lavengro-第107节

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violently。　　'Were　they　my　last　words；　I　would　persist　that　thou　

hast　not　committed　it；　though；　perhaps；　thou　wouldst；　but　for　this　

chastening；　it　was　not　to　convince　thee　that　thou　hast　committed　

the　sin；　but　rather　to　prevent　thee　from　committing　it；　that　the　

Lord　brought　that　passage　before　thy　eyes。　　He　is　not　to　blame；　if　

thou　art　wilfully　blind　to　the　truth　and　wisdom　of　His　ways。'



'I　see　thou　wouldst　comfort　me；'　said　Peter；　'as　thou　hast　often　

before　attempted　to　do。　　I　would　fain　ask　the　young　man　his　

opinion。'



'I　have　not　yet　heard　the　whole　of　your　history；'　said　I。



'My　story　is　nearly　told；'　said　Peter；　'a　few　words　will　complete　

it。　　My　wife　endeavoured　to　console　and　reassure　me；　using　the　

arguments　which　you　have　just　heard　her　use；　and　many　others；　but　

in　vain。　　Peace　nor　comfort　came　to　my　breast。　　I　was　rapidly　

falling　into　the　depths　of　despair；　when　one　day　Winifred　said　to　

me；　〃I　see　thou　wilt　be　lost；　if　we　remain　here。　　One　resource　only　

remains。　　Thou　must　go　forth；　my　husband；　into　the　wide　world；　and　

to　comfort　thee　I　will　go　with　thee。〃　　〃And　what　can　I　do　in　the　

wide　world？〃　said　I；　despondingly。　　〃Much；〃　replied　Winifred；　〃if　

you　will　but　exert　yourself；　much　good　canst　thou　do　with　the　

blessing　of　God。〃　　Many　things　of　the　same　kind　she　said　to　me；　and　

at　last　I　arose　from　the　earth　to　which　God　had　smitten　me；　and　

disposed　of　my　property　in　the　best　way　I　could；　and　went　into　the　

world。　　We　did　all　the　good　we　were　able；　visiting　the　sick；　

ministering　to　the　sick；　and　praying　with　the　sick。　　At　last　I　

became　celebrated　as　the　possessor　of　a　great　gift　of　prayer。　　And　

people　urged　me　to　preach；　and　Winifred　urged　me　too；　and　at　last　I　

consented；　and　I　preached。　　I　…　I　…　outcast　Peter；　became　the　

preacher　Peter　Williams。　　I；　the　lost　one；　attempted　to　show　others　

the　right　road。　　And　in　this　way　I　have　gone　on　for　thirteen　years；　

preaching　and　teaching；　visiting　the　sick；　and　ministering　to　them；　

with　Winifred　by　my　side　heartening　me　on。　　Occasionally　I　am　

visited　with　fits　of　indescribable　agony；　generally　on　the　night　

before　the　Sabbath；　for　I　then　ask　myself；　how　dare　I；　the　outcast；　

attempt　to　preach　the　word　of　God？　　Young　man；　my　tale　is　told；　you　

seem　in　thought！'



'I　am　thinking　of　London　Bridge；'　said　I。



'Of　London　Bridge！'　said　Peter　and　his　wife。



'Yes；'　said　I；　'of　London　Bridge。　　I　am　indebted　for　much　wisdom　to　

London　Bridge；　it　was　there　that　I　completed　my　studies。　　But　to　

the　point。　　I　was　once　reading　on　London　Bridge　a　book　which　an　

ancient　gentlewoman；　who　kept　the　bridge；　was　in　the　habit　of　

lending　me；　and　there　I　found　written；　〃Each　one　carries　in　his　

breast　the　recollection　of　some　sin　which　presses　heavy　upon　him。　　

Oh；　if　men　could　but　look　into　each　other's　hearts；　what　blackness　

would　they　find　there！〃'



'That's　true；'　said　Peter。　　'What　is　the　name　of　the　book？'



'THE　LIFE　OF　BLESSED　MARY　FLANDERS。'



'Some　popish　saint；　I　suppose；'　said　Peter。



'As　much　of　a　saint；　I　daresay；'　said　I；　'as　most　popish　ones；　but　

you　interrupted　me。　　One　part　of　your　narrative　brought　the　passage　

which　I　have　quoted　into　my　mind。　　You　said　that　after　you　had　

committed　this　same　sin　of　yours　you　were　in　the　habit；　at　school；　

of　looking　upon　your　schoolfellows　with　a　kind　of　gloomy　

superiority；　considering　yourself　a　lone　monstrous　being　who　had　

committed　a　sin　far　above　the　daring　of　any　of　them。　　Are　you　sure　

that　many　others　of　your　schoolfellows　were　not　looking　upon　you　

and　the　others　with　much　the　same　eyes　with　which　you　were　looking　

upon　them？'



'How！'　said　Peter；　'dost　thou　think　that　they　had　divined　my　

secret？'



'Not　they；'　said　I；　'they　were；　I　daresay；　thinking　too　much　of　

themselves　and　of　their　own　concerns　to　have　divined　any　secrets　of　

yours。　　All　I　mean　to　say　is；　they　had　probably　secrets　of　their　

own；　and　who　knows　that　the　secret　sin　of　more　than　one　of　them　was　

not　the　very　sin　which　caused　you　so　much　misery？'



'Dost　thou　then　imagine；'　said　Peter；　'the　sin　against　the　Holy　

Ghost　to　be　so　common　an　occurrence？'



'As　you　have　described　it；'　said　I；　'of　very　common　occurrence；　

especially　amongst　children；　who　are；　indeed；　the　only　beings　

likely　to　commit　it。'



'Truly；'　said　Winifred；　'the　young　man　talks　wisely。'



