gs.earthabides-第79节

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ad　left　a　small　spot　unburned。　
　　A　little　water　was　running　in　the　stream…bed。　The　larger　game　all　seemed　to　have　run　before　the　flames；　but　many　quail　and　rabbits　had　taken　shelter　along　the　stream…bed；　and　the　young　men；　scattering　with　their　bows；　soon　came　back　with　plenty　of　food。　
　　One　of　them；　apparently　out　of　mere　habit；　began　to　make　a　fire　with　a　bow…drill。　But　the　others　laughed　at　him；　and　soon　gathered　together　some　still　glowing　and　smouldering　sticks　from　where　the　fire　had　swept　through。　
　　After　he　had　eaten　a　little　and　felt　stronger；　Ish　looked　around；　and　saw　by　the　gutted　ruins　of　a　great　building　that　they　had　camped　on　what　had　long　ago　been　the　campus　of　the　University。　Though　he　was　still　tired；　he　stood　up　curiously；　and　made　out　the　shape　of　the　Library　a　hundred　yards　or　so　distant。　The　trees　around　it　had　burned；　but　the　building　itself　was　still　intact。　Nearly　all　of　its　volumes；　the　whole　record　of　mankind；　would　probably　be　still　available。　Available　for　whom？　Ish　did　not　try　to　answer　the　question　that　rose　so　spontaneously　in　his　mind。　In　some　way；　the　rules　of　the　game　had　changed。　He　would　not　say　whether　they　had　changed　for　better　or　for　worse。　In　any　case；　the　Library…its　preservation　or　its　destruction…seemed　to　make　very　little　difference　in　his　thoughts　now。　Perhaps；　this　was　the　wisdom　of　old　age。　Perhaps；　it　was　only　despair　and　resignation。　
　　〃This　will　be　a　strange　place　for　me　to　sleep　tonight；〃　Ish　thought。　〃Will　the　ghosts　of　my　old　professors　move　before　me　after　all　these　years？　Will　I　dream　of　a　million　books　passing　in　endless　procession；　looking　reproachfully　upon　me　because　after　so　long　I　have　begun　to　have　doubts　in　them　and　all　they　stood　for？〃　
　　That　night；　however；　though　he　often　woke　and　was　cold　and　envied　the　young　men　sleeping　soundly；　yet　between　times　of　waking　he　slept　well　and　had　no　dreams；　because　he　was　very　tired　from　all　that　had　happened　during　the　day。　
　　
　　Chapter　3
　　In　the　dawn；　when　he　awoke　finally；　he　was　weak　but　clear…headed。　
　　〃This　is　very　strange；〃　he　thought；　〃because　in　the　last　few　years　I　know　that　frequently　I　have　not　been　wholly　conscious　of　what　was　happening；　and　that　is　the　way　a　very　old　man　often　is。　But　now；　as　it　was　yesterday；　I　see　everything　very　clearly。　I　wonder　what　this　can　mean？〃　
　　He　watched　the　young　men　making　breakfast　ready。　That　same　one　was　whistling　gaily　at　the　same　tune；　and　again　it　brought　to　Ish　the　thought　of　little　bells　and　happiness；　although　he　could　not　remember　its　name。　But　still　his　mind　was　clear…〃clear　as　a　bell；〃　the　old　words　came　to　him；　since　the　idea　of　bells　was　already　with　him。　
　　〃I　have　heard；〃　he　thought；　putting　the　thoughts　into　silent　sentences；　as　he　had　always　had　a　habit　of　doing；　and　now　as　an　old　man　was　more　prone　than　ever　to　do。　〃Yes；　I　have　heard；　or　more　likely　I　have　read　it　in　one　of　all　those　books…at　least；　from　somewhere　I　have　got　the　idea　that　a　man's　mind　bees　clear　just　before　he　is　to　die。　Well；　I　am　very　old；　and　it　is　likely　enough；　and　nothing　certainly　to　be　unhappy　about。　If　I　were　a　Catholic　now　and　if　things　were　different；　I　should　wish　to　confess。〃　
　　Then　by　the　little　stream；　with　the　smell　of　smoke　still　in　his　nostrils　and　with　the　old　University　buildings　looming　up　around　him；　he　thought　for　a　moment　of　his　life；　and　considered　what　he　had　piled　up　of　sins　and　of　virtues。　For　he　realized　that　a　man　should　make　peace　with　himself；　even　though　all　conditions　changed；　and　that　a　man　should　face　the　question　of　whether　in　his　life　he　had　satisfied　the　ideas　which　he　had　built　up　within　himself　as　to　what　he　should　be；　and　that　all　this　was　not　a　matter　of　priests　and　religion　but　of　a　man　himself。　
　　After　he　had　considered　his　life；　he　did　not　feel　perturbed。　He　had　made　mistakes；　but　also　he　had　sometimes　done　the　right　thing；　as　always…or　at　least　in　general…he　had　tried　to　do。　The　Great　Disaster　had　placed　him　in　a　position　for　which　he　had　no　training；　still　he　had　acplished　certain　things；　and　had　lived；　he　trusted；　not　altogether　ignobly。　
　　Just　then　one　of　them　brought　him　a　morsel　of　something　that　had　been　roasted　on　a　stick　before　the　fire。　
　　〃This　is　for　you；〃　said　the　young　man。　〃It　is　the　breast　of　a　quail　as　you　yourself；　Ish；　well　know。〃　
　　Ish　thanked　him　politely；　and　chewed　at　the　meat；　being　glad　that　he　had　teeth　left。　The　smoky　tang　of　the　open　fire　was　in　the　meat；　and　the　taste　was　delicious。　
　　〃Why　should　I　consider　dying？〃　he　thought。　〃Life　is　still　good；　and　I　am　the　last　American。〃　
