the price she paid-第36节

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‘‘Wasn't　that　it？''　she　insisted。

‘‘You　are　always　asking　me　questions　to　which　you　already　know　the　answer；''　repeated　he。

‘‘I　am　annoying　you？''

No　answer。

She　laughed。　　‘‘Do　you　want　me　to　go　away　and　leave　you　in　peace　with　thatlaw　caseor　whatever　it　is？''

‘‘I　don't　like　to　be　alone。''

‘‘But　anyone　would　do？a　dog？''

No　reply。

‘‘You　mean；　a　dog　would　be　better　because　it　doesn't　ask　questions　to　which　it　knows　the　answer。''

No　reply。

‘‘Well；　I　have　a　pleasant…sounding　voice。　　As　I'm　saying　nothing；　it　may　be　soothinglike　the　sound　of　the　waves。　　I've　learned　to　take　you　as　you　are。　　I　rather　like　your　pose。''

No　reply。　　No　sign　that　he　was　even　tempted　to　rise　to　this　bait　and　protest。

‘‘But　you　don't　like　mine；''　she　went　on。　　‘‘Yes；　it　is　a　pose。　　But　I've　got　to　keep　it　up；　and　to　pretend　to　myself　that　it　isn't。　　And　it　isn't　altogether。　　I　shall　be　a　successful　singer。''

‘‘When？''　said　he。　　Actually　he　was　listening！

She　answered：　　‘‘Inabout　two　years；　I　think。''

No　comment。

‘‘You　don't　believe　it？''

‘‘Do　you？''　　A　pause。　　‘‘Why　ask　these　questions　you've　already　answered　yourself？''

‘‘I'll　tell　you　why；''　replied　she；　her　face　suddenly　flushed　with　earnestness。　　‘‘Because　I　want　you　to　help　me。　　You　help　everyone　else。　　Why　not　me？''

‘‘You　never　asked　me；''　said　he。

‘‘I　didn't　know　I　wanted　it　until　just　nowas　I　said　it。　　But　YOU　must　have　known；　because　you　are　so　much　more　experienced　than　Iand　understand　peoplewhat's　going　on　in　their　minds；　deeper　than　they　can　see。''　　Her　tone　became　indignant；　reproachful。　‘‘Yes；　you　must　have　known　I　needed　your　help。　And　you　ought　to　have　helped　me；　even　if　you　did　dislike　me。　　You've　no　right　to　dislike　anyone　as　young　as　I。''

He　was　looking　at　her　now；　the　intensely　alive　blue　eyes　sympathetic；　penetrating；　understanding。　　It　was　frightful　to　be　so　thoroughly　understoodall　one's　weaknesses　laid　bareyet　it　was　a　relief　and　a　joy；　too　like　the　cruel　healing　knife　of　the　surgeon。　　Said　he：

‘‘I　do　not　like　kept　women。''

She　gasped；　grew　ghastly。　　It　was　a　frightful　insult；　one　for　which　she　was　wholly　unprepared。　　‘‘You　believethat？''　she　said　slowly。

‘‘Another　of　those　questions；''　he　said。　　And　he　looked　calmly　away；　out　over　the　sea；　as　if　his　interest　in　the　conversation　were　at　an　end。

What　should　she　say？　　How　denyhow　convince　him？　　For　convince　him　she　must；　and　then　go　away　and　never　permit　him　to　speak　to　her　again　until　he　had　apologized。　　She　said　quietly：　　‘‘Mr。　Keith；　you　have　insulted　me。''

‘‘I　do　not　like　kept　women；　either　with　or　without　a　license；''　said　he　in　the　same　even；　indifferent　way。　‘‘When　you　ceased　to　be　a　kept　woman；　I　would　help　you；　if　I　could。　　But　no　one　can　help　a　kept　woman。''

There　was　nothing　to　do　but　to　rise　and　go　away。　She　rose　and　went　toward　the　house。　　At　the　veranda　she　paused。　　He　had　not　moved。　　She　returned。　　He　was　still　inspecting　the　horizon；　the　cigarette　depending　from　his　lipshow　DID　he　keep　it　alight？　　She　said：

