2 new moon新月-第29节

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He　smiled　cheerfully。　〃What　ever　you　want。〃　

I　thought　about　that　for　a　minute—about　what　I　wanted。　

I　hated　the　idea　of　losing　even　my　brief　seconds　of　closeness　with　the　memories　that　didn't　hurt—the　ones　
that　came　on　their　own；　without　me　thinking　of　them　consciously。　If　I　couldn't　have　the　bikes；　I　was　going　
to　have　to　find　some　other　avenue　to　the　danger　and　the　adrenaline；　and　that　was　going　to　take　serious　
thought　and　creativity。　Doing　nothing　in　the　meantime　was　not　appealing。　Suppose　I　got　depressed　again；　
even　with　Jake？　I　had　to　keep　occupied。　

Maybe　there　was　some　other　way；　some　other　recipe…　some　other　place。　

The　house　had　been　a　mistake；　certainly。　But　his　presence　must　be　stamped　somewhere；　somewhere　
other　than　inside　me。　There　had　to　be　a　place　where　he　seemed　more　real　than　among　all　the　familiar　
landmarks　that　were　crowded　with　other　human　memories。　

I　could　think　of　one　place　where　that　might　hold　true。　One　place　that　would　always　belong　to　him　and　no　
one　else。　A　magic　place；　full　of　light。　The　beautiful　meadow　I'd　seen　only　once　in　my　life；　lit　by　sunshine　
and　the　sparkle　of　his　skin。　

This　idea　had　a　huge　potential　for　backfiring—it　might　be　dangerously　painful。　My　chest　ached　with　
emptiness　even　to　think　of　it。　It　was　hard　to　hold　myself　upright；　to　not　give　myself　away。　But　surely；　there　
of　all　places；　I　could　hear　his　voice。　And　I'd　already　told　Charlie　I　was　hiking…　

〃What　are　you　thinking　about　so　hard？〃　Jacob　asked。　

〃Well…〃　I　began　slowly。　〃I　found　this　place　in　the　forest　once—I　came　across　it　when　I　was；　um；　hiking。　
A　little　meadow；　the　most　beautiful　place。　I　don't　know　if　I　could　track　it　down　again　on　my　own。　It　
would　definitely　take　a　few　tries…〃　

〃We　could　use　a　compass　and　a　grid　pattern；〃　Jacob　said　with　confident　helpfulness。　〃Do　you　know　
where　you　started　from？〃　

〃Yes；　just　below　the　trailhead　where　the　one…ten　ends。　I　was　going　mostly　south；　I　think。〃　

〃Cool。　We'll　find　it。〃　As　always；　Jacob　was　game　for　anything　I　wanted。　No　matter　how　strange　it　was。　

So；　Saturday　afternoon；　I　tied　on　my　new　hiking　boots—purchased　that　morning　using　my　
twenty…per…cent…off　employee　discount　for　the　first　time—grabbed　my　new　topographical　map　of　the　
Olympic　Peninsula；　and　drove　to　La　Push。　

We　didn't　get　started　immediately；　first；　Jacob　sprawled　across　the　living　room　floor—taking　up　the　
whole　room—and；　for　a　full　twenty　minutes；　drew　a　complicated　web　across　the　key　section　of　the　map　
while　I　perched　on　a　kitchen　chair　and　talked　to　Billy。　Billy　didn't　seem　at　all　concerned　about　our　
proposed　hiking　trip。　I　was　surprised　that　Jacob　had　told　him　where　we　were　going；　given　the　fuss　people　
were　making　about　the　bear　sightings。　I　wanted　to　ask　Billy　not　to　say　anything　about　this　to　Charlie；　but　I　
was　afraid　that　making　the　request　would　cause　the　opposite　result。　

〃Maybe　we'll　see　the　super　bear；〃　Jacob　joked；　eyes　on　his　design。　

I　glanced　at　Billy　swiftly；　fearing　a　Charlie…style　reaction。　

But　Billy　just　laughed　at　his　son。　〃Maybe　you　should　take　a　jar　of　honey；　just　in　case。〃　

Jake　chuckled。　〃Hope　your　new　boots　are　fast；　Bella。　One　little　jar　isn't　going　to　keep　a　hungry　bear　
occupied　for　long。〃　