Peter　was　silent　for　some　moments；　and　appeared　to　be　reflecting；　

at　last；　suddenly　raising　his　head；　he　looked　me　full　in　the　face；　

and；　grasping　my　hand　with　vehemence；　he　said；　'Tell　me；　young　man；　

only　one　thing；　hast　thou；　too；　committed　the　sin　against　the　Holy　

Ghost？'



'I　am　neither　Papist　nor　Methodist；'　said　I；　'but　of　the　Church；　

and；　being　so；　confess　myself　to　no　one；　but　keep　my　own　counsel；　I　

will　tell　thee；　however；　had　I　committed；　at　the　same　age；　twenty　

such　sins　as　that　which　you　committed；　I　should　feel　no　uneasiness　

at　these　years　…　but　I　am　sleepy；　and　must　go　to　rest。'



'God　bless　thee；　young　man；'　said　Winifred。







CHAPTER　LXXVIII







Low　and　calm　…　Much　better　…　Blessed　effect　…　No　answer　…　Such　a　

sermon。



BEFORE　I　sank　to　rest　I　heard　Winifred　and　her　husband　conversing　

in　the　place　where　I　had　left　them；　both　their　voices　were　low　and　

calm。　　I　soon　fell　asleep；　and　slumbered　for　some　time。　　On　my　

awakening　I　again　heard　them　conversing；　but　they　were　now　in　their　

cart；　still　the　voices　of　both　were　calm。　　I　heard　no　passionate　

bursts　of　wild　despair　on　the　part　of　the　man。　　Methought　I　

occasionally　heard　the　word　Pechod　proceeding　from　the　lips　of　

each；　but　with　no　particular　emphasis。　　I　supposed　they　were　

talking　of　the　innate　sin　of　both　their　hearts。



'I　wish　that　man　were　happy；'　said　I　to　myself；　'were　it　only　for　

his　wife's　sake；　and　yet　he　deserves　to　be　happy　for　his　own。'



The　next　day　Peter　was　very　cheerful；　more　cheerful　than　I　had　ever　

seen　him。　　At　breakfast　his　conversation　was　animated；　and　he　

smiled　repeatedly。　　I　looked　at　him　with　the　greatest　interest；　and　

the　eyes　of　his　wife　were　almost　constantly　fixed　upon　him。　　A　

shade　of　gloom　would　occasionally　come　over　his　countenance；　but　it　

almost　instantly　disappeared；　perhaps　it　proceeded　more　from　habit　

than　anything　else。　　After　breakfast　he　took　his　Welsh　Bible　and　

sat　down　beneath　a　tree。　　His　eyes　were　soon　fixed　intently　on　the　

volume；　now　and　then　he　would　call　his　wife；　show　her　some　passage；　

and　appeared　to　consult　with　her。　　The　day　passed　quickly　and　

comfortably。



'Your　husband　seems　much　better；'　said　I；　at　evening　fall；　to　

Winifred；　as　we　chanced　to　be　alone。



'He　does；'　said　Winifred；　'and　that　on　the　day　of　the　week　when　he　

was　wont　to　appear　most　melancholy；　for　tomorrow　is　the　Sabbath。　　

He　now　no　longer　looks　forward　to　the　Sabbath　with　dread；　but　

appears　to　reckon　on　it。　　What　a　happy　change！　and　to　think　that　

this　change　should　have　been　produced　by　a　few　words；　seemingly　

careless　ones；　proceeding　from　the　mouth　of　one　who　is　almost　a　

stranger　to　him。　　Truly；　it　is　wonderful。'



'To　whom　do　you　allude；'　said　I；　'and　to　what　words？'



'To　yourself；　and　to　the　words　which　came　from　your　lips　last　

night；　after　you　had　heard　my　poor　husband's　history。　　Those　

strange　words；　drawn　out　with　so　much　seeming　indifference；　have　

produced　in　my　husband　the　blessed　effect　which　you　have　observed。　　

They　have　altered　the　current　of　his　ideas。　　He　no　longer　thinks　

himself　the　only　being　in　the　world　doomed　to　destruction；　…　the　

only　being　capable　of　committing　the　never…to…be…forgiven　sin。　　

Your　supposition　that　that　which　harrowed　his　soul　is　of　frequent　

occurrence　amongst　children　has　tranquillised　him；　the　mist　which　

hung　over　his　mind　has　cleared　away；　and　he　begins　to　see　the　

groundlessness　of　his　apprehensions。　　The　Lord　has　permitted　him　to　

be　chastened　for　a　season；　but　his　lamp　will　only　burn　the　brighter　

for　what　he　has　undergone。'



Sunday　came；　fine　and　glorious　as　the　last。　　Again　my　friends　and　

myself　breakfasted　together　…　again　the　good　family　of　the　house　on　

the　hill　above；　headed　by　the　respectable　master；　descended　to　the　

meadow。　　Peter　and　his　wife　were　ready　to　receive　them。　　Again　

Peter　placed　himself　at　the　side　of　the　honest　farmer；　and　Winifred　

by　the　side　of　her　friend。　　'Wilt　thou　not　come？'　said　Peter；　

looking　towards　me　with　a　face　in　which　there　was　much　emotion。　　

'Wilt　thou　not　come？'　said　Winifred；　with　a　face　beaming　with　

kindness。　　But　I　made　no　answer；　and　presently　the　party　moved　

away；　in　the　same　manner　in　which　it　had　moved　on　the　preceding　

Sabbath；　and　I　was　again　left　alone。



The　hours　of　the　Sabbath　passed　slowly　away。　　I　sat　gazing　at　the　

sky；　the　trees；　and　the　water。　　At　last　I　strolled　up　to　the　house　

and　sat　down　in　the　porch。　　It　was　empty；　there　was　no　modest　

maiden　there；　as　on　the　preced