jamesclavell.noblehouse-第157节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


ng　him。
　〃Mr。　Bartlett！　Are　all　Americans　like　you？〃
　〃No；〃　he　said　immediately　but　she　would　not　take　the　bait。　〃Yes；　I　know。〃　Her　voice　was　serious。　〃I　know。　That's　what　I　wanted　to　talk　to　you　about。　Coffee？〃
　〃Sure；〃　he　said；　waiting；　wondering　how　to　proceed；　gauging　her；　wanting　her；　not　sure　of　this　jungle；　fascinated　by　it　and　by　her。
　Carefully　she　poured　the　coffee。　It　tasted　as　good　as　the　first。　He　was　in　control　though　the　ache　remained。　〃Let's　go　into　the　living　room；〃　she　said。　〃I'll　bring　your　cup。〃　He　got　up　and　kept　a　hand　around　her　waist。　She　did　not　object　and　he　felt　that　she　liked　his　touch　too。　He　sat　in　one　of　the　deep　armchairs。　〃Sit　here；〃　he　said；　patting　the　arm。　〃Please。〃
　〃Later。　First　I　want　to　talk。〃　She　smiled　a　little　shyly　and　sat　on　the　sofa　opposite。　It　was　dark　blue　velvet　and　matched　the　Chinese　rug　on　shiny　parquet　floors。　〃Linc；　I've　only　known　you　a　few　days　and　I　。。。　I'm　not　a　good…time　girl。〃　Orlanda　reddened　as　she　said　it　and　carried　on　a　rush　over　what　he　was　going　to　say。　〃Sorry　but　I'm　not。　Quillan　was　the　first　and　only　one　and　I　don't　want　an　affair。　I　don't　want　a　frantic　or　friendly　tumble　and　a　shy　or　aching　good…bye。　I've　learned　to　live　without　love；　I　just　cannot　go　through　that　all　again。　I　did　love　Quillan；　I　don't　now。　I　was　seventeen　when　we　。。。　when　we　began　and　now　I'm　twenty…five。　We've　been　apart　for　almost　three　years。　Everything's　been　finished　for　three　years　and　I　don't　love　him　anymore。　I　don't　love　anyone　and　I'm　sorry；　I'm　sorry　but　I'm　not　a　good…time　girl。〃
　〃I　never　thought　you　were；〃　he　said　and　knew　in　his　heart　it　was　a　lie　and　cursed　his　luck。　〃Hell；　what　do　you　think　I　am？〃
　〃I　think　you're　a　fine　man；〃　she　said　at　once；　sincerely；　〃but　in　Asia　a　girl；　any　girl；　finds　out　very　quickly　that　men　want　to　pillow　and　that's　really　all　they　want。　Sorry；　Linc；　casual　pillowing's　not　my　thing。　Perhaps　it　will　be　one　day　but　not　now。　Yes　I'm　Eurasian　but　I'm　not　。。。　you　know　what　I'm　saying？〃
　〃Sure；〃　he　said　and　added　before　he　could　stop　himself；　〃you're　saying　you're　off　limits。〃
　Her　smile　vanished　and　she　stared　at　him。　His　heart　twisted　at　her　sadness。　〃Yes；〃　she　said；　slowly　getting　up；　near　tears。　〃Yes；　I　suppose　I　am。〃
　〃Jesus；　Orlanda。〃　He　went　over　to　her　and　held　her。　〃I　didn't　mean　it　that　way。　I　didn't　mean　it　rotten。〃
　〃Linc；　I'm　not　trying　to　tease　or　play　games　or　be　diffic…　〃
　〃I　understand。　Hell；　I'm　not　a　child　and　I'm　not　pushing　or　。。。　I'm　not　either。〃
　〃Oh；　oh　I'm　so　glad。　For　a　moment　。。。〃　She　looked　up　and　her　innocence　melted　him。　〃You're　not　mad　at　me；　Linc？　I　mean　I　。。。　I　didn't　ask　you　up；　you　really　insisted　on　ing。〃
