gs.earthabides-第63节

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s　when　they　had　lived；　now　he　thought；　in　a　kind　of　idyllic　state；　as　it　might　have　been　in　some　old　Garden　of　Eden。　They　had　known　their　troubles；　they　had　even　known　death。　But　it　had　been　simple；　as　he　looked　back　toward　it。　This　was　an　end；　Yet；　it　was　also　a　beginning；　and　a　long　road　lay　ahead。　In　the　past；　there　had　been　only　a　little　group　of　people；　scarcely　more　than　an　overgrown　family。　In　the　future；　there　would　be　the　State；　
　　Yet　there　was　an　irony。　The　State…it　should　be　a　kind　of　nourishing　mother；　protecting　the　individuals　in　their　weakness；　permitting　a　fuller　life。　And　now　the　first　act　of　the　State；　its　originating　function；　had　been　to　bring　death。　Well；　who　could　say？　Likely　enough；　in　the　dim　past　reaches　of　time；　the　State　had　always　sprung　from　the　need　to　crystallize　power　in　some　troublous　time；　and　primitive　power　must　often　have　expressed　itself　in　death。　
　　〃It　was　necessary。。。。　It　was　necessary；〃　he　kept　saying　to　himself。　Yes；　he　could　justify　the　act　on　the　highest　of　all　grounds…the　safety　and　happiness　of　The　Tribe。　By　the　one　sharp　act；　evil　and　ugly　though　it　seemed；　he　and　the　others　had　prevented…so　at　least　they　would　hope…all　that　chain　of　ugliness　and　evil　which　ran　on；　once　started；　through　the　years。　Now…so　at　least　they　would　hope…there　would　be　no　endless　succession　of　blind　babies；　and　of　trembling；　witless　old　men；　and　of　marriages　defiled　even　in　their　consummation。　
　　Yet　he　did　not　like　to　think　about　it。　He　could　justify　it　rationally。　Even　though　the　facts　were　not　wholly　proved；　the　chance　had　been　too　great　to　take。　
　　But　he　would　never　be　sure　how　much　other　motives；　secondary　and　personal；　had　swayed　him。　Guiltily　he　remembered　how　his　heart　had　leaped　when　Ezra's　words　had　given　support　to　his　own　dislike　and　fear；　and　to　his　apprehension　that　his　leadership　was　chaflenged。　Well；　he　would　never　know。　Now；　in　any　case；　it　was　finished。　No；　he　would　only　say；　〃It　is　done。〃　Too　often；　he　remembered　his　history；　executions　had　finished　nothing；　and　dead　men　had　risen　from　their　graves；　and　their　souls　had　marched　on。　But　Charlie　had　not　seemed　to　have　much　of　a　soul。　
　　He　walked　with　the　others。　They　were　all　silent；　except　that　the　three　boys　were　beginning　to　recover　their　spirits　and　chaff　back　and　forth　at　one　another。　There　was　no　reason　why　they　should　be　less　concerned　than　the　older　men。　The　boys　had　not　voted　originally；　but　they　had　concurred。　〃Yes；〃　Ish　thought；　〃if　anyone　is　guilty；　we　are　all　guilty　together；　and　in　time　to　e　no　one　can　raise　a　word　against　any　other　one。〃　
　　Along　the　littered　and　grass…grown　streets；　between　the　rows　of　half…ruined　houses；　there　was　never　a　longer　mile　than　that　one　back　from　the　new　grave　beneath　the　oak　tree　to　the　houses　on　San　Lupo　Drive。　
