the price she paid-第45节

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‘‘I　shall　never　marry　a　man　when　he　could　justly　suspect　I　did　it　to　live　off　him。''

‘‘What　an　idea！　　It's　a　man's　place　to　support　a　woman！''

‘‘I　was　speaking　only　of　myself。　　_I_　can't　do　it。　And　it's　absurd　for　you　and　me　to　be　talking　about　love　and　marriage　when　anyone　can　see　I'd　be　marrying　you　only　because　I　was　afraid　to　face　poverty　and　a　struggle。''

Her　manner　calmed　him　somewhat。　　‘‘Of　course　it's　obvious　that　you've　got　to　have　money；''　said　he；　‘‘and　that　the　only　way　you　can　get　it　is　by　marriage。　　But　there's　something　else；　too；　and　in　my　opinion　it's　the　principal　thingwe　care　for　each　other。　　Why　not　be　sensible；　Mildred？　　Why　not　thank　God　that　as　long　as　you　have　to　marry；　you　can　marry　someone　you　care　for。''

‘‘Could　you　feel　that　I　cared　for　you；　if　I　married　you　now？''　inquired　she。

‘‘Why　not？　　I'm　not　so　entirely　lacking　in　self…　esteem。　　I　feel　that　I　must　count　for　something。''

Mildred　sat　silently　wondering　at　this　phenomenon　so　astounding；　yet　a　commonplace　of　masculine　egotism。　She　had　no　conception　of　this　vanity　which　causes　the　man；　at　whom　the　street　woman　smiles；　to　feel　flattered；　though　he　knows　full　well　what　she　is　and　her　dire　ne…　cessity。　　She　could　not　doubt　that　he　was　speaking　the　truth；　yet　she　could　not　believe　that　conceit　could　so　befog　common　sense　in　a　man　who；　for　all　his　slowness　and　shallowness；　was　more　than　ordinarily　shrewd。

‘‘Even　if　I　thought　I　loved　you；''　said　she；　‘‘I　couldn't　be　sure　in　these　circumstances　that　I　wasn't　after　your　money。''

‘‘Don't　worry　about　that；''　replied　he。　　‘‘I　understand　you　better　than　you　understand　yourself。''

‘‘Let's　stop　talking　about　it；''　said　she　impatiently。　‘‘I　want　to　explain　to　you　the　business　side　of　this。''　She　took　her　purse　from　the　table。　　‘‘Here　are　the　papers。''　　She　handed　him　a　check　and　a　note。　　‘‘I　made　them　out　at　the　bank　this　morning。　　The　note　is　for　what　I　owe　youand　draws　interest　at　four　per　cent。　　The　check　is　for　all　the　money　I　have　left　except　about　four　hundred　dollars。　　I've　some　bills　I　must　pay；　and　also　I　didn't　dare　quite　strip　myself。　　The　note　may　not　be　worth　the　paper　it's　written　on；　but　I　hope''

Before　she　could　prevent　him　he　took　the　two　papers；　and；　holding　them　out　of　her　reach；　tore　them　to　bits。

Her　eyes　gleamed　angrily。　　‘‘I　see　you　despise　me　as　much　as　I've　invited。　　But；　I'll　make　them　out　again　and　mail　them　to　you。''

‘‘You're　a　silly　child；''　said　he　gruffly。　　‘‘We're　going　to　be　married。''

She　eyed　him　with　amused　exasperation。　　‘‘It's　too　absurd！''　she　cried。　　‘‘And　if　I　yielded；　you'd　be　trying　to　get　out　of　it。''　　She　hesitated　whether　to　tell　him　frankly　just　how　she　felt　toward　him。　　She　decided　against　it；　not　through　considerationfor　a　woman　feels　no　consideration　for　a　man　she　does　not　love；　if　he　has　irritated　herbut　through　being　ashamed　to　say　harsh　things　to　one　whom　she　owed　so　much。　　‘‘It's　useless　for　you　to　pretend　and　to　plead；''　she　went　on。　　‘‘I　shall　not　yield。　　You'll　have　to　wait　until　I'm　free　and　independent。''

