2 new moon新月-第58节

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no　reason　to　start　myself　panicking；　Alice　had　promised。　

I　hurried　through　my　dinner；　not　tasting　it—just　feeling　the　ache　as　it　slid　down　my　raw　throat。　Mostly　I　
was　thirsty；　I　must　have　drunk　a　half　gallon　of　water　by　the　time　I　was　finished。　All　the　salt　in　my　system　
had　dehydrated　me。　

I　went　to　go　try　to　watch　TV　while　I　waited。　

Alice　was　already　there；　sitting　on　her　improvised　bed。　Her　eyes　were　a　liquid　butterscotch。　She　smiled　
and　patted　the　pillow。　〃Thanks。〃　

〃You're　early；〃　I　said；　elated。　

I　sat　down　next　to　her　and　leaned　my　head　on　her　shoulder。　She　put　her　cold　arms　around　me　and　
sighed。　

〃Bella。　What　are　we　going　to　do　with　you？〃　

〃I　don't　know；〃　I　admitted。　〃I　really　have　been　trying　my　hardest。〃　

〃I　believe　you。〃　

It　was　silent。　

〃Does—does　he…〃　I　took　a　deep　breath。　It　was　harder　to　say　his　name　out　loud；　even　though　I　was　
able　to　think　it　now。　〃Does　Edward　know　you're　here？〃　I　couldn't　help　asking。　It　was　my　pain；　after　all。　
I'd　deal　with　it　when　she　was　gone；　I　promised　myself；　and　felt　sick　at　the　thought。　

〃No。〃　

There　was　only　one　way　that　could　be　true。　〃He's　not　with　Carlisle　and　Esme？〃　

〃He　checks　in　every　few　months。〃　

〃Oh。〃　He　must　still　be　out　enjoying　his　distractions。　I　focused　my　curiosity　on　a　safer　topic。　〃You　said　you　
flew　here…　Where　did　you　come　from？〃　

〃I　was　in　Denali。　Visiting　Tanya's　family。〃　

〃Is　Jasper　here？　Did　he　come　with　your'〃　

She　shook　her　head。　〃He　didn't　approve　of　my　interfering。　We　promised…〃　she　trailed　off；　and　then　her　
tone　changed。　〃And　you　think　Charlie　won't　mind　my　being　here？〃　she　asked；　sounding　worried。　

〃Charlie　thinks　you're　wonderful；　Alice。〃　

〃Well；　we're　about　to　find　out。〃　

Sure　enough；　a　few　seconds　later　I　heard　the　cruiser　pull　into　the　driveway。　I　jumped　up　and　hurried　to　
open　the　door。　

Charlie　trudged　slowly　up　the　walk；　his　eyes　on　the　ground　and　his　shoulders　slumped。　I　walked　forward　

to　meet　him；　he　didn't　even　see　me　until　I　hugged　him　around　the　waist。　He　embraced　me　back　fiercely。　

〃I'm　so　sorry　about　Harry；　Dad。〃　

〃I'm　really　going　to　miss　him；〃　Charlie　mumbled。　

〃How's　Sue　doing？〃　

〃She　seems　dazed；　like　she　hasn't　grasped　it　yet。　Sam's　staying　with　her…〃　The　volume　of　his　voice　faded　
in　and　out。　〃Those　poor　kids。　Leah's　just　a　year　older　than　you；　and　Seth　is　only　fourteen…〃　He　shook　
his　head。　

He　kept　his　arms　tight　around　me　as　he　started　toward　the　door　again。　

〃Um；　Dad？〃　I　figured　I'd　better　warn　him。　〃You'll　never　guess　who's　here。〃　

He　looked　at　me　blankly。　His　head　swiveled　around；　and　he　spied　the　Mercedes　across　the　street；　the　
porch　light　reflecting　off　the　glossy　black　paint。　Before　he　could　react；　Alice　was　in　the　doorway。　

〃Hi；　Charlie；〃　she　said　in　a　subdued　voice。　〃I'm　sorry　I　came　at　such　a　bad　time。〃　

〃Alice　Cullen？〃　he　peered　at　the　slight　figure　in　front　of　him　as　if　he　doubted　what　his　eyes　were　telling　
him。　〃Alice；　is　that　you？〃　