　　When　he　went　into　his　own　house；　Ish　went　to　the　mantelpiece；　and　set　the　hammer　there；　head　down；　handle　sticking　stiffly　upward。　Yes；　it　vvas　an　old　friend；　but　his　thought　of　the　twenty…two　years　altered　a　little　when　he　remembered　the　day　when　he　had　first　used　the　hammer。　Those　years…perhaps　they　had　been　lived；　as　he　had　thought　a　little　while　ago；　in　a　kind　of　Garden　of　Eden！　Yet；　also；　they　had　been　the　years　of　anarchy；　when　there　was　no　strong　force　to　protect　the　individual　against　whatever　might　rise　up　against　him。　He　remembered　that　day　vividly　still…the　one　when　he　had　first　e　driving　down　from　the　mountains　and　had　stood　in　the　street　of　the　little　town　of　Hutsonville；　pausing　for　a　moment；　hesitant；　looking　up　and　down　the　street；　realizing　that　he　was　about　to　do　something　illegal　and　irrevocable　and　terrible。　Then；　he　still　remembered　the　feeling；　he　had　drawn　back　deliberately　with　the　hammer　and　smashed　the　flimsy　door　of　the　little　pool…room　and　gone　inside　to　read　the　newspaper。　Oh；　yes…when　you　had　had　the　United　States　of　America　around　and　about　you；　as　all…present　as　the　air　you　breathed；　then　you　had　thought　little　of　it　except　to　plain　about　ine…tax　and　regulations；　and　you　felt　yourself　the　strong　individual。　But　when　it　had　vanished！　How　was　it　the　old　line　had　gone？…〃His　hand　shall　be　against　every　man's　and　every　man's　hand　against　him。〃　So　it　had　been。　Even　though　he　had　George　and　Ezra；　they　had　all　acted　only　from　day　to　day；　no　battle…tested　symbol　of　unity　had　bound　them。　Though　things　had　worked　fortably　and　pleasantly　in　all　these　years；　that　might　only　have　been　good　luck。　
　　Now　from　across　the　street　he　heard　the　sound　of　a　saw；　and　he　realized　that　George　was　back　at　work　with　his　beloved　wood。　George　would　not　spend　much　time　thinking　about　what　had　happened。　Neither　would　Ezra；　or　the　boys。　Of　them　all；　only　he；　Ish；　thought　much。　And　now；　since　he　could　not　help　it；　he　thought　back　again。　Again　he　wondered；　as　so　often　before；　what　really　were　springs　of　action。　Did　it　e　from　the　man　inside？　Or　from　the　world；　the　outside？　Take　all　this　that　had　just　happened。　The　water　had　failed；　and　then　they　had　sent　the　boys　on　their　expedition　as　the　result　of　losing　the　water；　and　from　the　expedition　had　e　Charlie；　and　from　Charlie；　who　was　part　of　the　outside；　had　e　all　that　had　happened　afterwards。　Yet　he　could　not　say；　either；　that　this　was　all　an　inevitable　succession　of　happenings　from　the　initial　failure　of　the　water。　His　own　mind　had　worked　creatively；　throwing　out　the　suggestion　for　the　expedition；　seeing　imaginatively　what　might　be　done。　And　then　again　he　thought　of　Joey；　that　other　one　who　saw　what　was　not　there；　who　looked　to　the　future。　
　　Em　came　in。　She　had　not　been　at　the　oak　tree；　that　was　not　woman's　work。　But　she　too　had　written　the　word　upon　the　ballot。　Yet　Em；　he　realized；　would　not　consider　too　much　or　worry。　She　was　a　person　too　unified　in　nature。　
　　She　spoke：　〃Don't　think　about　it　now。　Don't　worry　about　it。　〃　
