lavengro-第75节
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'Nothing more; I assure you。 How came you to ask me how much money
I had?'
'Because there was something in your look; brother; something very
much resembling that which a person showeth who does not carry much
money in his pocket。 I was looking at my own face this morning in
my wife's looking…glass … I did not look as you do; brother。'
'I believe your sole motive for inquiring;' said I; 'was to have an
opportunity of venting a foolish boast; and to let me know that you
were in possession of fifty pounds。'
'What is the use of having money unless you let people know you
have it?' said Mr。 Petulengro。 'It is not every one can read
faces; brother; and; unless you knew I had money; how could you ask
me to lend you any?'
'I am not going to ask you to lend me any。'
'Then you may have it without asking; as I said before; I have
fifty pounds; all lawfully…earnt money; got by fighting in the ring
… I will lend you that; brother。'
'You are very kind;' said I; 'but I will not take it。'
'Then the half of it?'
'Nor the half of it; but it is getting towards evening; I must go
back to the Great City。'
'And what will you do in the Boro Foros?'
'I know not;' said I。
'Earn money?
'If I can。'
'And if you can't?'
'Starve!'
'You look ill; brother;' said Mr。 Petulengro。
'I do not feel well; the Great City does not agree with me。 Should
I be so fortunate as to earn some money; I would leave the Big
City; and take to the woods and fields。'
'You may do that; brother;' said Mr。 Petulengro; 'whether you have
money or not。 Our tents and horses are on the other side of yonder
wooded hill; come and stay with us; we shall all be glad of your
company; but more especially myself and my wife Pakomovna。'
'What hill is that?' I demanded。
And then Mr。 Petulengro told me the name of the hill。 'We shall
stay on t'other side of the hill a fortnight;' he continued; 'and;
as you are fond of lil…writing; you may employ yourself profitably
whilst there。 You can write the lil of him whose dock gallops down
that hill every night; even as the living man was wont to do long
ago。'
'Who was he?' I demanded。
'Jemmy Abershaw;' said Mr。 Petulengro; 'one of those whom we call
Boro drom engroes; and the gorgios highway…men。 I once heard a rye
say that the life of that man would fetch much money; so come to
the other side of the hill; and write the lil in the tent of Jasper
and his wife Pakomovna。'
At first I felt inclined to accept the invitation of Mr。
Petulengro; a little consideration; however; determined me to
decline it。 I had always been on excellent terms with Mr。
Petulengro; but I reflected that people might be excellent friends
when they met occasionally in the street; or on the heath; or in
the wood; but that these very people when living together in a
house; to say nothing of a tent; might quarrel。 I reflected;
moreover; that Mr。 Petulengro had a wife。 I had always; it is
true; been a great favourite with Mrs。 Petulengro; who had
frequently been loud in her commendation of the young rye; as she
called me; and his turn of conversation; but this was at a time
when I stood in need of nothing; lived under my parents' roof; and
only visited at the tents to divert and to be diverted。 The times
were altered; and I was by no means certain that Mrs。 Petulengro;
when she should discover that I was in need both of shelter and
subsistence; might not alter her opinion both with respect to the
individual and what he said … stigmatising my conversation as saucy
discourse; and myself as a scurvy companion; and that she might
bring over her husband to her own way of thinking; provided;
indeed; he should need any conducting。 I therefore; though without
declaring my reasons; declined the offer of Mr。 Petulengro; and
presently; after shaking him by the hand; bent again my course
towards the Great City。
I crossed the river at a bridge considerably above that hight of
London; for; not being acquainted with the way; I missed the
turning which should have brought me to the latter。 Suddenly I
found myself in a street of which I had some recollection; and
mechanically stopped before the window of a shop at which various
publications were exposed; it was that of the bookseller to whom I
had last applied in the hope of selling my ballads or Ab Gwilym;
and who had given me hopes that; in the event of my writing a
decent novel; or a tale; he would prove a purchaser。 As I stood
listlessly looking at the window; and the publications which it
contained; I observed a paper affixed to the glass by wafers with
something written upon it。 I drew yet nearer for the purpose of
inspecting it; the writing was in a fair round hand … 'A Novel or
Tale is much wanted;' was what was written。
CHAPTER LV
Bread and water … Pair play … Fashion … Colonel B… … Joseph Sell …
The kindly glow … Easiest manner imaginable。
'I MUST do something;' said I; as I sat that night in my lonely
apartment; with some bread and a pitcher of water before me。
Thereupon taking some of the bread; and eating it; I considered
what I was to do。 'I have no idea what I am to do;' said I; as I
stretched my hand towards the pitcher; 'unless (and here I took a
considerable draught) I write a tale or a novel … That bookseller;'
I continued; speaking to myself; 'is certainly much in need of a
tale or a novel; otherwise he would not advertise for one。 Suppose
I write one; I appear to have no other chance of extricating myself
from my present difficulties; surely it was Fate that conducted me
to his window。
'I will do it;' said I; as I struck my hand against the table; 'I
will do it。' Suddenly a heavy cloud of despondency came over me。
Could I do it? Had I the imagination requisite to write a tale or
a novel? 'Yes; yes;' said I; as I struck my hand again against the
table; 'I can manage it; give me fair play; and I can accomplish
anything。'
But should I have fair play? I must have something to maintain
myself with whilst I wrote my tale; and I had but eighteenpence in
the world。 Would that maintain me whilst I wrote my tale? Yes; I
thought it would; provided I ate bread; which did not cost much;
and drank water; which cost nothing; it was poor diet; it was true;
but better men than myself had written on bread and water; had not
the big man told me so? or something to that effect; months before?
It was true there was my lodging to pay for; but up to the present
time I owed nothing; and perhaps; by the time that the people of
the house asked me for money; I should have written a tale or a
novel; which would bring me in money; I had paper; pens; and ink;
and; let me not forget them; I had candles in my closet; all paid
for; to light me during my night work。 Enough; I would go doggedly
to work upon my tale or novel。
But what was the tale or novel to be about? Was it to be a tale of
fashionable life; about Sir Harry Somebody; and the Countess
something? But I knew nothing about fashionable people; and cared
less; therefore how should I attempt to describe fashionable life?
What should the tale consist of? The life and adventures of some
one。 Good … but of whom? Did not Mr。 Petulengro mention one Jemmy
Abershaw? Yes。 Did he not tell me that the life and adventures of
Jemmy Abershaw would bring in much money to the writer? Yes; but I
knew nothing of that worthy。 I heard; it is true; from Mr。
Petulengro; that when alive he committed robberies on the hill; on
the side of which Mr。 Petulengro had pitched his tents; and that
his ghost still haunted the hill at midnight; but those were scant
materials out of which to write the man's life。 It is probable
indeed; that Mr。 Petulengro would be able to supply me with further
materials if I should apply to him; but I was in a hurry; and could
not afford the time which it would be necessary to spend in passing
to and from Mr。 Petulengro; and consulting him。 Moreover; my pride
revolted at the idea of being beholden to Mr。 Petulengro for the
materials of the history。 No; I would not write the history of
Abershaw。 Whose then … Harry Simms? Alas; the life of Harry Simms
had been already much better written by himself than I could hope
to do it; and; after all; Harry Simms; like Jemmy Abershaw; was
merely a robber。 Both; though bold and extraordinary men; were
merely highwaymen。 I questioned whether I could compose a tale
likely to excite any particular interest out of the exploits of a
mere robber。 I want a character for my hero; thought I; something
higher than a mere robber; some one like … like Colonel B…。 By the
way; why should I not write the life and adventures of Colonel B…;
of Londonderry in Ireland