the price she paid-第27节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



‘‘I'm　afraid　I　sing　very　badly。''

‘‘That　will　not　matter。　　You'll　sing　better　than　at　least　half　of　Jennings's　pupils。''

‘‘Then　he　doesn't　take　only　those　worth　while？''

Mrs。　Brindley　looked　amused。　　‘‘How　would　he　live　if　he　did　that？　　It's　a　teacher's　business　to　teach。　Learningthat's　the　pupil's　lookout。　　If　teachers　taught　only　those　who　could　and　would　learn；　how　would　they　live？''

‘‘Then　I'll　not　know　whether　I'll　do！''　exclaimed　Mildred。

‘‘You'll　have　to　find　out　for　yourself；''　said　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘No　one　can　tell　you。　　Anyone's　opinion　might　be　wrong。　　For　example；　I've　known　Jennings；　who　is　a　very　good　judge；　to　be　wrongboth　ways。''　Hesitatingly：　　‘‘Why　not　sing　for　me？　　I'd　like　to　hear。''

‘‘Would　you　tell　me　what　you　honestly　thought？''　said　Mildred。

Mrs。　Brindley　laughingly　shook　her　head。　Mildred　liked　her　honesty。　　‘‘Then　it'd　be　useless　to　sing　for　you；''　said　she。　　‘‘I'm　not　vain　about　my　voice。　I'd　simply　like　to　make　a　living　by　it；　if　I　could。　　I'll　even　confess　that　there　are　many　things　I　care　for　more　than　for　music。　　Does　that　prove　that　I　can　never　sing　professionally？''

‘‘No；　indeed；''　Mrs。　Brindley　assured　her。　　‘‘It'd　be　strange　if　a　girl　of　your　age　cared　exclusively　for　music。　　The　passion　comes　with　the　work；　with　progress；　success。　　And　some　of　the　greatestthat　is；　the　most　famous　and　best　paidsingers　never　care　much　about　music；　except　as　a　vanity；　and　never　understand　it。　　A　singer　means　a　person　born　with　a　certain　shape　of　mouth　and　throat；　a　certain　kind　of　vocal　chords。　　The　rest　may　be　natural　or　acquired。　　It's　the　instrument　that　makes　the　singer；　not　brains　or　temperament。''

‘‘Do　let　me　sing　for　you；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘I　think　it　will　help　me。''

Between　them　they　chose　a　little　French　song　‘‘Chanson　d'Antonine''and　Mrs。　Brindley　insisted　on　her　playing　her　own　accompaniment。　　‘‘I　wish　to　listen；''　said　she；　‘‘and　I　can't　if　I　play。''

Mildred　was　surprised　at　her　own　freedom　from　nervousness。　　She　sang　neither　better　nor　worse　than　usual　sang　in　the　clear　and　pleasant　soprano　which　she　flattered　herself　was　not　unmusical。　　When　she　finished　she　said：

‘‘That's　about　as　I　usually　sing。　　What　do　you　think？''

Mrs。　Brindley　reflected　before　she　replied：　　‘‘I　BELIEVE　it's　worth　trying。　　If　I　were　you；　I　should　keep　on　trying；　no　matter　what　anyone　said。''

Mildred　was　instantly　depressed。　　‘‘You　think　Mr。　Jennings　may　reject　me？''　she　asked。

‘‘I　KNOW　he　will　not；''　replied　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘Not　as　long　as　you　can　pay　for　the　lessons。　　But　I　was　thinking　of　the　real　thingof　whether　you　could　win　out　as　a　singer。''

‘‘And　you　don't　think　I　can？''　said　Mildred。

‘‘On　the　contrary；　I　believe　you　can；''　replied　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘A　singer　means　so　much　besides　singing。　The　singing　is　the　smallest　part　of　it。　　You'll　understand　when　you　get　to　work。　　I　couldn't　explain　now。　But　I　can　say　that　you　ought　to　go　ahead。''

