dclegg.purity-第12节
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family has huge pull in that area； and she was smart enough。
It hardly bears parison with a night spent on a dirty mattress in the back of some studio apartment in Chelsea with Chip； who fell on hard times after prep school。 That sleaziness he had； like an air； like marijuana smoke in the back of a bus … that's what his place was like。 He was slumming； he was degrading himself。 His parents had cut him off； and he was willing to live like that。 Hardly any furniture； a job that barely paid him per month what a reasonable man can live on。 And still； he was willing to live like that for the sake of the feeling in his organ。 I am never going to let that happen to me。 I am never going to let people know how I am on the inside if I can help it。 I got so mad at Chip I guess I ended up roughing him up a little； but he kept trying to ruin things； and I just won't let anyone do that。 My dad is ruining things as it is； and pretty soon other people are going to know how he's ruining things； and I do not intend to be in that spot with him。
I remember clasping Jenna's hand； and listening to her optimistically go on about the life she intended for herself。
So I knew that if I just kept my eyes on her； it would all go in the right direction。
When we made love for the first time； it even felt right。 She was overheated on the inside； it was like lava or something； it felt so natural。
I thought it was all right up until I met Mooncalf。
I tried to fight it； too。 I looked at him and tried。 I tried not to look at his body。 So well developed。 The way he spoke； almost sullenly。 I didn't want him then； but I knew he had it in him to take me over。 And I suppose he has。
There's even a dangerousness to him I enjoy。 I find myself looking over Jenna's shoulder； when we're at the beach； or bicycling； hoping he's there； just out of reach。
And then； the party。 It was like waking up for the first time。 It was like knowing that I'd been telling myself lies for years。
That I'd been foolish and wrong。
Now； all I think about is Mooncalf and I wish we were in a different world； not one of secrets and half…truths； but one where we could just be together。
I know he feels the same。
I'm sleeping pretty much on the boat now。 I can't stay with Jenna。 Not in her room。 And her dad gives me those looks； which aren't pleasant； either。
Jenna's been cold。 Can't blame her。 I know somehow it will all turn out okay。 I know it will because I know life is not meant to be bad； and it's not meant to be confusing； and if we can all just get through this summer； it'll somehow work out because life is supposed to work out。
Sometimes； I get so lonely I want to just hold Jenna。 As a friend。
I want to see him again； but he's been avoiding me since the party。 I've had two weeks now； seeing Jenna and her family； playing a little golf； some tennis； taking the boat out when I can。 Jenna's been good about this even if she's turned icy。 She seems to handle my silences well。 She really is a friend。
I'm glad we can be this close and that she can be so understanding。
Most of the time； she seems to act as if the night of her party never happened； that I didn't go off with him。 She won't really understand what it means； anyway。 She'll think she'll know； but I'll let her know it was nothing。
I'll get her thinking about us again； which is what she really wants； anyway。
Chapter Seven
The hurricane approaches
1
There he is again： I see him。 That boy Owen。 He's been running down on the beach； swimming too much for his own good； working on his oxygen intake because breathing is the key； and he's felt a strength grow within him to match his body's power。
2
The weeks after the party went by in a blur of moments and flashes in his brain … the sky clouded and then became unbearably sunny； the humidity soared and then dropped and then soared again； a tropical storm to the south had been upgraded to a hurricane but it would not strike so far north as Outerbridge； and once； in the dead of night； Owen lay in bed convinced he'd heard a gun go off somewhere on the island。
August was like that sometimes。
3
〃Owen。 Why？〃
〃Why what？〃 he asked； shielding his eyes from the sun。
Jenna had emerged from the deck all wrapped in a big yellow towel； and yet to him it was as magnificent as a summer dress。 The smell of the pool was intoxicating。 He had just finished his morning laps； and felt cleaner and stronger。 Chlorine stank on his skin。 He looked up at her。 He wanted to kiss her； he wanted to touch her。 They stood so close。
