annr.pandora-第10节
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a free woman； I wasn't infatuated with prostitutes。 I had it infinitely better。 I kept my Father's house and he was just old enough； in spite of his black hair and his remarkably sharp vision； that the Emperor left me alone。
I can't say I remembered or thought of Marius。 No one had mentioned Marius for years。 He had disappeared out of my mind after the Lupercalia。 There was no force on Earth that could e between me and my Father。
My brothers all had good luck。 They married well； had children and came home from the hard wars in which they fought； keeping the boundaries of the Empire。
My youngest brother； Lucius； I did not like much； but he was always a little anxious and given to drinking and apparently also to gambling； which very much annoyed his wife。
She I loved； as I did all my sisters…in…law and my nieces and nephews。 I loved it when they descended upon the house； these flocks of children； squealing and running rampant with 〃Aunt Lydia's blessing；〃 as they were never allowed to do at home。
The eldest of my brothers； Antony； was in potential a great man。 Fate robbed him of greatness。 But he had been most ready for it； well schooled； trained and most wise。
The only foolish thing I ever knew Antony to do was say to me very distinctly once that Livia； Augustus's wife； had poisoned him so that her son； Tiberius； would rise。 My Father； the only other occupant of the room； told him sternly：
〃Antony； never speak of that again！ Not here； not anywhere！〃 My Father stood up； and without planning it； put in perspective the style of life which he and I lived； 〃Stay away from the Imperial Palace； stay away from the Imperial families； be in the front ranks of the games and always in the Senate； but don't get into their quarrels and their intrigues！〃
Antony was very angry； but the anger had nothing to do with my Father。 〃I said it only to those two to whom I can say it； you and Lydia。 I detest eating dinner with a woman who poisoned her husband！ Augustus should have re…established the Republic。 He knew when death was ing。〃
〃Yes； and he knew that he could not restore the Republic。 It was simply impossible。 The Empire had grown to Britannia in the North； beyond Parthia in the East； it covers Northern Africa。 If you want to be a good Roman； Antony； then stand up and speak your conscience in the Senate。 Tiberius invites this。〃
〃Oh； Father； you are much deceived；〃 said Antony。
My Father put an end to this argument。
But he and I did live exactly the life he had described。
Tiberius was immediately unpopular with the noisy Roman crowds。 He was too old； too dry； too humorless； too puritanical and tyrannical at the same time。
But he had one saving grace。 Other than his extensive love and knowledge of philosophy； he had been a very good soldier。 And that was the most important characteristic the Emperor had to possess。
The troops honored him。
He strengthened the Praetorian Guard around the Palace； hired a man named Sejanus to run things for him。 But he didn't bring legions into Rome； and he spoke a damned good line about personal rights and freedom； that is； if you could stay awake to listen。 I thought him a brooder。
The Senate went mad with impatience when he refused to make decisions。 They didn't want to make the decisions！ But all this seemed relatively safe。
Then a horrible incident occurred which made me positively detest the Emperor wholeheartedly and lose all my faith in the man and his ability to govern。
This incident involved the Temple of Isis。 Some clever evil man； claiming to be the Egyptian god Anubis； had enticed a highborn devotee of Isis to the Temple and gone to bed with her； fooling her pletely； though how on Earth he did it I can't imagine。
I remember her to this day as the stupidest woman in Rome。 But there's probably more to it。
Anyway； it had all happened at the Temple。
And then this man； this fake Anubis； went before the highborn virtuous woman and told her in the plainest terms that he had had her！ She went screaming to her husband。 It was a scandal of extraordinary flair。
It had been years since I had been at the Temple； and I was glad of it。
But what followed from the Emperor was more dreadful than I ever dreamed。
The entire Temple was razed to the very ground。 All the worshipers were banished from Rome； and some of them executed。 And our Priests and Priestesses were crucified； their bodies hung on the tree； as the old Roman expression goes； to die slowly； and to rot； for all to see。