Mildred；　who　had　her　share　of　vanity；　had　hoped　for　some　enthusiasm。　　Mrs。　Brindley's　judicial　tone　was　a　severe　blow。　　She　felt　a　little　resentful；　began　to　cast　about　for　vanity…consoling　reasons　for　Mrs。　Brindley's　restraint。　　‘‘She　means　well；''　she　said　to　herself；　‘‘but　she's　probably　just　a　tiny　bit　jealous。　　She's　not　so　young　as　she　once　was；　and　she　hasn't　the　faintest　hope　of　ever　being　anything　more　than　a　piano…teacher。''

Mrs。　Brindley　showed　that　she　had　more　than　an　inkling　of　Mildred's　frame　of　mind　by　going　on　to　say　in　a　gentle；　candid　way：　　‘‘I　want　to　help　you。　　So　I　shall　be　careful　not　to　encourage　you　to　believe　too　much　in　what　you　have。　　That　would　prevent　you　from　getting　what　you　need。　　You　must　remember；　you　are　no　longer　a　drawing…room　singer；　but　a　candidate　for　the　profession。　　That's　a　very　different　thing。''

Mildred　saw　that　she　was　mistaken；　that　Mrs。　Brindley　was　honest　and　frank　and　had　doubtless　told　her　the　exact　truth。　　But　her　vanity　remained　sore。　　Never　be…　fore　had　anyone　said　any　less　of　her　singing　than　that　it　was　wonderful；　marvelous；　equal　to　a　great　deal　that　passed　for　fine　in　grand　opera。　　She　had　known　that　this　was　exaggeration；　but　she　had　not　known　how　grossly　exaggerated。　　Thus；　this　her　first　experience　of　the　professional　attitude　was　galling。　　Only　her　unusual　good　sense　saved　her　from　being　angry　with　Mrs。　Brindley。　　And　it　was　that　same　good　sense　that　moved　her　presently　to　try　to　laugh　at　herself。　　With　a　brave　attempt　to　smile　gayly　she　said：

‘‘You　don't　realize　how　you've　taken　me　down。　　I　had　no　idea　I　was　so　conceited　about　my　singing。　　I　can't　truthfully　say　I　like　your　frankness；　but　there's　a　part　of　me　that's　grateful　to　you　for　it；　and　when　I　get　over　feeling　hurt；　I'll　be　grateful　through　and　through。''

Mrs。　Brindley's　face　lighted　up　beautifully。　　‘‘You'll　DO！''　she　cried。　　‘‘I'm　sure　you'll　do。　　I've　been　waiting　and　watching　to　see　how　you　would　take　my　criticism。　That's　the　testhow　they　take　criticism。　　If　they　don't　take　it　at　all；　they'll　not　go　very　far；　no　matter　how　talented　they　are。　　If　they　take　it　as　you've　taken　it；　there's　hopegreat　hope。　　Now；　I'm　not　afraid　to　tell　you　that　you　sang　splendidly　for　an　amateurthat　you　surprised　me。''

‘‘Don't　spoil　it　all；''　said　Mildred。　　‘‘You　were　right；　I　can't　sing。''

‘‘Not　for　grand　opera；　not　for　comic　opera　even；''　replied　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘But　you　will　sing；　and　sing　well；　in　one　or　the　other；　if　you　work。''

‘‘You　really　mean　that？''　said　Mildred。

‘‘If　you　work　intelligently　and　persistently；''　said　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘That's　a　big　ifas　you'll　discover　in　a　year　or　so。''

‘‘You'll　see；''　said　Mildred　confidently。　　‘‘Why；　I've　nothing　else　to　do；　and　no　other　hope。''

Mrs。　Brindley's　smile　had　a　certain　sadness　in　it。　She　said：

‘‘It's　the　biggest　if　in　all　this　world。''



