sk.thewastelands-第27节
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wondering what in hell had happened。
I can tell him； Jake thought excitedly。 He threw back the covers； suddenly knowing that the door beside his bookcase no longer led into the bathroom but to a world that smelled of heat and purple sage and fear in a handful of dust； a world that now lay under the shadowing wing of night。 I can tell him； but I won't have to 。 。 。 because I'll be IN him 。 。 。 I'll BE him！
He raced across his darkened room； almost laughing with relief； and shoved open the door。 And…
And it was his bathroom。 Just his bathroom； with the framed Marvin Gaye poster on the wall and the shapes of the Venetian blinds lying on the tiled floor in bars of light and shadow。
He stood there for a long time； trying to swallow his disappointment。 It wouldn't go。 And it was bitter。
Bitter。
8
THE THREE WEEKS BETWEEN then and now stretched like a grim； blighted terrain in Jake's memory…a nightmare wasteland where there had been no peace； no rest； no respite from pain。 He had watched； like a helpless prisoner watching the sack of a city he had once ruled； as his mind buckled under the steadily increasing pressure of the phantom voices and memories。 He had hoped the memories would stop when he reached the point in them where the man named Roland had allowed him to drop into the chasm under the mountains； but they didn't。 Instead they simply recycled and began to play themselves over again； like a tape set to repeat and repeat until it either breaks or someone es along； and shuts it off。
His perceptions of his more…or…less real life as a boy in New York City grew increasingly spotty as this terrible schism grew deeper。 He could remember going to school； and to the movies on the weekend； and out to Sunday brunch with his parents a week ago （or had it been two？）； but he remembered these things the way a man who has suffered malaria may remember the deepest； darkest phase of his illness： people became shadows； voices seemed to echo and overlap each other； and even such a simple act as eating a sandwich or obtaining a Coke from the machine in the gymnasium became a struggle。 Jake had pushed through those days in a fugue of yelling voices and doubled memories。 His obsession with doors…all kinds of doors…deepened； his hope that the gunslinger's world might lie behind one of them never quite died。 Nor was that so strange； since it was the only hope he had。
But as of today the game was over。 He'd never had a chance of winning anyway； not really。 He had given up。 He had gone truant。 Jake walked blindly east along the gridwork of streets； head down； with no idea of where he was going or what he would do when he got there。
9
AFTER WALKING FOR A while； he began to e out of this unhappy daze and take some notice of his surroundings。 He was standing on the corner of Lexington Avenue and。 Fifty…fourth Street with no memory at all of how he had e to be there。 He noticed for the first time that it was an absolutely gorgeous morning。 May 9th； the day this madness had started； had been pretty； but today was ten times better…that day； perhaps； when spring looks around herself and sees summer standing nearby； strong and handsome and with a cocky grin on his tanned face。 The sun shone brightly off the glass walls of the midtown buildings； the shadow of each pedestrian was black and crisp。 The sky overhead was a clear and blameless blue； dotted here and there with plump foul…weather clouds。
Down the street； two businessmen in expensive； well…cut suits were standing at a board wall which had been erected around a construction site。 They were laughing and passing something back and forth。 Jake walked in their direction； curious； and as he drew closer he saw that the two businessmen were playing tic…tac…toe on the wall； using an expensive Mark Cross pen to draw the grids and make the X's and O's。 Jake thought this was a plete gas。 As he approached； one of them made an O in the upper right…hand corner of the grid and then slashed a diagonal line through the middle。
〃Skunked again！〃 his friend said。 Then this man； who looked like a high…powered executive or lawyer or big…time stockbroker； took the Mark Cross pen and drew another grid。
The first businessman； the winner； glanced to his left and saw Jake。 He smiled。 〃Some day； huh； kid？〃
〃It sure is；〃 Jake said； delighted to find he meant every word。
〃Too nice for school； huh？〃
This time Jake actually laughed。 Piper School； where you had Outs instead of lunch and where you sometimes stepped out but never had to take a crap； suddenly seemed far away and not at all important。 〃You know it。〃
