dk.solesurvivor-第41节

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　　'These　people　who're　after　Rose。　。　。　they're　not　after　Nina；　they　don't　care　about　Nina。'
　　'If　they　find　out　Rose　somehow　saved　the　girl；　and　if　she　saved　the　girl　because　of　this　strange；　radical　news…truth…thing…whatever　that　she　was　bringing　with　her　to　the　press　interview　in　Los　Angeles；　then　maybe　somehow　that　makes　the　girl　as　big　a　danger　to　them　as　Rose　herself　seems　to　be。'
　　'Maybe。　I　don't　know。　I　don't　care　right　now。'
　　'My　point　is…she'd　use　another　name　for　Nina。'
　　'Not　necessarily。'
　　'She　would；'　Barbara　insisted。
　　'So　what's　the　difference？'
　　'So　maybe　Nina　is　a　false　name。'
　　He　felt　slapped。　He　didn't　reply。
　　'Maybe　the　child　who　came　to　this　house　that　night　is　really　named　Sarah　or　Mary　or　Jennifer
　　'No；'　Joe　said　firmly。
　　'Just　like　Rachel　Thomas　is　a　false　name。'
　　'If　the　child　wasn't　Nina；　what　an　amazing　coincidence　it　would　be　for　Rose　to　pluck　my　daughter's　name　out　of　thin　air。　Talk　about　billion…to…one　odds！'
　　'That　plane　could　have　been　carrying　more　than　one　little　blond　girl　going　on　five。'
　　'Both　of　them　named　Nina？　Jesus；　Barbara。'
　　'if　there　were　survivors；　and　if　one　of　them　was　a　little　blonde　girl；'　Barbara　said；　'you've　at　least　got　to　prepare　yourself　for　the　possibility　that　she　wasn't　Nina。'
　　'I　know；'　he　said；　but　he　was　angry　with　her　for　forcing　him　to　say　it。　'I　know。'
　　'Do　you？'
　　'Yes；　of　course。'
　　'I'm　worried　for　you；　Joe。'　'Thank　you；'　he　said　sarcastically。　'Your　soul's　broken。'
　　'I'm　okay。'
　　'You　could　fall　apart　so　easy。'　He　shrugged。
　　'No；'　she　said。　'Look　at　yourself。'　'I'm　better　than　I　was。'
　　'She　might　not　be　Nina。'
　　'She　might　not　be　Nina；'　he　admitted；　hating　Barbara　for　this　relentless　insistence；　even　though　he　knew　that　she　was　genuinely　concerned　for　him；　that　she　was　prescribing　this　pill　of　reality　as　a　vaccine　against　the　total　collapse　that　he　might　experience　if　his　hopes；　in　the　end；　were　not　realized。　'I'm　ready　to　face　that　she　might　turn　out　not　to　be　Nina。　Okay？　Feel　better？　I　can　handle　it　if　that's　the　case。'
　　'You　say　it；　but　it's　not　true。'
　　He　glared　at　her。　'It　is　true。'
　　'Maybe　a　tiny　piece　of　your　heart　knows　she　might　not　be　Nina；　a　thin　fibre；　but　the　rest　of　your　heart　is　right　now　pounding；　racing　with　the　conviction　that　she　is。'
　　He　could　feel　his　own　eyes　shining　with…stinging　with　…　the　delirious　expectation　of　a　miraculous　reunion。
　　Her　eyes；　however；　were　full　of　a　sadness　that　infuriated　him　so　much　he　was　nearly　capable　of　striking　her。
　　
　　Mercy　making　peanut…butter　dough　balls。　A　new　curiosity…and　wariness…in　her　eyes。　Having　seen；　through　the　window；　the　emotional　quality　of　the　discussion　on　the　porch。　Perhaps　catching　a　few　words　through　the　glass；　even　without　attempting　to　eavesdrop。
　　Nevertheless；　she　was　a　Samaritan；　with　Jesus　and　Andrew　and　Minion　Peter　marking　the　month　of　August　as　a　reminder　for　her；　and　she　still　wanted　to　do　her　best　to　help。
