agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第24节
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an hour； and be all the better for it； and I would rather read them slowly
than not。'
Accordingly； I finished the chapter as slowly as need be； and at the
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same time as impressively as I could； my auditor listened most attentively
all the while； and sincerely thanked me when I had done。 I sat still about
half a minute to give her time to reflect upon it； when； somewhat to my
surprise； she broke the pause by asking me how I liked Mr。 Weston？
'I don't know；' I replied； a little startled by the suddenness of the
question； 'I think he preaches very well。'
'Ay； he does so； and talks well too。'
'Does he？'
'He does。 Maybe； you haven't seen him … not to talk to him much；
yet？'
'No； I never see any one to talk to … except the young ladies of the
Hall。'
'Ah； they're nice； kind young ladies； but they can't talk as he does。'
'Then he comes to see you； Nancy？'
'He does； Miss； and I'se thankful for it。 He comes to see all us poor
bodies a deal ofter nor Maister Bligh； or th' Rector ever did； an' it's well he
does； for he's always welcome： we can't say as much for th' Rector …
there is 'at says they're fair feared on him。 When he comes into a house；
they say he's sure to find summut wrong； and begin a…calling 'em as soon
as he crosses th' doorstuns： but maybe he thinks it his duty like to tell 'em
what's wrong。 And very oft he comes o' purpose to reprove folk for not
coming to church； or not kneeling an' standing when other folk does； or
going to the Methody chapel； or summut o' that sort： but I can't say 'at he
ever fund much fault wi' me。 He came to see me once or twice； afore
Maister Weston come； when I was so ill troubled in my mind； and as I had
only very poor health besides； I made bold to send for him … and he came
right enough。 I was sore distressed； Miss Grey … thank God； it's owered
now … but when I took my Bible； I could get no comfort of it at all。 That
very chapter 'at you've just been reading troubled me as much as aught …
〃He that loveth not； knoweth not God。〃 It seemed fearsome to me； for I
felt that I loved neither God nor man as I should do； and could not； if I
tried ever so。 And th' chapter afore； where it says； … 〃He that is born of
God cannot commit sin。〃 And another place where it says； … 〃Love is the
fulfilling of the Law。〃 And many； many others； Miss： I should fair
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weary you out； if I was to tell them all。 But all seemed to condemn me；
and to show me 'at I was not in the right way； and as I knew not how to get
into it； I sent our Bill to beg Maister Hatfield to be as kind as look in on
me some day and when he came； I telled him all my troubles。'
'And what did he say； Nancy？'
'Why； Miss； he seemed to scorn me。 I might be mista'en … but he like
gave a sort of a whistle； and I saw a bit of a smile on his face； and he said；
〃Oh； it's all stuff！ You've been among the Methodists； my good woman。〃
But I telled him I'd never been near the Methodies。 And then he said； …
〃Well；〃 says he； 〃you must come to church； where you'll hear the
Scriptures properly explained； instead of sitting poring over your Bible at
home。〃
'But I telled him I always used coming to church when I had my health；
but this very cold winter weather I hardly durst venture so far … and me so
bad wi' th' rheumatic and all。
'But he says； 〃It'll do your rheumatiz good to hobble to church： there's
nothing like exercise for the rheumatiz。 You can walk about the house
well enough； why can't you walk to church？ The fact is；〃 says he；
〃you're getting too fond of your ease。 It's always easy to find excuses for
shirking one's duty。〃
'But then； you know； Miss Grey； it wasn't so。 However； I telled him
I'd try。 〃But please； sir；〃 says I； 〃if I do go to church； what the better
shall I be？ I want to have my sins blotted out； and to feel that they are
remembered no more against me； and that the love of God is shed abroad
in my heart； and if I can get no good by reading my Bible an' saying my
prayers at home； what good shall I get by going to church？'
'〃The church；〃 says he； 〃is the place appointed by God for His worship。
It's your duty to go there as often as you can。 If you want comfort； you
must seek it in the path of duty；〃 … an' a deal more he said； but I cannot
remember all his fine words。 However； it all came to this； that I was to
come to church as oft as ever I could； and bring my prayer…book with me；
an' read up all the sponsers after the clerk； an' stand； an' kneel； an' sit； an'
do all as I should； and take the Lord's Supper at every opportunity； an'
hearken his sermons； and Maister Bligh's； an' it 'ud be all right： if I went
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on doing my duty； I should get a blessing at last。
'〃But if you get no comfort that way；〃 says he； 〃it's all up。〃
'〃Then； sir；〃 says I； 〃should you think I'm a reprobate？〃
'〃Why；〃 says he … he says； 〃if you do your best to get to heaven and
can't manage it； you must be one of those that seek to enter in at the strait
gate and shall not be able。〃
'An' then he asked me if I'd seen any of the ladies o' th' Hall about that
mornin'； so I telled him where I had seen the young misses go on th' Moss
Lane； … an' he kicked my poor cat right across th' floor； an' went after 'em
as gay as a lark： but I was very sad。 That last word o' his fair sunk into
my heart； an' lay there like a lump o' lead； till I was weary to bear it。
'Howsever； I follered his advice： I thought he meant it all for th' best；
though he HAD a queer way with him。 But you know； Miss； he's rich an'
young； and such like cannot right understand the thoughts of a poor old
woman such as me。 But； howsever； I did my best to do all as he bade me
… but maybe I'm plaguing you； Miss； wi' my chatter。'
'Oh； no； Nancy！ Go on； and tell me all。'
'Well； my rheumatiz got better … I know not whether wi' going to
church or not； but one frosty Sunday I got this cold i' my eyes。 Th'
inflammation didn't come on all at once like； but bit by bit … but I wasn't
going to tell you about my eyes； I was talking about my trouble o' mind； …
and to tell the truth； Miss Grey； I don't think it was anyways eased by
coming to church … nought to speak on； at least： I like got my health
better； but that didn't mend my soul。 I hearkened and hearkened the
ministers； and read an' read at my prayer…book； but it was all like sounding
brass and a tinkling cymbal： the sermons I couldn't understand； an' th'
prayer…book only served to show me how wicked I was； that I could read
such good words an' never be no better for it； and oftens feel it a sore
labour an' a heavy task beside； instead of a blessing and a privilege as all
good Christians does。 It seemed like as all were barren an' dark to me。
And then； them dreadful words； 〃Many shall seek to enter in； and shall not
be able。〃 They like as they fair dried up my sperrit。
'But one Sunday； when Maister Hatfield gave out about the sacrament；
I noticed where he said； 〃If there be any of you that cannot quiet his own
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conscience； but requireth further comfort or counsel； let him come to me；
or some other discreet and learned minister of God's word； and open his
grief！〃 So next Sunday morning； afore service； I just looked into the
vestry； an' began a… talking to th' Rector again。 I hardly could fashion to
take such a liberty； but I thought when my soul was at stake I shouldn't
stick at a trifle。 But he said he hadn't time to attend to me then。
'〃And； indeed；〃 says he； 〃I've nothing to say to you but what I've said
before。 Take the sacrament； of course；
