agnes grey(穐鯉鶴某,鯉拙)-及3准
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thing might be done察and lamented greatly that it could not。 'Well察well'
said she察'it's no use complaining。 Possibly something might be done to
further the project after all。 Mary察you are a beautiful drawer。 What do
you say to doing a few more pictures in your best style察and getting them
framed察 with the water´coloured drawings you have already done察 and
trying to dispose of them to some liberal picture´dealer察who has the sense
to discern their merits'
'Mamma察I should be delighted if you think they COULD be sold察and
for anything worth while。'
'It's worth while trying察 however察 my dear此 do you procure the
drawings察and I'll endeavour to find a purchaser。'
'I wish I could do something' said I。
'You察Agnes well察who knows拭 You draw pretty well察too此 if you
choose some simple piece for your subject察I daresay you will be able to
produce something we shall all be proud to exhibit。'
'But I have another scheme in my head察mamma察and have had long察
only I did not like to mention it。'
'Indeed pray tell us what it is。'
'I should like to be a governess。'
My mother uttered an exclamation of surprise察 and laughed。 My
sister dropped her work in astonishment察exclaiming察'YOU a governess察
Agnes What can you be dreaming of'
'Well I don't see anything so VERY extraordinary in it。 I do not
pretend to be able to instruct great girls察but surely I could teach little ones此
and I should like it so much此I am so fond of children。 Do let me察
mamma'
'But察my love察you have not learned to take care of YOURSELF yet此
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AGNES GREY
and young children require more judgment and experience to manage than
elder ones。'
'But察 mamma察 I am above eighteen察 and quite able to take care of
myself察and others too。 You do not know half the wisdom and prudence I
possess察because I have never been tried。'
'Only think' said Mary察'what would you do in a house full of strangers察
without me or mamma to speak and act for you ´ with a parcel of children察
besides yourself察 to attend to察 and no one to look to for advice拭You
would not even know what clothes to put on。'
'You think察because I always do as you bid me察I have no judgment of
my own此 but only try me ´ that is all I ask ´ and you shall see what I can
do。'
At that moment my father entered and the subject of our discussion
was explained to him。
'What察 my little Agnes a governess' cried he察 and察 in spite of his
dejection察he laughed at the idea。
'Yes察 papa察 don't YOU say anything against it此 I should like it so
much察and I am sure I could manage delightfully。'
'But察my darling察we could not spare you。' And a tear glistened in his
eye as he added ´ 'No察no afflicted as we are察surely we are not brought to
that pass yet。'
'Oh察no' said my mother。 'There is no necessity whatever for such a
step察it is merely a whim of her own。 So you must hold your tongue察you
naughty girl察for察though you are so ready to leave us察you know very well
we cannot part with YOU。'
I was silenced for that day察and for many succeeding ones察but still I
did not wholly relinquish my darling scheme。 Mary got her drawing
materials察and steadily set to work。 I got mine too察but while I drew察 I
thought of other things。 How delightful it would be to be a governess
To go out into the world察to enter upon a new life察to act for myself察to
exercise my unused faculties察to try my unknown powers察to earn my own
maintenance察and something to comfort and help my father察mother察and
sister察 besides exonerating them from the provision of my food and
clothing察to show papa what his little Agnes could do察to convince mamma
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AGNES GREY
and Mary that I was not quite the helpless察 thoughtless being they
supposed。 And then察 how charming to be entrusted with the care and
education of children Whatever others said察I felt I was fully competent
to the task此 the clear remembrance of my own thoughts in early
childhood would be a surer guide than the instructions of the most mature
adviser。 I had but to turn from my little pupils to myself at their age察and
I should know察at once察how to win their confidence and affections此 how
to waken the contrition of the erring察 how to embolden the timid and
console the afflicted察how to make Virtue practicable察Instruction desirable察
and Religion lovely and comprehensible。
´ Delightful task To teach the young idea how to shoot
To train the tender plants察and watch their buds unfolding day by day
Influenced by so many inducements察 I determined still to persevere察
though the fear of displeasing my mother察 or distressing my father's
feelings察 prevented me from resuming the subject for several days。 At
length察 again察 I mentioned it to my mother in private察 and察 with some
difficulty察 got her to promise to assist me with her endeavours。 My
father's reluctant consent was next obtained察and then察though Mary still
sighed her disapproval察 my dear察 kind mother began to look out for a
situation for me。 She wrote to my father's relations察 and consulted the
newspaper advertisements ´ her own relations she had long dropped all
communication with此 a formal interchange of occasional letters was all
she had ever had since her marriage察and she would not at any time have
applied to them in a case of this nature。 But so long and so entire had
been my parents' seclusion from the world察 that many weeks elapsed
before a suitable situation could be procured。 At last察to my great joy察 it
was decreed that I should take charge of the young family of a certain Mrs。
Bloomfield察whom my kind察prim aunt Grey had known in her youth察and
asserted to be a very nice woman。 Her husband was a retired tradesman察
who had realized a very comfortable fortune察but could not be prevailed
upon to give a greater salary than twenty´five pounds to the instructress of
his children。 I察however察was glad to accept this察rather than refuse the
situation ´ which my parents were inclined to think the better plan。
But some weeks more were yet to be devoted to preparation。 How
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AGNES GREY
long察 how tedious those weeks appeared to me Yet they were happy
ones in the main ´ full of bright hopes and ardent expectations。 With what
peculiar pleasure I assisted at the making of my new clothes察 and察
subsequently察 the packing of my trunks But there was a feeling of
bitterness mingling with the latter occupation too察and when it was done ´
when all was ready for my departure on the morrow察and the last night at
home approached ´ a sudden anguish seemed to swell my heart。 My dear
friends looked so sad察and spoke so very kindly察that I could scarcely keep
my eyes from overflowing此 but I still affected to be gay。 I had taken
my last ramble with Mary on the moors察my last walk in the garden察and
round the house察I had fed察with her察our pet pigeons for the last time ´ the
pretty creatures that we had tamed to peck their food from our hands此 I
had given a farewell stroke to all their silky backs as they crowded in my
lap。 I had tenderly kissed my own peculiar favourites察the pair of snow´
white fantails察 I had played my last tune on the old familiar piano察 and
sung my last song to papa此 not the last察 I hoped察but the last for what
appeared to me a very long time。 And察perhaps察when I did these things
again it would be with different feelings此 circumstances might be
changed察and this house might never be my settled home again。