cpatricia.blacknotice-第47节

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Lauren　and　ritzy…titzy　car。　You　think　you're　so　fucking　sexy　with　those　big　tits；　always　making　me　feel　something's　wrong　with　me　and　making　fun　of　me　when　I　ordered　Mark　Eden　and　all　those　other　contraptions。　And　remember　what　Mother　said？
　　〃She　gave　me　a　photograph　of　a　man's　hairy　hand　and　said；　〃That's　what　makes　a　woman's　breasts　get　big。〃'
　　〃You're　drunk；〃　I　said。
　　〃We　were　teenagers　and　you　made　fun　of　me！〃
　　〃I　never　made　fun　of　you〃
　　〃You　made　me　feel　stupid　and　ugly。　And　you　had　this　blond　hair　and　a　chest　and　all　the　boys　talked　about　you。　Especially　since　you　were　smart；　too。　Oh；　you've　always　thought　you're　so　fucking　smart　because　I　couldn't　do　anything　but　English。〃
　　〃Stop　it；　Dorothy。〃
　　〃I　hate　you。〃
　　〃No；　you　don't；　Dorothy。〃
　　〃But　you　don't　fool　me。　Oh；　no。〃
　　She　shook　her　head　from　side　to　side；　wagging　her　finger　in　my　face。
　　〃Oh；　no。　You　can't　fool　me。　I've　always　suspected　the　truth　about　you。〃
　　I　was　parked　in　front　of　the　Berkeley　Hotel；　and　she　didn't　even　notice。　She　was　screaming；　…tears　streaming　down　her　face。
　　〃You're　a　closet　diesel　dyke；〃　she　said　hatefully。　〃And　you　turned　my　daughter　into　one！　And　now　she　almost　gets　killed　and　she　thinks　I'm　lower　than　a　sewer！〃
　　〃Why　don't　you　go　inside　your　hotel　and　get　some　sleep；〃　I　said　to　her。
　　She　wiped　her　eyes　and　looked　out　the　window；　surprised　to　see　her　hotel；　as　if　it　were　a　spaceship　that　had　silently　landed。
　　〃I'm　not　dumping　you　out　on　the　roadside；　Dorothy。　But　right　now　I　think　it's　best　we're　not　together。〃
　　She　sniffled；　her　rage　fading　like　fireworks　in　the　night。　〃I'll　get　you　to　your　room；〃　I　said。
　　She　shook　her　head；　her　hands　motionless　in　her　lap；　tears　sliding　down　her　miserable　face。
　　〃She　didn't　want　to　see　me；〃　she　said　in　a　voice　as　quiet　as　a　breath。　〃The　minute　I　came　off　the　elevator　in　that　hospital；　she　looked　as　if　someone　had　just　spat　on　her　food。〃
　　A　group　of　people　were　walking　out　of　the　Tobacco　pany。　I　recognized　the　men　who　had　been　at　Dorothy's　table。　They　were　walking　unsteadily　and　laughing　too　loudly。
　　〃She's　always　wanted　to　be　just　like　you；　Kay。　Do　you　have　any　idea　how　that　feels？〃　she　cried。　〃I'm　a　somebody；　too。　Why　can't　she　want　to　be　like　me？〃
　　She　suddenly　moved　over　and　hugged　me。　She　cried　into　my　neck；　sobbing；　shaking。　I　wanted　to　love　her。　But　I　didn't。　I　never　had。
　　〃I　want　her　to　adore　me；　too！〃　she　exclaimed；　carried　away　by　emotion　and　alcohol　and　her　own　addiction　to　drama。　〃I　want　her　to　admire　me；　too！　I　want　her　to　brag　about　me　like　she　does　you！　I　want　her　to　think　I'm　brilliant　and　strong；　that　everyone　turns　around　and　looks　at　me　when　I　walk　into　a　room。　I　want　her　to　think　and　say　all　those　things…she　thinks　and　says　about　you！　I　want　her　to　ask　my　advice　and　want　to　grow　up　to　be　just　like　me。〃
　　I　put　the　car　in　gear　and　drove　up　to　the　entrance　of　the　hotel。
　　〃Dorothy；〃　I　said；　〃you're　the　most　selfish　person　I've　ever　known。〃
　　
