the stainless steel rat-第21节

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　　　　　All　at　once　the　room　was　very　oppressing　and　I　wanted　out。　What　made　me　doubly　angry　was　the　fact　the　key　was　missing。　I　remember　taking　it　out；　but　had　no　idea　where　I　had　put　it。　The　slob　at　the　desk　was　slow　at　answering　and　I　was　tempted　to　tell　him　just　What　I　thought　of　the　service；　but　I　refrained。　There　is　only　one　permanent　cure　for　these　types。　A　spare　key　rattled　into　the　basket　of　the　pneumo　and　I　let　myself　out。　I　needed　some　food　and　I　needed　some　drink　and　most　of　all　I　needed　a　quiet　place　for　some　thought。
　　　　　A　nearby　spot　provided　all　threeafter　I　had　chased　the　hookers　away。　They　were　all　dogs；　and　Angelina　just　playing　a　role　had　been　better　than　this　entire　crowd　lumped　together。　Angelina。　She　was　on　my　mind　tonight　with　a　vengeance。　The　drinks　warmed　my　gut　and　Angelina　warmed　my　memory。　To　think　that　I　had　actually　once　considered　turning　her　in　or　possibly　killing　her。　What　a　waste！　The　only　intelligent　woman　I　had　ever　run　across。　And　all　womanI'll　never　forget　the　way　she　walked　in　that　dress。　Once　she　had　been　tamed　a　bitwhat　a　team　we　could　make！　This　thought　was　so　mentally　aphrodisiac　that　my　skin　burned　and　I　drained　my　glass　at　a　single　swallow。
　　　　　Something　had　to　be　done；　I　had　to　find　her。　She　would　never　have　left　a　ripe　plum　of　a　planet　like　this　one。　A　girl　with　her　ambition　could　go　right　to　the　top　here；　nothing　could　stop　her。　And　that's　of　course　where　she　would　beeventually　if　not　now。　She　must　spend　her　life　feeling　damned　because　she　was　a　woman；　knowing　she　was　better　than　the　rest　of　the　cruds　around；　then　proving　it　to　herself　and　them　over　and　over　again。　My　arrival　would　be　the　biggest　favor　Angelina　could　have。　I　didn't　have　to　prove　myself　better　than　the　hicks　on　this　rubeified　planetjust　one　look　did　that。　When　Angelina　hooked　up　with　me　she　could　stop　fighting；　relax　and　take　orders。　The　contest　would　be　over　for　all　time。
　　　　　While　I　sat　there　something　was　nagging　at　me；　some　vital　fact　I　had　to　rememberyet　couldn't。　For　a　second　I　fumbled　with　the　memory　before　I　realized　what　it　was。　The　injection　would　be　wearing　off　soon！　I　had　to　get　back　to　the　room；　quickly。　There　had　been　some　fear　about　the　danger　of　this　business；　but　I　realized　now　that　was　just　my　earlier　cowardice。　This　stuff　was　no　more　dangerous　than　aspirin。　And　at　the　same　time　it　was　the　galaxy's　greatest　pick…up。　New　worlds　of　possibilities　were　opening　up　to　me；　my　mind　was　clearer　and　my　thoughts　more　logical。　I　wasn't　going　back　to　the　old　muddled…head　stuff。　At　the　bar　I　paid　the　bartender；　my　fingers　tapping　impatiently　while　he　slothfully　made　change　for　me。