　　He　took　her　hand　in　his；　and　pressed　it　against　his　cheek。　For　a　moment　it　was　cool；　and　then　he　felt　it　warm　to　the　flush　of　his　own　skin。　Many　years　it　was　now　since　he　had　first　seen　her　standing　in　the　light　of　the　doorway；　and　heard　her　speak；　not　a　challenge　or　a　question；　but　in　quiet　affirmation。　Twenty…one；　twenty…two；　years…and　now　he　knew　that　no　matter　what　happened　there　would　be　no　question　in　the　final　relationship　between　the　two　of　them。　They　would　have　no　more　children；　yet　that　relationship　still　was　warm。　She　was　ten　years　older　than　he。　Some　might　say　that　she　was　the　mother　more　than　the　wife　for　him。　Let　it　be！　As　things　were；　so　let　them　stand。　
　　〃I'll　never　keep　from　it！〃　he　said　at　last。　〃From　worrying；　I　mean。　I　suppose　I　really　get　pleasure　from　it。　But　I　have　to　try　to　look　ahead；　peering　into　the　mist。　I　guess　I　had　picked　out　the　right　profession　for　myself　in　the　Old　Times；　I'd　have　made　a　good　research　professor。　But　it's　something　of　a　bad　joke；　I　think；　that　I　was　left　as　one　of　the　survivors。　What　was　needed　was　only　men　like　George　and　Ezra；　they　drift　without　thinking　much；　or　acting；　either。　Or　else　the　new　times　needed　men　who　could　act；　be　leaders；　without　too　much　thinking。　Men；　maybe…well；　maybe　Charlie　was　really　that　kind。　Me；　I　only　try。　I'm　not　one　like　Moses；　or　Solon…or；　or…Lycurgus。　Those　were　the　ones　who　made　the　laws　and　founded　nations。　What　has　happened…yes；　what　is　going　to　happen　to　us　all…it　would　all　be　different　if　I　were　different。〃　
　　She　pressed　her　cheek　against　his　for　a　moment。　
　　〃Anyway；〃　she　said；　〃I　don't　want　you　different。〃　
　　Well；　that　was　what　a　wife　should　say！　It　was　trite；　but　it　was　forting。　
　　〃Besides；〃　she　went　on；　〃how　do　you　know？　Even　if　you　were　Moses；　or…one　of　those　others　with　the　funny　names…still　you　couldn't　control　what　the　world　does；　all　of　it；　pressing　in　around　us。〃　
　　One　of　the　children　called；and　Em　went　away。　Ish　rose；　and　went　to　the　desk；　and　from　one　of　the　drawers　he　drew　out　the　little　cardboard　box　which　the　boys　had　brought　back　with　them　from　the　tiny　munity　near　the　Rio　Grande。　Ish　knew　what　was　in　it；　but　because　of　all　that　had　been　happening　with　such　incredible　speed　he　had　not　yet　had　the　time；　or　the　peace　of　mind；　to　examine　it。　
　　He　opened　the　little　box；　and　put　his　fingers　down　among　the　cool　and　smooth　kernels。　He　squeezed　some　of　them　in　his　palm；　took　a　handful　out；　and　looked　at　them。　They　were　red　and　black；　small；　pointed　at　the　ends…not　the　large　flat　kernels；　yellow　or　white；　that　he　had　expected　to　see。　Yet　this　was　what　he　should　have　expected。　The　large　kernels　were　from　a　highly　developed；　perhaps　even　artificially　hybridized；　variety　of　corn。　The　little　black　and　red　ones　were　more　primitive；　what　the　Pueblo　Indians　had　always　raised。　
　　He　took　the　box　back　to　his　chair。　Again　he　put　his　hand　into　it；　he　picked　up　more　of　the　black　and　red　kernels；　and　let　them　run　into　the　box　again　through　his　fingers。　He　played　with　them；　and　as　he　played；　merciful　forgetfulness　moved　in　upon　him；　and　there　was　a　new　peace　in　his　heart。　This　also　had　e　from　the　expedition　eastwards。　In　the　corn　was　life；　and　the　future。　
　　Looking　up；　he　saw　Joey…ever　the　curious　one…gazing　at　him　from　across　the　room　with　interest。　He　felt　himself　warm　toward　Joey；　and　called　to　him　to　e　and　see。　Joey　was　interested；　as　always。　Ish　explained　to　him　about　the　。　D