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!!!!隆堋響頼紗秘慕禰厮宴和肝写偬堋響
had to run after my pupils to catch them察to carry or drag them to the table察
and often forcibly to hold them there till the lesson was done。 Tom I
frequently put into a corner察seating myself before him in a chair察with a
book which contained the little task that must be said or read察before he
was released察 in my hand。 He was not strong enough to push both me
and the chair away察so he would stand twisting his body and face into the
most grotesque and singular contortions ´ laughable察 no doubt察 to an
unconcerned spectator察but not to me ´ and uttering loud yells and doleful
outcries察 intended to represent weeping but wholly without the
accompaniment of tears。 I knew this was done solely for the purpose of
annoying me察 and察 therefore察 however I might inwardly tremble with
impatience and irritation察I manfully strove to suppress all visible signs of
molestation察 and affected to sit with calm indifference察 waiting till it
should please him to cease this pastime察 and prepare for a run in the
garden察by casting his eye on the book and reading or repeating the few
words he was required to say。 Sometimes he was determined to do his
writing badly察and I had to hold his hand to prevent him from purposely
blotting or disfiguring the paper。 Frequently I threatened that察if he did
not do better察 he should have another line此 then he would stubbornly
refuse to write this line察and I察to save my word察had finally to resort to the
expedient of holding his fingers upon the pen察 and forcibly drawing his
hand up and down察till察in spite of his resistance察the line was in some sort
completed。
Yet Tom was by no means the most unmanageable of my pupils此
sometimes察to my great joy察he would have the sense to see that his wisest
policy was to finish his tasks察and go out and amuse himself till I and his
sisters came to join him察which frequently was not at all察 for Mary Ann
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seldom followed his example in this particular此 she apparently preferred
rolling on the floor to any other amusement此 down she would drop like a
leaden weight察and when I察with great difficulty察had succeeded in rooting
her thence察I had still to hold her up with one arm察while with the other I
held the book from which she was to read or spell her lesson。 As the
dead weight of the big girl of six became too heavy for one arm to bear察I
transferred it to the other察or察if both were weary of the burden察I carried
her into a corner察and told her she might come out when she should find
the use of her feet察and stand up此but she generally preferred lying there
like a log till dinner or teatime察when察 as I could not deprive her of her
meals察she must be liberated察and would come crawling out with a grin of
triumph on her round察 red face。 Often she would stubbornly refuse to
pronounce some particular word in her lesson察and now I regret the lost
labour I have had in striving to conquer her obstinacy。 If I had passed it
over as a matter of no consequence察 it would have been better for both
parties察 than vainly striving to overcome it as I did察 but I thought it my
absolute duty to crush this vicious tendency in the bud此 and so it was察if I
could have done it察 and had my powers been less limited察 I might have
enforced obedience察but察as it was察it was a trial of strength between her
and me察 in which she generally came off victorious察 and every victory
served to encourage and strengthen her for a future contest。 In vain I
argued察coaxed察entreated察threatened察scolded察in vain I kept her in from
play察or察if obliged to take her out察 refused to play with her察or to speak
kindly or have anything to do with her察in vain I tried to set before her the
advantages of doing as she was bid察and being loved察and kindly treated in
consequence察and the disadvantages of persisting in her absurd perversity。
Sometimes察 when she would ask me to do something for her察 I would
answer察 'Yes察I will察Mary Ann察if you will only say that word。 Come
you'd better say it at once察and have no more trouble about it。'
'No。'
'Then察of course察I can do nothing for you。'
With me察 at her age察 or under察 neglect and disgrace were the most
dreadful of punishments察but on her they made no impression。 Sometimes察
exasperated to the utmost pitch察 I would shake her violently by the
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AGNES GREY
shoulder察 or pull her long hair察 or put her in the corner察 for which she
punished me with loud察 shrill察 piercing screams察 that went through my
head like a knife。 She knew I hated this察and when she had shrieked her
utmost察 would look into my face with an air of vindictive satisfaction察
exclaiming察 'NOW察 then THAT'S for you' and then shriek again and
again察till I was forced to stop my ears。 Often these dreadful cries would
bring Mrs。 Bloomfield up to inquire what was the matter拭
'Mary Ann is a naughty girl察ma'am。'
'But what are these shocking screams'
'She is screaming in a passion。'
'I never heard such a dreadful noise You might be killing her。 Why
is she not out with her brother'
'I cannot get her to finish her lessons。'
'But Mary Ann must be a GOOD girl察and finish her lessons。' This
was blandly spoken to the child。 'And I hope I shall NEVER hear such
terrible cries again'
And fixing her cold察stony eyes upon me with a look that could not be
mistaken察she would shut the door察and walk away。 Sometimes I would
try to take the little obstinate creature by surprise察and casually ask her the
word while she was thinking of something else察 frequently she would
begin to say it察 and then suddenly cheek herself察 with a provoking look
that seemed to say察'Ah I'm too sharp for you察you shan't trick it out of me察
either。'
On another occasion察I pretended to forget the whole affair察and talked
and played with her as usual察 till night察 when I put her to bed察 then
bending over her察while she lay all smiles and good humour察just before
departing察I said察as cheerfully and kindly as before ´ 'Now察Mary Ann察just
tell me that word before I kiss you good´night。 You are a good girl now察
and察of course察you will say it。'
'No察I won't。'
'Then I can't kiss you。'
'Well察I don't care。'
In vain I expressed my sorrow察in vain I lingered for some symptom of
contrition察 she really 'didn't care' and I left her alone察 and in darkness察
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AGNES GREY
wondering most of all at this last proof of insensate stubbornness。 In MY
childhood I could not imagine a more afflictive punishment than for my
mother to refuse to kiss me at night此 the very idea was terrible。 More
than the idea I never felt察for察happily察I never committed a fault that was
deemed worthy of such penalty察 but once I remember察 for some
transgression of my sister's察our mother thought proper to inflict it upon
her此what SHE felt察I cannot tell察but my sympathetic tears and suffering
for her sake I shall not soon forget。
Another troublesome trait in Mary Ann was her incorrigible propensity
to keep running into the nursery察to play with her little sisters and the nurse。
This was natural enough察but察as it was against her mother's express desire察
I察of course察forbade her to do so察and did my utmost to keep her with me察
but that only increased her relish for the nursery察and the more I strove to
keep her out of it察the oftener she went察and the longer she stayed察to the
great dissatisfaction of Mrs。 Bloomfield察who察I well knew察would impute
all the blame of the matter to me。 Another of my trials was the dress