dclegg.purity-第10节

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　Ravening。
　Ah；　that's　better。　I　know　everyone　has　to　give　up　smoking　at　some　point　in　their　lives；　but　how　nice　to　not　have　to　give　it　up　just　yet。
　So；　the　seventeenth　was　my　big　party；　and　I　didn't　even　want　Owen　there　…　he　didn't　fit　in　with　Jimmy's　friends；　and　many　of　my　friends　found　him　a　little　cold。　Plus；　there　was　the　whole　problem　of　his　mother；　who's　a　force　to　be　reckoned　with。　She's　always　looking　at　me　like　I'm　the　Whore　of　Babylon。
　She　was　helping　us　set　up　the　party；　and　she　kept　giving　me　that　look。　You　know　that　look。　That　mother　look。
　But　Owen　showed；　and　frankly；　I　was　happy　to　see　him。　It　was　sort　of　a　relief　since　I'd　barely　seen　him　all　summer。　Well；　I　saw　him　when　he　went　swimming。　In　our　pool　of　course。　In　our　pool。　I　called　him　Leech　（funny　that　he　and　Jimmy　both　have　been　called　that；　huh？）　when　he　wasn't　around　because　he　really　is　such　a　leech。　I　mean　it　in　a　funny　nice　way；　not　some　awful　way。　I　once　slipped　off　a　rock　into　one　of　the　little　ponds　on　the　property；　and　my　legs　were　covered　with　leeches。　They　don't　hurt。　You'd　be　surprised　at　that；　wouldn't　you？　You'd　think　that　something　that　sucks　your　blood　would　hurt；　but　they　don't。　It's　just　the　fact　that　they're　there　that　makes　them　bothersome。
　So　it　was　my　little　joke：　calling　Owen　Leech。　I　care　a　lot　for　Owen；　actually。　We　grew　up　together　practically。　My　island　boy。　My　father　laughs　whenever　I　call　Owen　Leech　behind　his　back；　but　my　mother；　well；　she　doesn't　understand　that　kind　of　humor。　That　ironic　kind　of　humor。　I　mean　it　as　an　affectionate　term。　Sort　of　like　the　way　Jimmy　calls　him　Mooncalf。　It's　a　name。
　I　guess　it　distances　me　from　him　or　something。　But　it　does　get　annoying　when　someone　is　always　borrowing　things　or　using　your　things　or　assuming　things　just　because　his　father　works　in　the　garden。　I　like　them。　They're　like　family。　I　feel　a　lot　for　Owen；　but　really；　he　should've　gotten　over　that　Leech　thing　years　ago。
　I　can　hear　my　mother's　voice　in　my　head：　that's　cruel；　Jenna。　I　know。　I　know。
　I　get　accused　of　cruelty　all　the　time。　Not　physical　cruelty。　My　mother　means　it's　cruel　to　fault　poor　people　with　using　our　things。
　My　mother　has　this　thing　for　him。　Well；　for　all　young　men。　She　won't　acknowledge　it；　and　she　thinks　Daddy's　the　bad　one；　but　I　know　she　likes　the　boys　who　hang　around　me。　And　no；　I'm　not　jealous　of　her。　Why　should　I　be？
　She's　old。　Her　time　has　e　and　gone。　My　time　is　only　just　beginning。
　Anyway；　eighteen　year　old　boys　do　not　want　forty　year　old　women。　It's　embarrassing；　really。
　Even　at　the　party；　Mom　is　sauntering　around　in　that　green　getup　she　has　that　looks　too　glitzy　for　the　island。　We　all　go　casual　here；　so　she　looked　like　too　much　like　Ginger　on　Gilligan's　Island　…　too　done　up。　Too　too；　as　Missy　Capshaw　says。　She's　too　too。
