grrm.astormofswords-第238节

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　It　was　not　Lord　Eddard's　face　he　saw　floating　before　him；　though；　it　was　Lady　Catelyn's。　With　her　deep　blue　eyes　and　hard　cold　mouth；　she　looked　a　bit　like　Stannis。　Iron；　he　thought；　but　brittle。　She　was　looking　at　him　the　way　she　used　to　look　at　him　at　Winterfell；　whenever　he　had　bested　Robb　at　swords　or　sums　or　most　anything。　Who　are　you？　that　look　had　always　seemed　to　say。　This　is　not　your　place。　Why　are　you　here？
　His　friends　were　still　out　in　the　practice　yard；　but　Jon　was　in　no　fit　state　to　face　them。　He　left　the　armory　by　the　back；　descending　a　steep　flight　of　stone　steps　to　the　wormways；　the　tunnels　that　linked　the　castle's　keeps　and　towers　below　the　earth。　It　was　short　walk　to　the　bathhouse；　where　he　took　a　cold　plunge　to　wash　the　sweat　off　and　soaked　in　a　hot　stone　tub。　The　warmth　took　some　of　the　ache　from　his　muscles　and　made　him　think　of　Winterfell's　muddy　pools；　steaming　and　bubbling　in　the　godswood。　Winterfell；　he　thought。　Theon　left　it　burned　and　broken；　but　I　could　restore　it。　Surely　his　father　would　have　wanted　that；　and　Robb　as　well。　They　would　never　have　wanted　the　castle　left　in　ruins。
　You　can't　be　the　Lord　of　Winterfell；　you're　bastard…born；　he　heard　Robb　say　again。　And　the　stone　kings　were　growling　at　him　with　granite　tongues。　You　do　not　belong　here。　This　is　not　your　place。　When　Jon　closed　his　eyes　he　saw　the　heart　tree；　with　its　pale　limbs；　red　leaves；　and　solemn　face。　The　weirwood　was　the　heart　of　Winterfell；　Lord　Eddard　always　said　。　。　。　but　to　save　the　castle　Jon　would　have　to　tear　that　heart　up　by　its　ancient　roots；　and　feed　it　to　the　red　woman's　hungry　fire　god。　I　have　no　right；　he　thought。　Winterfell　belongs　to　the　old　gods。
　The　sound　of　voices　echoing　off　the　vaulted　ceiling　brought　him　back　to　Castle　Black。　〃I　don't　know；〃　a　man　was　saying；　in　a　voice　thick　with　doubts。　〃Maybe　if　I　knew　the　man　better　。　。　。　Lord　Stannis　didn't　have　much　good　to　say　of　him；　I'll　tell　you　that。〃
　〃When　has　Stannis　Baratheon　ever　had　much　good　to　say　of　anyone？〃　Ser　Alliser's　flinty　voice　was　unmistakable。　〃If　we　let　Stannis　choose　our　Lord　mander；　we　bee　his　bannermen　in　all　but　name。　Tywin　Lannister　is　not　like　to　forget　that；　and　you　know　it　will　be　Lord　Tywin　who　wins　in　the　end。　He's　already　beaten　Stannis　once；　on　the　Blackwater。〃　
　〃Lord　Tywin　favors　Slynt；〃　said　Bowen　Marsh；　in　a　fretful；　anxious　voice。　〃I　can　show　you　his　letter；　Othell。　'Our　faithful　friend　and　servant'　he　called　him。〃　Jon　Snow　sat　up　suddenly；　and　the　three　men　froze　at　the　sound　of　the　slosh。　〃My　lords；〃　he　said　with　cold　courtesy。
　〃What　are　you　doing　here；　bastard？〃　Thorne　asked。
　〃Bathing。　But　don't　let　me　spoil　your　plotting。〃　Jon　climbed　from　the　water；　dried；　dressed；　and　left　them　to　conspire。
