； who propounds the
theory of the superiority of wives raised from destitution and owing
everything to their husband's bounty… who propounds it； too； almost at
the first interview。 Granted that he 'let it slip；' though he is a
sensible man； （yet maybe it was not a slip at all； but he meant to
make himself clear as soon as possible） but Dounia； Dounia？ She
understands the man； of course； but she will have to live with the
man。 Why！ she'd live on black bread and water； she would not sell
her soul； she would not barter her moral freedom for comfort； she
would not barter it for all Schleswig…Holstein； much less Mr。 Luzhin's
money。 No； Dounia was not that sort when I knew her and。。。 she is
still the same； of course！ Yes； there's no denying； the
Svidrigailovs are a bitter pill！ It's a bitter thing to spend one's
life a governess in the provinces for two hundred roubles； but I
know she would rather be a nigger on a plantation or a Lett with a
German master； than degrade her soul； and her moral dignity； by
binding herself for ever to a man whom she does not respect and with
whom she has nothing in common… for her own advantage。 And if Mr。
Luzhin had been of unalloyed gold； or one huge diamond； she would
never have consented to become his legal concubine。 Why is she
consenting then？ What's the point of it？ What's the answer？ It's clear
enough： for herself； for her comfort； to save her life she would not
sell herself； but for some one else she is doing it！ For one she
loves； for one she adores； she will sell herself！ That's what it all
amounts to； for her brother； for her mother； she will sell herself！
She will sell everything！ In such cases； we 'overcome our moral
feeling if necessary；' freedom； peace； conscience even； all； all are
brought into the market。 Let my life go； if only my dear ones may be
happy！ More than that； we become casuists； we learn to be Jesuitical
and for a time maybe we can soothe ourselves； we can persuade
ourselves that it is one's duty for a good object。 That's just like
us； it's as clear as daylight。 It's clear that Rodion Romanovitch
Raskolnikov is the central figure in the business； and no one else。
Oh； yes； she can ensure his happiness； keep him in the university；
make him a partner in the office； make his whole future secure；
perhaps he may even be a rich man later on； prosperous； respected； and
may even end his life a famous man！ But my mother？ It's all Rodya；
precious Rodya； her first born！ For such a son who would not sacrifice
such a daughter！ Oh； loving； over…partial hearts！ Why； for his sake we
would not shrink even from Sonia's fate。 Sonia； Sonia Marmeladov；
the eternal victim so long as the world lasts。 Have you taken the
measure of your sacrifice； both of you？ Is it right？ Can you bear
it？ Is it any use？ Is there sense in it？ And let me tell you；
Dounia； Sonia's life is no worse t
