mc.prey-第13节

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oo…now　that　I　looked　closely…appeared　leaner；　more　muscular。　She　hadn't　lost　weight；　she　just　looked　trim；　tight；　energetic。
　I　said；　〃You　look　great。〃
　She　laughed。　〃I　can't　imagine　why。　I'm　exhausted。〃
　〃What　time　did　you　get　in？〃
　〃About　eleven。　I　hope　I　didn't　wake　you。〃
　〃No。　But　I　had　a　weird　dream。〃
　〃Oh　yes？〃
　〃Yes；　it　was…〃
　〃Mommy！　Mommy！〃　Eric　burst　into　the　kitchen。　〃It's　not　fair！　Nicole　won't　get　out　of　the　bathroom。　She's　been　in　there　for　an　hour。　It's　not　fair！〃
　〃Go　use　our　bathroom。〃
　〃But　I　need　my　socks；　Mommy。　It's　not　fair。〃
　This　was　a　familiar　problem。　Eric　had　a　couple　of　pairs　of　favorite　socks　that　he　wore　day　after　day　until　they　were　black　with　grime。　For　some　reason；　the　other　socks　in　his　drawer　were　not　satisfactory。　I　could　never　get　him　to　explain　why。　But　putting　on　socks　in　the　morning　was　a　major　problem　with　him。
　〃Eric；〃　I　said；　〃we　talked　about　this；　you're　supposed　to　wear　clean　socks。〃
　〃But　those　are　my　good　ones！〃
　〃Eric。　You　have　plenty　of　good　socks。〃
　〃It's　not　fair；　Dad。　She's　been　in　there　an　hour；　I'm　not　kidding。〃
　〃Eric；　go　choose　other　socks。〃
　〃Dad　。。。〃
　I　just　pointed　my　finger　toward　his　bedroom。
　〃Shees。〃　He　walked　off　muttering　about　how　it　wasn't　fair。
　I　turned　back　to　Julia　to　resume　our　conversation。　She　was　staring　at　me　coldly。　〃You　really　don't　get　it；　do　you？〃
　〃Get　what？〃
　〃He　came　in　talking　to　me；　and　you　just　took　over。　You　took　over　the　whole　thing。〃
　Immediately；　I　realized　she　was　right。　〃I'm　sorry；〃　I　said。
　〃I　don't　get　to　see　the　children　very　much　these　days；　Jack。　I　think　I　should　be　able　to　have　my　interaction　without　your　taking　control。〃
　〃I'm　sorry。　I　handle　this　kind　of　thing　all　day；　and　I　guess…〃
　〃This　really　is　a　problem；　Jack。〃
　〃I　said　I'm　sorry。〃
　〃I　know　that's　what　you　said；　but　I　don't　think　you　are　sorry；　because　I　don't　see　you　doing　anything　to　change　your　controlling　behavior。〃
　〃Julia；〃　I　said。　Now　I　was　trying　to　control　my　temper。　I　took　a　breath。　〃You're　right。　I'm　sorry　it　happened。〃
　〃You're　just　shutting　me　out；〃　she　said；　〃and　you　are　keeping　me　from　my　children…〃
　〃Julia；　God　damn　it；　you're　never　here！〃
　A　frosty　silence。　Then：
　〃I　certainly　am　here；〃　she　said。　〃Don't　you　dare　say　I　am　not。〃
　〃Wait　a　minute；　wait　a　minute。　When　are　you　here？　When　was　the　last　time　you　made　it　for　dinner；　Julia？　Not　last　night；　not　the　night　before；　not　the　night　before　that。　Not　all　week；　Julia。　You　are　not　here。〃
　She　glared　at　me。　〃I　don't　know　what　you're　trying　to　do；　Jack。　I　don't　know　what　kind　of　game　you　are　playing。〃
　〃I'm　not　playing　any　game。　I'm　asking　you　a　question。〃
　〃I'm　a　good　mother；　and　I　balance　a　very　demanding　job；　a　very　demanding　job；　and　the　needs　of　my　family。　And　I　get　absolutely　no　help　from　you。〃
　〃What　are　you　talking　about？〃　I　said；　my　voice　rising　still　higher。　I　was　starting　to　have　a　sense　of　unreality　here。