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　　It　was　almost　nine　o'clock　by　the　time　I　got　home；　and　I　worried　that　I　should　have　brought　Dorothy　with　me　instead　of　leaving　her　at　the　hotel。　I　wouldn't　have　been　the　least　bit　surprised　if　she　had　gone　right　back　across　the　street　to　the　bar。　Maybe　there　were　a　few　lonely　men　left　she　could　amuse。
　　I　checked　my　telephone　messages；　annoyed　by　hangups。　There　were　seven　of　them；　and　caller…m　read　unavailable　each　time。　Reporters　didn't　like　to　leave　messages；　even　at　my　office；　because　it　gave　me　the　option　of　not　calling　them　back。　I　heard　a　car　door　shut　in　the　driveway　and　almost　wondered　if　it　were　Dorothy；　but　when　I　checked；　a　yellow　taxi　was　driving　away　as　Lucy　rang　the　bell。
　　She　was　carrying　one　small　suitcase　and　a　tote　bag　and　dropped　them　in　the　foyer；　shoving　the　door　shut　without　hugging　me。　Her　left　cheek　was　one　dark　purple　bruise；　and　several　smaller　ones　were　beginning　to　turn　yellow　at　the　edges。　I　had　seen　enough　injuries　like　that　to　know　she　had　been　punched。
　　〃I　hate　her；〃　she　started　in；　glaring　at　me　as　if　I　were　to　blame。　〃Who　told　her　to　e　here？　Was　it　you？〃
　　〃You　know　I　would　never　do　something　like　that：'　I　said。
　　〃e　on。　Let's　talk。　We　have　so　much　talking　to　do。　My　God；　I　was　beginning　to　think　I　was　never　going　to　see　you　again。〃
　　I　sat　her　in　front　of　the　fire　and　tossed　in　another　log。　Lucy　looked　awful。　She　had　dark　circles　under　her　eyes；　her　jeans　and　sweater　were　hanging　off　her；　her　reddishbrown　hair　was　falling　over　her　face。　She　propped　a　foot　up　on　my　coffee　table。　Velcro　ripped　as　she　took　off　her　ankle　holster　and　gun。
　　〃You　got　anything　to　drink　in　this　house？〃　she　asked。　〃Some　bourbon　or　something？　There　was　no　damn　heat　in　the　back　of　the　taxi　and　the　window　wouldn't　close。　I'm　frozen。　Look　at　my　hands。〃
　　She　held　them　out。　The　nails　were　blue。　I　took　both　of　them　in　mine　and　held　them　tight。　I　moved　closer　to　her　on　the　couch　and　put　my　arms　around　her　again。　She　felt　so　thin。
　　〃What　happened　to　all　that　muscle？〃　I　tried　to　be　funny。
　　〃I　haven't　had　much　food　。　。　：〃　She　stared　into　the　fire。
　　〃They　don't　have　food　in　Miami？〃
　　She　wouldn't　smile。
　　〃Why　did　Mother　have　to　e？　Why　can't　she　just　leave　me　alone？　All　my　life　she　doesn't　do　a　goddamn　fucking　thing　except　subject　me　to　all　her　men；　men；　men；〃　she　said。　〃Parade　herself　around　with　all　these　dicks　fawning　over　her　while　I　had　nobody。　Hell；　they　had　nobody；　either；　and　didn't　even　know　it。〃
　　〃You've　always　had　me。〃
　　She　shoved　her　hair　out　of　her　eyes　and　didn't　seem　to　hear　me。
　　〃You　know　what　she　did　at　the　hospital？〃
　　〃How　did　she　know　where　to　find　you？〃　I　had　to　have　that　question　answered　first；　and　Lucy　knew　why　I　asked　it。
　　〃Because　she's　my　birth　mother；〃　she　said　with　singsong　sarcasm。　〃So　she's　listed　on　various　forms　whether　I　like　it　or　not；　and　of　course　she　knows　who　Jo　is。　So　Mom　tracks　down　Jo's　parents　here　in　Richmond　and　finds　out　everything　because　she's　so　manipulative　and　people　always　think　she's　wonderful。　The　Sanderses　tell　her　where　Jo's　room'is　and　Mother　shows　up　at　the　hospital　this　morning　and　I　didn't　even　know　she　was　here　until　I　was　sitting　there　in　the　waiting　area　and　she　walked　in　like　the　prima　donna　she　is。〃