V

AT　Mrs。　Belloc's　a　telephone　message　from　Jennings　was　awaiting　her；　he　would　call　at　a　quarter…past　eight　and　would　detain　Miss　Stevens　only　a　moment。　　And　at　eight　fifteen　exactly　he　rang　the　bell。　　This　time　Mildred　was　prepared；　she　refused　to　be　disconcerted　by　his　abrupt　manner　and　by　his　long　sharp　nose　that　seemed　to　warn　away；　to　threaten　away；　even　to　thrust　away　any　glance　seeking　to　investigate　the　rest　of　his　face　or　his　personality。　　She　looked　at　him　candidly；　calmly；　and　seeingly。　　Seeingly。　　With　eyes　that　saw　as　they　had　never　seen　before。　　Perhaps　from　the　death　of　her　father；　certainly　from　the　beginning　of　Siddall's　courtship；　Mildred　had　been　waking　up。　　There　is　a　part　of　our　naturethe　active　and　aggressive　part　that　sleeps　all　our　lives　long　or　becomes　atrophied　if　we　lead　lives　of　ease　and　secure　dependence。　　It　is　the　important　part　of　us；　toothe　part　that　determines　character。　　The　thing　that　completed　the　awakening　of　Mildred　was　her　acquaintance　with　Mrs。　Belloc。　That　positive　and　finely…poised　lady　fascinated　her；　influenced　her　powerfullygave　her　just　what　she　needed　at　the　particular　moment。　　The　vital　moments　in　life　are　not　the　crises　over　which　shallow　people　linger；　but　are　the　moments　where　we　met　and　absorbed　the　ideas　that　enabled　us　to　weather　these　crises。　　The　acquaintance　with　Mrs。　Belloc　was　one　of　those　vital　moments；　for；　Mrs。　Belloc's　personalityher　look　and　manner；　what　she　said　and　the　way　she　said　itwas　a　proffer　to　Mildred　of　invaluable　lessons　which　her　awakening　character　eagerly　absorbed。　　She　saw　Jennings　as　he　was。　　She　decided　that　he　was　of　common　origin；　that　his　vanity　was　colossal　and　aquiver　throughout　with　sensitiveness；　that　he　belonged　to　the　familiar　type　of　New…Yorker　who　succeeds　by　bluffing。　　Also；　she　saw　or　felt　a　certain　sexlessness　or　indifference　to　sexand　this　she　later　understood。　　Men　whose　occupation　compels　them　constantly　to　deal　with　women　go　to　one　extreme　or　the　othereither　become　acutely　sensitive　to　women　as　women　or　become　utterly　indifferent；　unless　their　highly　discriminated　taste　is　appealed　towhich　cannot　happen　often。　　Jennings；　teaching　only　women　because　only　women　spending　money　they　had　not　earned　and　could　not　earn　would　tolerate　his　terms　and　his　methods；　had；　as　much　through　necessity　as　through　inclination；　gone　to　the　extreme　of　lack　of　interest　in　all　matters　of　sex。　　One　look　at　him　and　the　woman　who　had　come　with　the　idea　of　offering　herself　in　full　or　part　payment　for　lessons　drooped　in　instinctive　discouragement。

Jennings　hastened　to　explain　to　Mildred　that　she　need　not　hesitate　about　closing　with　Mrs。　Brindley。　　‘‘Your　lessons　are　arranged　for；''　said　he。　　‘‘There　has　been　put　in　the　Plaza　Trust　Company　to　your　credit　the　sum　of　five　thousand　dollars。　　This　gives　you　about　a　hundred　dollars　a　week　for　your　board　and　other　personal　expenses。　　If　that　is　not　enough；　you　will　let　me　know。　But　I　estimated　that　it　would　be　enough。　　I　do　not　think　it　wise　for　young　women　entering　upon　the　preparation　for　a　serious　career　to　have　too　much　money。''

‘‘It　is　more　than　enough；''　murmured　the　girl。　　‘‘I　know　nothing　about　those　things；　but　it　seems　to　me''

‘‘You　can　use　as　little　of　it　as　you　like；''　interrupted　Jennings；　rising。

Mildred　felt　as　though　she　had　been　caught　and　exposed　in　a　hypocritical　protest。　　Jennings　was　holding　out　something　toward　her。　　She　took　it；　and　he　went　on：

‘‘That's　your　che