〃Why the gun？〃
〃It's just a pistol。 It's an antique。〃
〃Why？〃
〃I thought you'd want it。 I thought you'd like it。〃
〃I'm not a fan of guns。〃
〃No one is。 But it has that inlay。 It's mother of pearl。 It seems feminine。〃
〃You must be out of your mind。 To give me that as a gift。 On my birthday。〃
〃It was my grandfather's。〃
〃Well； I'm giving it back。 God； I don't want it in the house； let alone in my hand。〃
〃You need protection。〃
〃From what？〃
〃Jimmy；〃 Owen said。 He sucked a breath in briefly。 It was time to let it begin。 He felt a curious shiver sweep through his body； as if he were on the verge of some delightful pleasure。 〃He told me。。。〃
〃Told you what？ What did he say？ Was it about me？〃
Owen paused。 He wanted her to feel the words as he said them。 He wanted to make sure that she was pletely focused on him。 On his lips as he spoke。 〃No； it's nothing。 I just think you should keep the gun。〃
〃No； he said something；〃 she nearly snarled。 〃Tell me。〃
〃I'm sure he didn't mean it；〃 Owen said。
〃It made you think I needed a gun？〃 she asked。 Her face went blank。
She looked down at her feet for a moment。 Then； she glanced up and looked him in the eye。 〃What's been going on between you two？〃
〃Nothing；〃 Owen whispered。
〃Owen； what's going on？〃 she said。
He looked at her and said； 〃Jenna； I want you to be safe。 That's all。
Look； I know you don't care for me； and that's fine。 I can't make you like me。
And I know I can't make you。。。care for me。。。in a way I happen to care for you。
No one is magician enough for that。 I've thought about you since we were both little kids。 I've always considered you someone special。〃
〃What？〃 she asked in a voice that was barely more than mouse squeak。
〃I know that you'll go on to some really great college and you'll meet lots of guys like Jimmy and you'll e back to the island during the summer and be friendly with me but you'll see me as the island townie who paints houses for a living； or perhaps works on boats。 And you'll have a different life。〃
〃What is this all getting to …〃 Jenna gasped； and then her eyes lit up。
〃You lost the island accent。 You talk like one of us now。〃
She said it as if it was one of the most dreadful things imaginable。 As if the 〃one of us〃 was the worst thing that could happen。
〃That isn't true；〃 Owen said。 Then； he glanced away from her； at the house and the beginnings of the roses his father so lovingly tended。 〃Look； I know I'm nothing to you。 Just consider the gun some kind of protection。 He's dangerous。〃
He walked away from her； his body barely dry from the swimming pool。
She called after him； but he didn't turn。 He walked from the pool to the back lawn； and then disappeared down the path。
4
Another morning； he helped Mr。 M with his golf clubs and luggage； driving the truck up from the ferry。 Mr。 M had almost missed the summer on the island。 〃Business takes a man over；〃 he told Owen on the way up the hill to the house。 He was the biggest man Owen had ever seen … like a bear； but slick； too； and shiny。 He had on dark glasses and a rumpled blue oxford cloth shirt； his skin was like pink snow。 When Owen got to the door with the last of the bags； Mrs。 M （he had to start thinking of her as Cathy if he was going to ever grow up） kissed her husband lightly on the nose。
〃How's the summer？〃
〃Quiet；〃 Mrs。 M said。
〃Where's that boy？〃
〃Which？〃
〃McTeague；〃 Mr。 M said。
〃I think it's over。 She's gone to Dr。 Vaughan three times in two weeks。
That's a record for her；〃 Mrs。 M said； and then turned to Owen。 〃Sweetie； can you go grab the mail？〃
Owen nodded； feeling far too obedient； feeling his heart beating too fast； feeling too much within his frame； as if his muscles were about to twist and untangle and he was afraid for a moment that he had not heard what he thought he'd heard。
5
Owen sat by the koi pond； absorbing the last of an afternoon sun on one of his days off … the weather had gone back and forth； between brief bouts of showers and then sudden sunbursts。 He was about to reach for Dagon beneath the placid green water； when he noticed a shadow reflection move across the water。
He didn't turn； but knew that Jimmy had e up behind him。
〃Aren't you ever going to talk to me again？〃
Owen shrugged。
〃I thought。。。I thought we could。。。we could at least be friends；〃 Jimmy said。 〃I think about you。 All the time。〃
〃Don't e here again；〃 Owen measured his words carefully。 The shadow withdrew； and Owen had the sun again。
6
Owen lay back in the grass and closed his eyes to the sun。 As the violet darkness of his inner mind grew； he began to see the shadow sea of Dag