　Missy　came　down　from　the　Vineyard；　and　Shottsy　had　his　cousin　Alec　with　him；　and　pretty　much　the　whole　gang　was　there；　except　for　the　Faulkners　who　all　went　to　Maine　for　the　summer。　I　guess　about　sixteen　of　my　friends　came；　and　then　six　or　seven　of　Jimmy's；　and　then　Owen　with　his　shirt　that　was　so　new　it　still　had　the　wrinkles　from　the　cardboard　box；　and　Shottsy　made　a　big　point　of　letting　everyone　know　that　part　of　the　plastic　collar　liner　was　still　under　the　collar。　Owen　brought　me　this　nice　little　gift；　I　mean　that　in　an　ironical　way；　and　that's　really　the　issue　here。
　But　I　was　having　some　margaritas　and　just　getting　sort　of　high；　and　Marnie　Llewellyn　was　regaling　me　with　that　story　again；　the　one　about　her　brother's　professor　and　how　him　and　two　female　students　had　gone　off　to　Fenwick　together　and　then　got　caught　in　the　worst　way；　the　very　worst　way　possible。
　And　I　saw　what　Owen　was　doing。
　I　saw　that　he　had　already　cast　a　spell。　Some　kind　of　spell。　Just　like　a　witch。
　Over　Jimmy。
　I　saw　Jimmy　put　his　hand　in　Owen's　hair；　and　I　saw　how　they　laughed；　and　I　know　it　must　seem　irrational　and　paranoid；　but　the　first　thing　I　thought　was：
　That　bastard　is　trying　to　steal　my　boyfriend。
　You　can　imagine　how　I　felt。　I　mean；　I　thought　it　was　ludicrous。　It　wasn't　like　Skippy　Marshall　and　that　Donovan　character　from　Harrow　…　they　were　both　homosexual；　and　we　all　had　known　it　since　they　got　into　the　drama　club　and　developed　the　perfect　butts　in　the　workout　room　doing　squats。
　This　was　different。
　I　thought　it　was　absolutely　ludicrous。　But　I　grew　livid　as　I　watched　them。　Absolutely　livid。　Really；　from　the　corner　of　my　eye。　I　was　working　on　my　third　or　fourth　margarita；　and　Missy　kept　talking　and　Alec　kept　eyeing　my　breasts　like　he　always　did；　and　I　had　my　little　circle；　but　they　knew　something　was　up；　too。　They　knew　that　Jimmy　was　not　fawning　on　me；　and　I　didn't　really　enjoy　that。　Frankly。
　I　suppose　if　I　had　not　been　drinking；　I　wouldn't　have　caused　a　scene。
　But　I　kept　my　eye　on　the　two　of　them；　and　I　saw　the　touches。
　Yes；　that's　right。　Queerish　little　touches。　Not　the　kind　that　boys　do。
　Not　normally。　Owen　touched　Jimmy's　elbow；　and　Jimmy　looked　at　Owen's　hand。　And　they　laughed；　and　whenever　one　of　them　could；　he　took　his　fist　and　gently　patted　the　other　on　the　chest。　Like　old　chums；　yes；　maybe。　Certainly　that's　what　I'd　like　to　believe；　but　in　fact；　I　saw　Jimmy　show　him　more　genuine　attention；　not　that　needy　attention　he　showed　me；　but　the　kind　of　attention　every　girl　wants　but　never　gets　from　a　boy。　That　adoration　kind　of　attention。
　And　Owen　was　milking　it。　I　know　he　was。　I　asked　Marnie　later　on；　and　she　said　I　was　imagining　things；　that　Jimmy　had　been　bedding　girls　since　eighth　grade；　that　it　was　just　that　boy　thing。　That's　what　she　said；　〃That　prep　school　boy　thing　where　they　get　together　and　they　touch　each　other　and　they　tell　dirty　jokes　and　they　check　each　other　out。　It's　because　they　both　want　you。　They　need　to　check　out　the　petition；〃　she　said。
　But　I　don't　know。　I　stood　there；　feeling　embarrassed　and　humiliated；　and　at　my　party。
　At　my　own　party。
　Finally　I　couldn't　stand　it。