〃It's　me；〃　she　confirmed。　〃I　was　in　the　neighborhood。〃　

〃Is　Carlisle…？〃　

〃No；　I'm　alone。〃　

Both　Alice　and　I　knew　he　wasn't　really　asking　about　Carlisle。　His　arm　tightened　over　my　shoulder。　

〃She　can　stay　here；　can't　she？〃　I　pleaded。　〃I　already　asked　her。〃　

〃Of　course；〃　Charlie　said　mechanically。　〃We'd　love　to　have　you；　Alice。〃　

〃Thank　you；　Charlie。　I　know　it's　horrid　timing。〃　

〃No；　it's　fine；　really。　I'm　going　to　be　really　busy　doing　what　I　can　for　Harry's　family；　it　will　be　nice　for　
Bella　to　have　some　company。〃　

〃There's　dinner　for　you　on　the　table；　Dad；〃　I　told　him。　

〃Thanks；　Bell。〃　He　gave　me　one　more　squeeze　before　he　shuffled　toward　the　kitchen。　

Alice　went　back　to　the　couch；　and　I　followed　her。　This　time；　she　was　the　one　to　pull　me　against　her　
shoulder。　

〃You　look　tired。〃　

〃Yeah；〃　I　agreed；　and　shrugged。　〃Near…death　experiences　do　that　to　me…　So；　what　does　Carlisle　think　
of　you　being　here？〃　

〃He　doesn't　know。　He　and　Esme　were　on　a　hunting　trip。　I'll　hear　from　him　in　a　few　days；　when　he　gets　
back。〃　

〃You　won't　tell　him；　though…　when　he　checks　in　again？〃　I　asked。　She　knew　I　didn't　mean　Carlisle　now。　

〃No。　He'd　bite　my　head　off；〃　Alice　said　grimly。　

I　laughed　once；　and　then　sighed。　

I　didn't　want　to　sleep。　I　wanted　to　stay　up　all　night　talking　to　Alice。　And　it　didn't　make　sense　for　me　to　be　
tired；　what　with　crashing　on　Jacob's　couch　all　day。　But　drowning　really　had　taken　a　lot　out　of　me；　and　my　
eyes　wouldn't　stay　open。　I　rested　my　head　on　her　stone　shoulder；　and　drifted　into　a　more　peaceful　
oblivion　than　I　had　any　hope　of。　

I　woke　early；　from　a　deep　and　dreamless　sleep；　feeling　well…rested；　but　stiff。　I　was　on　the　couch　tucked　
under　the　blankets　I'd　laid　out　for　Alice；　and　I　could　hear　her　and　Charlie　talking　in　the　kitchen。　It　
sounded　like　Charlie　was　fixing　her　breakfast。　

〃How　bad　was　it；　Charlie？〃　Alice　asked　softly；　and　at　first　I　thought　they　were　talking　about　the　
Clearwaters。　

Charlie　sighed。　〃Real　bad。〃　

〃Tell　me　about　it。　I　want　to　know　exactly　what　happened　when　we　left。〃　

There　was　a　pause　while　a　cupboard　door　was　closed　and　a　dial　on　the　stove　was　clicked　off。　I　waited；　
cringing。　

〃I've　never　felt　so　helpless；〃　Charlie　began　slowly。　〃I　didn't　know　what　to　do。　That　first　week—I　thought　I　
was　going　to　have　to　hospitalize　her。　She　wouldn't　eat　or　drink；　she　wouldn't　move。　Dr。　Gerandy　was　
throwing　around　words　like　'catatonic；'　but　I　didn't　let　him　up　to　see　her。　I　was　afraid　it　would　scare　her。〃　

〃She　snapped　out　of　it　though？〃　

〃I　had　Renee　come　to　take　her　to　Florida。　I　just　didn't　want　to　be　the　one…　if　she　had　to　go　to　a　hospital　
or　something。　I　hoped　being　with　her　mother　would　help。　But　when　we　started　packing　her　clothes；　she　
woke　up　with　a　vengeance。　I've　never　seen　Bella　throw　a　fit　like　that。　She　was　never　one　for　the　
tantrums；　but；　boy；　did　she　fly　into　a　fury。　She　threw　her　clothes　everywhere　and　screamed　that　we　
couldn't　make　her　leave—and　then　she　finally　started　crying。　I　thought　that　would　be　the　turning　point。　I　
didn't　argue　when　she　insisted　on　staying　here…　and　she　did　seem　to　get　better　at　first…〃　