　〃You　undercut　me；　you　sabotage　me；　you　turn　the　children　against　me；〃　she　said。　〃I　see　what　you're　doing。　Don't　think　I　don't。　You　are　not　supportive　of　me　at　all。　After　all　these　years　of　marriage；　I　must　say　it's　a　lousy　thing　to　do　to　your　wife。〃　And　she　stalked　out　of　the　room；　fists　clenched。　She　was　so　angry；　she　didn't　see　that　Nicole　was　standing　back　from　the　door；　listening　to　the　whole　thing。　And　staring　at　me；　as　her　mother　swept　past。
　Now　we　were　driving　to　school。　〃She's　crazy；　Dad。〃
　〃No；　she's　not。〃
　〃You　know　that　she　is。　You're　just　pretending。〃
　〃Nicole；　she's　your　mother；〃　I　said。　〃Your　mother　is　not　crazy。　She's　working　very　hard　right　now。〃
　〃That's　what　you　said　last　week；　after　the　fight。〃
　〃Well；　it　happens　to　be　true。〃
　〃You　guys　didn't　used　to　fight。〃
　〃There's　a　lot　of　stress　right　now。〃
　Nicole　snorted；　crossed　her　arms；　stared　forward。　〃I　don't　know　why　you　put　up　with　her。〃
　〃And　I　don't　know　why　you　were　listening　to　what　is　none　of　your　business。〃
　〃Dad；　why　do　you　pull　that　crap　with　me？〃
　〃Nicole　。。。〃
　〃Sor…ry。　But　why　can't　you　have　a　real　conversation；　instead　of　defending　her　all　the　time？　It's　not　normal；　what　she's　doing。　I　know　you　think　she's　crazy。〃
　〃I　don't；〃　I　said。
　From　the　backseat；　Eric　whacked　her　on　the　back　of　the　head。　〃You're　the　one　who's　crazy；〃　he　said。
　〃Shut　up；　butt　breath。〃
　〃Shut　up　yourself；　weasel　puke。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　hear　any　more　from　either　of　you；〃　I　said　loudly。　〃I　am　not　in　the　mood。〃　By　then　we　were　pulling　into　the　turnaround　in　front　of　the　school。　The　kids　piled　out。　Nicole　jumped　out　of　the　front　seat；　turned　back　to　get　her　backpack；　shot　me　a　look；　and　was　gone。　I　didn't　think　Julia　was　crazy；　but　something　had　certainly　changed；　and　as　I　replayed　that　morning's　conversation　in　my　head；　I　felt　uneasy　for　other　reasons。　A　lot　of　her　ments　sounded　like　she　was　building　a　case　against　me。　Laying　it　out　methodically；　step　by　step。　You　are　shutting　me　out　and　keeping　me　away　from　my　children。
　I　am　here；　you　just　don't　notice。
　I'm　a　good　mother；　I　balance　a　very　demanding　job　with　the　needs　of　my　family。
　You　are　not　supportive　of　me　at　all。　You　undercut　me；　you　sabotage　me。
　You　are　turning　the　children　against　me。
　I　could　easily　imagine　her　lawyer　saying　these　things　in　court。　And　I　knew　why。　According　to　a　recent　article　I　had　read　in　Redbook　magazine；　〃alienation　of　affection〃　was　currently　the　trendy　argument　in　court。　The　father　is　turning　the　children　against　the　mother。　Poisoning　their　little　minds　by　word　and　deed。　While　the　Mom　is　blameless　as　always。　Every　father　knew　the　legal　system　was　hopelessly　biased　in　favor　of　mothers。　The　courts　gave　lip　service　to　equality；　and　then　ruled　a　child　needed　its　mother。　Even　if　she　was　absent。　Even　if　she　smacked　them　around；　or　forgot　to　feed　them。　As　long　as　she　wasn't　shooting　up；　or　breaking　their　bones；　she　was　a　fit　mother　in　the　eyes　of　the　court。　And　even　if　she　was　shooting　up；　a　father　might　not　win　the　case。　One　of　my　friends　at　MediaTronics　had　an　ex…wife　on　heroin　who'd　been　in　and　out　of　rehab　for　years。　They'd　finally　divorced　and　had　joint　custody。　She　was　supposedly　clean　but　the　kids　said　she　wasn't。　My　friend　was　worried。　He　didn't　want　his　ex　driving　the　kids　when　she　was　loaded。　He　didn't　want　drug　dealers　around　his　kids。　So　he　went　to　court　to　ask　for　full　custody；　and　he　lost。　The　judge　said　the　wife　was　genuinely　trying　to　overe　her　addiction；　and　that　children　need　their　mother。　So　that　was　the　reality。　And　now　it　looked　to　me　as　if　Julia　was　starting　to　lay　out　that　case。　It　gave　me　the　creeps。
