cw.imarriedadeadman-第9节

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　The　nurse　watched　her　face　expectantly。　The　pavement　held；　there　was　no　cave…in。
　The　nurse　ventured　a　step　farther。
　〃Isn't　there　anyone　else　you　want　to　ask　about？〃
　〃What　happened　to…？〃
　The　nurse　took　the　tray　away；　as　if　stripping　the　scene　for　a　crisis。
　〃To　him？〃
　Those　were　the　words。　She　adopted　them。　〃What　happened　to　him？〃
　The　nurse　said；　〃Just　a　moment。〃　She　went　to　the　door；　opened　it；　and　motioned　to　someone　unseen。
　The　doctor　came　in；　and　a　second　nurse。　They　stood　waiting；　as　if　prepared　to　meet　an　emergency。
　The　first　nurse　said；　〃Temperature　normal。〃　She　said；　〃Pulse　normal。〃
　The　second　nurse　was　mixing　something　in　a　glass。
　The　first　nurse；　her　own；　stood　close　to　the　bed。　She　took　her　by　the　hand　and　held　it　tightly。　Just　held　it　like　that；　tight　and　unyielding。
　The　doctor　nodded。
　The　first　nurse　moistened　her　lips。　She　said；　〃Your　husband　wasn't　saved　either；　Mrs。　Hazzard。〃
　She　could　feel　her　face　pale　with　shock。　The　skin　pulled　as　though　it　were　a　size　too　small。
　She　said；　〃No；　there's　something　wrong…No；　you're　making　a　mistake…〃
　The　doctor　motioned　unobtrusively。　He　and　the　second　nurse　closed　in　on　her　swiftly。
　Somebody　put　a　cool　hand　on　her　forehead；　held　her　pressed　downward；　kindly　but　firmly；　she　couldn't　tell　whose　it　was。
　She　said；　〃No；　please　let　me　tell　you！〃
　The　second　nurse　was　holding　something　to　her　lips。　The　first　one　was　holding　her　hand；　tight　and　warm；　as　if　to　say；　〃I　am　here。　Don't　be　frightened；　I　am　here。〃　The　hand　on　her　forehead　was　cool　but　petent。　It　was　heavy；　but　not　too　heavy；　just　persuasive　enough　to　make　her　head　lie　still。
　〃Please…〃　she　said　listlessly。
　She　didn't　say　anything　more　after　that　They　didn't　either。
　Finally　she　overheard　the　doctor　murmur；　as　if　in　punctuation：　〃She　stood　that　very　well。〃
　
　
　10
　
　It　came　back　again。　How　could　it　fail　to　now？　You　cannot　sleep　at　all　times；　only　at　small　times。　And　with　it　came：　Tread　softly；　speak　with　care。
　The　nurse's　name　was　Miss　Allmeyer；　the　one　she　knew　best。
　〃Miss　Allmeyer；　does　the　hospital　give　everyone　those　flowers　every　day？〃
　〃We'd　like　to；　but　we　couldn't　afford　it。　Those　flowers　cost　five　dollars　each　time　you　see　them。　They're　just　for　you。〃
　〃Is　it　the　hospital　that　supplies　that　fruit　every　day？〃
　The　nurse　smiled　gently。　〃We'd　like　to　do　that　too。　We　only　wish　we　could。　That　fruit　cost　ten　dollars　a　basket　each　time　you　see　it。　It's　a　standing　order；　just　for　you。〃
　〃Well；　who…？〃　Speak　softly。
　The　nurse　smiled　winningly。　〃Can't　you　guess；　honey？　That　shouldn't　be　very　hard。〃
　〃There's　something　I　want　to　tell　you。　Something　you　must　let　me　tell　you。〃　She　turned　her　head　restlessly　on　the　pillows；　first　to　one　side；　then　the　other；　then　back　to　the　first
　〃Now；　honey；　are　we　going　to　have　a　bad　day？　I　thought　we　were　going　to　have　such　a　good　day。〃
　〃Could　you　find　out　something　for　me？〃
　〃I'll　try。〃
　〃The　handbag；　the　handbag　that　was　in　the　train…washroom　with　me。　How　much　was　in　it？〃