　〃I　know；〃　he　said；　holding　her　in　his　arms；　and　he　was　thinking；　It's　the　truth；　and　also　the　truth　that　I　want　you　now　and　I　don't　know　what　you　are；　who　you　are　but　I　want　you。　But　what　do　I　want　from　you？　What　do　I　really　want？　Do　I　want　magic？　Or　just　a　lay？　Are　you　the　magic　I've　been　seeking　forever　or　just　another　broad？　How　do　you　stack　against　Casey？　Do　I　measure　loyalty　against　the　silk　of　your　skin？　Remember　how　Casey　said　once；　〃Love　consists　of　many　things；　Linc；　only　one　part　of　love's　sex。　Only　one。　Think　of　all　the　other　parts。　Judge　a　woman　by　her　love；　yes；　but　understand　what　a　woman　is。〃　But　her　warmth　was　going　through　him；　her　face　against　his　chest　and　once　more　he　felt　himself　stirring。　He　kissed　her　neck；　not　wanting　to　withhold　his　passion。
　〃What　are　you；　Orlanda？〃
　〃I'm　。。。　I　can　only　tell　you　what　I'm　not；〃　she　said　in　her　tiny　voice。　〃I'm　not　a　tease。　I　don't　want　you　to　think　that　I'm　trying　to　tease　you。　I　like　you；　like　you　very　much　but　I'm　not　a　。。。　I'm　not　a　one…night　stand。〃
　〃I　know。　Jesus；　what　put　that　into　your　head？〃　He　saw　her　eyes　were　glistening。　〃No　need　for　tears。　None。　Okay？〃
　〃Yes。〃　She　moved　away　and　opened　her　purse　and　took　out　a　tissue　and　used　it。　〃Ayeeyah；　I'm　acting　like　a　teen…ager　or　a　vestal　virgin。　Sorry；　but　it　was　rather　sudden　and　I　wasn't　prepared　for　。。。　I　felt　myself　going。〃　She　took　a　deep　breath。　〃Abject　apologies。〃
　He　laughed。　〃Refused。〃
　〃Thank　God！〃　She　watched　him。　〃Actually；　Linc；　I　can　usually　handle　the　strong；　the　meek；　and　the　cunning　…　even　the　very　cunning　…　without　too　much　trouble。　I　guess　I've　known　every　kind　of　pass　it's　possible　for　a　girl　to　have　and　I've　always　figured　I've　an　automatic　game　plan　to　counter　them　almost　before　they　begin。　But　with　you　。。。〃　She　hesitated；　then　added；　〃Sorry；　but　almost　every　man　I　meet；　well；　it's　always　the　same。〃
　〃That's　wrong？〃
　〃No；　but　it's　trying　to　walk　into　a　room　or　a　restaurant　and　feel　those　leering　eyes。　I　wonder　how　men　would　handle　it。　You're　young　and　handsome。　What　would　you　do　if　women　did　it　to　you　everywhere　you　went。　Say　when　you　walked　through　the　lobby　of　the　V　and　A　this　morning　you　saw　every　woman　of　every　age；　from　false…toothed　old　grannies；　bewigged　harpies；　the　fat；　the　ugly；　the　coarse；　all　of　them；　all　openly　leering　at　you；　undressing　you　mentally；　openly　trying　to　get　close；　trying　to　stroke　your　behind；　openly　ogling　your　chest　or　crotch；　most　of　them　with　bad　breath；　most　of　them　sweating　and　foul…smelling；　and　you　know　they're　imagining　you　in　their　bed；　enthusiastically　and　happily　doing　the　most　intimate　things　to　them。〃
　〃I　wouldn't　like　it　at　all。　Casey　said　the　same　thing　in　different　words　when　she　first　joined　me。　I　know　what　you　mean；　Orlanda。　At　least　I　can　imagine　it。　But　that's　the　way　the　world's　made。〃
　〃Yes；　and　sometimes　it's　awful。　Oh　I　don't　want　to　be　a　man；　Linc；　I'm　very　happy　to　be　a　woman；　but　it's　really　quite　awful　sometimes。　To　know　you're　thought　of　as　just　a　receptacle　that　can　be　bought；　and　that　after　it　all　you're　to　say　thank　you　very　much　to　the　corpulent　old　lecher　with　the　bad　breath　and　accept　your　twenty…dollar　bill　and　sneak　off　like　a　thief　in　the　night。〃
　He　frowned。　〃How　did　we　get　on　this　kick？〃
　She　laughed。　〃You　kissed　me。〃
