the stainless steel rat-第30节

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。　What　was　I　going　to　do　about　it？　Of　course　that　was　the　question　heremuch　bigger　than　she　realized。
　　　　　What　was　I　going　to　do　about　the　whole　thing？　Everyone　was　offering　me　half…interests　in　a　revolution　I　hadn't　the　slimiest　interest　in。　Or　did　I？　What　was　I　doing　here？　Had　I　e　to　arrest　Angelina　for　the　Special　Corps？　That　assignment　seemed　to　have　been　forgotten　a　while　back。　A　decision　had　to　be　reached　soon。　My　body　disguise　was　goodbut　not　that　good。　It　wasn't　intended　to　stand　up　to　long　inspection。　Only　the　fact　that　Angelina　was　undoubtedly　sure　that　she　had　killed　me　had　prevented　her　from　recognizing　my　real　identity　so　far。　I　had　certainly　recognized　her　easily　enough；　facial　changes　and　all。
　　　　　Just　at　this　point　the　bottom　dropped　out　of　everything。　There　is　a　little　process　called　selective　forgetting　whereby　we　suppress　and　distort　memories　we　find　distasteful。　My　disguise　hadn't　been　meant　to　stand　inspection　this　long。　Originally　I　had　been　sure　she　would　have　penetrated　it　by　now。　With　this　realization　came　the　memory　of　what　I　had　said　the　night　before。　A　wickedly　revealing　statement　that　I　had　pushed　back　and　forgotten　until　now。
　　　　　You're　none　of　these　things　out　of　the　past；　I　had　shouted。　None　of　these　things　。　。　。　Angelina。　I　had　bellowed　this　and　there　had　been　no　protest　from　her。
　　　　　Except　that　she　no　longer　used　the　name　Angelina；　she　used　the　alias　Engela　here。
　　　　　When　I　tuned　to　face　her　my　guilty　thoughts　must　have　been　scrawled　all　over　my　face；　but　she　only　gave　me　that　enigmatic　smile　and　said　nothing。　At　least　she　had　stopped　bing　her　hair。
　　　　　〃You　know　I'm　not　Grav　Bent　Diebstall；〃　I　said　with　an　effort。　〃How　long　have　you　known？〃
　　　　　〃For　quite　a　while；　since　soon　after　you　came　here；　in　fact。〃　
　　　　　〃Do　you　know　who　I　am？〃
　　　　　〃I　have　no　idea　what　your　real　name　is；　if　that's　what　you　mean。　But　I　do　remember　how　angry　I　was　when　you　tricked　me　out　of　the　battleships；　after　all　my　work。　And　I　recall　the　intense　satisfaction　with　which　I　shot　you　in　Freiburbad。　Can　you　tell　me　your　name　now？〃
　　　　　〃Jim；〃　I　said　through　the　haze　I　was　rooted　in。　〃James　diGriz；　known　as　Slippery　Jim　to　the　trade。〃
　　　　　〃How　nice。　My　name　is　really　Angela。　I　think　it　was　done　as　a　horrid　joke　by　my　father；　which　is　one　of　the　reasons　I　enjoyed　seeing　him　die。〃
　　　　　〃Why　haven't　you　killed　me？〃　I　asked；　having　a　fairly　good　idea　of　how　father　had　passed　on。
　　　　　〃Why　should　I；　darling？〃　she　asked；　and　her　light；　empty　tone　was　gone。　〃We've　both　made　mistakes　in　the　past　and　it　has　taken　us　a　dreadfully　long　time　to　find　out　that　we　are　just　alike。　I　might　as　well　ask　you　why　you　haven't　arrested　methat's　what　you　started　out　to　do　isn't　it？〃　
　　　　　〃It　wasbut　。　。　。〃