　　　　　〃A　wiseguy？〃　I　asked；　loud　enough　for　everyone　in　the　joint　to　hear。　〃A　customer　is　in　a　hurry　so　that's　your　chance　to　shortchange　him。　This　is　two　gilden　short。〃　I　held　the　money　out　in　my　palm　and　when　he　bent　to　count　it　I　came　up　quick　with　the　hand　and　let　him　have　the　whole　thing　right　in　the　face；　bills；　coins；　thumb　and　fingers。　At　the　same　time　I　told　himin　a　low　voice　so　no　one　else　could　hearjust　what　I　thought　of　him。　Freibur　slang　is　rich　in　insult　and　I　used　the　best　on　him。　I　could　have　done　more　but　I　was　in　a　hurry　to　get　back　to　the　hotel　room；　and　teaching　him　a　lesson　would　take　time。　When　I　turned　to　go　I　kept　an　eye　behind　me　in　a　mirror　across　the　room　and　it's　a　good　thing　I　did。　He　pulled　a　length　of　pipe　out　from　under　the　bar　and　raised　it　over　my　head。　Of　course　I　stood　still　to　give　him　a　nice　target　and　not　throw　off　his　aimonly　stepping　aside　as　the　arm　came　down；　just　moving　enough　to　let　the　pipe　skin　by　me。
　　　　　It　was　no　trick　at　all　to　grab　the　arm；　keep　it　going　down；　and　break　the　bone　across　the　edge　of　the　bar。　The　screams　were　heartwarming　to　say　the　least；　and　I　only　wish　I　had　the　time　to　stay　and　really　give　him　something　to　scream　about。　There　was　just　no　time　left。
　　　　　〃You　saw　him　viciously　attack　me；〃　I　told　the　stunned　customers　as　I　headed　for　the　door。　Rough…and…tough　had　slumped　down　and　was　moaning　out　of　sight　somewhere　behind　the　bar。　〃I'm　going　to　call　the　police　nowsee　that　he　doesn't　leave。〃　Of　course　he　had　as　much　intention　of　leaving　as　I　had　of　calling　the　law。　I　was　out　the　door　long　before　any　of　them　had　made　their　minds　up　as　to　just　what　was　going　on。
　　　　　Of　course　I　couldn't　run　and　draw　any　attention　to　myself。　Getting　back　to　the　hotel　at　a　fast　walk　was　the　best　I　could　do；　but　I　was　sweating　all　over　from　the　tension。　Inside　the　room　the　first　thing　I　saw　was　the　container　on　the　table；　with　the　needle　wrapped　in　cloth　beside　it。　My　hands　didn't　shake；　but　they　would　have　if　I　had　let　them。　This　was　a　very　close　thing。
　　　　　Collapsed　in　a　chair　afterwards　I　held　up　the　jar　and　saw　that　there　was　less　than　a　millimeter　of　juice　left。　The　very　next　thing　on　the　agenda　was　the　necessity　of　laying　in　a　supply　of　the　stuff。　I　could　remember　the　formula　clearly　and　would　have　no　trouble　rebuilding　it。　Of　course　there　would　be　no　drug　suppliers　open　at　this　time　of　night；　but　that　made　things　a　lot　easier。　There　is　a　law　of　history　that　says　weapons　were　invented　before　money。　In　my　suitcase　was　a　recoilless　。75　that　could　get　me　more　of　the　galaxy's　goods　than　all　of　the　money　in　existence。
　　　　　That　was　my　mistake。　Some　nagging　worry　gnawed　me　then　but　I　ignored　it。　The　tension　and　then　the　relief　after　getting　the　shot　had　me　all　loosened　up。　On　top　of　that　was　the　need　to　hurry；　the　limited　time　I　had　to　find　what　I　needed　and　get　it　back　to　the　hotel　room。　My　thoughts　were　on　the　job　and　how　best　to　do　it　as　I　unlocked　the　suitcase　and　reached　for　my　gun　lying　right　there　on　top　of　the　clothes。　At　this　point　the　thin　voice　in　my　memory　was　screaming　inaudibly　to　me；　but　this　only　made　me　reach　faster　for　the　gun。　Something　was　badly　wrong　and　this　was　the　thing　that　would　fix　it。　As　I　grabbed　the　butt　the　memory　broke　through　。　。　。　just　a　little　bit　too　slow。
　　　　　Dropping　the　gun　I　dived　for　the　door；　too　late　by　far。　Behind　me　I　heard　a　pop　as　the　sleep…gas　grenade　I　had　put　under　the　gun　let　go。　Even　as　I　fell　forward　into　darkness　I　wondered　how　I　could　ever　have　possibly　done　such　a　stupid　thing　as　that　。　。　。