　Outside；　he　found　he　had　no　idea　where　he　was　going。　He　walked　past　the　shell　of　the　Lord　mander's　Tower；　where　once　he'd　saved　the　Old　Bear　from　a　dead　man；　past　the　spot　where　Ygritte　had　died　with　that　sad　smile　on　her　face；　past　the　King's　Tower　where　he　and　Satin　and　Deaf　Dick　Follard　had　waited　for　the　Magnar　and　his　Thenns；　past　the　heaped　and　charred　remains　of　the　great　wooden　stair。　The　inner　gate　was　open；　so　Jon　went　down　the　tunnel；　through　the　Wall。　He　could　feel　the　cold　around　him；　the　weight　of　all　the　ice　above　his　head。　He　walked　past　the　place　where　Donal　Noye　and　Mag　the　Mighty　had　fought　and　died　together；　through　the　new　outer　gate；　and　back　into　the　pale　cold　sunlight。
　Only　then　did　he　permit　himself　to　stop；　to　take　a　breath；　to　think。　Othell。　Yarwyck　was　not　a　man　of　strong　convictions；　except　when　it　came　to　wood　and　stone　and　mortar。　The　Old　Bear　had　known　that。　Thorne　and　Marsh　will　sway　him；　Yarwyck　will　support　Lord　Janos；　and　Lord　Janos　will　be　chosen　Lord　mander。　And　what　does　that　leave　me；　if　not　Winterfell？
　A　wind　swirled　against　the　Wall；　tugging　at　his　cloak。　He　could　feel　the　cold　ing　off　the　ice　the　way　heat　es　off　a　fire。　Jon　pulled　up　his　hood　and　began　to　walk　again。　The　afternoon　was　growing　old；　and　the　sun　was　low　in　the　west。　A　hundred　yards　away　was　the　camp　where　King　Stannis　had　confined　his　wildling　captives　within　a　ring　of　ditches；　sharpened　stakes；　and　high　wooden　fences。　To　his　left　were　three　great　firepits；　where　the　victors　had　burned　the　bodies　of　all　the　free　folk　to　die　beneath　the　Wall；　huge　pelted　giants　and　little　Hornfoot　men　alike。　The　killing　ground　was　still　a　desolation　of　scorched　weeds　and　hardened　pitch；　but　Mance's　people　had　left　traces　of　themselves　everywhere；　a　torn　hide　that　might　have　been　part　of　a　tent；　a　giant's　maul；　the　wheel　of　a　chariot；　a　broken　spear；　a　pile　of　mammoth　dung。　On　the　edge　of　the　haunted　forest；　where　the　tents　had　been；　Jon　found　an　oakwood　stump　and　sat。
　Ygritte　wanted　me　to　be　a　wildling。　Stannis　wants　me　to　be　the　Lord　of　Winterfell。　But　what　do　I　want？　The　sun　crept　down　the　sky　to　dip　behind　the　Wall　where　it　curved　through　the　western　hills。　Jon　watched　as　that　towering　expanse　of　ice　took　on　the　reds　and　pinks　of　sunset。　Would　I　sooner　be　hanged　for　a　tumcloak　by　Lord　Janos；　or　forswear　my　vows；　marry　Val；　and　bee　the　Lord　of　Winterfell？　It　seemed　an　easy　choice　when　he　thought　of　it　in　those　terms　。　。　。　though　if　Ygritte　had　still　been　alive；　it　might　have　been　even　easier。　Val　was　a　stranger　to　him。　She　was　not　hard　on　the　eyes；　certainly；　and　she　had　been　sister　to　Mance　Rayder's　queen；　but　still　。　。　。
　I　would　need　to　steal　her　if　I　wanted　her　love；　but　she　might　give　me　children。　I　might　someday　hold　a　son　of　my　own　blood　in　my　arms。　A　son　was　something　Jon　Snow　had　never　dared　dream　of；　since　he　decided　to　live　his　life　on　the　Wall。　I　could　name　him　Robb。　Val　would　want　to　keep　her　sister's　son；　but　we　could　foster　him　at　Winterfell；　and　Gilly's　boy　as　well。　Sam　would　never　need　to　tell　his　lie。　We'd　find　a　place　for　Gilly　too；　and　Sam　could　e　visit　her　once　a　year　or　so。　Mance's　son　and　Craster's　would　grow　up　brothers；　as　I　once　did　with　Robb。
