the major-第38节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


n？Oh；　yes；　certainly；　one　of　us　will　be　glad　to　go。No；　no；　certainly　not。　　I　would　not　have　Mr。　Waring…Gaunt　leave　his　work　for　the　world。I　know；　I　know；　awfully　slow　for　him。　　We　had　not　heard　of　the　change。　　It　is　too　bad。Yes；　surely　one　of　us　will　be　glad　to　come。　　We　will　fix　it　up　some　way。　　Good…bye。〃

Nora　hung　up　the　receiver　and　turned　fiercely　upon　her　sister。　〃Now；　what　nonsense　is　this；〃　she　said；　〃and　she　being　so　nice　about　the　car；　and　that　poor　man　suffering　there；　and　we　never　even　heard　that　he　was　worse？　　He　was　doing　so　splendidly；　getting　about　all　right。　　Blood…poisoning　is　so　awful。　　Why；　you　remember　the　Mills　boy？　　He　almost　lost　his　arm。〃

〃Oh；　my　dear　Nora；〃　said　her　mother。　　〃There　is　no　need　of　imagining　such　terrible　things；　but　I　am　glad　Dr。　Brown　is　to　be　here。　　It　is　quite　providential。　　I　am　sure　he　will　put　poor　Mr。　Romayne　right。　　Kathleen；　dear；〃　continued　the　mother；　turning　to　her　elder　daughter；　〃I　think　it　would　be　very　nice　if　you　would　run　over　to…morrow　while　Mrs。　Waring…Gaunt　drives　to　the　station。　　I　am　sure　it　is　very　kind　of　her。〃

〃I　know　it　is；　Mother　dear；〃　said　Kathleen。　　〃But　don't　you　think　you　would　be　so　much　better？〃

〃Oh；　rubbish！〃　cried　Nora。　　〃If　it　were　not　Jane　that　is　coming；　I　would　go　myself；　I　would　only　be　too　glad　to　go。　　He　is　perfectly　splendid；　so　patient；　and　so　jolly　too；　and　Kathleen；　you　ought　to　go。〃

