cw.imarriedadeadman-第6节
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〃Is that really true； what you told me？〃 Helen said； following suit。 〃That they've never even seen you until now？ I can't believe it〃
〃Cross my heart and hope to die； they've never laid eyes on me in their lives。 I met Hugh on the Other Side； like I told you this afternoon； and we were married over there； and we went on living over there until just now。 My folks were dead； and I was on a scholarship； studying music； and he had a job with one of these government agencies； you know； one of these initialed outfits。 They don't even know what I look like！〃
〃Didn't you even send them a picture of yourself？ Not even after you were married？〃
〃We never even had a wedding…picture taken； you know how us kids are nowadays。 Biff； bing； bang！ and we're married。 I started to send them one of myself several times； but I was never quite satisfied with the ones I had。 Self…conscious； you know； I wanted to make such a good first impression。 One time Hugh even arranged a sitting for me at a photographer； and when I saw the proofs I said； 'Over my dead body you'll send these！' Those French photographers！ I knew I was going to meet them eventually； and snapshots are so… so…Anyway the ones I take。 So finally I said to him； 'I've waited this long； I'm not going to send any to them at all now。 I'll save it up for a surprise； let them see me in the flesh instead； when they finally do。 That way； they won't build up any false hopes and then be disappointed。' I used to censor all his letters too； wouldn't let him describe me。 You can imagine how he would have done it。 'Mona Lisa；' Venus on the half…shell。 I'd say； 'No you don't！' when I'd catch him at it； and scratch it out We'd have more tussles that way； chase each other around the room； trying to get the letter back or trying to get it away from me。〃
She became serious for a moment。 Or at least； approached as closely to it as she seemed capable of。
〃Y'know； now I wish I hadn't done that； sort of。 Played hide and seek with them like this； I mean。 Now I have got cold feet。 Do you think they'll really like me？ Suppose they don't？ Suppose they have me built up in their expectations as someone entirely different； and…〃
Like the little boy in the radio skit who prattles about a selfinvented bugaboo until he ends up by frightening himself with it。
〃How on earth do you make the water stay in this thing？〃 she interrupted herself。 She pounded lightly on the plunger set into the washbasin。 〃Every time I get it to fill； it runs right out again。〃
〃Twist it a little； and then push down on it； I think。〃
Patrice stripped off her wedding…band before plunging her hands in。 〃Hold this for me； I want to wash my hands。 I have a horror of losing it It slipped down a drain on the Other Side； once； and they had to take out a whole section of pipe before they could get it out for me。〃
〃It's beautiful；〃 Helen said wistfully。
〃Isn't it； though？〃 Patrice agreed。 〃See？ It has our names； together； around it on the inside。 Isn't that a cute idea？ Keep it on your finger for me a minute； that's the safest。〃
〃Isn't it supposed to be bad luck to do that？ I mean； for you to take it off； and for me to put it on？〃
Patrice tossed her head vaingloriously。 〃I couldn't have bad luck；〃 she proclaimed。 It was almost a challenge。
〃And I；〃 thought Helen somberly； 〃couldn't have good。〃
She watched it curiously as it slowly descended the length of her finger； easily； without forcing。 There was a curiously familiar feeling to it； as of something that should have been there long ago； that belonged there and had been strangely lacking until now。
〃So this is what it feels like；〃 she said to herself poignantly。
The train pounded on； its headlong roar deadened； in here where they were； to a muted jittering。
Patrice stepped back； her toilette at last pleted。 〃Well； this is my last night；〃 she sighed。 〃By this time tomorrow night we'll already be there； the worst'll be over。〃 She clasped her own arms； in a sort of half…shiver of fright。 〃I hope they like what they're getting。〃 She nervously stole a sidelong look at herself in the glass； primped at her hair。
〃You'll be all right； Patrice；〃 Helen reassured her quietly。 〃Nobody could help but like you。〃
Patrice crossed her fingers and held them up to show her。 〃Hugh says they're very well…off；〃 she rambled on。 〃That makes it all the worse sometimes。〃 She tittered in recollection。 〃I guess they must be。 I know they even had to send us the money for the trip home。 We were always on a shoestring； the whole time we were over there。 We had an awful lot of fun； though。 I think that's the only time you have fun； when you're on a shoestring； don't you？〃
