agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第41节
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expectations； but she sailed away as soon as she had concluded her speech。
Having said what she wished； it was no part of her plan to await my
answer： it was my business to hear； and not to speak。
However； as I have said； Matilda at length yielded in some degree to
her mother's authority （pity it had not been exerted before）； and being thus
deprived of almost every source of amusement； there was nothing for it
but to take long rides with the groom and long walks with the governess；
and to visit the cottages and farmhouses on her father's estate； to kill time
in chatting with the old men and women that inhabited them。 In one of
these walks； it was our chance to meet Mr。 Weston。 This was what I had
long desired； but now； for a moment； I wished either he or I were away： I
felt my heart throb so violently that I dreaded lest some outward signs of
emotion should appear； but I think he hardly glanced at me； and I was
soon calm enough。 After a brief salutation to both； he asked Matilda if
she had lately heard from her sister。
'Yes；' replied she。 'She was at Paris when she wrote； and very well；
and very happy。'
She spoke the last word emphatically； and with a glance impertinently
sly。 He did not seem to notice it； but replied； with equal emphasis； and
very seriously …
'I hope she will continue to be so。'
'Do you think it likely？' I ventured to inquire： for Matilda had started
off in pursuit of her dog； that was chasing a leveret。
'I cannot tell；' replied he。 'Sir Thomas may be a better man than I
suppose； but； from all I have heard and seen； it seems a pity that one so
young and gay； and … and interesting； to express many things by one word
… whose greatest； if not her only fault； appears to be thoughtlessness … no
trifling fault to be sure； since it renders the possessor liable to almost every
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other； and exposes him to so many temptations … but it seems a pity that
she should be thrown away on such a man。 It was her mother's wish； I
suppose？'
'Yes； and her own too； I think； for she always laughed at my attempts
to dissuade her from the step。'
'You did attempt it？ Then； at least； you will have the satisfaction of
knowing that it is no fault of yours； if any harm should come of it。 As for
Mrs。 Murray； I don't know how she can justify her conduct： if I had
sufficient acquaintance with her； I'd ask her。'
'It seems unnatural： but some people think rank and wealth the chief
good； and； if they can secure that for their children； they think they have
done their duty。'
'True： but is it not strange that persons of experience； who have been
married themselves； should judge so falsely？' Matilda now came panting
back； with the lacerated body of the young hare in her hand。
'Was it your intention to kill that hare； or to save it； Miss Murray？'
asked Mr。 Weston； apparently puzzled at her gleeful countenance。
'I pretended to want to save it；' she answered； honestly enough； 'as it
was so glaringly out of season； but I was better pleased to see it lolled。
However； you can both witness that I couldn't help it： Prince was
determined to have her； and he clutched her by the back； and killed her in
a minute！ Wasn't it a noble chase？'
'Very！ for a young lady after a leveret。'
There was a quiet sarcasm in the tone of his reply which was not lost
upon her； she shrugged her shoulders； and； turning away with a significant
'Humph！' asked me how I had enjoyed the fun。 I replied that I saw no fun
in the matter； but admitted that I had not observed the transaction very
narrowly。
'Didn't you see how it doubled … just like an old hare？ and didn't you
hear it scream？'
'I'm happy to say I did not。'
'It cried out just like a child。'
'Poor little thing！ What will you do with it？'
'Come along … I shall leave it in the first house we come to。 I don't
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want to take it home； for fear papa should scold me for letting the dog kill
it。'
Mr。 Weston was now gone； and we too went on our way； but as we
returned； after having deposited the hare in a farm…house； and demolished
some spice…cake and currant…wine in exchange； we met him returning also
from the execution of his mission； whatever it might be。 He carried in
his hand a cluster of beautiful bluebells； which he offered to me； observing；
with a smile； that though he had seen so little of me for the last two
months； he had not forgotten that blue…bells were numbered among my
favourite flowers。 It was done as a simple act of goodwill； without
compliment or remarkable courtesy； or any look that could be construed
into 'reverential； tender adoration' （VIDE Rosalie Murray）； but still； it was
something to find my unimportant saying so well remembered： it was
something that he had noticed so accurately the time I had ceased to be
visible。
'I was told；' said he； 'that you were a perfect bookworm； Miss Grey：
so completely absorbed in your studies that you were lost to every other
pleasure。'
'Yes； and it's quite true！' cried Matilda。
'No； Mr。 Weston： don't believe it： it's a scandalous libel。 These
young ladies are too fond of making random assertions at the expense of
their friends； and you ought to be careful how you listen to them。'
'I hope THIS assertion is groundless； at any rate。'
'Why？ Do you particularly object to ladies studying？'
'No； but I object to anyone so devoting himself or herself to study； as
to lose sight of everything else。 Except under peculiar circumstances； I
consider very close and constant study as a waste of time； and an injury to
the mind as well as the body。'
'Well； I have neither the time nor the inclination for such
transgressions。'
We parted again。
Well！ what is there remarkable in all this？ Why have I recorded it？
Because； reader； it was important enough to give me a cheerful evening； a
night of pleasing dreams； and a morning of felicitous hopes。 Shallow…
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brained cheerfulness； foolish dreams； unfounded hopes； you would say；
and I will not venture to deny it： suspicions to that effect arose too
frequently in my own mind。 But our wishes are like tinder： the flint
and steel of circumstances are continually striking out sparks； which
vanish immediately； unless they chance to fall upon the tinder of our
wishes； then； they instantly ignite； and the flame of hope is kindled in a
moment。
But alas！ that very morning； my flickering flame of hope was dismally
quenched by a letter from my mother； which spoke so seriously of my
father's increasing illness； that I feared there was little or no chance of his
recovery； and； close at hand as the holidays were； I almost trembled lest
they should come too late for me to meet him in this world。 Two days
after； a letter from Mary told me his life was despaired of； and his end
seemed fast approaching。 Then； immediately； I sought permission to
anticipate the vacation； and go without delay。 Mrs。 Murray stared； and
wondered at the unwonted energy and boldness with which I urged the
request； and thought there was no occasion to hurry； but finally gave me
leave： stating； however； that there was 'no need to be in such agitation
about the matter … it might prove a false alarm after all； and if not … why； it
was only in the common course of nature： we must all die some time；
and I was not to suppose myself the only afflicted person in the world；'
and concluding with saying I might have the phaeton to take me to O…。
'And ins