‘‘Mr。　Keith；　I　am　sure　you　did　not　mean　to　insult　me。　What　did　you　mean？''

‘‘Another　of　those　questions；''　said　he。

‘‘Honestly；　I　do　not　understand。''

‘‘Then　think。　　And　when　you　have　thought；　you　will　understand。''

‘‘But　I　have　thought。　　I　do　not　understand。''

‘‘Then　it　would　be　useless　to　explain；''　said　he。　‘‘That　is　one　of　those　vital　things　which；　if　one　cannot　understand　them　for　oneself；　one　is　hopelessis　beyond　helping。''

‘‘You　mean　I　am　not　in　earnest　about　my　career？''

‘‘Another　of　those　questions。　　If　you　had　not　seen　clearly　what　I　meant；　you　would　have　been　really　offended。　　You'd　have　gone　away　and　not　come　back。''

She　saw　that　this　was　true。　　And；　seeing；　she　wondered　how　she　could　have　been　so　stupid　as　not　to　have　seen　it　at　once。　　She　had　yet　to　learn　that　overlooking　the　obvious　is　a　universal　human　failing　and　that　seeing　the　obvious　is　the　talent　and　the　use　of　the　superior　of　earththe　few　who　dominate　and　determine　the　race。

‘‘You　reproach　me　for　not　having　helped　you；''　he　went　on。　　‘‘How　does　it　happen　that　you　are　uneasy　in　mindso　uneasy　that　you　are　quarreling　at　me？''

A　light　broke　upon　her。　　‘‘You　have　been　drawing　me　on；　from　the　beginning；''　she　cried。　　‘‘You　have　been　helping　memaking　me　see　that　I　needed　help。''

‘‘No；''　said　he。　　‘‘I've　been　waiting　to　see　whether　you　would　rouse　from　your　dream　of　grandeur。''

‘‘YOU　have　been　rousing　me。''

‘‘No；''　he　said。　　‘‘You've　roused　yourself。　　So　you　may　be　worth　helping　or；　rather；　worth　encouraging；　for　no　one　can　HELP　you　but　yourself。''

She　looked　at　him　pathetically。　　‘‘But　what　shall　I　do？''　she　asked。　　‘‘I've　got　no　money；　no　experience；　no　sense。　　I'm　a　vain；　luxury…loving　fool；　cursed　with　awith　ais　it　a　conscience？''

‘‘I　hope　it's　something　more　substantial。　　I　hope　it's　common　sense。''

‘‘But　I　have　been　workinghonestly　I　have。''

‘‘Don't　begin　lying　to　yourself　again。''

‘‘Don't　be　harsh　with　me。''

He　drew　in　his　legs；　in　preparation　for　risingno　doubt　to　go　away。

‘‘I　don't　mean　that；''　she　cried　testily。　　‘‘You　are　not　harsh　with　me。　　It's　the　truth　that's　harshthe　truth　I'm　beginning　to　seeand　feel。　　I　am　afraid　afraid。　　I　haven't　the　courage　to　face　it。''

‘‘Why　whine？''　said　he。　　‘‘There's　nothing　in　that。''

‘‘Do　you　think　there's　any　hope　for　me？''

‘‘That　depends；''　said　he。

‘‘On　what？''

‘‘On　what　you　want。''

‘‘I　want　to　be　a　singer；　a　great　singer。''

‘‘No；　there's　no　hope。''

She　grew　cold　with　despair。　　He　had　a　way　of　saying　a　thing　that　gave　it　the　full　weight　of　a　verdict　from　which　there　was　no　appeal。

‘‘Now；　if　you　wanted　to　make　a　living；''　he　went　on；　‘‘and　if　you　were　determined　to　learn　to　sing　as　well　as　you　could；　with　the　idea　that　you　might　be　able　to　make　a　livingwhy；　then　there　might　be　hope。''

‘‘You　think　I　can　sing？''

‘‘I　never　heard　you。　　Can　you？''

‘‘They　say　I　can。''

‘‘What　do　YOU　say？''

‘‘I　don't　know；''　she　confessed。　　‘‘I've　never　been　able　to　judge。　　Sometimes　I　think　I'm　singing　well；　and　I　find　out　afterward　that　I've　sung　badly。　　Again；　it's　the　other　way。''