　〃Your　handbag？〃
　〃The　handbag。　The　one　that　was　there　when　I　was　in　there。〃
　The　nurse　came　back　later　and　said；　〃It's　safe；　it's　being　held　for　you。　About　fifty　dollars　or　so。〃
　That　wasn't　hers；　that　was　the　other　one。
　〃There　were　two。〃
　〃There　is　another；〃　the　nurse　admitted。　〃It　doesn't　belong　to　anyone　now。〃　She　looked　down　miseratingly。　〃There　was　just　seventeen　cents　in　it；〃　she　breathed　almost　inaudibly。
　She　didn't　have　to　be　told　that　She　knew　by　heart。　She　remembered　from　before　boarding　the　train。　She　remembered　from　the　train　itself。　Seventeen　cents。　Two　pennies；　a　nickel；　a　dime。
　〃Could　you　bring　the　seventeen　cents　here？　Could　I　have　it　just　to　look　at　it？　Could　I　have　it　here　next　to　the　bed？〃
　The　nurse　said；　〃I'm　not　sure　it's　good　for　you；　to　brood　like　that　I'll　see　what　they　say。〃
　She　brought　it；　though；　inside　a　small　envelope。
　She　was　alone　with　it　She　dumped　the　four　little　coins　from　the　envelope　into　the　palm　of　her　hand。　She　closed　her　hand　upon　them　tightly；　held　them　gripped　like　that；　fiercely；　in　a　knot　of　dilemma。
　Fifty　dollars；　symbolically。　Symbol　of　an　untold　amount　more。
　Seventeen　cents；　literally。　Symbol　of　nothing；　for　there　wasn't　any　more。　Seventeen　cents　and　nothing　else。
　The　nurse　came　back　again　and　smiled　at　her。　〃Now；　what　was　it　you　said　you　wanted　to　tell　me？〃
　She　returned　the　smile；　wanly。　〃It　can　keep　for　awhile　longer。　I'll　tell　you　some　other　time。　Tomorrow；　maybe；　or　the　next　day。　Not…　not　right　today。〃
　
　
　11
　
　There　was　a　letter　on　the　breakfast…tray。
　The　nurse　said；　〃See？　Now　you're　beginning　to　get　mail；　just　like　the　well　people　do。〃
　It　was　slanted　toward　her；　leaning　against　the　milk　glass。　On　the　envelope　it　said：
　
　〃Mrs。　Patrice　Hazzard〃
　
　She　was　frightened　of　it。　She　couldn't　take　her　eyes　off　it。　The　glass　of　orange　juice　shook　in　her　hand。　The　writing　on　it　seemed　to　get　bigger；　and　bigger；　and　bigger；　as　it　stood　there。
　
　〃MRS。　PATRICE　HAZZARD〃
　
　〃Open　it；〃　the　nurse　encouraged　her。　〃Don't　just　look　at　it　like　that。　It　won't　bite　you。〃
　She　tried　to　twice；　and　twice　it　fell。　The　third　time　she　managed　to　rip　one　seam　along　its　entire　length。
　
　〃Patrice；　dear：
　〃Though　we've　never　seen　you；　you're　our　daughter　now；　dear。　You're　Hugh's　legacy　to　us。　You're　all　we　have　now；　you　and　the　little　fellow。　I　can't　e　to　you；　where　you　are；　doctor's　orders。　The　shock　was　too　much　for　me　and　he　forbids　my　making　the　trip。　You'll　have　to　e　to　us；　instead。　e　soon；　dear。　e　home　to　us；　in　our　loneliness　and　loss。　It　will　make　it　that　much　easier　to　bear。　It　won't　be　long　now；　dear。　We've　been　in　constant　touch　with　Dr。　Brett；　and　he　sends　very　encouraging　reports　of　your　progress…〃
　
　The　rest　didn't　matter　so　much；　she　let　it　fade　from　her　attention。
　It　was　like　train…wheels　going　through　her　head。
　Though　we've　never　seen　you。
　Though　we've　never　seen　you。
　Though　we've　never　seen　you。
　The　nurse　eased　it　from　her　forgetful　fingers　after　awhile；　and　put　it　back　in　its　envelope。　She　watched　the　nurse　fearfully　as　she　moved　about　the　room。
