agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第48节
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way back to my sitting…room； where； in due time； I was served with a cup
of tea。 After that； I sat musing on Lady Ashby's past and present
condition； and on what little information I had obtained respecting Mr。
Weston； and the small chance there was of ever seeing or hearing anything
more of him throughout my quiet； drab…colour life： which； henceforth；
seemed to offer no alternative between positive rainy days； and days of
dull grey clouds without downfall。 At length； however； I began to weary
of my thoughts； and to wish I knew where to find the library my hostess
had spoken of； and to wonder whether I was to remain there doing nothing
till bedtime。
As I was not rich enough to possess a watch； I could not tell how time
was passing； except by observing the slowly lengthening shadows from
the window； which presented a side view； including a corner of the park； a
clump of trees whose topmost branches had been colonized by an
innumerable company of noisy rooks； and a high wall with a massive
wooden gate： no doubt communicating with the stable…yard； as a broad
carriage…road swept up to it from the park。 The shadow of this wall soon
took posession of the whole of the ground as far as I could see； forcing the
golden sunlight to retreat inch by inch； and at last take refuge in the very
tops of the trees。 Ere long； even they were left in shadow … the shadow of
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the distant hills； or of the earth itself； and； in sympathy for the busy
citizens of the rookery； I regretted to see their habitation； so lately bathed
in glorious light； reduced to the sombre； work…a… day hue of the lower
world； or of my own world within。 For a moment； such birds as soared
above the rest might still receive the lustre on their wings； which imparted
to their sable plumage the hue and brilliance of deep red gold； at last； that
too departed。 Twilight came stealing on； the rooks became more quiet； I
became more weary； and wished I were going home to…morrow。 At
length it grew dark； and I was thinking of ringing for a candle； and
betaking myself to bed； when my hostess appeared； with many apologies
for having neglected me so long； and laying all the blame upon that 'nasty
old woman；' as she called her mother…in…law。
'If I didn't sit with her in the drawing…room while Sir Thomas is taking
his wine；' said she； 'she would never forgive me； and then； if I leave the
room the instant he comes … as I have done once or twice … it is an
unpardonable offence against her dear Thomas。 SHE never showed such
disrespect to HER husband： and as for affection； wives never think of
that now…a…days； she supposes： but things were different in HER time …
as if there was any good to be done by staying in the room； when he does
nothing but grumble and scold when he's in a bad humour； talk disgusting
nonsense when he's in a good one； and go to sleep on the sofa when he's
too stupid for either； which is most frequently the case now； when he has
nothing to do but to sot over his wine。'
'But could you not try to occupy his mind with something better； and
engage him to give up such habits？ I'm sure you have powers of
persuasion； and qualifications for amusing a gentleman； which many
ladies would be glad to possess。'
'And so you think I would lay myself out for his amusement！ No：
that's not MY idea of a wife。 It's the husband's part to please the wife；
not hers to please him； and if he isn't satisfied with her as she is … and
thankful to possess her too … he isn't worthy of her； that's all。 And as for
persuasion； I assure you I shan't trouble myself with that： I've enough to
do to bear with him as he is； without attempting to work a reform。 But
I'm sorry I left you so long alone； Miss Grey。 How have you passed the
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time？'
'Chiefly in watching the rooks。'
'Mercy； how dull you must have been！ I really must show you the
library； and you must ring for everything you want； just as you would in
an inn； and make yourself comfortable。 I have selfish reasons for
wishing to make you happy； because I want you to stay with me； and not
fulfil your horrid threat of running away in a day or two。'
'Well； don't let me keep you out of the drawing…room any longer to…
night； for at present I am tired and wish to go to bed。'
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CHAPTER XXIII … THE PARK
I CAME down a little before eight； next morning； as I knew by the
striking of a distant clock。 There was no appearance of breakfast。 I
waited above an hour before it came； still vainly longing for access to the
library； and； after that lonely repast was concluded； I waited again about
an hour and a half in great suspense and discomfort； uncertain what to do。
At length Lady Ashby came to bid me good…morning。 She informed me
she had only just breakfasted； and now wanted me to take an early walk
with her in the park。 She asked how long I had been up； and on receiving
my answer； expressed the deepest regret； and again promised to show me
the library。 I suggested she had better do so at once； and then there
would be no further trouble either with remembering or forgetting。 She
complied； on condition that I would not think of reading； or bothering with
the books now； for she wanted to show me the gardens； and take a walk in
the park with me； before it became too hot for enjoyment； which； indeed；
was nearly the case already。 Of course I readily assented； and we took
our walk accordingly。
As we were strolling in the park； talking of what my companion had
seen and heard during her travelling experience； a gentleman on horseback
rode up and passed us。 As he turned； in passing； and stared me full in the
face； I had a good opportunity of seeing what he was like。 He was tall；
thin； and wasted； with a slight stoop in the shoulders； a pale face； but
somewhat blotchy； and disagreeably red about the eyelids； plain features；
and a general appearance of languor and flatness； relieved by a sinister
expression in the mouth and the dull； soulless eyes。
'I detest that man！' whispered Lady Ashby； with bitter emphasis； as he
slowly trotted by。
'Who is it？' I asked； unwilling to suppose that she should so speak of
her husband。
'Sir Thomas Ashby；' she replied； with dreary composure。
'And do you DETEST him； Miss Murray？' said I； for I was too much
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shocked to remember her name at the moment。
'Yes； I do； Miss Grey； and despise him too； and if you knew him you
would not blame me。'
'But you knew what he was before you married him。'
'No； I only thought so： I did not half know him really。 I know you
warned me against it； and I wish I had listened to you： but it's too late to
regret that now。 And besides； mamma ought to have known better than
either of us； and she never said anything against it … quite the contrary。
And then I thought he adored me； and would let me have my own way：
he did pretend to do so at first； but now he does not care a bit about me。
Yet I should not care for that： he might do as he pleased； if I might only
be free to amuse myself and to stay in London； or have a few friends down
here： but HE WILL do as he pleases； and I must be a prisoner and a
slave。 The moment he saw I could enjoy myself without him； and that
others knew my value better than himself； the selfish wretch began to
accuse me of coquetry and extravagance； and to abuse Harry Meltham；
whose shoes he was not worthy to clean