‘‘Then；　obviously；　what's　the　first　thing　to　do？''

‘‘To　learn　to　judge　myself；''　said　she。　　‘‘I　never　thought　of　it　beforehow　important　that　is。　　Do　you　know　JenningsEugene　Jennings？''

‘‘The　singing　teacher？　　No。''

‘‘Is　he　a　good　teacher？''

‘‘No。''

‘‘Why　not？''

‘‘Because　he　has　not　taught　you　that　you　will　never　sing　until　you　are　your　own　teacher。　　Because　he　has　not　taught　you　that　singing　is　a　small　and　minor　part　of　a　career　as　a　singer。''

‘‘But　it　isn't；''　protested　she。

A　long　silence。　　Looking　at　him；　she　felt　that　he　had　dismissed　her　and　her　affairs　from　his　mind。

‘‘Is　it？''　she　said；　to　bring　him　back。

‘‘What？''　asked　he　vaguely。

‘‘You　said　that　a　singer　didn't　have　to　be　able　to　sing。''

‘‘Did　I？''　　He　glanced　down　the　shore　toward　the　house。　　‘‘It　feels　like　lunch…time。''　　He　rose。

‘‘What　did　you　mean　by　what　you　said？''

‘‘When　you　have　thought　about　your　case　a　while　longer；　we'll　talk　of　it　againif　you　wish。　　But　until　you've　thought；　talking　is　a　waste　of　time。''

She　rose；　stood　staring　out　to　sea。　　He　was　observing　her；　a　faint　smile　about　his　lips。　　He　said：

‘‘Why　bother　about　a　career？　　After　all；　kept　woman　is　a　thoroughly　respectable　occupationor　can　be　made　so　by　any　preacher　or　justice　of　the　peace。　It's　followed　by　many　of　our　best　womenthose　who　pride　themselves　on　their　high　charactersand　on　their　pride。''

‘‘I　could　not　belong　to　a　man　unless　I　cared　for　him；''　said　she。　　‘‘I　tried　it　once。　　I　shall　never　do　it　again。''

‘‘That　sounds　fine；''　said　he。　　‘‘Let's　go　to　lunch。''

‘‘You　don't　believe　me？''

‘‘Do　you？''

She　sank　down　upon　the　sand　and　burst　into　a　wild　passion　of　sobs　and　tears。　　When　her　fight　for　self…　control　was　over　and　she　looked　up　to　apologize　for　her　pitiful　exhibition　of　weaknessand　to　note　whether　she　had　made　an　impression　upon　his　sympathiesshe　saw　him　just　entering　the　house；　a　quarter　of　a　mile　away。　　To　anger　succeeded　a　mood　of　desperate　forlornness。　　She　fell　upon　herself　with　gloomy　ferocity。　She　could　not　sing。　　She　had　no　brains。　　She　was　taking　moneya　disgracefully　large　amount　of　money　from　Stanley　Baird　under　false　pretenses。　　How　could　she　hope　to　sing　when　her　voice　could　not　be　relied　upon？　Was　not　her　throat　at　that　very　moment　slightly　sore？　Was　it　not　always　going　queer？　　Shesing！　　Absurd。　Did　Stanley　Baird　suspect？　　Was　he　waiting　for　the　time　when　she　would　gladly　accept　what　she　must　have　from　him；　on　his　own　terms？　　No；　not　on　his　terms；　but　on　the　terms　she　herself　would　arrange　the　only　terms　she　could　make。　　No；　Stanley　believed　in　her　absolutelybelieved　in　her　career。　　When　he　discovered　the　truth；　he　would　lose　interest　in　her；　would　regard　her　as　a　poor；　worthless　creature；　would　be　eager　to　rid　himself　of　her。　　Instead　of　returning　to　the　house；　she　went　in　the　opposite　direction；　made　a　circuit　and　buried　herself　in　the　woods　beyond　the　Shrewsbury。　　She　was　mad　to　get　away　from　her　own　company；　but　the　only　company　she　could　fly　to　was　more　depressing　than　the　solitude　and　the　taunt　and　sneer　and　lash　of　her　own　thoughts。　　It　was　late　in　th