wt.theyearofthequietsun-第40节

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　　She　said：　〃I　had　almost　decided　at　that　time；　and　I　did　decide　a　short　while　afterward；　I　did　decide　when　he　came　back　hurt　froth　his　survey。　He　was　so　helpless；　so　near　death　when　you　and　the　doctor　took　him　from　the　vehicle　I　decided　on　the　spot。〃　She　glanced　at　his　enfolding　hands　and　then　raised　her　eyes。　〃But　I　was　aware　of　your　own　intentions。　I　knew　you　would　be　hurt。〃
　　He　squeezed　her　fingers　with　encouragement。　〃Long　ago　and　far　away；　Katrina。　I'm　getting　over　it。〃
　　She　made　no　reply；　knowing　it　to　be　a　half…truth。
　　〃I　met　the　children…〃　He　stopped；　aware　of　the　awkwardness。　〃Children　they　are　not…they're　older　than　I　am！　I　met　Arthur　and　Kathryn　out　there　but　they　were　afraid　of　me。〃
　　Katrina　nodded　and　again　her　gaze　slid　away　from　him　to　rest　on　his　enveloping　hands。
　　〃Arthur　is　ten　years　older　than　you；　I　think；　but　Kathryn　should　be　about　the　same　age。　I　am　sorry　I　can't　be　more　precise　than　that；　I　am　sorry　I　can't　tell　you　how　long　my　husband　has　been　dead。　We　no　longer　know　time　here；　Brian；　we　only　live　from　one　summer　to　the　next。　It　is　not　the　happiest　existence。〃　After　a　while　her　hands　moved　inside　his；　and　she　glanced　up　again。　〃They　were　afraid　of　you　because　they've　known　no　other　man　since　the　station　was　overrun；　since　the　military　personnel　left　here　and　we　stayed　within　the　fence　for　safety。　For　a　year　or　two　we　dared　not　even　leave　this　building。〃
　　Bitterly：　〃The　people　out　there　were　afraid　of　me；　too。　They　ran　away　from　me。〃
　　She　was　quickly　astonished；　and　betrayed　alarm。
　　〃Which　people？　Where？〃
　　〃The　family　I　found　outside　the　fence…down　there　by　the　railroad　tracks。〃
　　〃There　is　no　one　alive　out　there。〃
　　〃Katrina；　there　is…I　saw　them；　called　to　them；　begged　them　to　e　back；　but　they　ran　away　in　fear。〃
　　〃How　many？　Were　there　many　of　them？〃
　　〃Three。　A　family　of　three：　father；　mother；　and　a　little　boy。　I　found　them　walking　along　the　railroad　track　out　there　beyond　the　northwest　corner。　The　little　fellow　was　picking　up　something…pieces　of　coal；　perhaps…and　putting　them　in　a　bag　his　mother　carried；　they　seemed　to　be　making　a　game　of　it。　They　were　walking　in　peace；　in　contentment　until　I　called　to　them。〃
　　Tersely：　〃Why　did　you　do　that？　Why　did　you　call　attention　to　yourself？〃
　　〃Because　I　was　lonely！　Because　I　was　sick　and　hurt　at　sight　of　an　empty　world！　I　yelled　out　because　those　people　were　the　only　living　things　I'd　found　here；　other　than　a　frightened　rabbit。　I　wanted　their　pany；　I　wanted　their　news！　I　would　have　given　them　everything　I　owned　for　only　an　hour　of　their　time。　Katrina；　I　wanted　to　know　if　people　were　still　living　in　this　world。〃　He　stopped　and　took　tighter　rein　on　his　emotions。　More　quietly：　〃I　wanted　to　talk　to　them；　to　ask　questions；　but　they　were　afraid　of　me…scared　witless；　shocked　by　sight　of　me。　They　ran　like　that　frightened　rabbit　and　I　never　saw　them　again。　I　can't　tell　you　how　much　that　hurt　me。〃
　　She　pulled　her　hands　from　his　and　dropped　them　into　her　lap。
　　〃Katrina…〃
