agnes grey(艾格尼丝·格累)-第19节
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lanes； and smiling hedges with wild…flowers scattered along their banks；
could make it； but it was depressingly flat to one born and nurtured among
the rugged hills of …。
We were situated nearly two miles from the village church； and；
consequently； the family carriage was put in requisition every Sunday
morning； and sometimes oftener。 Mr。 and Mrs。 Murray generally thought
it sufficient to show themselves at church once in the course of the day；
but frequently the children preferred going a second time to wandering
about the grounds all the day with nothing to do。 If some of my pupils
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chose to walk and take me with them； it was well for me； for otherwise my
position in the carriage was to be crushed into the corner farthest from the
open window； and with my back to the horses： a position which
invariably made me sick； and if I were not actually obliged to leave the
church in the middle of the service； my devotions were disturbed with a
feeling of languor and sickliness； and the tormenting fear of its becoming
worse： and a depressing headache was generally my companion
throughout the day； which would otherwise have been one of welcome rest；
and holy； calm enjoyment。
'It's very odd； Miss Grey； that the carriage should always make you
sick： it never makes ME；' remarked Miss Matilda；
'Nor me either；' said her sister； 'but I dare say it would； if I sat where
she does … such a nasty； horrid place； Miss Grey； I wonder how you can
bear it！'
'I am obliged to bear it； since no choice is left me；' … I might have
answered； but in tenderness for their feelings I only replied； … 'Oh！ it is but
a short way； and if I am not sick in church； I don't mind it。'
If I were called upon to give a description of the usual divisions and
arrangements of the day； I should find it a very difficult matter。 I had all
my meals in the schoolroom with my pupils； at such times as suited their
fancy： sometimes they would ring for dinner before it was half cooked；
sometimes they would keep it waiting on the table for above an hour； and
then be out of humour because the potatoes were cold； and the gravy
covered with cakes of solid fat； sometimes they would have tea at four；
frequently； they would storm at the servants because it was not in precisely
at five； and when these orders were obeyed； by way of encouragement to
punctuality； they would keep it on the table till seven or eight。
Their hours of study were managed in much the same way； my
judgment or convenience was never once consulted。 Sometimes Matilda
and John would determine 'to get all the plaguy business over before
breakfast；' and send the maid to call me up at half…past five； without any
scruple or apology； sometimes； I was told to be ready precisely at six； and；
having dressed in a hurry； came down to an empty room； and after waiting
a long time in suspense； discovered that they had changed their minds； and
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were still in bed； or； perhaps； if it were a fine summer morning； Brown
would come to tell me that the young ladies and gentlemen had taken a
holiday； and were gone out； and then I was kept waiting for breakfast till I
was almost ready to faint： they having fortified themselves with
something before they went。
Often they would do their lessons in the open air； which I had nothing
to say against： except that I frequently caught cold by sitting on the
damp grass； or from exposure to the evening dew； or some insidious
draught； which seemed to have no injurious effect on them。 It was quite
right that they should be hardy； yet； surely； they might have been taught
some consideration for others who were less so。 But I must not blame
them for what was； perhaps； my own fault； for I never made any particular
objections to sitting where they pleased； foolishly choosing to risk the
consequences； rather than trouble them for my convenience。 Their
indecorous manner of doing their lessons was quite as remarkable as the
caprice displayed in their choice of time and place。 While receiving my
instructions； or repeating what they had learned； they would lounge upon
the sofa； lie on the rug； stretch； yawn； talk to each other； or look out of the
window； whereas； I could not so much as stir the fire； or pick up the
handkerchief I had dropped； without being rebuked for inattention by one
of my pupils； or told that 'mamma would not like me to be so careless。'
The servants； seeing in what little estimation the governess was held
by both parents and children； regulated their behaviour by the same
standard。 I have frequently stood up for them； at the risk of some injury
to myself； against the tyranny and injustice of their young masters and
mistresses； and I always endeavoured to give them as little trouble as
possible： but they entirely neglected my comfort； despised my requests；
and slighted my directions。 All servants； I am convinced； would not have
done so； but domestics in general； being ignorant and little accustomed to
reason and reflection； are too easily corrupted by the carelessness and bad
example of those above them； and these； I think； were not of the best order
to begin with。
I sometimes felt myself degraded by the life I led； and ashamed of
submitting to so many indignities； and sometimes I thought myself a fool
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for caring so much about them； and feared I must be sadly wanting in
Christian humility； or that charity which 'suffereth long and is kind；
seeketh not her own； is not easily provoked； beareth all things； endureth all
things。'
But； with time and patience； matters began to be slightly ameliorated：
slowly； it is true； and almost imperceptibly； but I got rid of my male pupils
（that was no trifling advantage）； and the girls； as I intimated before
concerning one of them； became a little less insolent； and began to show
some symptoms of esteem。 'Miss Grey was a queer creature： she never
flattered； and did not praise them half enough； but whenever she did speak
favourably of them； or anything belonging to them； they could be quite
sure her approbation was sincere。 She was very obliging； quiet； and
peaceable in the main； but there were some things that put her out of
temper： they did not much care for that； to be sure； but still it was better
to keep her in tune； as when she was in a good humour she would talk to
them； and be very agreeable and amusing sometimes； in her way； which
was quite different to mamma's； but still very well for a change。 She had
her own opinions on every subject； and kept steadily to them … very
tiresome opinions they often were； as she was always thinking of what
was right and what was wrong； and had a strange reverence for matters
connected with religion； and an unaccountable liking to good people。'
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CHAPTER VIII … THE 'COMING
OUT'
AT eighteen； Miss Murray was to emerge from the quiet obscurity of
the schoolroom into the full blaze of the fashionable world … as much of it；
at least； as could be had out of London； for her papa could not be
persuaded to leave his rural pleasures and pursuits； even for a few weeks'
residence in town。 She was to make her debut on the third of January； at
a magnificent ball； which her mamma proposed to give to all the nobility
and choice gentry of O… and its neighbourhood for twenty miles round。
Of course； she looked forw