‘‘You'll　marry　me　then？''

‘‘No；''　replied　she；　laughing。　　‘‘But　I'll　be　able　to　refuse　you　in　such　a　way　that　you'll　believe。''

‘‘But　you've　got　to　marry；　Mildred；　and　right　away。''　A　suspicion　entered　his　mind　and　instantly　gleamed　in　his　eyes。　　‘‘Are　you　in　love　with　someone　else？''

She　smiled　mockingly。

‘‘It　looks　as　if　you　were；''　he　went　on；　arguing　with　himself　aloud。　　‘‘For　if　you　weren't　you'd　marry　me；　even　though　you　didn't　like　me。　　A　woman　in　your　fix　simply　couldn't　keep　herself　from　it。　　Is　THAT　why　you're　so　calm？''

‘‘I'm　not　marrying　anybody；''　said　she。

‘‘Then　what　are　you　going　to　do？''

‘‘You'll　see。''

Once　more　the　passionate　side　of　his　nature　showed　not　merely　grotesque；　unattractive；　repellent；　as　in　the　mood　of　longing；　but　hideous。　　Among　men　Stanley　Baird　passed　for　a　man　of　rather　arrogant　and　violent　temper；　but　that　man　who　had　seen　him　at　his　most　violent　would　have　been　amazed。　　The　temper　men　show　toward　men　bears　small　resemblance　either　in　kind　or　in　degree　to　the　temper　of　jealous　passion　they　show　toward　the　woman　who　baffles　them　or　arouses　their　suspicions；　and　no　man　would　recognize　his　most　intimate　man　friendor　himselfwhen　in　that　paroxysm。　Mildred　had　seen　this　mood；　gleaming　at　her　through　a　mask；　in　General　Siddall。　　It　had　made　her　sick　with　fear　and　repulsion。　　In　Stanley　Baird　it　first　astounded　her；　then　filled　her　with　hate。

‘‘Stanley！''　she　gasped。

‘‘WHO　is　it？''　he　ground　out　between　his　teeth。　And　he　seized　her　savagely。

‘‘If　you　don't　release　me　at　once；''　said　she　calmly；　‘‘I　shall　call　Mrs。　Brindley；　and　have　you　put　out　of　the　house。　　No　matter　if　I　do　owe　you　all　that　money。''

‘‘Stop！''　he　cried；　releasing　her。　　‘‘You're　very　clever；　aren't　you？turning　that　against　me　and　making　me　powerless。''

‘‘But　for　that；　would　you　dare　presume　to　touch　me；　to　question　me？''　said　she。

He　lowered　his　gaze；　stood　panting　with　the　effort　to　subdue　his　fury。

She　went　back　to　her　own　room。　　A　few　hours　later　came　a　letter　of　apology　from　him。　　She　answered　it　friendlily；　said　she　would　let　him　know　when　she　could　see　him　again；　and　enclosed　a　note　and　a　check。



VIII


MILDRED　went　to　bed　that　night　proud　of　her　strength　of　character。　　Were　there　many　women　was　there　any　other　woman　she　knew　or　knew　about　who　in　her　desperate　circumstances　would　have　done　what　she　had　done？　　She　could　have　married　a　man　who　would　have　given　her　wealth　and　the　very　best　social　position。　　She　had　refused　him。　　She　could　have　continued　to　‘‘borrow''　from　him　the　wherewithal　to　keep　her　in　luxurious　comfort　while　she　looked　about　at　her　ease　for　a　position　that　meant　independence。　She　had　thrust　the　temptation　from　her。　　All　this　from　purely　high…minded　motives；　for　other　motive　there　could　be　none。　　She　went　to　sleep；　confident　that　on　the　morrow　she　would　continue　to　tread　the　path　of　self…　respect　with　unfaltering　feet。　　But　when　morning　came　her　throat　was　once　more　slightly　offenough　to　make　it　wise　to　postpone　the　excursion　in　search　of　a　trial　for　musical　comedy。　　The　excitement　or　the　reaction　from　excitementit　must　be　the　one　or　the　other