〃I　only　have　to　be　faster　than　you。〃　

〃Good　luck　with　that！〃　Jacob　said；　rolling　his　eyes　as　he　refolded　the　map。　〃Let's　go。〃　

〃Have　fun；〃　Billy　rumbled；　wheeling　himself　toward　the　refrigerator。　

Charlie　was　not　a　hard　person　to　live　with；　but　it　looked　to　me　like　Jacob　had　it　even　easier　than　I　did。　

I　drove　to　the　very　end　of　the　dirt　road；　stopping　near　the　sign　that　marked　the　beginning　of　the　trailhead。　
It　had　been　a　long　time　since　I'd　been　here；　and　my　stomach　reacted　nervously。　This　might　be　a　very　bad　
thing。　But　it　would　be　worth　it；　if　I　got　to　hear　him。　

I　got　out　and　looked　at　the　dense　wall　of　green。　

〃I　went　this　way；〃　I　murmured；　pointing　straight　ahead。　

〃Hmm；〃　Jake　muttered。　

〃What？〃　

He　looked　at　the　direction　I'd　pointed；　then　at　the　clearly　marked　trail；　and　back。　

〃I　would　have　figured　you　for　a　trail　kind　of　girl。〃　

〃Not　me。〃　I　smiled　bleakly。　〃I'm　a　rebel。〃　

He　laughed；　and　then　pulled　out　our　map。　

〃Give　me　a　second。〃　He　held　the　compass　in　a　skilled　way；　twisting　the　map　around　till　it　angled　the　way　
he　wanted。　

〃Okay—first　line　on　the　grid。　Let's　do　it。〃　

I　could　tell　that　I　was　slowing　Jacob　up；　but　he　didn't　complain。　I　tried　not　to　dwell　on　my　last　trip　through　
this　part　of　the　forest；　with　a　very　different　companion。　Normal　memories　were　still　cangerous。　If　I　let　
myself　slip　up；　I'd　end　up　with　my　arms　clutching　my　chest　to　hold　it　together；　gasping　for　air；　and　how　
would　I　explain　that　to　Jacob？　

It　wasn't　as　hard　as　I　would　have　thought　to　keep　focused　on　the　present。　The　forest　looked　a　lot　like　any　
other　part　of　the　peninsula；　and　Jacob　set　a　vastly　different　mood。　

He　whistled　cheerfully；　an　unfamiliar　tune；　swinging　his　arms　and　moving　easily　through　the　rough　
undergrowth。　The　shadows　didn't　seem　as　dark　as　usual。　Not　with　my　personal　sun　along。　

Jacob　checked　the　compass　every　few　minutes；　keeping　us　in　a　straight　line　with　one　of　the　radiating　
spokes　of　his　grid。　He　really　looked　like　he　knew　what　he　was　doing。　I　was　going　to　compliment　him；　but　
I　caught　myself。　No　doubt　he'd　add　another　few　years　to　his　inflated　age。　

My　mind　wandered　as　I　walked；　and　I　grew　curious。　I　hadn't　forgotten　the　conversation　we'd　had　by　the　
sea　cliffs—I'd　been　waiting　for　him　to　bring　it　up　again；　but　it　didn't　look　like　that　was　going　to　happen。　

〃Hey…　Jake？〃　I　asked　hesitantly。　

〃Yeah？〃　

〃How　are　things…　with　Embry？　Is　he　back　to　normal　yet？〃　

Jacob　was　silent　for　a　minute；　still　moving　forward　with　long　paces。　When　he　was　about　ten　feet　ahead；　
he　stopped　to　wait　for　me。　

〃No。　He's　not　back　to　normal；〃　Jacob　said　when　I　reached　him；　his　mouth　pulling　down　at　the　corners。　
He　didn't　start　walking　again。　I　immediately　regretted　bringing　it　up。　

〃StillwithSam。〃　

〃Yup。〃　

He　put　his　arm　around　my　shoulder；　and　he　looked　so　troubled　that　I　didn't　playfully　shake　it　off；　as　I　
might　have　otherwise。　