　Chapter　14
　
　　　　　ing　out　of　the　gas；　my　first　feeling　was　one　of　regret。　It　is　a　truism　that　the　workings　of　the　mind　are　a　source　of　constant　astonishment。　The　effects　of　my　devil's　brew　had　worn　off。　There　was　nothing　wrong　with　my　memory；　now　that　the　posthypnotic　blocks　I　had　put　on　it　had　been　removed。　All　too　vividly　I　could　recall　the　details　of　my　interlude　of　madness。　Though　I　sickened　at　the　things　I　had　thought　and　done；　I　simultaneously　felt　a　twinge　of　regret　that　could　not　be　abolished。　There　had　been　terrible　freedom　in　standing　so　alone　that　even　the　lives　of　other　men　meant　less　than　nothing。　Undoubtedly　a　warped　sensation；　but　still　a　tremendously　attractive　one。　Like　taking　drugs。　Even　while　detesting　the　thought　I　felt　the　desire　for　more　of　the　same。
　　　　　In　spite　of　my　twelve　hours　of　forced　sleep　I　was　exhausted。　It　took　all　of　my　energy　to　drag　over　to　the　bed　and　collapse　on　it。　Foresight　had　provided　a　bottle　of　stimulating　spirits　and　I　poured　a　glassful。　Sipping　at　this　I　tried　to　put　my　mental　house　in　order；　not　a　very　easy　task。　I　have　read　many　times　about　the　cesspool　of　dark　desires　that　lies　in　our　subconscious　minds；　but　this　was　the　first　time　I　had　ever　had　mine　stirred　up。　It　was　quite　revealing　to　examine　some　of　the　things　that　had　floated　to　the　surface。
　　　　　My　attitude　towards　Angelina　needed　a　good　looking　at。　The　most　important　fact　I　had　to　face　was　the　strong　attraction　I　felt　for　her。　Love？　Put　any　name　to　it　you　wantI　suppose　love　will　do　as　well　as　any；　though　this　was　no　throbbing　adolescent　passion。　I　wasn't　blind　to　her　faults；　in　fact　I　rather　detested　them　now　that　I　knew　her　murderously　amoral　existence　had　an　echo　in　my　own　mind。　But　logic　and　convictions　have　very　little　to　do　with　emotions。　Hating　this　side　of　her　didn't　remove　the　attraction　of　a　personality　so　similar　to　my　own。　I　echoed　my　psychotic　self's　attitudewhat　a　team　we　might　have　made！　This　was　of　course　impossible；　but　that　didn't　stop　me　from　wanting　it。　Love　and　hate　are　reputed　to　be　very　close　and　in　my　case　they　were　certainly　rubbing　shoulders。　And　the　whole　confused　business　wasn't　helped　in　the　slightest　by　the　fact　that　Angelina　was　so　damnably　attractive。　I　took　a　long　drag　at　my　drink。
　　　　　Finding　her　should　be　easy　now。　The　carelessness　with　which　I　took　this　for　granted　was　a　little　shocking。　I　had　gained　no　new　information　while　mentally　aberrant。　Just　a　great　chunk　of　insight　into　the　tortured　grooves　that　my　Angelina's　mind　trundled　along。　There　could　be　no　doubt　that　raw　power　was　what　she　desired。　This　couldn't　be　obtained　through　influencing　the　king；　I　saw　this　now。　Violence　was　the　way；　a　power　putsch；　perhaps　assassination；　certainly　revolution　and　turmoil　of　some　kind。　This　had　been　the　pattern　in　the　bad　old　days　on　Freibur　when　sovereignty　had　been　the　prize　of　battle。　Any　of　the　nobility　could　be　crowned；　and　whenever　the　old　king's　grip　weakened　it　was　a　cue　for　a　power　struggle　that　would　produce　the　new　monarch。　Of　course　that　sort　of　thing　had　stopped　as　soon　as　the　soci