My Father came into my bedroom。 He went to the small shrine of Isis。 He took the statue and smashed it on the marble floor。 Then he picked up the larger pieces and smashed each of them。 He made dust of her。
I nodded。
I expected him to condemn me for my old habits。 I was overe with sadness and shock at what had happened。 Other Eastern cults were being persecuted。 The Emperor was moving to take away the right of Sanctuary from various Temples throughout the Empire。
〃The man doesn't want to be Emperor of Rome；〃 said my Father。 〃He's been bent by cruelty and losses。 He's stiff； boring and pletely in terror for his life！ A man who would not be Emperor cannot be Emperor。 Not now。〃
〃Maybe he'll step down；〃 I said sadly。 〃He has adopted the young General Germanicus Julius Caesar。 This means Germanicus is to be his heir； does it not'？〃
〃What good did it do to the earlier heirs of Augustus when they were adopted？〃 my Father asked。
〃What do you mean？〃 I asked。
〃Use your head；〃 said my Father。 〃We cannot continue pretending we are a Republic。 We must define the office of this Emperor and the limits of his power！ We must outline a form of succession other than murder！〃
I tried to calm him。
〃Father； let's leave Rome。 Let's go to our house in Tuscany。 It's always beautiful there； Father。〃
〃That's just it； we can't； Lydia；〃 he said。 〃I have to remain here。 I have to be loyal to my Emperor。 I must do so for all my family。 I must stand in the Senate。〃
Within months； Tiberius sent off his young and handsome nephew Germanicus Julius Caesar to the East； just to get him away from the adulation of the Roman public。 As I said； people spoke their minds。
Germanicus was supposed to be Tiberius's heir！ But Tiberius was too jealous to listen to the crowds screaming praise of Germanicus for his victories in battle。 He wanted the man far from Rome。
And so this rather charming and seductive young general went to the East； to Syria； he vanished from the loving eyes of the Roman people； from the core of the Empire where a city crowd could determine the fate of the world。
Sooner or later there would be another campaign in the North； we all figured。 Germanicus had hit hard at the German tribes in his last campaign。
My brothers vividly described it to me over the dinner table；
They told how they had gone back to avenge the hideous massacre of General Varus and his troops in the Teutoburg Forest。 They could finish the job； if called up again； and my brothers would go。 They were exactly the kind of old…fashioned patricians who would go！
Meantime there were rumors that the Delatores； the notorious spies of the Praetorian Guard； pocketed one…third of the estate of those against whom they informed。 I found it horrible。 My Father shook his head； and said； 〃That started under Augustus。〃
〃Yes； Father；〃 I said； 〃but then treason was considered a matter of what one did； not what one said。〃
〃Which is all the more reason to say nothing。〃 He sat back wearily。 〃Lydia； sing to me。 Get your lyre。 Make up one of your ic epics。 It's been a long time。〃
〃I'm too old for that；〃 I said； thinking of the silly； bawdy satires on Homer which I used to make up so quickly and freely that everyone marveled。 But I jumped at that idea。 I remember that night so palpably that I cannot tear myself loose now from the writing of this story； even though I know what pain I must confess and explore。
What does it mean to write？ David； you'll see this question repeated； because with each page I understand more and more … I see the patterns that have before eluded me； and driven me to dream rather than live。
That night I did make a very funny epic。 My Father laughed。 He fell asleep on his couch。 And then； as if from a trance state； he spoke； 〃Lydia； don't live out your life alone on account of me。 Marry for love！ You must not give up！〃
By the time I turned around； he was breathing deeply again；
Two weeks later； or maybe it was a month； our life came abruptly to an end。
I came home one day； found the house pletely empty except for two terrified old slave men … men who actually belonged to the household of my brother Antony … who let me in and bolted the door ferociously。
I walked through the huge vestibule and then into the peristyle and into the dining room。 I beheld an amazing sight。
My Father was in full battle dress； armed with sword and dagger； lacking only his shield。 He even wore his red cloak。 His breastplate was polished and gleaming。
He stared at the floor and with reason。 It had been dug up。 The old Hearth from generations ago had been dug up。 This had been the first room of this house in the very ancient days of Rome； and it was around this Hearth that the family