〃Are　they　still　looking　at　you　funny？〃　I　half…whispered。　

Jacob　stared　through　the　trees。　〃Sometimes。〃　

〃AndBilly？〃　

〃As　helpful　as　ever；〃　he　said　in　a　sour；　angry　voice　that　disturbed　me。　

〃Our　couch　is　always　open；〃　I　offered。　

He　laughed；　breaking　out　of　the　unnatural　gloom。　〃But　think　of　the　position　that　would　put　Charlie　
in—when　Billy　calls　the　police　to　report　my　kidnapping。〃　

I　laughed　too；　glad　to　have　Jacob　back　to　normal。　

We　stopped　when　Jacob　said　we'd　gone　six　miles；　cut　west　for　a　short　time；　and　headed　back　along　
another　line　of　his　grid。　Everything　looked　exactly　the　same　as　the　way　in；　and　I　had　a　feeling　that　my　silly　
quest　was　pretty　much　doomed。　I　admitted　as　much　when　it　started　to　get　darker；　the　sunless　day　fading　
toward　a　starless　night；　but　Jacob　was　more　confident。　

〃As　long　as　you're　sure　we're　starting　from　the　right　place…〃　He　glanced　down　at　me。　

〃Yes；　I'm　sure。〃　

〃Then　we'll　find　it；〃　he　promised；　grabbing　my　hand　and　pulling　me　through　a　mass　of　ferns。　On　the　other　
side　was　the　truck。　He　gestured　toward　it　proudly。　〃Trust　me。〃　

〃You're　good；〃　I　admitted。　〃Next　time　we　bring　flashlights；　though。〃　

〃We'll　save　hiking　for　Sundays　from　now　on。　I　didn't　know　you　were　that　slow。〃　

I　yanked　my　hand　back　and　stomped　around　to　the　driver's　side　while　he　chuckled　at　my　reaction。　

〃So　you　up　for　another　try　tomorrow。'〃　he　asked；　sliding　into　the　passenger　seat。　

〃Sure。　Unless　you　want　to　go　without　me　so　I　don't　tie　you　down　to　my　gimpy　pace。〃　

〃I'll　survive；〃　he　assured　me。　〃If　we're　hiking　again；　though；　you　might　want　to　pick　up　some　moleskin。　I　
bet　you　can　feel　those　new　boots　right　now。〃　

〃A　little；〃　I　confessed。　It　felt　like　I　had　more　blisters　than　I　had　space　to　fit　them。　

〃I　hope　we　see　the　bear　tomorrow。　I'm　sort　of　disappointed　about　that。〃　

〃Yes；　me；　too；〃　I　agreed　sarcastically。　〃Maybe　we'll　get　lucky　tomorrow　and　something　will　eat　us！〃　

〃Bears　don't　want　to　eat　people。　We　don't　taste　that　good。〃　He　grinned　at　me　in　the　dark　cab。　〃Of　
course；　you　might　be　an　exception。　I　bet　you'd　taste　good。〃　

〃Thanks　so　much；〃　I　said；　looking　away。　He　wasn't　the　first　person　to　tell　me　that。　

9。　THIRD　WHEEL　

TIME　BEGAN　TO　TRIP　ALONG　MUCH　MORE　QUICKLY　than　before。　School；　work；　and　
Jacob—though　not　necessarily　in　that　order—created　a　neat　and　effortless　pattern　to　follow。　And　Charlie　
got　his　wish：　I　wasn't　miserable　anymore。　Of　course；　I　couldn't　fool　myself　completely。　When　I　stopped　
to　take　stock　of　my　life；　which　I　tried　not　to　do　too　often；　I　couldn't　ignore　the　implications　of　my　
behavior。　

I　was　like　a　lost　moon—my　planet　destroyed　in　some　cataclysmic；　disaster…movie　scenario　of　
desolation—that　continued；　nevertheless；　to　circle　in　a　tight　little　orbit　around　the　empty　space　left　behind；　
ignoring　the　laws　of　gravity。　

I　was　getting　better　with　my　bike；　which　meant　fewer　bandages　to　worry　Charlie。　But　it　also　meant　that　
the　voice　in　my　head　began　to　fade；　u