〃Nora；　dear；　we　won't　discuss　it；〃　said　the　mother　in　the　tone　that　the　family　knew　meant　the　end　of　all　conversation。　　Kathleen　hurried　away　from　them　and　took　refuge　in　her　own　room。　　Then　shutting　the　door；　she　began　pacing　the　floor；　fighting　once　more　the　battle　which　during　that　last　ten　days　she　had　often　fought　with　herself　and　of　which　she　was　thoroughly　weary。　　〃Oh；〃　she　groaned；　wringing　her　hands；　〃I　cannot　do　it。　　I　cannot　look　at　him。〃　　She　thought　of　that　calm；　impassive　face　which　for　the　past　three　months　this　English　gentleman　had　carried　in　all　of　his　intercourse　with　her；　and　over　against　that　reserve　of　his　she　contrasted　her　own　passionate　abandonment　of　herself　in　that　dreadful　moment　of　self…revelation。　　The　contrast　caused　her　to　writhe　in　an　agony　of　self…loathing。　　She　knew　little　of　men；　but　instinctively　she　felt　that　in　his　sight　she　had　cheapened　herself　and　never　could　she　bear　to　look　at　him　again。　　She　tried　to　recall　those　glances　of　his　and　those　broken；　passionate　words　uttered　during　the　moments　of　his　physical　suffering　that　seemed　to　mean　something　more　than　friendliness。　　Against　these；　however；　was　the　constantly　recurring　picture　of　a　calm　cold　face　and　of　intercourse　marked　with　cool　indifference。　　〃Oh；　he　cannot　love　me；〃　she　cried　to　herself。　　〃I　am　sure　he　does　not　love　me；　and　I　just　threw　myself　at　him。〃　　In　her　march　up　and　down　the　room　she　paused　before　her　mirror　and　looked　at　the　face　that　stared　so　wildly　back　at　her。　　Her　eyes　rested　on　the　red　line　of　her　mouth。　　〃Oh；〃　she　groaned；　rubbing　vigorously　those　full　red　lips。　　〃I　just　kissed　him。〃　　She　paused　in　the　rubbing　operation；　gazed　abstractedly　into　the　glass；　a　tender　glow　drove　the　glare　from　her　eyes；　a　delicious　softness　as　from　some　inner　well　overflowed　her　countenance；　the　red　blood　surged　up　into　her　white　face；　she　fled　from　her　accusing　mirror；　buried　her　burning　face　in　the　pillow　in　an　exultation　of　rapture。　　She　dared　not　put　into　words　the　thoughts　that　rioted　in　her　heart。　　〃But　I　loved　it；　I　loved　it；　I　am　glad　I　did。〃　　Lying　there；　she　strove　to　recall　in　shameless　abandon　the　sensation　of　those　ecstatic　moments；　whispering　in　passionate　self…defiance；　〃I　don't　care　what　he　thinks。　　I　don't　care　if　I　was　horrid。　　I　am　NOT　sorry。　　Besides；　he　looked　so　dreadful。〃　　But　she　was　too　honest　not　to　acknowledge　to　herself　that　not　for　pity's　sake　but　for　love's　she　had　kissed　him；　and　without　even　his　invitation。　　Then　once　again　she　recalled　the　look　in　his　eyes　of　surprise　in　the　moment　of　his　returning　consciousness；　and　the　little　smile　that　played　around　his　lips。　　Again　wave　upon　wave　of　sickening　self…　loathing　flooded　from　her　soul　every　memory　of　the　bliss　of　that　supreme　moment。　　Even　now　she　could　feel　the　bite　of　the　cold；　half　humorous　scorn　in　the　eyes　that　had　opened　upon　her　as　she　withdrew　her　lips　from　his。　　On　the　back　of　this　came　another　memory；　sharp　and　stabbing；　that　this　man　was　ill；　perhaps　terribly　ill。　　〃We　are　a　little　anxious　about　him；〃　his　sister　had　said；　and　she　had　mentioned　the　word　〃blood…poisoning。〃　　Of　the　full　meaning　of　that　dread　word　Kathleen　had　little　knowledge；　but　it　held　for　her　a　horror　of　something　unspeakably　dangerous。　　He　had　been　restless；　sleepless；　suffering　for　the　last　two　days　and　two　nights。　　That　very　night　and　that　very　hour　he　was　perhaps　tossing　in　fever。　　An　uncontrollable　longing　came　over　her　to　go　to　him。　　Perhaps　she　might　give　him　a　few　hours'　rest；　might　indeed　help　to　give　him　the　turn　to　health　again。　　After　all；　what　mattered　her　feelings。　　What　difference　if　he　should　despise　her；　provided　she　brought　him　help　in　an　hour　of　crisis。　　Physically　weary　with　the　long　struggle　through　which　she　had　been　passing　during　the　last　ten　days；　sick　at　heart；　and　torn　with　anxiety　for　the　man　she　loved；　she　threw　herself　upon　her　bed　and　abandoned　herself　to　a　storm　of　tears。　Her　mother　came　announcing　tea；　but　this　she　declined；　pleading　headache　and　a　desire　to　sleep。　　But　no　sooner　had　her　mother　withdrawn　than　she　rose　from　her　bed　and　with　deliberate　purpose　sat　herself　down　in　front　of　her　mirror　again。　　She　would　have　this　out　with　herself　now。　　〃Well；　you　are　a　beauty；　sure　enough；〃　she　said；　addressing　her　swollen　and　disfigured　countenance。　　〃Why　can't　you　behave　naturally？　　You　are　acting　like　a　fool　and　you　are　not　honest　with　yourself。　　Come　now；　tell　the　truth　for　a　few　minutes　if　you　can。　　Do　you　want　to　go　and　see　this　man　or　not？　Answer　truly。〃　　〃Well；　I　do　then。〃　　The　blue　eyes　looked　back　defiantly　at　her。　　〃Why？　to　help　him？　for　his　sake？　　Come；　the　truth。〃　　〃Yes；　for　his　sake；　at　least　partly。〃　　〃And　for　your　own　sake；　too？　　Come　now；　none　of　that。　　Never　mind　the　blushing。〃　〃Yes；　for　my　own　sake；　too。〃　　〃Chiefly　for　your　own　sake？〃　　〃No；　I　do　not　think　so。　　Chiefly　I　wish　to　help　him。〃　　〃Then　why　not　go？〃　Ah；　this　is　a　poser。　　She　looks　herself　fairly　in　the　eye；　distinctly　puzzled。　　Why　should　she　not　simply　go　to　him　and　help　him　through　a　bad　hour？　　With　searching；　deliberate　persistence　she　demanded　an　answer。　　She　will　have　the　truth　out　of　herself。　　〃Why　not　go　to　him　if　you　so　desire　to　help　him？〃　　〃Because　I　am　ashamed；　because　I　have　made　myself　cheap；　and　I　cannot　bear　his　eyes　upon　me。　　Because　if　I　have　made　a　mistake　and　he　does　not　care　for　meoh；　then　I　never　want　to　see　him　again；　for　he　would　pity　me；　and　that　I　cannot　bear。〃　　〃What？　　Not　even　to　bring　him　rest　and　relief　from　his　pain？　　Not　to　help　him　in　a　critical　hour？　He　has　been　asking　for　you；　remember。〃　　Steadily　they　face　each　other；　eye　to　eye；　and　all　at　once　she　is　conscious　that　the　struggle　is　over；　and；　looking　at　the　face　in　the　glass；　she　says；　〃Yes；　I　think　I　would　be　willing　to　do　that　for　him；　no　matter　how　it　would　shame　me。〃　　Another　heart…searching　pause；　and　the　eyes　answer　her　again；　〃I　will　go　to…morrow。〃　　At　once　she　reads　a　new　peace　in　the　face　that　gazes　at　her　so　weary　and　wan；　and　she　knows　that　for　the　sake　of　the　man　she　loves　she　is　willing　to　endure　even　the　shame　of　his　pity。　　The　battle　was　over　and　some　sort　of　victory　at　least　she　had　won。　　An　eager　impatience　possessed　her　to　go　to　him　at　once。　　〃I　wish　it　were　to…morrow　now；　this　very　minute。〃