　He　wanted　it；　Jon　knew　then。　He　wanted　it　as　much　as　he　had　ever　wanted　anything。　I　have　always　wanted　it；　he　thought；　guiltily。　May　the　gods　forgive　me。　it　was　a　hunger　inside　him；　sharp　as　a　dragonglass　blade。　A　hunger　。　。　。　he　could　feel　it。　It　was　food　he　needed；　prey；　a　red　deer　that　stank　of　fear　or　a　great　elk　proud　and　defiant。　He　needed　to　kill　and　fill　his　belly　with　fresh　meat　and　hot　dark　blood。　His　mouth　began　to　water　with　the　thought。
　It　was　a　long　moment　before　he　understood　what　was　happening。　When　he　did；　he　bolted　to　his　feet。　〃Ghost？〃　He　turned　toward　the　wood；　and　there　he　came；　padding　silently　out　of　the　green　dusk；　the　breath　ing　warm　and　white　from　his　open　jaws。　〃Ghost！〃　he　shouted；　and　the　direwolf　broke　into　a　run。　He　was　leaner　than　he　had　been；　but　bigger　as　well；　and　the　only　sound　he　made　was　the　soft　crunch　of　dead　leaves　beneath　his　paws。　When　he　reached　Jon　he　leapt；　and　they　wrestled　amidst　brown　grass　and　long　shadows　as　the　stars　came　out　above　them。　〃Gods；　wolf；　where　have　you　been？〃　Jon　said　when　Ghost　stopped　worrying　at　his　forearm。　〃I　thought　you'd　died　on　me；　like　Robb　and　Ygritte　and　all　the　rest。　I've　had　no　sense　of　you；　not　since　I　climbed　the　Wall；　not　even　in　dreams。〃　The　direwolf　had　no　answer；　but　he　licked　Jon's　face　with　a　tongue　like　a　wet　rasp；　and　his　eyes　caught　the　last　light　and　shone　like　two　great　red　suns。
　Red　eyes；　Jon　realized；　but　not　like　Melisandre's。　He　had　a　weirwood's　eyes。　Red　eyes；　red　mouth；　white　fur。　Blood　and　bone；　like　a　heart　tree。　He　belongs　to　the　old　gods；　this　one。　And　he　alone　of　all　the　direwolves　was　white。　Six　pups　they'd　found　in　the　late　summer　snows；　him　and　Robb；　five　that　were　grey　and　black　and　brown；　for　the　five　Starks；　and　one　white；　as　white　as　Snow。
　He　had　his　answer　then。
　Beneath　the　Wall；　the　queen's　men　were　kindling　their　nightfire。　He　saw　Melisandre　emerge　from　the　tunnel　with　the　king　beside　her；　to　lead　the　prayers　she　believed　would　keep　the　dark　away。　〃e；　Ghost；〃　Jon　told　the　wolf。　〃With　me。　You're　hungry；　I　know。　I　could　feel　it。〃　They　ran　together　for　the　gate；　circling　wide　around　the　nightfire；　where　reaching　flames　clawed　at　the　black　belly　of　the　night。
　The　king's　men　were　much　in　evidence　in　the　yards　of　Castle　Black。　They　stopped　as　Jon　went　by；　and　gaped　at　him。　None　of　them　had　ever　seen　a　direwolf　before；　he　realized；　and　Ghost　was　twice　as　large　as　the　mon　wolves　that　prowled　their　southron　greenwoods。　As　he　walked　toward　the　armory；　Jon　chanced　to　look　up　and　saw　Val　standing　in　her　tower　window。　I'm　sorry；　he　thought。　I'm　not　the　man　to　steal　you　out　of　there。
　In　the　practice　yard　he　came　upon　a　dozen　king's　men　with　torches　and　long　spears　in　their　hands。　Their　sergeant　looked　at　Ghost　and　scowled；　and　a　couple　of　his　men　lowered　their　spears　until　the　knight　who　led　them　said；　〃Move　aside　and　let　them　pass。〃　To　Jon　he　said；　〃You're　late　for　your　supper。〃
　〃Then　get　out　of　my　way；　ser；〃　Jon　replied；　and　he　did。
　He　could　hear　the　noise　even　before　he　reached　the　bottom　of　the　steps；　raised　voices；　curses；　someone　pounding　on　a　table。　Jon　stepped　into　the　vault　all　but　unnoticed。　His　brothers　crowded　the　benches　and　the　tables；　but　more　were　standing　and　shouting　than　were　sitting；　and　no　one　was　eating。　There　was　no　food。