　　She　wouldn't　look　up　at　once；　but　steadfastly　kept　her　gaze　on　the　tabletop。　The　movement　of　her　hands　had　left　small　trails　in　the　dust。　He　thought　the　tiny　bundle　of　her　seemed　more　wilted　and　withdrawn　than　before：　the　taut　skin　on　her　face　appeared　to　have　aged　in　the　last　few　minutes…or　perhaps　that　age　had　been　claiming　her　all　the　while　they　talked。
　　〃Katrina；　please。〃
　　After　a　long　while　she　said：　〃I　am　sorry；　Brian。　I　will　apologize　for　my　children；　and　for　that　family。　They　dared　not　trust　you；　none　of　them；　and　the　poor　family　felt　they　had　good　reason　to　fear　you。〃　Her　head　came　up　and　he　felt　shock。　〃Everyone　fears　you；　no　one　will　trust　you　since　the　rebellion。　I　am　the　only　one　here　who　does　not　fear　a　black　man。〃
　　He　was　hurt　again；　not　by　her　words　but　because　she　was　crying。　It　was　painful　to　watch　her　cry。
　　
　　
　　Brian　Chaney　came　into　the　briefing　room　a　second　time。　He　was　carrying　another　lantern；　two　plastic　cups；　and　a　container　of　water　from　the　stores。　He　would　have　brought　along　a　bottle　of　whiskey　if　that　had　been　available；　but　it　was　likely　that　the　mander　had　long　ago　consumed　the　whiskey　on　his　successive　birthdays。
　　The　old　woman　had　wiped　her　eyes　dry。
　　Chaney　filled　both　cups　and　set　the　first　one　on　the　table　before　her。　〃Drink　up…we'll　drink　a　toast。〃
　　〃To　what；　Brian？〃
　　〃To　what？　Do　we　need　an　excuse？〃　He　swung　his　arm　in　an　expansive　gesture　which　took　in　the　room。　〃To　that　damned　clock　up　there：　knocking　off　sixtyone　seconds　while　my　ears　suffered。　To　that　red　telephone：　I　never　used　it　to　call　the　President　and　tell　him　he　was　a　dunce。　To　us：　a　demographer　from　the　Indiana　Corporation；　and　a　research　supervisor　from　the　Bureau　of　Standards…the　last　two　misfits　sitting　at　the　end　of　the　world。　We're　out　of　place　and　out　of　time；　Katrina：　they　don't　need　demographers　and　researchers　here…they　don't　have　corporations　and　bureaus　here。　Drink　to　us。〃
　　〃Brian；　you　are　a　clown。〃
　　〃Oh；　yes。〃　He　sat　down　and　looked　at　her　closely　in　the　lantern　light。　〃Yes；　I　am　that。　And　I　think　you　are　almost　smiling　again。　Please　smile　for　me。〃
　　Katrina　smiled：　pale　shadow　of　an　old　smile。
　　Chaney　said：　〃Now　that　is　why　I　still　love　you！〃　He　lifted　his　cup。　〃To　the　most　beautiful　researcher　in　the　world…and　you　may　drink　to　the　most　frustrated　demographer　in　the　world。　Bottoms　up！〃　Chaney　emptied　the　cup；　and　thought　the　water　tasted　flat…stale。
　　She　nodded　over　the　rim　of　her　cup　and　sipped。
　　Chaney　stared　at　the　long　table；　the　darkened　lights　overhead；　the　stopped　clock；　the　dead　telephones。　〃I'm　supposed　to　be　working…making　a　survey。〃
　　〃It　doesn't　matter。〃
　　〃Have　to　keep　Seabrooke　happy。　I　can　report　a　family　out　there：　at　least　one　family　alive　and　living　in　peace。　I　suppose　there　are　more…there　has　to　be　more。　Do　you　know　of　anyone　else？　Anyone　at　all？〃