Charlie　trailed　off。　It　was　hard　listening　to　this；　knowing　how　much　pain　I'd　caused　him。　

〃But？〃　Alice　prompted。　

〃She　went　back　to　school　and　work；　she　ate　and　slept　and　did　her　homework。　She　answered　when　
someone　asked　her　a　direct　question。　But　she　was…　empty。　Her　eyes　were　blank。　There　were　lots　of　
little　things—she　wouldn't　listen　to　music　anymore；　I　found　a　bunch　of　CDs　broken　in　the　trash。　She　didn't　
read；　she　wouldn't　be　in　the　same　room　when　the　TV　was　on；　not　that　she　watched　it　so　much　before。　I　
finally　figured　it　out—she　was　avoiding　everything　that　might　remind　her　of…　him。　

〃We　could　hardly　talk；　I　was　so　worried　about　saying　something　that　would　upset　her—the　littlest　things　
would　make　her　flinch—and　she　never　volunteered　anything。　She　would　just　answer　if　I　asked　her　
something。　

〃She　was　alone　all　the　time。　She　didn't　call　her　friends　back；　and　after　a　while；　they　stopped　calling。　

〃It　was　night　of　the　living　dead　around　here。　I　still　hear　her　screaming　in　her　sleep…〃　

I　could　almost　see　him　shuddering。　I　shuddered；　too；　remembering。　And　then　I　sighed。　I　hadn't　fooled　him　
at　all；　not　for　one　second。　

〃I'm　so　sorry；　Charlie；〃　Alice　said；　voice　glum。　

〃It's　not　your　fault。〃　The　way　he　said　it　made　it　perfectly　clear　that　he　was　holding　someone　responsible。　
〃You　were　always　a　good　friend　to　her。〃　

〃She　seems　better　now；　though。〃　

〃Yeah。　Ever　since　she　started　hanging　out　with　Jacob　Black；　I've　noticed　a　real　improvement。　She　has　
some　color　in　her　cheeks　when　she　comes　home；　some　light　in　her　eyes。　She's　happier。〃　He　paused；　and　
his　voice　was　different　when　he　spoke　again。　〃He's　a　year　or　so　younger　than　her；　and　I　know　she　used　
to　think　of　him　as　a　friend；　but　I　think　maybe　it's　something　more　now；　or　headed　that　direction；　anyway。〃　
Charlie　said　this　in　a　tone　that　was　almost　belligerent。　It　was　a　warning；　not　for　Alice；　but　for　her　to　pass　
along。　〃Jake's　old　for　his　years；〃　he　continued；　still　sounding　defensive。　〃He's　taken　care　of　his　father　
physically　the　way　Bella　took　care　of　her　mother　emotionally。　It　matured　him。　He's　a　good…looking　kid；　
too—takes　after　his　mom's　side。　He's　good　for　Bella；　you　know；〃　Charlie　insisted。　

〃Then　it's　good　she　has　him；〃　Alice　agreed。　

Charlie　sighed　out　a　big　gust　of　air；　folding　quickly　to　the　lack　of　opposition。　〃Okay；　so　I　guess　that's　
overstating　things。　I　don't　know…　even　with　Jacob；　now　and　then　I　see　something　in　her　eyes；　and　I　
wonder　if　I've　ever　grasped　how　much　pain　she's　really　in　It's　not　normal；　Alice；　and　it…　it　frightens　me。　
Not　normal　at　all。　Not　like　someone…　left　her；　but　like　someone　died。〃　His　voice　cracked。　

It　was　like　someone　had　died—like　I　had　died。　Because　it　had　been　more　than　just　losing　the　truest　of　
true　loves；　as　if　that　were　not　enough　to　kill　anyone。　It　was　also　losing　a　whole　future；　a　whole　
family—the　whole　life　that　I'd　chosen…　

Charlie　went　on　in　a　hopeless　tone。　〃I　don't　know　if　she's　going　to　get　over　it—I'm　not　sure　if　it's　in　her　
nature　to