agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第37节
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for both qualities； but especially the former； by the bulk of mankind： if；
on the other hand； she is disagreeable in person and character； her
plainness is commonly inveighed against as her greatest crime； because； to
common observers； it gives the greatest offence； while； if she is plain and
good； provided she is a person of retired manners and secluded life； no one
ever knows of her goodness； except her immediate connections。 Others；
on the contrary； are disposed to form unfavourable opinions of her mind；
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and disposition； if it be but to excuse themselves for their instinctive
dislike of one so unfavoured by nature； and VISA VERSA with her whose
angel form conceals a vicious heart； or sheds a false； deceitful charm over
defects and foibles that would not be tolerated in another。 They that have
beauty； let them be thankful for it； and make a good use of it； like any
other talent； they that have it not； let them console themselves； and do the
best they can without it： certainly； though liable to be over…estimated； it
is a gift of God； and not to be despised。 Many will feel this who have felt
that they could love； and whose hearts tell them that they are worthy to be
loved again； while yet they are debarred； by the lack of this or some such
seeming trifle； from giving and receiving that happiness they seem almost
made to feel and to impart。 As well might the humble glowworm despise
that power of giving light without which the roving fly might pass her and
repass her a thousand times； and never rest beside her： she might hear
her winged darling buzzing over and around her； he vainly seeking her；
she longing to be found； but with no power to make her presence known；
no voice to call him； no wings to follow his flight； … the fly must seek
another mate； the worm must live and die alone。
Such were some of my reflections about this period。 I might go on
prosing more and more； I might dive much deeper； and disclose other
thoughts； propose questions the reader might be puzzled to answer； and
deduce arguments that might startle his prejudices； or； perhaps； provoke
his ridicule； because he could not comprehend them； but I forbear。
Now； therefore； let us return to Miss Murray。 She accompanied her
mamma to the ball on Tuesday； of course splendidly attired； and delighted
with her prospects and her charms。 As Ashby Park was nearly ten miles
distant from Horton Lodge； they had to set out pretty early； and I intended
to have spent the evening with Nancy Brown； whom I had not seen for a
long time； but my kind pupil took care I should spend it neither there nor
anywhere else beyond the limits of the schoolroom； by giving me a piece
of music to copy； which kept me closely occupied till bed…time。 About
eleven next morning； as soon as she had left her room； she came to tell me
her news。 Sir Thomas had indeed proposed to her at the ball； an event
which reflected great credit on her mamma's sagacity； if not upon her skill
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in contrivance。 I rather incline to the belief that she had first laid her
plans； and then predicted their success。 The offer had been accepted； of
course； and the bridegroom elect was coming that day to settle matters
with Mr。 Murray。
Rosalie was pleased with the thoughts of becoming mistress of Ashby
Park； she was elated with the prospect of the bridal ceremony and its
attendant splendour and eclat； the honeymoon spent abroad； and the
subsequent gaieties she expected to enjoy in London and elsewhere； she
appeared pretty well pleased too； for the time being； with Sir Thomas
himself； because she had so lately seen him； danced with him； and been
flattered by him； but； after all； she seemed to shrink from the idea of being
so soon united： she wished the ceremony to be delayed some months； at
least； and I wished it too。 It seemed a horrible thing to hurry on the
inauspicious match； and not to give the poor creature time to think and
reason on the irrevocable step she was about to take。 I made no
pretension to 'a mother's watchful； anxious care；' but I was amazed and
horrified at Mrs。 Murray's heartlessness； or want of thought for the real
good of her child； and by my unheeded warnings and exhortations； I
vainly strove to remedy the evil。 Miss Murray only laughed at what I
said； and I soon found that her reluctance to an immediate union arose
chiefly from a desire to do what execution she could among the young
gentlemen of her acquaintance； before she was incapacitated from further
mischief of the kind。 It was for this cause that； before confiding to me
the secret of her engagement； she had extracted a promise that I would not
mention a word on the subject to any one。 And when I saw this； and
when I beheld her plunge more recklessly than ever into the depths of
heartless coquetry； I had no more pity for her。 'Come what will；' I
thought； 'she deserves it。 Sir Thomas cannot be too bad for her； and the
sooner she is incapacitated from deceiving and injuring others the better。'
The wedding was fixed for the first of June。 Between that and the
critical ball was little more than six weeks； but； with Rosalie's
accomplished skill and resolute exertion； much might be done； even within
that period； especially as Sir Thomas spent most of the interim in London；
whither he went up； it was said； to settle affairs with his lawyer； and make
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other preparations for the approaching nuptials。 He endeavoured to
supply the want of his presence by a pretty constant fire of billets…doux；
but these did not attract the neighbours' attention； and open their eyes； as
personal visits would have done； and old Lady Ashby's haughty； sour spirit
of reserve withheld her from spreading the news； while her indifferent
health prevented her coming to visit her future daughter…in…law； so that；
altogether； this affair was kept far closer than such things usually are。
Rosalie would sometimes show her lover's epistles to me； to convince
me what a kind； devoted husband he would make。 She showed me the
letters of another individual； too； the unfortunate Mr。 Green； who had not
the courage； or； as she expressed it； the 'spunk；' to plead his cause in
person； but whom one denial would not satisfy： he must write again and
again。 He would not have done so if he could have seen the grimaces his
fair idol made over his moving appeals to her feelings； and heard her
scornful laughter； and the opprobrious epithets she heaped upon him for
his perseverance。
'Why don't you tell him； at once； that you are engaged？' I asked。
'Oh； I don't want him to know that；' replied she。 'If he knew it； his
sisters and everybody would know it； and then there would be an end of
my … ahem！ And； besides； if I told him that； he would think my
engagement was the only obstacle； and that I would have him if I were
free； which I could not bear that any man should think； and he； of all
others； at least。 Besides； I don't care for his letters；' she added；
contemptuously； 'he may write as often as he pleases； and look as great a
calf as he likes when I meet him； it only amuses me。'
Meantime； young Meltham was pretty frequent in his visits to the
house or transits past it； and； judging by Matilda's execrations and
reproaches； her sister paid more attention to him tha