〃You want a game？ Billy here couldn't beat me at this when we were in the fifth grade； and he still can't。'
〃Leave the kid alone；〃 the second businessman said； holding out the Mark Cross pen。 〃This time you're history。〃 He winked at Jake； and Jake amazed himself by winking back。 He walked on； leaving the men to their game。 The sense that something totally wonderful was going to happen…had perhaps already begun to happen…continued to grow； and his feet no longer seemed to be quite touching the pavement。
The WALK light on the corner came on； and he began to cross Lexington Avenue。 He stopped in the middle of the street so suddenly that a messenger…boy on a ten…speed bike almost ran him down。 It was a beautiful spring day…agreed。 But that wasn't why he felt so good； so suddenly aware of everything that was going on around him； so sure that some great thing was about to occur。
The voices had stopped。
They weren't gone for good…he somehow knew this…but for the time being they had stopped。 Why？
Jake suddenly thought of two men arguing in a room。 They sit facing each other over a table； jawing at each other with increasing bitterness。 After a while they begin to lean toward each other； thrusting their faces pugnaciously forward； bathing each other with a fine mist of outraged spittle。 Soon they will e to blows。 But before that can happen； they hear a steady thumping noise…the sound of a bass drum…and then a jaunty flourish of brass。 The two men stop arguing and look at each other； puzzled。
What's that？ one asks。
Dunno； the other replies。 Sounds like a parade。
They rush to the window and it is a parade…a uniformed band marching in lock…step with the sun blazing off their horns； pretty majo…rettes twirling batons and strutting their long； tanned legs； convertibles decked with flowers and filled with waving celebrities。
The two men stare out the window； their quarrel forgotten。 They will undoubtedly return to it； but for the time being they stand together like the best of friends； shoulder to shoulder； watching as the parade goes by…
10
A HORN BLARED； STARTLING Jake out of this story； which was as vivid as a powerful dream。 He realized he was still standing in the middle of Lexington； and the light had changed。 He looked around wildly； expecting to see the blue Cadillac bearing down on him； but the guy who had tooted his horn was sitting behind the wheel of a yellow Mustang convert…ible and grinning at him。 It was as if everyone in New York had gotten a whiff of happy…gas today。
Jake waved at the guy and sprinted to the other side of the street。 The guy in the Mustang twirled a finger around his ear to indicate that Jake was crazy； then waved back and drove on。
For a moment Jake simply stood on the far corner； face turned up to the May sunshine； smiling； digging the day。 He supposed prisoners condemned to die in the electric chair must feel this way when they learn they have been granted a temporary reprieve。
The voices were still。
The question was； what was the parade which had temporarily diverted their attention？ Was it just the unmon beauty of this spring morning？
Jake didn't think that was all。 He didn't think so because that sensa…tion of knowing was creeping over him and through him again； the one which had taken possession of him three weeks ago； as he approached the corner of Fifth and Forty…sixth。 But on May 9th； it had been a feeling of impending doom。 Today it was a feeling of radiance； a sense of goodness and anticipation。 It was as if 。。。 as if 。。。
White。 This was the word that came to him； and it clanged in his mind with clear and unquestionable lightness。
〃It's the White！〃 he exclaimed aloud。 〃The ing of the White！〃
He walked on down Fifty…fourth Street； and as he reached the cor…ner of Second and Fifty…fourth； he once more passed under the umbrella of ka…tet。
11
HE TURNED RIGHT； THEN stopped； turned； and retraced his steps to the corner。 He needed to walk down Second Avenue now； yes； that was unquestionably correct； but this was the wrong side again。 When the light changed； he hurried across the street and turned right again。 That feeling； that sense of
（Whiteness）
rightness； grew steadily stronger。 He felt half…mad with joy and relief。 He was going to be okay。 This time there was no mistake。 He felt sure that he would soon begin to see people he recognized； as he had recognized the fat lady and the pretzel vendor； and they would be doing things he remembered in advance。
Instead； he came to the bookstore。
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