had　resulted　in　weakness　showing　itself；　naturally；　at　her　weakest　pointthat　delicate　throat。　　When　life　was　calm　and　orderly；　and　her　mind　was　at　peace；　the　trouble　would　pass；　and　she　could　get　a　position　of　some　kind。　　Not　the　career　she　had　dreamed；　that　was　impossible。　　But　she　had　voice　enough　for　a　little　part；　where　a　living　could　be　made；　and　perhaps　she　would　presently　fathom　the　secret　of　the　cause　of　her　delicate　throat　and　would　be　able　to　go　farpossibly　as　far　as　she　had　dreamed。

The　delay　of　a　few　days　was　irritating。　　She　would　have　preferred　to　push　straight　on；　while　her　courage　was　taut。　　Still；　the　delay　had　one　advantageshe　could　prepare　the　details　of　her　plan。　　So；　instead　of　going　to　the　office　of　the　theatrical　managerCrossley；　the　most　successful　producer　of　light；　musical　pieces　of　all　kindsshe　went　to　call　on　several　of　the　girls　she　knew　who　were　more　or　less　in　touch　with　matters　theatrical。　　And　she　found　out　just　how　to　proceed　toward　accomplishing　a　purpose　which　ought　not　to　be　difficult　for　one　with　such　a　voice　as　hers　and　with　physical　charms　peculiarly　fitted　for　stage　exhibition。

Not　until　Saturday　was　her　voice　at　its　best　again。　She；　naturally；　decided　not　to　go　to　the　theatrical　office　on　Monday；　but　to　wait　until　she　had　seen　and　talked　with　Keith。　　One　more　day　did　not　matter；　and　Keith　might　be　stimulating；　might　even　have　some　useful　suggestions　to　offer。　　She　received　him　with　a　manner　that　was　a　version；　and　a　most　charming　version；　of　his　own　tranquil　indifference。　　But　his　first　remark　threw　her　into　a　panic。　　Said　he：

‘‘I've　only　a　few　minutes。　　No；　thanks；　I'll　not　sit。''

‘‘You　needn't　have　bothered　to　come；''　said　she　coldly。

‘‘I　always　keep　my　engagements。　　Baird　tells　me　you　have　given　up　the　arrangement　you　had　with　him。　You'll　probably　be　moving　from　here；　as　you'll　not　have　the　money　to　stay　on。　　Send　me　your　new　address；　please。''　　He　took　a　paper　from　his　pocket　and　gave　it　to　her。　　‘‘You　will　find　this　usefulif　you　are　in　earnest；''　said　he。　　‘‘Good…by；　and　good　luck。　　I'll　hope　to　see　you　in　a　few　weeks。''

Before　she　had　recovered　herself　in　the　least；　she　was　standing　there　alone；　the　paper　in　her　hand；　her　stupefied　gaze　upon　the　door　through　which　he　had　disappeared。　All　his　movements　and　his　speech　had　been　of　his　customary；　his　invariable；　deliberateness；　but　she　had　the　impression　of　whirling　and　rushing　haste。　With　a　long　gasping　sigh　she　fell　to　trembling　all　over。　She　sped　to　her　room；　got　its　door　safely　closed　just　in　time。　　Down　she　sank　upon　the　bed；　to　give　way　to　an　attack　of　hysterics。

We　are　constantly　finding　ourselves　putting　forth　the　lovely　flowers　and　fruit　of　the　virtues　whereof　the　heroes　and　heroines　of　romance　are　so　prolific。　　Usually　nothing　occurs　to　disillusion　us　about　ourselves。　　But　now　and　then　fate；　in　unusually　brutal　ironic　mood；　forces　us　to　see　the　real　reason　why　we　did　this　or　that　virtuous；　self…sacrificing　action；　or　blossomed　forth　in　this　or　that　nobility　of　character。　　Mildred　wa