agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第26节
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to me by the half…hour together： but you know； Miss； he has other folks
to see； and other things to do … God bless him！ An' that next Sunday he
preached SUCH a sermon！ His text was； 〃Come unto me all ye that
labour and are heavy laden； and I will give you rest；〃 and them two
blessed verses that follows。 You wasn't there； Miss； you was with your
friends then … but it made me SO happy！ And I AM happy now； thank God！
an' I take a pleasure； now； in doing little bits o' jobs for my neighbours …
such as a poor old body 'at's half blind can do； and they take it kindly of
me； just as he said。 You see； Miss； I'm knitting a pair o' stockings now； …
they're for Thomas Jackson： he's a queerish old body； an' we've had
many a bout at threaping； one anent t'other； an' at times we've differed
sorely。 So I thought I couldn't do better nor knit him a pair o' warm
stockings； an' I've felt to like him a deal better； poor old man； sin' I began。
It's turned out just as Maister Weston said。'
'Well； I'm very glad to see you so happy； Nancy； and so wise： but I
must go now； I shall be wanted at the Hall；' said I； and bidding her good…
bye； I departed； promising to come again when I had time； and feeling
nearly as happy as herself。
At another time I went to read to a poor labourer who was in the last
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stage of consumption。 The young ladies had been to see him； and
somehow a promise of reading had been extracted from them； but it was
too much trouble； so they begged me to do it instead。 I went； willingly
enough； and there too I was gratified with the praises of Mr。 Weston； both
from the sick man and his wife。 The former told me that he derived great
comfort and benefit from the visits of the new parson； who frequently
came to see him； and was 'another guess sort of man' to Mr。 Hatfield； who；
before the other's arrival at Horton； had now and then paid him a visit； on
which occasions he would always insist upon having the cottage…door kept
open； to admit the fresh air for his own convenience； without considering
how it might injure the sufferer； and having opened his prayer…book and
hastily read over a part of the Service for the Sick； would hurry away
again： if he did not stay to administer some harsh rebuke to the afflicted
wife； or to make some thoughtless； not to say heartless； observation； rather
calculated to increase than diminish the troubles of the suffering pair。
'Whereas；' said the man； 'Maister Weston 'ull pray with me quite in a
different fashion； an' talk to me as kind as owt； an' oft read to me too； an'
sit beside me just like a brother。'
'Just for all the world！' exclaimed his wife； 'an' about a three wik sin'；
when he seed how poor Jem shivered wi' cold； an' what pitiful fires we
kept； he axed if wer stock of coals was nearly done。 I telled him it was；
an' we was ill set to get more： but you know； mum； I didn't think o' him
helping us； but； howsever； he sent us a sack o' coals next day； an' we've
had good fires ever sin'： and a great blessing it is； this winter time。 But
that's his way； Miss Grey： when he comes into a poor body's house a…
seein' sick folk； he like notices what they most stand i' need on； an' if he
thinks they can't readily get it therseln； he never says nowt about it； but
just gets it for 'em。 An' it isn't everybody 'at 'ud do that； 'at has as little as
he has： for you know； mum； he's nowt at all to live on but what he gets
fra' th' Rector； an' that's little enough they say。'
I remembered then； with a species of exultation； that he had frequently
been styled a vulgar brute by the amiable Miss Murray； because he wore a
silver watch； and clothes not quite so bright and fresh as Mr。 Hatfield's。
In returning to the Lodge I felt very happy； and thanked God that I had
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now something to think about； something to dwell on as a relief from the
weary monotony； the lonely drudgery； of my present life： for I WAS lonely。
Never； from month to month； from year to year； except during my brief
intervals of rest at home； did I see one creature to whom I could open my
heart； or freely speak my thoughts with any hope of sympathy； or even
comprehension： never one； unless it were poor Nancy Brown； with
whom I could enjoy a single moment of real social intercourse； or whose
conversation was calculated to render me better； wiser； or happier than
before； or who； as far as I could see； could be greatly benefited by mine。
My only companions had been unamiable children； and ignorant； wrong…
headed girls； from whose fatiguing folly； unbroken solitude was often a
relief most earnestly desired and dearly prized。 But to be restricted to
such associates was a serious evil； both in its immediate effects and the
consequences that were likely to ensue。 Never a new idea or stirring
thought came to me from without； and such as rose within me were； for
the most part； miserably crushed at once； or doomed to sicken or fade
away； because they could not see the light。
Habitual associates are known to exercise a great influence over each
other's minds and manners。 Those whose actions are for ever before our
eyes； whose words are ever in our ears； will naturally lead us； albeit
against our will； slowly； gradually； imperceptibly； perhaps； to act and
speak as they do。 I will not presume to say how far this irresistible power
of assimilation extends； but if one civilised man were doomed to pass a
dozen years amid a race of intractable savages； unless he had power to
improve them； I greatly question whether； at the close of that period； he
would not have become； at least； a barbarian himself。 And I； as I could
not make my young companions better； feared exceedingly that they
would make me worse … would gradually bring my feelings； habits；
capacities； to the level of their own； without； however； imparting to me
their lightheartedness and cheerful vivacity。
Already； I seemed to feel my intellect deteriorating； my heart
petrifying； my soul contracting； and I trembled lest my very moral
perceptions should become deadened； my distinctions of right and wrong
confounded； and all my better faculties be sunk； at last； beneath the
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baneful influence of such a mode of life。 The gross vapours of earth
were gathering around me； and closing in upon my inward heaven； and
thus it was that Mr。 Weston rose at length upon me； appearing like the
morning star in my horizon； to save me from the fear of utter darkness；
and I rejoiced that I had now a subject for contemplation that was above
me； not beneath。 I was glad to see that all the world was not made up of
Bloomfields； Murrays； Hatfields； Ashbys； &c。； and that human excellence
was not a mere dream of the imagination。 When we hear a little good
and no harm of a person； it is easy and pleasant to imagine more： in
short； it is needless to analyse all my thoughts； but Sunday was now
become a day of peculiar delight to me （I was now almost broken…in to the
back corner in the carriage）； for I liked to hear him … and I liked to see him；
too； though I knew he was not handsome； or even what is called agreeable；
in outward aspect； but； certainly； he was not ugly。
In stature he was a little； a very little； above the middle size； the
outline of his face would be pronounced too square for beauty； but to me it
announced decision of character； his dark brown hair was not carefully
curled； like Mr。 Hatfield's； but simply brushed aside over a