　　　　　〃But；　what？　You　must　have　e　here　with　that　idea　in　mind；　but　you　were　fighting　an　awful　battle　with　yourself。　That's　why　I　hid　the　fact　that　I　knew　who　you　really　were。　You　were　growing　up；　getting　over　whatever　idiotic　notions　ever　involved　you　with　the　police　in　the　first　place。　I　had　no　idea　how　the　whole　thing　would　e　out；　though　I　did　hope。　You　see　I　didn't　want　to　kill　you；　not　unless　I　had　to。　I　knew　you　loved　me；　that　was　obvious　from　the　beginning。　It　was　different　from　the　feeble　animal　passion　of　all　those　male　brutes　who　have　told　me　that　they　love　me。　They　loved　a　malleable　case　of　flesh。　You　love　me　for　everything　that　I　am；　because　we　are　both　the　same。〃
　　　　　〃We　are　not　the　same；〃　I　insisted；　but　there　was　no　conviction　in　my　voice。　She　only　smiled。　〃You　killand　enjoy　killingthat's　our　basic　difference。　Don't　you　see　that？〃
　　　　　〃Nonsense！〃　She　dismissed　the　idea　with　an　airy　wave。　〃You　killed　last　nightrather　a　good　job　tooand　I　didn't　notice　any　reluctance　on　your　part。　In　fact；　wasn't　there　a　certain　amount　of　enthusiasm？〃
　　　　　I　don't　know　why；　but　I　felt　as　if　a　noose　was　tightening　around　my　neck。　Everything　she　said　was　wrongbut　I　couldn't　see　where　it　was　wrong。　Where　was　the　way　out；　the　solution　that　would　solve　everything？
　　　　　〃Let's　leave　Freibur；〃　I　said　at　last。　〃Get　away　from　this　monstrous　and　unnecessary　rebellion。　There　will　be　deaths　and　killing　and　no　need　for　them。〃
　　　　　〃We'll　goif　we　go　someplace　where　we　can　do　just　as　well；〃　Angela　said；　and　there　was　a　hardness　back　in　her　voice。　〃That's　not　the　major　point　though。　There's　something　you　are　going　to　have　to　settle　in　your　own　mind　before　you　will　be　happy。　This　stupid　importance　you　attach　to　death。　Don't　you　realize　how　pletely　trivial　it　is？　Two　hundred　years　from　now　you；　I　and　every　person　now　living　in　the　galaxy　will　be　dead。　What　does　it　matter　if　a　few　of　them　are　helped　along　and　reach　their　destination　a　bit　quicker？　They'd　do　the　same　to　you　if　they　had　the　chance。〃　
　　　　　〃You're　wrong；〃　I　insisted；　knowing　that　there　is　more　to　living　and　dying　than　just　this　pessimistic　philosophy；　but　unable　in　this　moment　of　stress　to　clarify　and　speak　my　ideas。　Angela　was　a　powerful　drug　and　my　tiny　remaining　shard　of　passionate　reserve　didn't　stand　a　chance；　washed　under　by　the　flood　of　stronger　emotions。　I　pulled　her　to　me；　kissing　her；　knowing　that　this　solved　most　of　the　problems　although　it　made　the　final　solution　that　much　more　difficult。
　　　　　A　thin　and　irritating　buzz　scratched　at　my　ears；　and　Angela　heard　it　too。　Separating　was　difficult　for　both　of　us。　I　sat　and　watched　unseeingly　while　she　went　to　the　vidiphone。　She　blanked　the　video　circuits　and　snapped　a　query　into　it。　I　couldn't　hear　the　answer　because　she　had　the　speaker　off　and　listened　through　the　earpiece。　Once　or　twice　she　said　yes；　and　looked　up　suddenly　at　me。　There　was　no　indication　of　whom　she　was　talking　to；　and　I　hadn't　the　slightest　interest。　There　were　problems　enough　around。
　　　　　After　hanging　up　she　just　stood　quietly　for　a　moment　and　I　waited　for　her　to　speak。　Instead　she　walked　to　her　dressing　table　and　opened　the　drawer。　There　were　a　lot　of　things　that　could　have　been　concealed　there；　but　she　took　out　the　one　thing　I　was　least　suspecting。　
　　　　　A　gun。　Big　barreled　and　deadly；　pointing　at　me。
　　　　　〃Why　did　you　do　it；　Jim？〃　she　asked；　tears　in　the　corners　of　her　eyes。　〃Why　did　you　want　to　do　it？〃