　〃If　I　weren't　Mrs。　Hazzard；　would　I　be　allowed　to　stay　in　this　room？〃
　The　nurse　laughed　cheerfully。　〃We'd　put　you　out；　we'd　throw　you　right　outside　into　one　of　the　wards；〃　she　said；　bending　close　toward　her　in　mock　threat。
　The　nurse　said；　〃Here；　take　your　young　son。〃
　She　held　him　tightly；　in　fierce；　almost　convulsive　protectiveness。
　Seventeen　cents。　Seventeen　cents　last　such　a　short　time；　goes　such　a　short　way。
　The　nurse　felt　in　good　humor。　She　tried　to　prolong　their　little　joke　of　a　moment　ago。　〃Why？　Are　you　trying　to　tell　me　you're　not　Mrs。　Hazzard？〃　she　asked　banteringly。
　She　held　him　fiercely；　protectively　close。
　Seventeen　cents；　seventeen　cents。
　〃No；〃　she　said　in　a　smothered　voice；　burying　her　face　against　him；　〃I'm　not　trying　to　tell　you　that。　I'm　not　trying。〃
　
　
　12
　
　She　was　in　a　dressing…robe；　sitting　by　the　window　in　the　sun。　It　was　quilted　blue　silk。　She　wore　it　every　day　when　she　got　up　out　of　bed。　On　the　breast…pocket　it　had　a　monogram　embroidered　in　white　silk；　the　letters　〃P　H〃　intertwined。　There　were　slippers　to　match。
　She　was　reading　a　book。　On　the　flyleaf；　though　she　was　long　past　it；　it　was　inscribed　〃To　Patrice；　with　love　from　Mother　H。〃　There　was　a　row　of　other　books　on　the　stand　beside　the　bed。　Ten　or　twelve　of　them；　books　with　vivacious　jackets；　turquoise；　magenta；　vermilion；　cobalt；　and　with　vivacious；　lighthearted　contents　to　match。　Not　a　shadow　between　their　covers。
　There　was　a　scattering　of　orange　peel；　and　two　or　three　seeds；　in　a　dish　on　a　low　stand　beside　her　easy　chair。　There　was　a　cigarette　burning　in　another；　smaller　dish　beside　that　one。　It　was　custommade；　it　had　a　straw　tip；　and　the　initials　〃P　H〃　on　it　had　not　yet　been　consumed。
　The　sunlight；　falling　from　behind　and　over　her；　made　her　hair　seem　hazily　translucent；　made　it　almost　seem　like　golden　foam　about　her　head。　It　skipped　the　front　of　her；　from　there　on　down；　due　to　the　turn　of　the　chair…back；　and　struck　again　in　a　little　golden　pool　across　one　outthrust　bare　instep；　lying　on　it　like　a　warm；　luminous　kiss。
　There　was　a　light　tap　at　the　door　and　the　doctor　came　in。
　He　drew　out　a　chair　and　sat　down　facing　her；　leaving　its　straight　back　in　front　of　him　as　an　added　note　of　genial　informality。
　〃I　hear　you're　leaving　us　soon。〃
　The　book　fell　and　he　had　to　pick　it　up　for　her。　He　offered　it　back　to　her；　but　when　she　seemed　incapable　of　taking　it；　he　put　it　aside　on　the　stand。
　〃Don't　look　so　frightened。　Everything's　arranged…〃
　She　had　a　little　difficulty　with　her　breathing。　〃Where…？　Where　to？〃
　〃Why；　home；　of　course。〃
　She　put　her　hand　to　her　hair　and　flattened　it　a　little；　but　then　it　sprang　up　again；　gaseous　as　before；　in　the　sun。
　〃Here　are　your　tickets。〃　He　took　an　envelope　out　of　his　pocket；　tried　to　offer　it　to　her。　Her　hands　withdrew　a　little；　each　one　around　a　side　of　the　chair　toward　the　back。　He　put　the　envelope　between　the　pages　of　the　discarded　book　finally；　leaving　it　outthrust　like　a　place…mark。
　Her　eyes　were　very　large。　Larger　than　they　had　seemed　before　he　came　into　the　room。　〃When？〃