She　rose　and　looked　out　into　the　night。　　There　was　neither　moon　nor　stars　and　a　storm　was　brewing；　but　she　knew　she　could　find　her　way　in　the　dark。　　Quietly　and　with　a　great　peace　in　her　heart　she　bathed　her　swollen　face；　changed　her　dress　to　one　fresh　from　the　ironing　boardpale　blue　it　was　with　a　dainty　vine　running　through　itthrew　a　wrap　about　her　and　went　out　to　her　mother。

〃I　am　going　up　to　the　Waring…Gaunts'；　Mother。　　They　might　need　me；〃　she　said　in　a　voice　of　such　serene　control　that　her　mother　only　answered；

〃Yes；　dear；　Larry　will　go　with　you。　　He　will　soon　be　in。〃

〃There　is　no　need；　Mother；　I　am　not　afraid。〃

Her　mother　made　no　answer　but　came　to　her　and　with　a　display　of　tenderness　unusual　between　them　put　her　arms　about　her　and　kissed　her。　　〃Good…night；　then；　darling；　I　am　sure　you　will　do　them　good。〃

The　night　was　gusty　and　black；　but　Kathleen　had　no　fear。　　The　road　was　known　to　her；　and　under　the　impulse　of　the　purpose　that　possessed　her　she　made　nothing　of　the　darkness　nor　of　the　approaching　storm。　　She　hurried　down　the　lane　toward　the　main　trail；　refusing　to　discuss　with　herself　the　possible　consequence　of　what　she　was　doing。　　Nor　did　she　know　just　what　situation　she　might　find　at　the　Waring…Gaunts'。　　They　would　doubtless　be　surprised　to　see　her。　　They　might　not　need　her　help　at　all。　　She　might　be　going　upon　a　fool's　errand；　but　all　these　suppositions　and　forebodings　she　brushed　aside。　　She　was　bent　upon　an　errand　of　simple　kindness　and　help。　　If　she　found　she　was　not　needed　she　could　return　home　and　no　harm　done。

Receiving　no　response　to　her　knock；　she　went　quietly　into　the