　　'No；　actually；　the　girl　never　said　her　name。　Rachel　introduced　her。　The　poor　child　never　spoke　two　words。　She　was　so　tired；　you　see；　so　sleepy。　And　maybe　in　shock　a　little　from　the　car　rolling　over。　Not　hurt；　mind　you。　Not　a　mark　on　her。　But　her　little　face　was　as　white　and　shiny　as　candle　wax。　Heavy…eyed　and　not　really　with　us。　Half　in　a　sort　of　trance。　I　worried　about　her；　but　Rachel　said　she　was　okay；　and　Rachel　was　a　doctor；　after　all；　so　then　I　didn't　worry　about　it　that　much。　The　little　doll　slept　in　the　car　all　the　way　to　Pueblo。'
　　Mercy　rolled　a　ball　of　dough　between　her　palms。　She　put　the　pale　sphere　on　a　baking　sheet　and　flattened　it　slightly　with　the　gentle　pressure　of　her　thumb。
　　'Rachel　had　been　to　Colorado　Springs　to　visit　family　for　the　weekend；　and　she'd　taken　Nina　with　her　because　Nina's　dad　and　mom　were　on　an　anniversary　cruise。　At　least　that's　how　I　understood　it。'
　　Mercy　began　to　fill　a　brown　paper　lunch　bag　with　the　cooled　cookies　that　were　stacked　on　the　platter。
　　'Not　the　usual　thing…I　mean；　a　black　doctor　and　a　white　doctor　in　practice　together　in　these　parts；　and　not　usual；　either；　to　see　a　black　woman　with　a　white　child　around　here。　But　I　take　all　that　to　mean　the　world's　getting　to　be　a　better　place　at　last；　more　tolerant；　more　loving。'
　　She　folded　the　top　of　the　bag　twice　and　handed　it　to　Barbara。
　　'Thank　you；　Mercy。'
　　To　Joe；　Mercy　Ealing　said；　'I'm　sure　sorry　I　couldn't　be　more　help　to　you。'
　　'You've　been　a　lot　of　help；'　he　assured　her。　He　smiled。　'And　there's　cookies。'
　　She　looked　toward　the　kitchen　window　that　was　on　the　side　of　the　house　rather　than　on　the　back　of　it。　One　of　the　stables　was　visible　through　the　pall　of　rain。
　　She　said；　'A　good　cookie　does　lift　the　spirit；　doesn't　it？　But！　sure　wish　I　could　do　more　than　make　cookies　for　Jeff　today。　He　dearly　loves　that　mare。'
　　Glancing　at　the　calendar　with　the　religious　theme；　Joe　said；　'How　do　you　hold　onto　your　faith；　Mercy？　How　in　a　world　with　so　much　death；　planes　falling　out　of　the　sky　and　favourite　mares　being　taken　for　no　reason？'
　　She　didn't　seem　surprised　or　offended　by　the　question。　'I　don't　know。　Sometimes　it's　hard；　isn't　it？　I　used　to　be　so　angry　that　we　couldn't　have　kids。　I　was　working　at　some　record　for　miscarriages；　and　then　I　just　gave　up。　You　want　to　scream　at　the　sky　sometimes。　And　there's　nights　you　lie　awake。　But　then　I　think。　well；　this　life　has　its　joys　too。　And；　anyway；　it's　nothing　but　a　place　we　have　to　pass　through　on　our　way　to　somewhere　better。　If　we　live　forever；　it　doesn't　matter　so　much　what　happens　to　us　here。'
　　Joe　had　been　hoping　for　a　more　interesting　answer。　Insightful。　Penetrating。　Homespun　wisdom。　Something　he　could　believe。
　　He　said；　'The　mare　will　matter　to　Jeff。　And　it　matters　to　you　because　it　matters　so　much　to　him。'
　　Picking　up　another　lump　of　dough；　rolling　it　into　a　pale　moon；　a　tiny　planet；　she　smiled　and　said；　'Oh；　if　I　understood　it；　Joe；　then
　　I　wouldn't　be　me。　I'd　be　God。　And　that's　a　job　I　sure　wouldn't　want。'
　　'How　so？'