　　　　　She　didn't　even　hear　my　baffled　answer。　Her　thoughts　were　on　herselfthough　the　recoilless　never　wavered　from　a　point　aimed　midway　in　my　skull。　With　alarming　suddenness　she　straightened　up　and　angrily　brushed　at　her　eyes。
　　　　　〃You　didn't　do　anything；〃　she　said　with　the　old　hard　chill　on　her　words。　〃I　did　it　myself　because　I　let　myself　believe　that　one　man　could　be　any　different　from　the　others。　You　have　taught　me　a　valuable　lesson；　and　out　of　gratitude　I　will　kill　you　quickly；　instead　of　in　the　way　I　would　much　prefer。〃
　〃What　the　bell　are　you　talking　about；〃　I　roared；　pletely　baffled。
　〃Don't　play　the　innocent　to　the　very　aid；〃　she　said；　as　she　reached　carefully　behind　her　and　drew　a　small　heavy　bag　from　under　the　bed。　〃That　was　the　radar　post。　I　installed　the　equipment　myself　and　have　the　operators　bribed　to　give　me　first　notice。　A　ring　of　shipsas　you　well　knowhas　dropped　from　space　and　surrounded　this　area。　Your　job　was　to　keep　me　occupied　so　I　wouldn't　notice　this。　The　plan　came　perilously　close　to　succeeding。〃　She　put　a　coat　over　her　arm　and　backed　across　the　room。
　　　　　〃If　I　told　you　I　was　innocentgave　you　my　most　sincere　word　of　honorwould　you　believe　me？〃　I　asked。　〃I　have　nothing　to　do　with　this　and　know　nothing　about　it。〃
　　　　　〃Hooray　for　the　Boy　Space　Scout；〃　Angela　said　with　bitter　mockery。　〃Why　don't　you　admit　the　truth；　since　you　will　be　dead　in　twenty　seconds　no　matter　what　you　say。〃
　　　　　〃I've　told　you　the　truth。〃　I　wondered　if　I　could　reach　her　before　she　fired；　but　knew　it　was　impossible。
　　　　　〃Good…by；　James　diGriz。　It　was　nice　knowing　youfor　a　while。　Let　me　leave　you　with　a　last　pleasant　thought。　All　this　was　in　vain。　There　is　a　door　and　an　exit　behind　me　that　no　one　knows　about。　Before　your　police　get　here　I　shall　be　safely　gone。　And　if　the　thought　tortures　you　a　bit；　I　intend　to　go　on　killing　and　killing　and　killing　and　you　will　never　be　able　to　stop　me。〃
　　　　　My　Angela　raised　the　gun　for　a　surer　aim　as　she　touched　a　switch　in　the　molding。　A　panel　rolled　back　revealing　a　square　of　blackness　in　the　wall。
　　　　　〃Spare　me　the　histrionics；　Jim；〃　she　said　disgustedly；　her　eyes　looking　into　mine　over　the　sight　of　the　gun。　Her　finger　tightened。　〃　I　wouldn't　expect　that　kind　of　juvenile　trick　from　you；　staring　over　my　shoulder　and　widening　your　eyes　as　if　there　were　someone　behind　me。　I'm　not　going　to　turn　and　look。　You're　not　getting　out　of　this　one　alive。〃
　　　　　〃Famous　last　words；〃　I　said　as　I　jumped　sideways。　The　gun　boomed　but　the　bullet　plowed　into　the　ceiling。　Inskipp　stood　behind　her；　twisting　the　gun　into　the　air；　pulling　it　out　of　her　hand。　Angela　just　stared　at　me　in　horror　and　made　no　move　to　resist。　There　were　handcuffs　locked　on　her　tiny　wrists　and　she　still　didn't　struggle　or　cry　out。　I　jumped　forward；　shouting　her　name。
　　　　　There　were　two　burly　types　in　Patrol　uniforms　behind　Inskipp；　and　they　took　her。　Before　I　could　reach　the　door　he　stepped　through　and　closed　it　behind　him。　I　stumbled　to　a　halt　before　it；　as　unable　to　fight　as　Angela　had　been　a　minute　ago。
　Chapter　19