agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第34节
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to supply his place； will be more than welcome。 It's Sunday to…morrow … I
do wonder how he'll look； and whether he'll be able to go through the
service。 Most likely he'll pretend he's got a cold； and make Mr。 Weston
do it all。'
'Not he！' exclaimed Matilda； somewhat contemptuously。 'Fool as he
is； he's not so soft as that comes to。'
Her sister was slightly offended； but the event proved Matilda was
right： the disappointed lover performed his pastoral duties as usual。
Rosalie； indeed； affirmed he looked very pale and dejected： he might be a
little paler； but the difference； if any； was scarcely perceptible。 As for his
dejection； I certainly did not hear his laugh ringing from the vestry as
usual； nor his voice loud in hilarious discourse； though I did hear it
uplifted in rating the sexton in a manner that made the congregation stare；
and； in his transits to and from the pulpit and the communion…table； there
was more of solemn pomp； and less of that irreverent； self…confident； or
rather self…delighted imperiousness with which he usually swept along …
that air that seemed to say； 'You all reverence and adore me； I know； but if
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anyone does not； I defy him to the teeth！' But the most remarkable
change was； that he never once suffered his eyes to wander in the direction
of Mr。 Murray's pew； and did not leave the church till we were gone。
Mr。 Hatfield had doubtless received a very severe blow； but his pride
impelled him to use every effort to conceal the effects of it。 He had been
disappointed in his certain hope of obtaining not only a beautiful； and； to
him； highly attractive wife； but one whose rank and fortune might give
brilliance to far inferior charms： he was likewise； no doubt； intensely
mortified by his repulse； and deeply offended at the conduct of Miss
Murray throughout。 It would have given him no little consolation to
have known how disappointed she was to find him apparently so little
moved； and to see that he was able to refrain from casting a single glance
at her throughout both services； though； she declared； it showed he was
thinking of her all the time； or his eyes would have fallen upon her； if it
were only by chance： but if they had so chanced to fall； she would have
affirmed it was because they could not resist the attraction。 It might have
pleased him； too； in some degree； to have seen how dull and dissatisfied
she was throughout that week （the greater part of it； at least）； for lack of
her usual source of excitement； and how often she regretted having 'used
him up so soon；' like a child that； having devoured its plumcake too hastily；
sits sucking its fingers； and vainly lamenting its greediness。
At length I was called upon； one fine morning； to accompany her in a
walk to the village。 Ostensibly she went to get some shades of Berlin
wool； at a tolerably respectable shop that was chiefly supported by the
ladies of the vicinity： really … I trust there is no breach of charity in
supposing that she went with the idea of meeting either with the Rector
himself； or some other admirer by the way； for as we went along； she kept
wondering 'what Hatfield would do or say； if we met him；' &c。 &c。； as we
passed Mr。 Green's park…gates； she 'wondered whether he was at home …
great stupid blockhead'； as Lady Meltham's carriage passed us； she
'wondered what Mr。 Harry was doing this fine day'； and then began to
abuse his elder brother for being 'such a fool as to get married and go and
live in London。'
'Why；' said I； 'I thought you wanted to live in London yourself。'
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'Yes； because it's so dull here： but then he makes it still duller by
taking himself off： and if he were not married I might have him instead
of that odious Sir Thomas。'
Then； observing the prints of a horse's feet on the somewhat miry road；
she 'wondered whether it was a gentleman's horse；' and finally concluded
it was； for the impressions were too small to have been made by a 'great
clumsy cart…horse'； and then she 'wondered who the rider could be；' and
whether we should meet him coming back； for she was sure he had only
passed that morning； and lastly； when we entered the village and saw only
a few of its humble inhabitants moving about； she 'wondered why the
stupid people couldn't keep in their houses； she was sure she didn't want to
see their ugly faces； and dirty； vulgar clothes … it wasn't for that she came
to Horton！'
Amid all this； I confess； I wondered； too； in secret； whether we should
meet； or catch a glimpse of somebody else； and as we passed his lodgings；
I even went so far as to wonder whether he was at the window。 On
entering the shop； Miss Murray desired me to stand in the doorway while
she transacted her business； and tell her if anyone passed。 But alas！ there
was no one visible besides the villagers； except Jane and Susan Green
coming down the single street； apparently returning from a walk。
'Stupid things！' muttered she； as she came out after having concluded
her bargain。 'Why couldn't they have their dolt of a brother with them？
even he would be better than nothing。'
She greeted them； however； with a cheerful smile； and protestations of
pleasure at the happy meeting equal to their own。 They placed
themselves one on each side of her； and all three walked away chatting
and laughing as young ladies do when they get together； if they be but on
tolerably intimate terms。 But I； feeling myself to be one too many； left
them to their merriment and lagged behind； as usual on such occasions： I
had no relish for walking beside Miss Green or Miss Susan like one deaf
and dumb； who could neither speak nor be spoken to。
But this time I was not long alone。 It struck me； first； as very odd；
that just as I was thinking about Mr。 Weston he should come up and accost
me； but afterwards； on due reflection； I thought there was nothing odd
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about it； unless it were the fact of his speaking to me； for on such a
morning and so near his own abode； it was natural enough that he should
be about； and as for my thinking of him； I had been doing that； with little
intermission； ever since we set out on our journey； so there was nothing
remarkable in that。
'You are alone again； Miss Grey；' said he。
'Yes。'
'What kind of people are those ladies … the Misses Green？'
'I really don't know。'
'That's strange … when you live so near and see them so often！'
'Well； I suppose they are lively； good…tempered girls； but I imagine you
must know them better than I do； yourself； for I never exchanged a word
with either of them。'
'Indeed？ They don't strike me as being particularly reserved。'
'Very likely they are not so to people of their own class； but they
consider themselves as moving in quite a different sphere from me！'
He made no reply to this： but after a short pause； he said； … 'I suppose
it's these things； Miss Grey； that make you think you could not live
without a home？'
'Not exactly。 The fact is I am too socially disposed to be able to live
contentedly without a friend； and as the only friends I have； or am likely to
have； are at home； if it … or rather； if they were gone … I will not say I could
not live … but I would rather not live in such a desolate world。'
'But why do you say the only friends you are likely to have？ Are you
so unsociable that you cannot make friends？'
'No； but I never made one yet； and in my present position there is no
possibility of doing so； or even of forming a common acquaintance。 The
fault may be partly in myself； but I hope not altogether。'
'The