　　'It's　got　to　be　even　sadder　than　our　end　of　things；　don't　you　think？　He　knows　our　potential　but　has　to　watch　us　forever　falling　short；　all　the　cruel　things　we　do　to　one　another；　the　hatred　and　the　lies；　the　envy　and　greed　and　the　endless　coveting。　We　see　only　the　ugliness　people　do　to　those　around　us；　but　He　sees　it　all。　The　seat　He's　in　has　a　sadder　view　than　ours。'
　　She　put　the　ball　of　dough　on　the　cookie　sheet　and　impressed　upon　it　the　mark　of　her　thumb：　a　moment　of　pleasure　waiting　to　be　baked；　to　be　eaten；　to　lift　the　spirit。
　　
　　The　veterinarian's　Jeep　station　wagon　was　still　in　the　driveway；　parked　in　front　of　the　Explorer。　A　Weimaraner　was　lying　in　the　back　of　the　vehicle。　As　Joe　and　Barbara　climbed　into　the　Ford　and　slammed　the　doors；　the　dog　raised　its　noble　silver…grey　head　and　stared　at　them　through　the　rear　window　of　the　Jeep。
　　By　the　time　that　Barbara　slipped　the　key　into　the　ignition　and　started　the　Explorer；　the　humid　air　filled　with　the　aromas　of　oatmeal…chocolate…chip　cookies　and　damp　denim。　The　windshield　quickly　clouded　with　the　condensation　of　their　breath。
　　'If　it's　Nina；　your　Nina；'　Barbara　said；　waiting　for　the　air…conditioner　to　clear　the　glass；　'then　where　has　she　been　for　this　whole　year？'
　　'With　Rose　Tucker　somewhere。'
　　And　why　would　Rose　keep　your　daughter　from　you？　Why　such　awful　cruelty？'
　　'It's　not　cruelty。　You　hit　on　the　answer　yourself；　out　there　on　the　back　porch。'
　　'Why　do　I　suspect　the　only　time　you　listen　to　me　is　when　I'm　full　of　shit？'
　　Joe　said；　'Somehow；　since　Nina　survived　with　Rose；　survived　because　of　Rose；　now　Rose's　enemies　will　want　Nina　too。　If　Nina　had　been　sent　home　to　me；　she'd　have　been　a　target。　Rose　is　just　keeping　her　safe。'
　　The　pearly　condensation　retreated　toward　the　edges　of　the　windshield。
　　Barbara　switched　on　the　wipers。
　　From　the　rear　window　of　the　Jeep　Cherokee；　the　Weimaraner　still　watched　them　without　getting　to　its　feet。　Its　eyes　were　luminous　amber。
　　'Rose　is　keeping　her　safe；'　he　repeated。　'That's　why　I've　got　to　learn　everything　I　can　about　Flight　353　and　stay　alive　long　enough　to　find　a　way　to　break　the　story　wide　open。　When　it's　exposed；　when　the　bastards　behind　all　of　this　are　ruined　and　on　their　way　to　prison　or　the　gas　chamber；　then　Rose　will　be　safe　and　Nina　can　。　。　。　she　can　e　back　to　me。'
　　'If　this　Nina　is　your　Nina；'　she　reminded　him。
　　'If　she　is；　yes。'
　　Under　the　sombre　yellow　gaze　of　the　dog；　they　swung　past　the　Cherokee　and　circled　the　oval　bed　of　blue　and　purple　delphiniums　around　which　the　terminus　of　the　driveway　turned。
　　'You　think　we　should　have　asked　Mercy　to　help　us　find　the　house　in　Pueblo　where　she　dropped　Rose　and　the　girl　that　night？'　Barbara　wondered。
　　'No　point。　Nothing　there　for　us。　They　never　went　inside　that　house。　As　soon　as　Mercy　drove　out　of　sight；　they　moved　on。　Rose　was　just　using　Mercy　to　reach　the　nearest　sizable　town；　where　she　could　get　transportation；　maybe　call　a　trusted　friend　in　Los　Angeles　or　somewhere。　How　large　is　Pueblo？'
　　About　a　hundred　thousand　people。'
　　'That's　large　enough。　Plenty　of　ways　in　and　out　of　a　city　that　size。　Bus；　maybe　train；　ren