　　But　he　did　not　bother　to　ment　on　anything　that　was　happening　or　to　ask　questions　as　to　what　they　would　do　that　day。　He　felt　in　some　strange　way　drawn　from　the　world；　although　he　was　still　so　fully　conscious　of　it。　
　　After　breakfast　there　came　a　shouting　from　farther　down　the　stream；　and　soon　a　newer　arrived。　There　was　a　long　talk　then；　but　Ish　did　not　pay　much　attention。　He　gathered；　in　general；　that　the　whole　tribe　was　moving　toward　a　place　where　there　were　some　lakes　and　where　the　fire　had　not　swept。　It　was　very　good　country；　according　to　what　the　newer　said。　The　three　young　men　who　had　been　with　Ish　were　at　first　inclined　to　argue　about　this；　because　they　had　not　been　consulted　in　the　decision。　But　the　other　explained　that　the　whole　question　had　been　put　up　before　the　assembly　of　The　Tribe；　and　so　decided。　The　three　then　yielded；　granting　that　what　The　Tribe　had　decided　was　binding　upon　them　also。　
　　Though　this　was　doubtless　a　very　small　incident；　Ish　found　it　particularly　gratifying。　That　was　something　which　he　had　taught　them　long　ago。　But　the　thought；　though　it　was　pleasant；　also　brought　him　sorrow　and　even　embarrassment　when　he　remembered　Charlie。　
　　Soon　they　made　preparations　to　begin　the　march；　but　Ish　was　so　weak　that　he　could　hardly　walk　at　all。　The　young　men　then　decided　that　they　would　carry　him　pickaback　by　turns；　and　so　they　started。　Carrying　him；　they　managed　to　move　more　rapidly　than　they　had　moved　on　the　preceding　day　when　he　had　walked。　They　made　jokes；　one　with　another；　about　how　light　an　old　man　grew　to　be…happy　jokes　with　a　lusty　vein　running　through　them；　as　to　why　an　old　man　was　so　light。　But　Ish　at　least　was　glad　that　he　was　no　great　burden　upon　them；　in　fact；　one　of　them　said　that　to　carry　the　hammer　was　as　heavy　a　load　as　to　carry　Ish　himself。　
　　Once　they　were　moving　in　this　fashion；　perhaps　the　joggling　of　being　carried　pickaback　affected　Ish；　and　he　found　the　fog　again　creeping　in　upon　his　brain。　He　did　not　even　know　just　where　they　were　going　or　in　what　direction　they　were　moving。　Only；　now　and　then；　some　incident　stood　out　clearly　before　him。　
　　After　a　while　they　passed　out　of　the　burned　area；　and　came　to　a　part　of　the　city　past　which　the　fire　had　swept；　leaving　it　uninjured。　From　the　dampness　in　the　air　which　made　him　shiver　a　little　Ish　realized　that　the　wind　had　changed　and　that　this　area　must　be　close　to　the　Bay。　There　were　ruins　of　factory　buildings　in　this　section。　Once　he　noticed　the　paralleled　rust　lines　of　a　railroad　track。　Everything　was　much　grown　up　with　bushes　and　some　tall　trees；　but　the　long　dry　summers　had　prevented　the　country　from　returning　to　forest；　and　so　there　was　always　a　good　deal　of　grassy　expanse　through　which　the　young　men　had　no　difficulty　in　finding　a　way。　Often；　moreover；　they　Ilowed　the　actual　lines　of　streets　where　the　asphalt　still　showed　in　places；　in　spite　of　the　weeds　growing　up　through　its　cracks　and　the　grass　encroaching　upon　its　sides　where　the　blown　dust　of　all　these　years　had　supplied　a　skin　of　soil　to　the　surface。　But　generally　the　young　men　seemed　to　steer　more　by　the　position　of　the　sun　or　by　some　distant　landmark　than　to　make　their　way　along　the　lines　of　streets。　
　　As　they　were　passing　a　thicket；　something　caught　Ish's　eye；　and　he　reached　out　his　hand　and　cried　for　it；　suddenly；　as　a　child　might。　The　young　men　saw　what　he　was　doing。　They　stopped；　laughing　merrily；　to　humor　him。　One　of　them　went　to　get　the　thing　for　which　he　had　cried　out。　When　they　brought　it；　Ish　was　delighted；　and　now　they　laughed　at　him　as　if　he　really　were　a　child；　good…naturedly。　
　　Ish　did　not　mind。　He　had　what　he　wanted。　It　was　a　scarlet　flower…a　geranium；　which　had　adapted　itself　to　the　new　life　and　lived　through　these　years。　It　was　not　the　flower　but　the　color；　Ish　realized；　that　had　given　him　that　sudden　pang　and　made　him　cry　out。　There　was　not　enough　red　in　the　world　anymore。　Being　old；　he　could　remember　a　world　in　which　dyes　and　lights　flamed　with　scarlet　and　vermilion。　But　now　the　world　had　sunk　back　into　a　quiet　harmony　of　blues　and　greens　and　browns…and　reds　no　longer　blazed　everywhere。　
　　But　as　he　jogged　along　pickaback；　he　lost　the　sense　of　what　was　happening；　and　when　he　came　to　himself　again；　they　were　all　seated　on　the　ground　taking　a　rest；　and　somewhere　he　had　dropped　the　flower。　Now；　as　he　looked　up；　his　eyes　saw　something　a　little　distance　away；　and　when　he　focused；　he　saw　that　it　was　a　road…marker。　It　was　shield…shaped；　and　he　read　U。S。　and　CALIFORNIA；　and　in　large　numerals；　4　and　0。　He　was　so　unused　to　seeing　numerals　that　it　was　a　moment　before　he　could　put　the　two　together　and　form　on　his　tongu