　　She　clenched　and　unclenched　her　fists　as　if　her　fingers　were　stiff。
　　〃Then　guess　what？〃　she　went　on。　〃Mom　puts　on　this　big　sympathetic　act　with　the　Sanderses。　Is　bringing　them　coffee；　sandwiches；　giving　them　all　her　little　pearls　of　philosophy。　And　they're　talking　and　talking；　and　I'm　just　sitting　there　like　I　don't　exist；　and　then　Mom　es　over　and　pats　my　hand　and　says；　Jo　isn't　having　any　visitors　today。
　　〃I　ask　her　who　the　hell　she　is；　telling　me　that。　She　says　the　Sanderses　wanted　her　to　tell　me　because　they　didn't　want　to　hurt　my　feelings。　So　I　finally　just　fucking　leave。　Mom　may　still　be　there　for　all　I　know。〃
　　〃She's　not；〃　I　said。
　　Lucy　got　up　and　stabbed　a　log　with　the　poker。　Sparks　swarmed　as　if　in　protest。
　　〃She's　gone　too　far。　This　time　she's　done　it；〃　my　niece　said。
　　〃Let's　don't　talk　about　her。　I　want　to　talk　about　you。　Tell　me　what　happened　in　Miami：〃
　　She　sat　on　the　rug；　leaning　against　the　couch；　staring　into　the　fire。　I　got　up　and　went　to　the　bar　and　poured　her　a　Booker's　bourbon。
　　〃Aunt　Kay；　I've　got　to　see　her。〃
　　I　handed　Lucy　the　drink　and　sat　back　down。　I　massaged　her　shoulders　and　she　began　to　loosen　up；　her　voice　getting　drowsy。
　　〃She's　in　there　and　doesn't　know　I'm　waiting　for　her。　Maybe　she　thinks　I　can't　be　bothered。〃
　　〃Why　in　the　world　would　she　think　that；　Lucy？〃
　　She　didn't　answer　me；　but　seemed　drawn　into　smoke　and　flames。　She　sipped　her　drink。
　　〃When　we　were　driving　there　in　my　hot　little　V　…twelveBenz；〃　she　said　in　a　distant　voice；　〃Jo　had　this　bad　feeling　and　she　told　me　she　did。　I　said　it　was　normal　to　have　a　bad　feeling　when　you're　about　to　do　a　takedown。　I　even　kidded　her　about　it。〃
　　She　paused；　just　staring　at　flames　as　if　she　were　seeing　something　else。
　　〃We　get　to　the　door　of　the　apartment　that　these　OneSixty…Fiver　assholes　are　using　as　their　clubhouse；'　she　resumed；　〃and　Jo　goes　first。　There're　six　of　them　in　there　instead　of　three。　Right　away　we　know　we're　had　and　I　know　what　they're　going　to　do。　One　of　them　grabs　Jo　and　sticks　a　gun　to　her　head　to　make　her　tell　them　where　the　Fisher　Island　place　is　we'd　set　up　for　the　hit。〃
　　She　took　a　deep　breath　and　was　silent；　as　if　she　couldn't　go　on。　She　sipped　the　bourbon。
　　〃God；　what　is　this　stuff？　The　vapors　alone　are　knocking　me　out。〃
　　〃A　hundred　and　twenty　proof。　Usually　I'm　not　a　pusher；　but　it　wouldn't　be　such　a　bad　thing　for　you　to　be　knocked　out　right　now。　Stay　here　with　me　for　a　while；〃　I　said。
　　〃ATF　and　DEA　did　everything　right；〃　she　told　me。
　　〃These　things　happen；　Lucy。〃
　　〃I　had　to　think　so　fast。　The　only　thing　I　knew　to　do　was　act　like　I　didn't　care　if　they　blew　her　brains　out　or　not。　Here　they　are　holding　a　gun　to　her　head　and　I　start　acting　pissed　off　at　her；　which　wasn't　at　all　what　they　were　expecting。〃
　　She　took　another　swallow　of　bourbon。　It　was　hitting　her　hard。
　　〃I　walked　up　to　this　Moroccan　asshole　with　the　gun　and　get　right　in　his　face　and