　About　the　time　I　had　worked　myself　into　a　fine　lather；　my　cell　phone　rang。　It　was　Julia。　She　was　calling　to　apologize。
　〃I'm　really　sorry。　I　said　stupid　things　today。　I　didn't　mean　it。〃
　〃What？〃
　〃Jack；　I　know　you　support　me。　Of　course　you　do。　I　couldn't　manage　without　you。　You're　doing　a　great　job　with　the　kids。　I'm　just　not　myself　these　days。　It　was　stupid；　Jack。　I'm　sorry　I　said　those　things。〃
　When　I　got　off　the　phone　I　thought；　I　wish　I　had　recorded　that。　I　had　a　ten　o'clock　meeting　with　my　headhunter；　Annie　Gerard。　We　met　in　the　sunny　courtyard　of　a　coffee　shop　on　Baker。　We　always　met　outside；　so　Annie　could　smoke。　She　had　her　laptop　out　and　her　wireless　modem　plugged　in。　A　cigarette　dangled　from　her　lip；　and　she　squinted　in　the　smoke。
　〃Got　anything？〃　I　said；　sitting　down　opposite　her。
　〃Yeah；　as　a　matter　of　fact　I　do。　Two　very　good　possibilities。〃
　〃Great；〃　I　said；　stirring　my　latte。　〃Tell　me。〃
　〃How　about　this？　Chief　research　analyst　for　IBM；　working　on　advanced　distributed　systems　architecture。〃
　〃Right　up　my　alley。〃
　〃I　thought　so；　too。　You're　highly　qualified　for　this　one；　Jack。　You'd　run　a　research　lab　of　sixty　people。　Base　pay　two…fifty　plus　options　going　out　five　years　plus　royalties　on　anything　developed　in　your　lab。〃
　〃Sounds　great。　Where？〃
　〃Armonk。〃
　〃New　York？〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃No　way；　Annie。　What　else？〃
　〃Head　of　a　team　to　design　multi…agent　systems　for　an　insurance　pany　that's　doing　data　mining。　It's　an　excellent　opportunity；　and…〃
　〃Where？〃
　〃Austin。〃
　I　sighed。　〃Annie。　Julia's　got　a　job　she　likes；　she's　very　devoted　to　it；　and　she　won't　leave　it　now。　My　kids　are　in　school；　and…〃
　〃People　move　all　the　time；　Jack。　They　all　have　kids　in　school。　Kids　adapt。〃
　〃But　with　Julia　。。。〃
　〃Other　people　have　working　wives；　too。　They　still　move。〃
　〃I　know；　but　the　thing　is　with　Julia　。。。〃
　〃Have　you　talked　to　her　about　it？　Have　you　broached　the　subject？〃
　〃Well；　no；　because　I…〃
　〃Jack。〃　Annie　stared　at　me　over　the　laptop　screen。　〃I　think　you　better　cut　the　crap。　You're　not　in　a　position　to　be　picky。　You're　starting　to　have　a　shelf…life　problem。〃
　〃Shelf　life；〃　I　said。
　〃That's　right；　Jack。　You've　been　out　of　work　six　months　now。　That's　a　long　time　in　high　tech。　panies　figure　if　it　takes　you　that　long　to　find　a　job；　there　must　be　something　wrong　with　you。　They　don't　know　what；　they　just　assume　you've　been　rejected　too　many　times；　by　too　many　other　panies。　Pretty　soon；　they　won't　even　interview。　Not　in　San　Jose；　not　in　Armonk；　not　in　Austin；　not　in　Cambridge。　The　boat's　sailed。　Are　you　hearing　me？　Am　I　getting　through　here？〃
　〃Yes；　but…〃
　〃No　buts；　Jack。　You've　got　to　talk　to　yo