agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第42节
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and concluding with saying I might have the phaeton to take me to O…。
'And instead of REPINING； Miss Grey； be thankful for the PRIVILEGES
you enjoy。 There's many a poor clergyman whose family would be
plunged into ruin by the event of his death； but you； you see； have
influential friends ready to continue their patronage； and to show you
every consideration。'
I thanked her for her 'consideration；' and flew to my room to make
some hurried preparations for my departure。 My bonnet and shawl being
on； and a few things hastily crammed into my largest trunk； I descended。
But I might have done the work more leisurely； for no one else was in a
hurry； and I had still a considerable time to wait for the phaeton。 At
length it came to the door； and I was off： but； oh； what a dreary journey
was that！ how utterly different from my former passages homewards！
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Being too late for the last coach to …； I had to hire a cab for ten miles； and
then a car to take me over the rugged hills。
It was half…past ten before I reached home。 They were not in bed。
My mother and sister both met me in the passage … sad … silent … pale！
I was so much shocked and terror…stricken that I could not speak； to ask
the information I so much longed yet dreaded to obtain。
'Agnes！' said my mother； struggling to repress some strong emotion。
'Oh； Agnes！' cried Mary； and burst into tears。
'How is he？' I asked； gasping for the answer。
'Dead！'
It was the reply I had anticipated： but the shock seemed none the less
tremendous。
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AGNES GREY
CHAPTER XIX … THE LETTER
MY father's mortal remains had been consigned to the tomb； and we；
with sad faces and sombre garments； sat lingering over the frugal
breakfast…table； revolving plans for our future life。 My mother's strong
mind had not given way beneath even this affliction： her spirit； though
crushed； was not broken。 Mary's wish was that I should go back to
Horton Lodge； and that our mother should come and live with her and Mr。
Richardson at the vicarage： she affirmed that he wished it no less than
herself； and that such an arrangement could not fail to benefit all parties；
for my mother's society and experience would be of inestimable value to
them； and they would do all they could to make her happy。 But no
arguments or entreaties could prevail： my mother was determined not to
go。 Not that she questioned； for a moment； the kind wishes and intentions
of her daughter； but she affirmed that so long as God spared her health and
strength； she would make use of them to earn her own livelihood； and be
chargeable to no one； whether her dependence would be felt as a burden or
not。 If she could afford to reside as a lodger in … vicarage； she would
choose that house before all others as the place of her abode； but not being
so circumstanced； she would never come under its roof； except as an
occasional visitor： unless sickness or calamity should render her
assistance really needful； or until age or infirmity made her incapable of
maintaining herself。
'No； Mary；' said she； 'if Richardson and you have anything to spare；
you must lay it aside for your family； and Agnes and I must gather honey
for ourselves。 Thanks to my having had daughters to educate； I have not
forgotten my accomplishments。 God willing； I will check this vain
repining；' she said； while the tears coursed one another down her cheeks in
spite of her efforts； but she wiped them away； and resolutely shaking back
her head； continued； 'I will exert myself； and look out for a small house；
commodiously situated in some populous but healthy district； where we
will take a few young ladies to board and educate … if we can get them …
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and as many day pupils as will come； or as we can manage to instruct。
Your father's relations and old friends will be able to send us some pupils；
or to assist us with their recommendations； no doubt： I shall not apply to
my own。 What say you to it； Agnes？ will you be willing to leave your
present situation and try？'
'Quite willing； mamma； and the money I have saved will do to furnish
the house。 It shall be taken from the bank directly。'
'When it is wanted： we must get the house； and settle on
preliminaries first。'
Mary offered to lend the little she possessed； but my mother declined it；
saying that we must begin on an economical plan； and she hoped that the
whole or part of mine； added to what we could get by the sale of the
furniture； and what little our dear papa had contrived to lay aside for her
since the debts were paid； would be sufficient to last us till Christmas；
when； it was hoped； something would accrue from our united labours。 It
was finally settled that this should be our plan； and that inquiries and
preparations should immediately be set on foot； and while my mother
busied herself with these； I should return to Horton Lodge at the close of
my four weeks' vacation； and give notice for my final departure when
things were in train for the speedy commencement of our school。
We were discussing these affairs on the morning I have mentioned；
about a fortnight after my father's death； when a letter was brought in for
my mother； on beholding which the colour mounted to her face … lately
pale enough with anxious watchings and excessive sorrow。 'From my
father！' murmured she； as she hastily tore off the cover。 It was many
years since she had heard from any of her own relations before。
Naturally wondering what the letter might contain； I watched her
countenance while she read it； and was somewhat surprised to see her bite
her lip and knit her brows as if in anger。 When she had done； she
somewhat irreverently cast it on the table； saying with a scornful smile； …
'Your grandpapa has been so kind as to write to me。 He says he has no
doubt I have long repented of my 〃unfortunate marriage；〃 and if I will
only acknowledge this； and confess I was wrong in neglecting his advice；
and that I have justly suffered for it； he will make a lady of me once again
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… if that be possible after my long degradation … and remember my girls in
his will。 Get my desk； Agnes； and send these things away： I will
answer the letter directly。 But first； as I may be depriving you both of a
legacy； it is just that I should tell you what I mean to say。 I shall say that
he is mistaken in supposing that I can regret the birth of my daughters
（who have been the pride of my life； and are likely to be the comfort of my
old age）； or the thirty years I have passed in the company of my best and
dearest friend； … that； had our misfortunes been three times as great as they
were （unless they had been of my bringing on）； I should still the more
rejoice to have shared them with your father； and administered what
consolation I was able； and； had his sufferings in illness been ten times
what they wore； I could not regret having watched over and laboured to
relieve them； … that； if he had married a richer wife； misfortunes and trials
would no doubt have come upon him still； while I am egotist enough to
imagine that no other woman could have cheered him through them so
well： not that I am superior to the rest； but I was made for him； and he
for me； and I can no more repent the hours； days； years of happiness we
have