　　Patiently：　〃There　were　a　few　at　first；　those　many　years　ago；　we　managed　to　keep　in　touch　with　some　survivors　by　radio　before　the　power　failure。　Arthur　located　a　small　group　in　Virginia；　a　military　group　living　underground　in　an　Army　mand　post；　and　later　he　contacted　a　family　in　Maine。　Sometimes　we　would　make　brief　contact　with　one　or　two　individuals　in　the　west；　in　the　mountain　states；　but　it　was　always　poor　news。　Each　of　them　survived　for　the　same　reasons：　by　a　series　of　lucky　circumstances；　or　by　their　skills　and　their　wits；　or　because　they　were　unusually　well　protected　as　we　were。　Their　numbers　were　always　small　and　it　was　always　discouraging　news。〃
　　〃But　some　survived。　That's　important；　Katrina。　How　long　have　you　been　alone　on　the　station？〃
　　〃Since　the　rebellion；　since　the　Major's　year。〃
　　Chaney　gestured。　〃That　could　be…〃　He　peered　at　her；　guessing　at　her　age。　〃That　could　be　thirty　years　ago。〃
　　〃Perhaps。〃
　　〃But　what　happened　to　the　other　people　here？〃
　　She　said：　〃Almost　all　the　military　personnel　were　withdrawn　at　the　beginning；　they　were　posted　to　overseas　duty。　The　few　who　remained　did　not　survive　the　attack　when　the　rebels　overran　the　station。　A　very　few　civilian　technicians　stayed　with　us　for　a　time；　but　then　left　to　rejoin　their　families…or　search　for　their　families。　The　laboratory　was　already　empty　in　Arthur's　year。　We　had　been　ordered　underground　for　the　duration。〃
　　〃The　duration。　How　long　was　that？〃
　　The　sharp　old　eyes　studied　him。　〃I　would　think　it　is　ending　just　now；　Brian。　Your　description　of　the　family　outside　the　fence　suggests　it　is　ending　now。〃
　　Bitterly：　〃And　nobody　around　but　you　and　me　to　sign　the　peace　treaty　and　pose　for　the　cameras。　Seabrooke？〃
　　〃Mr。　Seabrooke　was　relieved　of　his　post；　dismissed；　shortly　after　the　three　launches。　I　believe　he　returned　to　the　Dakotas。　The　President　had　blamed　him　for　the　failure　of　the　survey；　and　he　was　made　the　scapegoat。〃
　　Chaney　struck　the　table　with　a　fist。
　　〃I　said　that　man　was　a　dunce…just　one　more　in　a　long　line　of　idiots　and　dunces　inhabiting　the　White　House！　Katrina；　I　don't　understand　how　this　country　has　managed　to　survive　with　so　many　inpetent　fools　at　the　top。〃
　　Softly…spoken　reminder：　〃It　hasn't；　Brian。〃
　　He　muttered　under　his　breath　and　glared　at　the　dust　on　the　table。　Aloud：　〃Excuse　me。〃
　　She　nodded　easily　but　said　nothing。
　　A　memory　prodded　him。　〃What　happened　to　the　JCS；　to　those　men　who　tried　to　take　Camp　David？〃
　　She　closed　her　eyes　for　a　moment；　as　if　to　close　off　the　past。　Her　expression　was　bitter。　〃The　Joint　Chiefs　of　Staff　were　executed　before　a　firing　squad；　a　public　spectacle。　The　President　had　declared　a　business　moratorium　on　the　day　of　the　execution；　government　offices　closed　and　the　children　were　let　out　of　school；　all　to　witness　the　spectacle　on　the　networks。　He　was　determined　to　give　the　country　a　warning。　It　was　ghastly；　depressing；　and　I　hated　him　for　it。〃
　　Chaney　stared　at　her。　〃And　I　have　to　go　back　and　tell　him　what　he's　going　to　do。　What　a　hell　of　a　chore　this　survey　is！〃　He　hurled　the　drinking　cup　across　the　room；　unable　to　stifle　the　angry　impulse。　〃Katrina；　I　wish　you　had　never　found　me　on　the　beach。　I　wish　I　had　walked　away　from　you；　or　thrown　you　into　the　sea；　or　kidnapped　you　and　ran　away　to　Israel…anything。〃
　　She　smi