　Jimmy　leaned　forward　and　whispered　something　to　him。　It　was　like　slow　motion。　I　can　remember　it　now　like　it's　still　in　front　of　my　face。　I　saw　his　lips　move　as　he　whispered；　and　I　saw　Owen　lean　into　him；　and　Jimmy's　hand　was　on　Owen's　shoulder；　and　maybe　I　was　hallucinating　or　maybe　I　saw　what　I　saw；　but　I　think　Jimmy　McTeague　placed　the　barest　whisper　of　a　kiss　on　Owen's　ear；　at　my　party；　with　me　watching；　with　me　having　to　bear　witness　to　it。　God；　it's　so　gothic。　It's　so。。。Fire　Island。　It　really　hit　me　hard。
　I　began　crying；　without　knowing　I　was　doing　it；　weeping；　just　standing　there；　and　Alec　took　my　hand　and　said；　〃Aw；　princess；　what's　up？〃
　And　I　shook　myself　free　of　that　crowd；　and　I　walked　right　over　to　those　two　horrible　boys；　that　horrible　Jimmy　McTeague　and　I　whispered；　〃If　you　embarrass　me　here；　I　will　destroy　you。〃
　And　then；　of　course；　I　had　to　go　back　to　my　party。
　I　had　to。
　I　had　an　obligation　to　my　friends。　I　was　not　going　to　let　the　boy　who　had　been　sleeping　with　me　for　nearly　two　months　humiliate　me　in　front　of　my　friends。
　It　wasn't　until　the　next　morning　that　I　opened　the　gift　that　Owen　had　given　me；　and　that's　pretty　much　why　I　freaked　out；　with　my　usual　panache。　I　didn't　want　to　see　Owen　again。
　Ever。
　But　I　knew　that　Jimmy　would　still　be　mine；　no　matter　what　we　both　went　through　to　be　together。
　After　all；　remember　these　things：
　The　happiest　of　people　don't　necessarily　have　the　best　of　everything；　they　just　make　the　most　of　everything　that　es　along　their　way。
　Happiness　lies　for　those　who　cry；　those　who　hurt；　those　who　have　searched；　and　those　who　have　tried；　for　only　they　can　appreciate　the　importance　of　people　who　have　touched　their　lives。
　Love　begins　with　a　smile；　grows　with　a　kiss　and　ends　with　a　tear。
　The　brightest　future　will　always　be　based　on　a　forgotten　past；　you　can't　go　on　well　in　life　until　you　let　go　of　your　past　failures　and　heartaches。
　When　I　think　of　all　I've　had　to　deal　with；　particularly　with　Jimmy；　these　words　bring　me　fort。
　Oh　yeah；　what　Owen　gave　me　for　my　birthday。
　It　was　a　gun。　A　crap…ass　gun　at　that。　It　was　tiny。　It　had　some　pearly　kind　of　handle；　and　the　safety　looked　like　it　had　rusted　out；　and　I　couldn't　get　the　little　clippy　thingy　off　if　I　tried。　I　thought　it　was　a　joke　at　first；　but　I　guess　not。
　It　looks　like　something　that　you'd　buy　from　some　little　old　lady　in　Brooklyn；　some　little　old　lady　with　a　thousand　cats　and　one　of　those　old　fox　furs　who　chainsmokes　and　lives　in　a　studio　she's　had　since　the　1950s。
　Still；　it　was　a　gun；　and　I　have　to　admit；　it　was　the　creepiest　thing　he　could've　given　me。
　He　scares　me　a　little。
　I　mean；　what　kind　of　psycho　gift　is　that？
　
　
　Chapter　Five
　After　the　party　
　1
　Jimmy　grabbed　Owen's　elbow；　laughing；　the　smell　of　beer　and　tequila　mixed　in　the　air；　and　Owen　giggled；　too；　and　said；　〃Let's　go　to　the　jetty。　It's　beautiful　there。　You　can　see　the　north　star。〃
　〃You　know　the　north　star？〃
　〃Yeah。　I　know　all　the　stars。　I'm　an　islander。　I　know　the　dippers　and　scorpio；　too。〃
　〃You're　a　Mooncalf；〃　Jimmy　said；　his　grin　big　and　goofy　and　not　the　controlled　jock　he'd　once　seemed。　〃God　I　wish　I　knew　the　stars　like　you。　I　want　to　just　…　just　…　look　at　the　stars　and　know　which　ones　they　are；　and　where　the　earth　i