　He　grinned；　glad　they　were　happy　together。　〃That's　right。　So　maybe　I　deserved　the　lecture。　I'm　guilty　as　charged。　Now；　about　that　kiss　you　promised　me。　。。。〃　But　he　did　not　move。　He　was　feeling　his　way；　probing。　Everything's　changed　now；　he　thought。　Sure　I　wanted　to　…　what　did　she　call　it？　To　pillow。　Sure。　Still　do；　more　than　before。　But　now　we're　changed。　Now　we're　in　a　different　game。　I　don't　know　if　I　want　in。　The　rules've　changed。　Before　it　was　simple。　Now　maybe　it's　more　simple。　〃You're　pretty。　Did　I　mention　you　were　pretty？〃　he　said；　avoiding　the　issue　that　she　wanted　out　in　the　open。
　〃I　was　going　to　talk　about　that　kiss。　You　see；　Linc；　the　truth　is　I　just　wasn't　prepared　for　the　way；　to　be　honest；　the　way　I；　I　was　swamped；　I　guess　that's　the　word。〃
　He　let　the　word　linger。　〃Is　that　good　or　bad？〃
　〃Both。〃　Her　eyes　crinkled　with　her　smile。　〃Yes；　swamped　with　my　own　desire。　You're　something　else；　Mr。　Bartlett；　and　that's　also　very　bad；　or　very　good。　I；　I　enjoyed　your　kiss。〃
　〃So　did　I。〃　Again　he　grinned　at　her。　〃You　can　call　me　Linc。〃　After　a　pause　she　said；　〃I've　never　felt　so　wanting　and　swamped；　and　because　of　that　very　frightened。〃
　〃No　need　to　be　frightened；〃　he　said。　But　he　was　wondering　what　to　do。　His　instincts　said　leave。　His　instincts　said　stay。　Wisdom　told　him　to　say　nothing　and　wait。　He　could　hear　his　heart　beating　and　the　rain　hammering　the　windows。　Better　to　go；　he　thought。　〃Orlanda；　guess　it's　ab…　〃
　〃Do　you　have　time　to　talk？　Just　a　little？〃　she　asked；　sensing　his　indecision。
　〃Sure。　Sure；　of　course。〃
　Her　fingers　brushed　her　hair　from　her　face。　〃I　wanted　to　tell　you　about　me。　Quillan　was　my　father's　boss　in　Shanghai　and　I　seem　to　have　known　him　all　my　life。　He　helped　pay　for　my　education；　particularly　in　the　States　and　he　was　always　very　kind　to　me　and　my　family　…　I've　four　sisters　and　a　brother　and　I'm　the　oldest　and　they're　all　in　Portugal　now。　When　I　came　back　to　Shanghai　from　San　Francisco　after　I'd　graduated；　I　was　seventeen；　almost　eighteen　and　。。。　Well　he's　an　attractive　man；　to　me　he　is；　though　very　cruel　sometimes。　Very。〃
　〃How？〃
　〃He　believes　in　personal　vengeance；　that　vengeance　is　a　man's　right；　if　he's　a　man。　Quillan's　very　much　a　man。　He　was　always　good　to　me；　still　is。〃　She　studied　him。　〃Quillan　still　gives　me　an　allowance；　still　pays　for　this　apartment。〃
　〃You　don't　have　to　tell　me　anything。〃
　〃I　know。　But　I'd　like　to　…　if　you　want　to　listen。　Then　you　can　decide。〃
　He　studied　her。　〃All　right。〃
　〃You　see；　part　of　it's　because　I'm　Eurasian。　Most　Europeans　despise　us；　openly　or　secretly；　particularly　the　British　here　…　Linc；　just　hear　me　out。　Most　Europeans　despise　Eurasians。　All　Chinese　do。　So　we're　always　on　the　defensive；　almost　always　suspect；　almost　always　presumed　to　be　illegitimate；　and　certainly　an　easy　lay。　God　how　I　loathe　that　Americanism！　How　rotten　and　vulgar　and　cheap　it　really　is。　And　revealing　about　the　American　male　…　though；　strangely；　it　was　in　the　States　that　I　gained　my　self…respect　and　got　over　my　Eurasian　guilt。　Quillan　taught　me　lots　and　formed　me　in　lots　of　ways。　I'm　beholden　to　him。　But　I　don't　love　him。　That's　what　I　wanted　to　say。　Would　you　like　more　coffee？〃
　〃Sure；　thanks。〃
　〃I'll　make　some　fresh。〃　She　got　up；　her　walk　unconsciously　sensuous　and　again　he　cursed