〃Sometimes…you don't；〃 remembered Helen； but she didn't answer。
〃Anyway；〃 her confidante babbled on； 〃as soon as they found out I was Expecting； that did it！ They wouldn't hear of my having my baby over there。 I didn't much want to myself； as a matter of fact； and Hugh didn't want me to either。 They should be born in the good old U。S。A。； don't you think so？ That's the least you can do for them。〃
〃Sometimes that's all you can do for them；〃 Helen thought wryly。 〃That…and seventeen cents。〃
She had finished now in turn。
Patrice urged； 〃Let's stay in here long enough to have a puff； now that we're here。 We don't seem to be keeping anybody else out。 And if we try to talk out there； they might shush us down； they're all trying to sleep。〃 The little lighter…flame winked in coppery reflection against the mirrors and glistening chrome on all sides of them。 She gave a sigh of heartfelt satisfaction。 〃I love these before…retiring talks with another girl。 It's been ages since I last had one。 Back in school； I guess。 Hugh says I'm a woman's woman at heart。〃 She stopped short and thought about it with a quizzical quirk of her head。 〃Is that good or bad？ I must ask him。〃
Helen couldn't repress a smile。 〃Good； I guess。 I wouldn't want to be a man's woman。〃
〃I wouldn't either！〃 Patrice hastily concurred。 〃It always makes me think of someone who uses foul language and spits out of the corner of her mouth。〃
They both chuckled for a moment in unison。 But Patrice's butterflymind had already fluttered on to the next topic； as she dropped ash into the waste…receptacle。 〃Wonder if I'll be able to smoke openly； once I'm home？〃 She shrugged。 〃Oh well； there's always the back of the barn。〃
And then suddenly she had reverted to their mutual condition again。
〃Are you frightened？ About it； you know？〃
Helen made the admission with her eyes。
〃I am too。〃 She took a reflective puff。 〃I think everyone is； a little； don't you？ Men don't think we are。 All I have to do is look at Hugh…〃 she deepened the dimple…pits humorously…〃and I can see he's frightened enough for the two of us； so then I don't let on that I'm frightened too。 And I reassure him。〃
Helen wondered what it was like to have someone to talk to about it
〃Are they pleased about it？〃
〃Oh sure。 They're tickled silly。 First grandchild； you know。 They didn't even ask us if we wanted to e back。 'You're ing back；' and that was that。〃
She pointed the remnant of her cigarette down toward one of the taps； quenched it with a sharp little jet of water。
〃Ready？ Shall we go back to our seats now？〃
They were both doing little things。 All life is that； the continuous doing of little things； all life long。 And then suddenly a big thing strikes into their midst…and where are the little things； what became of them； what were they？
Her hand was to the door； reversing the little handlatch that Patrice had locked before； when they first came in。 Patrice was somewhere behind her； replacing something in the uplidded dressing…kit； about to close it and bring it with her。 She could see her vaguely in the chromium sheeting lining the wall before her。 Little things。 Little things that life is made up of。
Her senses played a trick on her。 There was no time for them to synchronize with the thing that happened。 They played her false。 She had a fleeting impression； at first； of having done something wrong to the door； dislodged it in its entirety。 Simply by touching that little hand…latch。 It was as though she were bringing the whole door…slab down inward on herself。 As though it were falling bodily out of its frame； hinges and all。 And yet it never did； it never detached itself； it never came apart from the entire wall…section it was imbedded in。 So the second fleeting impression； equally false and equally a matter of seconds only； was that the entire wall of the partment； door and all； was toppling； threatening to e down on her。 And yet that never did either。 Instead； the whole alcove seemed to upend； shift on a crazy axis； so that what had been the wall before her until now； had shifted to bee the ceiling over her； so that what had been the floor she was standing on until now； had shifted to bee the wall upright before her。 The door was gone hopelessly out of reach； was a sealed trap overhead； impossible to attain。
The lights went。 All light was gone； and yet so vividly explosive were the sensory images whirling through her mind that they glowed on of their own incandescence in the dark； it took her a paratively long time to realize she was steeped in pitch…blac
