agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第33节
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'〃Pardon me； Miss Murray；〃 said he； 〃I have loved you so intensely … I
do still adore you so deeply； that I would not willingly offend you； but
though I never have loved； and never CAN love any woman as I have
loved you； it is equally certain that I never was so ill… treated by any。 On
the contrary； I have always found your sex the kindest and most tender and
obliging of God's creation； till now。〃 （Think of the conceited fellow saying
that！） 〃And the novelty and harshness of the lesson you have taught me
to…day； and the bitterness of being disappointed in the only quarter on
which the happiness of my life depended； must excuse any appearance of
asperity。 If my presence is disagreeable to you； Miss Murray；〃 he said
（for I was looking about me to show how little I cared for him； so he
thought I was tired of him； I suppose） … 〃if my presence is disagreeable to
you； Miss Murray； you have only to promise me the favour I named； and I
will relieve you at once。 There are many ladies … some even in this parish
… who would be delighted to accept what you have so scornfully trampled
under your feet。 They would be naturally inclined to hate one whose
surpassing loveliness has so completely estranged my heart from them and
blinded me to their attractions； and a single hint of the truth from me to
one of these would be sufficient to raise such a talk against you as would
seriously injure your prospects； and diminish your chance of success with
any other gentleman you or your mamma might design to entangle。〃
'〃What do your mean； sir？〃 said I； ready to stamp with passion。
'〃I mean that this affair from beginning to end appears to me like a
case of arrant flirtation； to say the least of it … such a case as you would
find it rather inconvenient to have blazoned through the world：
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especially with the additions and exaggerations of your female rivals； who
would be too glad to publish the matter； if I only gave them a handle to it。
But I promise you； on the faith of a gentleman； that no word or syllable
that could tend to your prejudice shall ever escape my lips； provided you
will … 〃
'〃Well； well； I won't mention it；〃 said I。 〃You may rely upon my
silence； if that can afford you any consolation。〃
'〃You promise it？〃
'〃Yes；〃 I answered； for I wanted to get rid of him now。
'〃Farewell； then！〃 said he； in a most doleful； heart…sick tone； and with a
look where pride vainly struggled against despair； he turned and went
away： longing； no doubt； to get home； that he might shut himself up in
his study and cry … if he doesn't burst into tears before he gets there。'
'But you have broken your promise already；' said I； truly horrified at
her perfidy。
'Oh！ it's only to you； I know you won't repeat it。'
'Certainly； I shall not： but you say you are going to tell your sister；
and she will tell your brothers when they come home； and Brown
immediately； if you do not tell her yourself； and Brown will blazon it； or
be the means of blazoning it； throughout the country。'
'No； indeed； she won't。 We shall not tell her at all； unless it be under
the promise of the strictest secrecy。'
'But how can you expect her to keep her promises better than her more
enlightened mistress？'
'Well； well； she shan't hear it then；' said Miss Murray； somewhat
snappishly。
'But you will tell your mamma； of course；' pursued I； 'and she will tell
your papa。'
'Of course I shall tell mamma … that is the very thing that pleases me so
much。 I shall now be able to convince her how mistaken she was in her
fears about me。'
'Oh； THAT'S it； is it？ I was wondering what it was that delighted you
so much。'
'Yes； and another thing is； that I've humbled Mr。 Hatfield so
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charmingly； and another … why； you must allow me some share of female
vanity： I don't pretend to be without that most essential attribute of our
sex … and if you had seen poor Hatfield's intense eagerness in making his
ardent declaration and his flattering proposal； and his agony of mind； that
no effort of pride could conceal； on being refused； you would have
allowed I had some cause to be gratified。'
'The greater his agony； I should think； the less your cause for
gratification。'
'Oh； nonsense！' cried the young lady； shaking herself with vexation。
'You either can't understand me； or you won't。 If I had not confidence in
your magnanimity； I should think you envied me。 But you will； perhaps；
comprehend this cause of pleasure … which is as great as any … namely； that
I am delighted with myself for my prudence； my self…command； my
heartlessness； if you please。 I was not a bit taken by surprise； not a bit
confused； or awkward； or foolish； I just acted and spoke as I ought to have
done； and was completely my own mistress throughout。 And here was a
man； decidedly good…looking … Jane and Susan Green call him
bewitchingly handsome I suppose they're two of the ladies he pretends
would be so glad to have him； but； however； he was certainly a very clever；
witty； agreeable companion … not what you call clever； but just enough to
make him entertaining； and a man one needn't be ashamed of anywhere；
and would not soon grow tired of； and to confess the truth； I rather liked
him … better even； of late； than Harry Meltham … and he evidently idolised
me； and yet； though he came upon me all alone and unprepared； I had the
wisdom； and the pride； and the strength to refuse him … and so scornfully
and coolly as I did： I have good reason to be proud of that。'
'And are you equally proud of having told him that his having the
wealth of Sir Hugh Meltham would make no difference to you； when that
was not the case； and of having promised to tell no one of his
misadventure； apparently without the slightest intention of keeping your
promise？'
'Of course！ what else could I do？ You would not have had me … but I
see； Miss Grey； you're not in a good temper。 Here's Matilda； I'll see what
she and mamma have to say about it。'
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She left me； offended at my want of sympathy； and thinking； no doubt；
that I envied her。 I did not … at least； I firmly believed I did not。 I was
sorry for her； I was amazed； disgusted at her heartless vanity； I wondered
why so much beauty should be given to those who made so bad a use of it；
and denied to some who would make it a benefit to both themselves and
others。
But； God knows best； I concluded。 There are； I suppose； some men
as vain； as selfish； and as heartless as she is； and； perhaps； such women
may be useful to punish them。
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CHAPTER XV … THE WALK
'OH； dear！ I wish Hatfield had not been so precipitate！' said Rosalie
next day at four P。M。； as； with a portentous yawn； she laid down her
worsted…work and looked listlessly towards the window。 'There's no
inducement to go out now； and nothing to look forward to。 The days will
be so long and dull when there are no parties to enliven them； and there
are none this week； or next either； that I know of。'
'Pity you were so cross to him；' observed Matilda； to whom this
lamentation was addressed。 'He'll never come again： and I suspect you
liked him after all。 I hoped you would have taken him for your beau； and
left dear Harry to me。'
'Humph！ my beau must be an Adonis indeed； Matilda； the admired of
all beholders； if I am to be contented with him alone。 I'm sorry to lose
Hatfield； I confess； but the first decent man； or number of men； that come
to supply his place； will be more than welcome。 It's Sunday to…morrow … I
